Its been a week now since Christmas and I'm going to see Amber today because its new years eve tonight, but my family is not in the mood for it right now.

You know I have 2 grandmothers and one steph grandmother but one of my grandmothers is going to die soon she told us because she has cancer.

But the thing is I dont want her to leave me and I'm her only grandchild that isnt in High school yet

My cousins Kyuhyun and Bora are studying already and my sis is in her 2nd year of high school and I'm in last year of middle school

My cousin Kyuhyun is 17 years old and is in college now

My other cousin Bora is 19 years old and is in college to

My sister is 14 years (soon 15) old and is in 2nd year of high school

So yeah its kinda hard for us and they are sad for me to cuz they how not like it that I'm the youngest and that she cant see me going to high school

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm at the beach with my mom sis and a couple of friends of my mom and its 11.45 PM 15 mins left until the big fire and the fireworks

There was nothing like soda or water so I had to drink champagne I drank half of the bottle and it was surprisingly tasty

I decided to walk around on the beach since it was 00.15 AM my mom wanted to talk for a little bit more with her friends and I just walked over where the fireworks were it was really beautiful to watch it si I sat on the sand until we were going home

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

6January

Well school started today and everybody noticed that there was something wrong with me, first I told them that there was nothing wrong but then I decided to tell them about my grandma

They were all shocked about the news I told them and they said they're going to pray for her but I told them not to because we knew she was going to die within 3 months

I went home after school and cried my heart out because of my grandma

the next day Amber asked me to be hs girlfriend and ofcourse I told him yes so he was finally my botfriend :)

It has been a week now and I'm really happy with Amber being my boyfriend he always holds my hand and hugs me, short said: het comforts me

He dont push me or force me he is just perfect

Today we were at my house as usually watching tv while cuddling

he told me he loved me all the time

I'm so happy right now :)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well its (sunday) 20 January now and my Grandma died at 5.43 AM we were all crying and since its weekend I was home the whole day and turned of my phone

I really feel sad for my dad because his mother just died but my dad his birthday is on 23 January and his mother didint saw her son turning 50 years old

I was so sad that I didnt payed attention in the class for 3 days, on thursday AMber started to worry about me and I told him what happend and he immediatly pulled me into a hug, while I was crying in his arms

"Tomorrow is the last day for her to be here I wont be able to be here tomorrow, sorry Amb" I said while sobbing

"Dont be sorry I understand it completly I really wish I could be there for you but Im not family so yeah"

"But I will be there for you on monday, I promise" He quickly said before pulling out of the hug

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

25 January (The day)

We were at the church and on the monitor you could see all her pictures from when she was a kid till her last days on earth, the pictures of me with her when I was just 3 / 4 years old broke my heart

when my steph grandma was giving her speech I broke and cried in the arms of my mom while my dad washolding my sister and my cousins were holding each other

"She was almost always sad when her children and grandchildren were not around because she thought she did not do her job good as grandmother and mother, when Her son moved to SPain with his children and wife she was hardbroken because she thought she was never going to see them again. She always talked about how smart and funny Hyoyeon was she loved to talk about that little bouncy ball" most of the people were laughing soft at the bouncy ball part and staring and me "She loved to talk about the bloopers of Bora and how good Kyuhyun was with music and school and she was very proud of Jia who was always singing and dancing, she never could stop talking about them but she is really right her son and daughter brought beautiful and smart children on earth children to be proud of" that was the last thing I could hear because I was to deep in my thoughts because I didnt know grandmother thought of us that way.

"Now will please stand up the grandchildren: Bora, Kyuhyun, Jia and Hyoyeon. you can now lay your rose down next to your grandmother" when I saw her pale face I couldnt hold it anymore I was the first one who started crying really loud, everyone was shocked about what happend my cousin Kyuhyun pulled me in hi embrace and started crying aswell then my sister followed crying and then my other cousin it was just like domino effect, they tried to keep me calm but they failled.

everybody already left the room expect foor my uncle my aunt my dad my mom my steph grandmother my sis my cousins and me, we were all sobbing looking at the closed wooden kist infront of us.