Night and day, all he saw were images of the terrible accident that had occurred more than 2 years ago. Every night he would be jolted awake by the feeling of every ounce of his skin on fire, just like he perceived that, that was how his family felt it. Every night their hideous shrieking was rattling around his brain. Sleep was something that was too far away to dream of now. Many times he would get up after the terrible memory flashed through his mind’s eye and just go sit on the bottom of his shower and let the cold water splash down his skin, relieving the feeling of fire singing his skin. When morning finally came, he would drag his cold, wet body off the floor of the shower, where he had fell into what he called ‘not-sleep.’ He would throw on whatever articles of clothing he could find, pull a hat over his head to cover his messy purple and black hair and drag his feet to where the members were meeting for recording. He would do his best to plaster on a convincing smile and either that smile worked, or they just didn’t care. As long as he was able to play his guitar well, who cared that he was slowly falling apart, piece by piece. His guitar was the only thing that was able to calm him down and tape the little pieces together in his soul.

               Day after day he followed the same routine, have a horrible flashback, fall into ‘not-sleep’, get up and look presentable, go to practise, go home and sit in silence. The silence was one of the worst parts, he would sit in the corner of his room, head on his knees, as salty tears flowed one by one down his cheek. The silence was a moment of reflection. Everything he did wrong that day would come back and stab him in the soul. Everything, even the little things that no one ever thought about again. At the end of the reflection, memories from that terrible event would come back and attack him. The memories tore at him, causing him to reach up and drag his nails down his face, screaming and screaming. He scratched at his skin until it bled, he felt like that he was trapped inside of it and needed to be free. The doorbell rang but he didn’t hear it, all he could hear were his parent’s screams for help. Warm arms were around him in seconds, pushing his bleeding scratched face into their chest. He breathed in the scent; it was a scent that he associated with comfort, love, and acceptance. He buried his face deeper into their chest, muffling his screams until they stopped. His hands, that were covered in blood clutched desperately at the other person’s chest, feeling that if he didn’t hold on, this person would disappear in the blink of an eye. The person didn’t say anything, he just let him hold him, and he buried his face into his neck. “Subaru…” he sobbed, clutching tighter to his shirt. “I-is that actually you?”

               He could feel the person nodding. “Of course Kuina.”

               Subaru tangled his hands in Kuina’s long hair and pulled him even closer. “Why didn’t you tell me, tell us?” Subaru asked quietly, his voice quivering.

               “I-I felt like no one cared, that no one noticed. I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone,” Kuina whispered into Subaru’s chest through hiccups. His screaming and crying was starting to subside. “It’s getting worse Baru, I-I feel like the world’s closing on me, and one of these days I won’t be able to take it anymore. I- I want to commit suicide,” he murmured.

               Abruptly, Kuina had the feeling of being airborne. He lifted his bleeding face off of Subaru’s chest and noticed that he was being carried. He was placed gently on the bed and as soon as the feeling of human contact was gone, the flashbacks resurfaced and started stabbing him. He broke out in sobs again. The bed dipped and Subaru laid down beside him, laying parallel to him. Subaru pulled Kuina closer to him and Kuina curled up into him, cherishing the feelings that surfaced when Subaru held him. Subaru lifted Kuina’s face and stared into his eyes. The chocolaty brown eyes that made Subaru feel like melting. He grabbed a tissue off of the bedside table and used it to wipe away the blood and tears on his face. He kissed Kuina’s forehead and returned his gaze to his eyes. “Kuina, please, please be strong for me, for the band, for all the people that love you. I don’t know how you feel, but I’m trying to understand, but I know if you ever left me, I would fall to pieces. You’re more important than you think and you are an absolutely amazing person. After seeing you every day, seeing the passion you have for playing guitar, seeing how you treat every single fan so kindly. I fell in love with you, and this feeling in new for me, but I know that without you by my side every day, I wouldn’t have the courage to go up on the stage and sing.”

               Kuina started a Subaru with wide-struck eyes, a small tear slipped out of his eye and Subaru wiped it away with a soft kiss to his cheek. He brushed his mouth against Kuina’s cheek until he reached his mouth. Their lips caressed and Kuina pulled himself closer to Subaru, colliding their mouths together. Kuina pulled away slightly to drag his face down Subaru’s jaw and to nestle in to his neck. They fell asleep curled up to each other, and for the first time in 2 years, Kuina was able to sleep.