Myungsoo laid in his bed, looking out the window at the pure white snow falling. He let out a sigh and turned his attention to the clock by his nightstand, reading that it was 11:58 p.m. Just a couple more minutes and it would be Christmas. His attention returned to the window as he remembered a Christmas that seemed like ages ago, where he was looking out the window at the exact same thing but in an entirely different situation. That last Christmas he would celebrate.

_______________

four years ago...

"Mmm..." There was a slight shifting noise. Myungsoo woke from his light sleeping and ran to her bedside. He gripped her hand tightly, a worried look on his face as he searched for any signs of pain or discomfort on her face.

“Suzy! Are you okay?" Using his other hand, he brushed the hair that was covering her face. Suzy opened up her eyes slightly to see Myungsoo kneeling by her bedside. He looked like a scared little boy. She almost smiled as as she remembered all the times he had used that face on her when they were kids. She would have to, if it weren't for the spreading pain she was feeling every time she moved in the slightest manner. But she couldn't let Myungsoo see that, she needed to be strong for him. They were both on a frail line, seconds away from snapping. The breaking would only cause the inevitable goodbye to be harder.

Smiling a little, Suzy replied. "I'm fine Myungsoo. Really." He smiled back at her, the happiness clearly radiating from him. Suzy used her other hand to pat the hand that Myungsoo was tightly gripping.

"Myungsoo-ah you're cutting off circulation in my hand." His smiling face dropped back into the concern, she was sad to see his smile go so quickly.

"Ah, sorry!" He quickly released his hand from hers. Why couldn't things be like they were before? Suzy already knew the answer to that. It was because things were different now. She was in a hospital now, slowly dying away with someone she loved watching. And in that time, he had changed too. Myungsoo became more cautious of Suzy, treated her like a child to take care of instead of the best friend he grew up with. It seemed like they couldn't laugh anymore. Despite this change in character and lack of the happy past, Suzy's feelings had become stronger, more solid. This goodbye would be the hardest thing she would ever have to do in her whole life. It hurt her more than the actual disease did, even as it was eating away her insides.

Myungsoo backed away from the bed and went back to where he was sleeping by the window. "Myungsoo..." Suzy called out. He turned around to face her, his head tilted in question. "Can you come sit with me? Just for a little while." She knew that her voice came out weak, almost trembling. It wasn't the pain that made her act so, nor was it was because she was sick and dying. The reason was the nervousness that she felt being near him.

It was funny how things just happened at the worst times, how Suzy realized her feelings for Myungsoo now. Just around the same time she was told she only had a few short months to live before the disease took over her body. Even if Myungsoo was being annoyingly soft lately, this was the most time he had ever spent with her in a long while. Her sickness gave her more time with the one she loved only to take away her life before she even got to truly act on that love.

He nodded and went back over to her bed. Just as he was about to pull up a chair, she stopped him. "No... come sit here with me." She scooted over to make room on the small hospital bed. Myungsoo looked blankly at the empty space she had made. He could feel his heartbeat quickening. With an uneasy gulp, he shook his head.

“No, the bed is too small for both of us to be on. I’ll just pull up the chair.” With those words, both their hearts seemed to break. A small crack that would start the shattering. Myungsoo felt ashamed he had not taken the offer to be so close to her.

Suzy wasn't the only one to experience this sick, twisted karma. He had no idea when it started, but he knew his feelings for her were always there. Sometimes it would be less, nearly undetectable when he was dating another girl, and other times it would be a tsunami wave crashing down upon him like never before. He guessed that over time, this had become more than just a school-boy crush. It was much stronger than that. And the day he realized it, was the day she had knocked on his door with puffy, red eyes. The day she sobbed into his arms as she told him that she only had a few more months to live.

Suzy nodded back in reply. This boy, no more than 19 years of age was tearing her apart, even more than the disease inside of her was. Why must it hurt so bad to be in love? Wasn’t she suffering enough with such a short time to live?

They sat in silence, Myungsoo playing with his fingers while Suzy stared longingly out the window at the snow beginning to fall. She smiled at the beauty of it. “Myungsoo-ah.”

He looked up from his hands, his eyes landing directly on her face. It was enough to make his heart begin to race. “What?” The one word felt like ice as it left his lips. A sharp icicle that cut into his mouth and made him want to cry out, why must it be so hard to formulate coherent thoughts and say simple phrases to her? Everything just came out so wrong, all he wanted to do was curl into a ball and hide. But he had to be strong, for her.

“Look at the snow outside. Isn’t it pretty?” She breathed. The awe was clear in her voice as she looked out the window, entranced by the scene outside. Myungsoo hesitantly turned away from her and focused his attention onto the window. The snow was falling lightly, beginning to pile up together. Street lights illuminated the walkways, almost as if it were a scene from a movie. Everything was just so… perfect. And everything inside the dreary, standardized hospital room just wasn’t. Everything but Suzy, of course.

“Myungsoo… Take me to the roof.” Suzy said, not breaking eye contact with the window. He looked at her with a stunned expression. It had to be freezing out there for the snow to be coming down and she wanted to go outside? The disease must have started to affect her brain. Myungsoo winced at what that would mean and decided to put the thought aside.

