"But Dr. Lee, I don't understand...he's healthy!"

"Just because he has been asymptomatic thus far, does not mean that his heart his healed." 

"So..." 

"Well, we did an EKG and an echocardiagram, and there is some irregularity and stalling. His hole has actually expanded and could possibly obstruct blood flow if we do not fix it. The cath we did confirmed this." 

"Minho ah, are you okay, aegi?" 

"I feel sticky from all the gel. Is there something wrong with me?" 

"Mr. and Mrs. Choi, we need to insert a catheter to get a better picture, and I am positive that Minho will need open heart surgery. I am sorry."

"What?! Surgery?!"

"Minho..." 

"Sooner is better than later. I'll come back with a calendar of dates." 

"Minho, aegi, can we talk to you?" Mrs. Choi asked. Minho nodded silently, looking down at his Pokemon cards that were spread out on his bed. He sat among the colorful, shimmering cards, with a pillow in his lap. The only source of light in his blue bedroom was his nightstand lamp which was printed with soccer balls. Minho, unsure of how to be feeling about the news, wanted to pretend that what Dr. Lee told him was all a big joke. He wanted to look up into his parents' eyes and have them tell him that he didn't have to go to the hospital, be asleep, have shots stuck into him, be in pain, have stitches, miss school, be the freak at school who had a hole in his heart.

Minho a few weeks before had his heart checked out when a doctor inserted a small tube that went to his heart. There they found the problem. They did not put Minho to sleep for that. He was told to just fall asleep. They said that if he did, he wouldn't feel a thing. He woke up during it. It hurt a lot. It was scary and cold. He needed surgery for sure. 

Mr. Choi sat on the end of the bed after Minho made room for him by stacking his cards up. "Minho, do you want to talk?" Mr. Choi asked his son. Minho looked up into his father's eyes. They were glassy and wet, and he was worried that if he said anything, his father would cry. Mrs. Choi was sitting on a soccer ball bean bag that was next to the bed. 

"Appa..." Minho's voice cracked.

"Minho, we would never, ever do anything to hurt you. This is all for your health and wellbeing. Some of the best surgeons are going to be operating and you won't feel a thing. After that, we will never leave your side. You..." Mr. Choi began, suppressed tears pricking at the corner of his eyes.

"Appa...Umma...does having a hole in my heart mean that I am a bad person?" Minho asked, looking scared. 

"Aigoo, Minho. Of course not! You and Minseok are the purest, brightest, strongest people I know. Minho ah, your heart is golden. A hole is a medical thing only. It has nothing to do with your personality and it doesn't define you. You are so much more than that hole. A heart is an organ that pumps blood, but the soul inside of your heart is completely undamaged." Mr. Choi continued, tears now flowing down his clean-shaven face that was just showing signs of aging. 

Months and months passed. It was now the end of December. Minho had to spend is birthday entering the double digits with the serious operation looming over his head. He received cheerful, colorful birthday cards, but saw them as lies. He couldn't possibly feel happy on his birthday.

The surgery was only days away. Minho wasn't allowed to play soccer and he wasn't allowed to play outside in the snow. He had to rest and prevent himself from contracting any sicknesses or infections before the procedure. He had to go up in front of his class and tell them that he was having surgery. He wasn't allowed to return to school until the next year started in March. The kids looked at him with surprised eyes. Minho felt like a freak, an outcast. He felt scared and awful. 

That was the last day he could eat lunch with his friends. Jonghyun and Kibum had soon become his best friends. Minho sat there, trying to be cheerful while his friends chattered. Kibum held Minho's hand under the table, trying to send positive energy through their hands. Minho tried even harder to perk up when Jinki came to sit with them. Jinki, who also became like another older brother to Minho, was going to be in high school when the new year started and all of the boys were sad. Especially Kibum.

Minho was also disappointed because he hadn't seen Taemin in so long. Not since the soccer season ended. Taemin had a different lunch hour and Taesun always picked Taemin up before Minho could say hi again. Minho knew that Mrs. Lee worked in the pediatric cardiology department. He hoped that one day, Taemin may come. 

After lunch and after a series of hugs from his friends, Minseok, who could drive now, picked him up. Minho was sobbing in the parked car. His friends, when saying their goodbyes, began to cry which just made him even more upset.

The two brothers just sat there. Minseok didn't know what to do. He was seventeen, how could he know how to comfort an emotional ten year old who was about to go through this enormous life-changing event? Minseok almost felt himself cry. He began to soothe Minho by rubbing circles on his back. Minho, feeling so overwhelmed, did something he thought he would never do. Minho unbuckled his seat belt and crawled into the drivers seat so he could hug his hyung. Minseok was surprised. This was so unlike Minho, but he understood, and just hugged his little brother. 

