“Yo! Son Naeun, who’s your victim today?” Yixing, the transfer student from China yelled. She twitched when she heard the word ‘victim’, because she wasn’t supposed to be a stalker. ‘It’s a business, not an obsession,’ she wants to correct him but the words never seem to leave her mind. “Kim Jongin, sophomore.” She murmured, looking away and waiting for his reply. “Him? He’s in the dance studio.” She begins to run into the school as she hears him yell out in broken Korean, “You’re welcome!”

Fumbling awkwardly in her bag in search of her camera, she bumps into someone, her form toppling onto the ground along with the books the person was carrying. Her cheeks red and heart shaking, she apologized to the unknown person. The strong hand that helped her up and velvety voice mesmerised her and made her feel unafraid. No. It wasn’t just a normal person. “You’re so clumsy Naeun-ssi,” Lee Taemin; the popular junior, chuckled. “You should watch your surroundings instead of the next person being captured.” She laughed awkwardly along with him. “T-Thanks. I’ll try.” She replied, running away from the latter.

Was this a case of the lovebug?

Probably.

Was it a serious case?

Yes.

High School Crushes: An Analysis

High School crushes are a weird thing. It’s really hard to define it. They aren’t like elementary or junior high crushes, sometimes they actually lasted. They also hurt a lot more than it would compared to how it was when you were six or fourteen. It’s funny: everybody loves talking about their first and unrequited loves, wishes to love and be loved and would be willing to go through all of those sleepless nights, longing and heartbreak for that one person who’s stolen your heart even though in a way, we all turn an incredulous eye towards the pain and glorify the amazing things we see in the movies.

But it’s not like that.

It never was. In high school, you’re bound to feel pain. You screw up; you fall down, stand up and try to find your place again. But it’s not as easy as it sounds. It’s scary how easily some people can love someone one day, then feel nothing for them the next. Adults look down on you because you’re young, saying that you don’t know love and when the one you love breaks it off, you’re left to wonder if they’re right. If you felt these kinds of things, wouldn’t you want to never love again? You would, but it’s impossible. You believe that prince charming doesn’t exist and when he comes, it feels like a sigh of relief.

Maybe he was her prince charming, but she wasn’t going to bet on it.

Every boy she loved in her life came and went as fast as the speed of light.

Love wasn’t an easy thing for her. Especially when you’re in love with not only an upperclassman, but a really popular upperclassman that has almost every girl in school wrapped around his finger. But the little amount of hope in her head was screaming, telling her that it’s possible. It is. But she shouldn’t be so hopeful. She knew better than that.

But if she was really listening to herself, she would’ve immediately stopped her photography business to avoid having to take photographs of the male for her fellow schoolmates who were just as interested in him as she was, if not more.

She remembered why she started taking photographs of the male student body for others clearly. She was a good photographer who impressed everyone, even the teachers. Sometimes, the staff would ask her to take photos for school events or scenery. Then the students started taking notice. She remembered the first request she got. It was from Choi Jinri, a junior. She shyly asked if she could take photos of Lee Taemin and even bribed with money when Naeun denied, finally caving in when Jinri said she would pay fifteen dollars.

She was getting paid, she reasoned. Why not?

Looking back on it, she was thankful she accepted that job from Jinri. If she had never decided that she would take photographs for her, she would’ve never found out how amazing he really was, along with an amazing conclusion about the difference between males and females in photos.

She had taken photos of him during a basketball practice. He was an amazing athlete, she mused. But no matter how tiring the activity was, there was always an accomplished smile on his face. He looked so happy doing what he loved and he was passionate. She admired his free spirit and playfulness despite his age. Even though she was sure he knew her motives, he let her continue. Even in her photographs, you could see how amazing he was. He was for real.

When she had finally finished and gave Jinri her copies, she was reluctant to delete the photographs she took. At that moment, it dawned on her: she liked him. She liked Lee Taemin, the star basketball player, popular junior, dance machine, free spirit, and happy virus. She liked every little part of him that was shown to her.

Her love did seem a little misguided, didn’t it?

But another conclusion she came to was that whenever she took a photograph of him, it always showed who he really was on the inside. Unlike girls who would pose for the camera or boys that would make their toughest expressions, he didn’t bother to do any of the sort. Whether it was a lazy smile, or a slight grouch, it was like a window that wasn’t fully covered.

Conversations were rare, but it felt like she knew a bit about him already.

Unlike herself, who hid behind the lenses of her camera.

She shouldn’t be thinking about him right now.

She had work to do.

After taking several pictures of Kim Jongin, she mentally noted that she would go and develop it after school and give it to that senior who had commissioned her for them with twenty dollars the next day.

“What a day,” she mutters, “I almost got caught.” Due to her train of thought, she had nearly gotten caught twice.

She shouldn’t be this reckless.

She quietly slips into her seat, laying her head on her desk when an eager tap on her head takes her by surprise.

“Yes?” Naeun asks tiredly, not even bothering to lift her head up to see who it was.

“Is this Son Naeun?” An unfamiliar voice asks. She sighs and looks up, meeting face to face with a young girl. She vaguely recognizes her.

She smiled triumphantly. "Ooh, ooh! How much for a dozen photos, Son Naeun?" A freshman, Oh Hayoung asks curiously; her eyes bright and wide, Naeun notices. "...Depends on who you want me to take photos of." She simply replied, making eye contact with the younger. She squeals excitedly before uttering, "Lee Taemin, Lee Taemin!"

Naeun’s enthusiasm for her job went down even more, the freshman reconfirming her earlier statement that there were girls out there who also liked him as much as she did, if not more.

Though she was never going to be willing to admit it out loud, the sound of his name tore her to pieces and made her feel so complete at the same time. "...Since he's a popular subject, that's 20 bucks for you miss."