“You know we can’t Suzy. It’s freezing out there and you could get more sick.” Again, he winced at the idea of her becoming more ill. Their time together was cut short enough, he didn’t want it any shorter. Suzy tore her gaze from the window, turning to face Myungsoo. Her eyes were so deep in sadness and longingness to go outside. She looked so vulnerable, so weak and fragile. It broke his heart even more to see her like that.

“Please.” With that one whispered word, his resolve broke. He got up from his chair and grabbed his thick coat from the stand. Suzy threw back the covers on her bed and slowly got out. They both put on their slippers. As Suzy was attempting to put on hers, she slipped and was about to fall, until Myungsoo reached out and grabbed her. He kneeled down and help her put on her shoes after that. He lightly placed his coat over her petite frame, grabbed her hand and pulled her out into the hall.

The hospital hall was dark and quiet, there was a light at the end of the hall from the nurse’s station and soft snoring could be heard from the other patients’ rooms. He led her to roof access and quietly opened the door for them to walk through. They quietly crept up the stairs and opened the door leading to the roof.

Myungsoo made sure to be first, as to protect Suzy from the blast of cold air and snow he knew would come with opening the door. He then led her outside and onto one of the benches there. It was briskly cold, giving Myungsoo an excuse to scoot closer and put his arm around her. At the rate his heart was beating, he might’ve died then and there.

Suzy’s heart quickened and she let out a shaky breath. Myungsoo took it for a sign that she was cold and scolded her for it. “I told you it was cold.”

Suzy ignored his comment and pushed his arm off to stand up. She walked over the edge and looked out on the city, almost completely covered in snow. More snow was falling in small little flakes. A light smile graced her features as she stood, taking in the beauty of the scene before her. It nearly brought tears to her eyes being apart of it. For the first time since she was diagnosed, she felt free. She felt at peace.

Myungsoo stayed on the bench, looking at what he thought was the most beautiful thing, her. He watched as her face lit up with life, and it made his heart ache. This scene before him was by far, the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. It was something to be documented, to make a million pictures of and to be on every magazine cover. And it wasn’t the snow, as it lightly fell on the city. It was her.

He took out his cell phone and looked at the time. 12:00 a.m. This moment. This exact moment in time would be kept with him forever. It was Christmas.

They stayed like that for what seemed like a lifetime, but it didn’t seem to be enough; for when signs of life began to be heard, they were both reluctant to go. Not much was said on the roof. Suzy just kept admiring the snow and Myungsoo kept admiring her.

It was nearly three o’clock in the morning when they got back into the hospital room. They had spent three hours on the roof. As Suzy walked in, the room seemed to have gotten more dark and depressing. She would’ve given anything to go back to the roof and keep watching the snow. She handed him back, his jacket, threw off her slippers and crawled back into bed.

He hung it up and was about to take a seat in his chair again when Suzy spoke up. “Myungs, it’s Christmas. Go home.” It was selfish of her to be keeping him here when he should be at home with his family celebrating. As much as she wanted him to stay, she couldn’t be selfish.

Myungsoo was about to argue, but once again she stopped him. “Kim Myungsoo, don’t argue with me. Just go home. I’ll be fine.” Not once did she break her gaze from the window as she said this. She didn’t turn to look him as he nodded with the promise that he’d be back. Nor did she turn when he walked out the door and left.

As he crossed each and every threshold, leading him farther and farther away from her, he felt his heart breaking even more. He would rather be with her than anyone else in the world right now and for the rest of his life. When he got home, he took a quick shower and got dressed up in a cozy sweater with a polo inside and some non-ripped dark-wash jeans. Myungsoo went to the store and bought some foods he thought Suzy would like, rushing through the check out and back to his car. He honestly should’ve gotten a ticket with the way he was speeding back to the hospital. He took all the grocery bags into his arms and made his way up to her room, rehearsing the confession he had desperately wanted to tell her all those years ago.

But as he turned into her hallway, time suddenly stopped. He saw two nurses wheeling a covered hospital bed out of her room in a slow and careful manner. No. No, no. No. All the bags dropped from his arms as he rushed over to the bedside. “No! Suzy, no!” He broke down in racked sobs, pushing past all the doctors and nurses trying to pull him back. He didn’t have time to get upset over the confused, judging faces of everyone else there. “Suzy!” Myungsoo finally got to her bedside, her hand was peeking out of the cover, practically telling him to hold her.

“No… No…” He repeated the words over and over, as if they would make her come back. The broken sobs took over his body and he slumped to the ground by her bedside, still holding her hand. “No Suzy…”

______________

11:59. Myungsoo got up from the window sill and crawled back into his cold, empty bed. He laid flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He thought of her face, her hand trying to reach out to him and falling slack, how he could see her face through the lid of the coffin, how he could still smell the incense of the funeral home now, how he stood in the rain after everyone had gone and whispered that first and last “I love you.”

12:00. Merry Christmas.

Hey everybody. So I hope you enjoyed my story. I know it was probably a little long for a one-shot, but I had a lot to write so don't judge me.
Anyways, once again, this story was written for a writing competition from JungMinHyo. You can find the link to that in the foreword.
If you have any questions, concerns, reviews or whatever don't hesitiate to leave a comment c: I'll reply to them whenever I can.
Thanks for reading!

-pieces