In the beginning, Reita didn't quite understand Uruha. Every day the honey-blonde followed him around the school's hallways, chatted to him happily and asked about his life. Uruha made him lunch every single day and walked home with him. He didn't care if some of Reita's friend sent him nasty glares, or if he was thought weirdly of for hanging out with someone like Reita, even though Uruha himself was a normal guy who kept up with good grades and was nice to everyone. Uruha loved Reita, and Reita knew that.

Reita wasn't really bothered by Uruha, though. Of course Uruha had annoyed him the first time, but after a while Reita got used to it and... Well, he wouldn't have said he liked the younger male, but sometimes his company came out quite soothing. Reita was used to a rough life, he liked smoking and drinking in the bars with his friends, he loved riding around the town with his motorcycle in a fastest speed - without a helmet, of course. But sometimes it was nice to take a little break from that and chat with a normal person.

Sometimes Reita wondered what exactly about him attracted Uruha so much. Sure Reita had great looks and he would've gotten any girl into his bed anytime, but he highly doubted he was Uruha's style. Uruha was pure, nice and calm, like an angel, while Reita was the exact opposite - rebel, extremely rude and dirty-minded, like a devil. But still, Uruha never grew tired of Reita's company.

Some of Reita's friends suggested he could play around with Uruha a little. Play with both his heart and body, that is. But no matter how many times Reita had done that to others, Uruha was different. Reita wanted to keep him pure and untouched. In fact, he had an urge to protect Uruha from being violated. Of course, Reita never admitted it.

In public, Reita always acted cold and distant towards Uruha, but again, that didn't bother the latter. But when they had some private time - those rare times when Reita let Uruha into his house to play video games - Reita's warm, nicer side was revealed.

Until one, snowy day of January, Reita hadn't realized how he felt towards Uruha. But when he saw his angel lying bloody on the street, having been run over by a car, he felt like his heart suddenly stopped beating. There was a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach; nausea, maybe, but it was something different.

That moment there was something streaming on his cheeks he hadn't felt since he was a little, innocent child. Tears. He was crying.

He touched his moist cheeks and started crying more. What was this? He... He hadn't felt anything for Uruha! Not friendship, not brotherhood, and definitely not love! But for some reason, it was all different now. He felt something warm build up in his chest, and he had an urge to embrace Uruha's unmoving body, never letting go.

"PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!" he cried and threw himself on his honey-blonde friend. He scooped Uruha in his arms and cried on him, not caring about the blood staining his expensive clothes.

"No... Uru, don't leave me... Please don't... Please, God, let him be alive..." he whispered pitifully, wetting Uruha with his tears. But Uruha had no pulse.

In Uruha's funeral, Reita tried having a speech of some sort, but couldn't do it. He said his good-byes to Uruha by kissing his lips tenderly, like Uruha had always wanted. Then he stormed out, leaving Uruha's family and friends cry for the loving young man who should've died happily as an old grandpa.

Reita thought it was his fault Uruha died. He had done so much sin, and that's why God decided to be cruel and kill the only person Reita could've truly loved. Reita wouldn't forget Uruha. Even after many years, he had a framed picture of him smiling right beside his bed.

Sometimes Reita saw Uruha during the night. He would open his eyes to see a blurry Uruha sitting on the edge of his bed, dressed in white and smiling softly at Reita. Every night it became clearer and clearer, and soon Reita stopped exiting his room, a while after stopped eating and drinking. The closer he came to death, the clearer Uruha was.

Reita had dark bags under his eyes, and he was holding a jar of pills when Uruha was the clearest. But Reita still couldn't touch him. He tried holding Uruha's hand, but it was impossible.

"Uruha, please forgive me", he whispered weakly before emptying the jar or pills. And from that moment, he was able to see his Uruha again. He was able to apologize to him, he could embrace him and make love to him. He wasn't really sure about anything. Where they were. What they were. Was this only a good dream.

All that mattered to him was that he could be with Uruha and make up everything he had ever done. It didn't matter if he wasn't really dead. It didn't matter if he was in a mental hospital, or in coma. Anything that could just bring him closer to Uruha would do.

Even if he would never truly see him again.

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I'm sorry. Please forgive me

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... I seriously shouldn't exist - or I should just stop writing angsty stuff. I was kinda inspired by Yohio's Sakura, falling so you really should listen to it... *whispers* I was gonna write about Gackt and Yohio but figured no one really ships them... Let's keep this just between us, shall we?

If anyone wants me to (which I highly doubt) I might write a multi-chaptered story out of this... But I doubt it would be all happy and dandy.