She nodded, slamming the twenty dollar bill on her desk. “I know the drill. Thank you, really. I’ll be looking forward to it!” Naeun couldn’t even thank her for her patronage since the female had run away excitedly, but it didn’t matter.

Grabbing her camera to get it over with and runs down the stairs, only stopping when she recognizes that it was silent.

She quietly sits down on the staircase as she hears voices.

A Charm for Good Luck

“Jinri-ah, why do you still have these photographs of Lee Taemin? I thought you were over him!” A specifically high pitched and obnoxious voice rings, demanding attention.

“Didn’t you confess to him a long time ago, and didn’t he say that he liked someone else?” Another voice asks, more calm and collected.

“I am over him; it’s not what you think.” She replies.

“What is it then?” A more husky voice asks.

“It’s a good luck charm.” Jinri says simply.

“How is a photograph of Lee Taemin a ‘good luck charm’ when he, quote said: ‘Look, I’m really glad you feel that way for me. But I’m sorry, I can’t return these feelings. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.’ Your crush just rejected you and he’s lucky, how in hell?!” The loud, obnoxious voice from earlier screeches.

‘Oh boy, loudmouth must be a joy to be around.’ Naeun thought to herself.

“He’s my good luck charm because someone like him inspires me to, you know, go out there and find someone better. Yeah, he’s amazing and all but he’s rejected me. What’s the point of thinking of what could be? I didn’t get a chance, but I know I’ll find someone that was worth the rejection. So until I do find him, he’s there, reminding me why I deserve better and reassuring me that it is worth it. Besides, I know he likes somebody else. You can tell if you’re always at the office, looking at the security cameras. He’s always purposely bumping into someone.”

Who? The question rang in Naeun’s mind.

Who could it be?

She wouldn’t even know.

‘Maybe it’s about time that I move on as well.’ She thought sadly, running right up the stairs and into her classroom. Oh Hayoung’s commission can wait. The boy’s senior basketball game was after school anyways.

Focusing on other things was the hardest thing she could do.

How to Know When to Let Go

Letting go wasn’t new to her, but nobody likes trying to forget the feelings they had for somebody they really liked.

Unlike others who could easily avoid the people they liked, she couldn’t. She was paid to take photos of the male, whether she wanted to or not. She would’ve been over him a long time ago if her job description didn’t have anything to do with him.

Even if she didn’t have to see him, she just knew that she would make any excuse to even have the slightest glance of him.

Because he was so welcoming and inviting, she had let herself fall.

She let herself fall for the young man in her photographs, letting her turn a blind eye towards reality. It was pitiful how she was.

What can she say?

She never knew how he felt around her, but he always seemed to leave her breathless.

Now, she didn’t know if she wanted to even go to the game and get it over with or tell Oh Hayoung that she was too busy.

Though tears were threatening to fall from her eyes, she tried to keep her feelings at bay so nobody would be overly suspicious. After all, everyone was used to her being expressionless. If she looked relatively the same, no one would pay it any mind.

Even though she felt like garbage, she still wanted to go for the sake of money. Twenty dollars could increase in her monthly savings and she could finally splurge on some food, makeup or that shirt was interested in.

Dragging her feet to the gymnasium with her camera in tow, she catches a front row seat and turns on her camera.

“Hey, here to watch the game?” Taemin asks out of nowhere.

She flinches, almost dropping her camera. She nervously turns toward him and nods. He ruffles her hair and grins widely at the female, whispering into her ear, “Stay behind after everyone clears out, okay? I have to tell you something.”

Without giving her a chance to reply, he runs onto the main court to stand with his teammates, leaving her dumbfounded.

What was he planning to tell her? He knew about her business? He was giving her a restraining order? He wanted a photograph of himself or someone else in the school? Or could it be… no, impossible.

He had kept her occupied for the whole game that she couldn’t think straight.

She got many good shots for Oh Hayoung but they weren’t at their best since she wasn’t at her best either.

She hoped she wouldn’t notice though.

Otherwise, she would’ve called it a boring game. She was never into sports anyways. She high-fived a few of her friends on the team as they ran into the changing room and waited patiently for him.

“Hey.” He said casually.

“Hi,” she replied, “So, what do you need me for?”

“This.” He simply replied, tightly embracing her before capturing her lips in a kiss.

She swore she was hallucinating, his lips on her too good to be true but it felt so right.

“Son Naeun, I like you. No wait, like is an understatement. Let me change that. I love you, Son Naeun. Ever since you started taking photos of me. You were so adorable when you would hide in the most obvious places and take photographs when I wasn’t looking. I purposely bump into you and almost catch you so I could talk to you or get a reaction out of you. It’s so frustrating you know? Because I hear so many amazing things about you from my friends but I never get to experience them.  Do you know how much I want to get to know you more than just that girl that is paid to take photographs of me and the rest of the male school body and dammit, just let me kiss you again.”

Without haste, he had kissed her again, but a lot shorter than the first.

“I mean… if you don’t like me back, you can just…”

“No. I do.”

“What?”

“I do like you. I-I mean, I love you too.” She replies, her voice louder and a little more confident. The smile that appeared on his face almost made her take out her camera.

“So… can we?” He asked hesitantly.

“Can we….?” She raised an eyebrow jokingly and chuckled, pecking his cheek and holding onto his hand.

“Hey.”

“What?”

“I paid Oh Hayoung to make you take photographs of me so I could confess to you.” Before she could cuss him out for his deed, he had pressed his lips on hers once again. 

so here's camera shy for you! i spent so much time on this and i felt so pressured to make this amazing that i even drank redbull for you guys, orz. i was probably lacking around the end though, but i hope you still enjoy it! i'm still really proud of this and i hope my effort for the past three days has been worth it! thank you for reading. <3