It is when she begins to catch this girl’s name frequently on his updates, which she believes that it’s her karma for liking someone else in the first place when she’s supposed to only love one. When the truth is, he doesn’t even know when and how did this girl makes him deny his own words back then that it’s only her that can brighten up his nights.

She still tries to keep in mind his promises, that in their relationship the only thing matters that he loves her and vice versa, by ignoring the uncomfortable feelings every time they’re in silence rather than having real talks in their video calls.

When the truth is, he doesn’t know if the call they’re having is bothering her time or not because she gotta be extremely busier than him considering the major she takes over there, by keeping the silence so maybe, if she really is busy then she’ll hang up on him and continue her tasks, or just simply sleeps her tired eyes from looking at him through the screen for the past 30 minutes.

Soojung still tells him every little thing of her day and all she wants him to do the same – but Jongin doesn't.

“You like someone, don’t you?” She asks one day, walking side by side with him on a fine autumn afternoon. She smiles and looks up, “What’s her name again? Jinri?”

He just walks calmly, not sparing her a glance down. Instead of answering, he asks, “Are you hungry? Let’s go to that waffle stand on the corner.”

She bits her bottom lip, “I’m no longer up for waffles since a year ago I ate an expired one.” Averting her gaze from his widened eyes, she reaches up the sleeve of his jacket. “Let’s just sit over there.”

He has no other choice but follow her to the bench. He doesn’t like this feeling – guilty, anxiety, and empty.

“Look, I’m sorry—“

“It’s okay,” she says, “you were busy laughing at that time when you saw me puke out the waffle that day. No wonder you forgot.” She forces a laugh, which he hates so much.

“Krys, please. I’m sorry, okay?” He sighs out loud when she still has her eyes on her lap, “I’ve made it way down here and I’m telling you it’s not easy. So please, don’t bring down the mood. Hm?”

She chuckles and it’s not his ear that’s playing on him when he hears a glimpse of sadness on her voice, unlike the usual clear and light laugh he used to hear months ago.

“Tell me,” she starts and looks up. “Are we still in that kind of relationship?”

He looks at her straight. “Why are you asking me this? I don’t need to answer when you already know the answer, right?”

She shakes her head. “No. I want to know your answer.”

“Why?”

“Answer me.” She stares at him longingly. No more glint on his dark orbs that she used to love. “Jongin, are we still in that kind of relationship?”

He chooses to stay silent. Once again – he doesn’t know. He just doesn't know why he can’t bring himself to speak, when he knows that they’re still in a relationship. He knows that he still belongs to her, and she’s still his girlfriend.

Sensing he’s not answering, she looks away from the dreadful sight of him can’t answer the simplest question.

“You know.” She starts again. “It’s gone way too far. We should… just stop.”

A moment of silence strikes, and finally he speaks up. “Is it my fault?”

She shakes her head. “Nope.”

“Then why?” He asks, slowly. “Why we should stop when there’s nothing wrong between us?”

She looks up and closes her eyes. “That’s it, Jongin.” She tilts her head and opens her eyes to see his exasperated face. “There’s nothing wrong, because there’s even nothing from the start.” She tries to smile, but a tear unconsciously escapes to her pale cheek. “We’ve become nothing. We’re nothing now.”

He blinks, trying to absorb everything that happens before his eyes. “No.” He shakes his head, not wanting to see her crying more but his hands feel numb that he can’t bring them to wipe her tears. “It must be my fault. What is it, Soojung? I’m sorry for anything but tell me that we’re not nothing.”

She chuckles and even so, her laugh hurts him even more. She reaches up to wipe her cheek. “Don’t apologize. I told you it's not your fault.” Inhaling deeply, she closes her eyes and wipes one last tear that just escaped to her temple he used to kiss. “Let’s just say, this is our fate to not to be together.”

He stays silent.

She stays silent.

The afternoon goes fast and the night comes.

“We—you should head back.” Her voice cracks. “It’s getting dark and it’s not safe for you to drive at night.”

She stands up but he’s still not getting up.

“Come on. I’ll walk you to your car.” She tries to smile, but her eyes are so swollen that diverts him.

The four years memory of being together flashes before his eyes. As much and as hard as he tries to deny, they’re changed. They’re no longer the same person like a year, two years, three years ago.

He doesn't want to admit that the first time he thought everything had gone wrong when he chooses to stay a bit longer to accompany his college friend, Jinri, when he’s supposed to go back home early because they supposed to have their Skype date and tell Jinri instead of her about his failed calculus test.

Because of that, the time he arrived at home he’s too tired to tell the supposed to be humiliating (for her, funny) story twice and ended the call fast.

It was already wrong too when he had the mindset of he wasn’t good enough compared to her senior because he only made it to his university when her senior can be studying at the most prestigious campus, with her.

Because of that, he had been resisting himself from greeting her, afraid of disturbing and distracting her – both, from tasks, or from getting close to ‘Junmyeon’.

Then again, he doesn't know himself what makes him thinking about that all when actually, she only has a crush on that senior, not loving him like she loves him; when actually, she always finishes her tasks fast so the time he usually greets her at first, she can talks to him freely and have their conversation all the night until they drifts off to sleep; and when actually she always wants to hear about his days directly from him, not from what she always sees through his updates.

Jongin’s effortless, to keep their relationship stand on its way.

But then again, Soojung is at fault for not asking and assuming things.

“Be good.” He says.

She gulps, watching him get in the car. “You too.”

He gives her one last nod and smiles, but that’s not changing anything. Both their hearts are not warming up for each other’s smile, not anymore.

That’s why, the time she replies with the same smile and he leaves, none of them look back.

It’s the way that sometimes life has arranged people to walk on. Not to hurt, but for them to learn.

Soojung won’t actually end up with Junmyeon, and Jongin might actually like Jinri. No one knows, but the four years of being together really make the two of them become two different people with the same stories they once shared together. For Jongin, Soojung’s thankful, and for Soojung, Jongin’s thankful.

It’s just that, life is too unreachable for people to predict. For what has happened, people can only leave them behind, and look up for a new beginning that lies before their sight.

And it’s the same for the two of them. 

a/n: told you it's a pure word vomit.