The days passed too quickly. The day before the surgery, Minho went in and was told everything that was going to happen. He was told that they would do everything to try to make him feel better. He was told that he could ask any questions he wanted to.

The time went rapidly. The next day came and it was the day. Minho was woken up at 5 am. The small boy wanted to bury himself in his soft, cool pillow and soft sheets. He wanted to surround himself in the warmth of his room for as long as he could. Like a nail to a magnet, Minho stuck to his bed, not able to get up himself. Mrs. Choi, with a caring motherly force, peeled Minho from his haven. She didn't want to do this. She wanted him to sleep peacefully and wake up to see friends and play in the snow and love being ten. Clinging to his mother's shoulders, Minho shuddered at the loss of heat and began to whimper. His eyes hurt, his legs felt heavy. But it was time to go.

His bag, that rested in the corner of his room, was already packed. He had Pokemon cards, clothes, his toothbrush, his comfiest sleep wear, fuzzy socks, and right next to the bag, of course, was his soccer ball. The one that he would whisper lucky words into. 

The drive to the hospital was hazy. Minseok would not be coming until later. Minho really wanted his brother to be there with him on the car ride. It was now 6 am. The sky was a lazy pink-blue color with thin gold clouds that looked like stripes. Minho watched the world outside, worried that he would forget it all. 

They parked the car. They collected all of Minho's stuff. Minho was hungry and thirsty. He wasn't allowed to eat or drink past 6 pm. He felt like he was going to fall over. The cold December wind that normally would not have bothered Minho, whipped painfully at his face, stinging his eyes. Minho gripped his soccer ball with all the intention of whispering his good luck words into it. He couldn't bring himself to. He just wanted to sleep, but not by gas from a machine, but by warm milk and bedtime stories and tuck-ins and kisses on his forehead. He would never openly admit that he loved all of those things, but he did.

They checked in. 

They waited. 

For what seemed like an endless amount of time. 

Finally, Minho was called back. A nice, young looking nurse gave Minho his hospital clothes to change in to. 

When he was dressed, he felt exposed, and cold, and sick. The hospital gown made him feel like a sick patient. 

One of Minho's parents was allowed to dress and be there when Minho was given anesthesia.

Minho had a choice between receiving an IV or being administered the anesthesia through a mask. Minho chose the mask. He didn't know why. He just did. Minho was wheeled in a chair down the hallway, his father, who decided to be the one to go in with him, followed. They were in the room just before the operating room. The lights were blinding and everything felt and smelled sick and unfeeling, even though everything was sanitized, of course. The nice nurse reappeared holding a small medicine cup full of an artificially red colored liquid. The nurse explained that he had to take this to prepare for the surgery. Minho held his father's hand while he inspected the medicine. The smell made him gag. The nurse said the only thing she could do was dilute the viscous medicine with a bit of applejuice. Minho was not permitted to drink any water. The nurse took the cup away and came back with a larger cup now filled with a mixture of what Minho was convinced to be poison and applejuice. Minho took it, wincing, gagging, then crying. Minho felt there was just one bad thing after another. 

A few moments later, his main surgeon smiled and tried to ease his worries. Minho stayed rigid in his wheelchair, tear stains still sticking to his cheeks. 

He was now on the table. His eyes were watering from the lights and he wanted to look away so badly, but his father was there. He needed something familiar and human to look at. The plastic mask was placed on his nose and mouth. The outer rim was lined in bubblegum flavoring as an attempt to make it more bearable. It didn't. 

There was beeping and clanking and footsteps and voices. Minho then felt himself getting tired, his eyes felt heavy. He felt his vision begin to blur. Minho began panic, worried that he wouldn't wake up. 

"APPA!" Minho muffled through the mask, fogging it up. His father looked at Minho with all of the love a father could evoke through eye contact. He smiled beneath his surgical mask. 

"Minho, listen to me, my son. I know,I know. Look at all of these doctors and nurses! They are here to help you. Hospitals may seem cold and unfeeling, but there's a light, Minho. A light that you will reach and it's at the end of the tunnel when you wake up." Mr. Choi said, trying not to let tears fall. 

Minho nodded wearily as his eyes closed and he entered this tunnel. 

Dark. 

A/N: This is a very real experience. This is very close to what happened to me. This is why I love this story so much. It is personal and a love story. The love story didn't happen to me, but the medical stuff did. I hope you enjoy and continue reading! Feel free to comment and tell me what you think~