*This will all be in Taemin's POV. 

All I ever needed was you

Staring down at the bloodied cloth on my lap, I winced as I felt Jinki put some antiseptic on my bruised cheek.

“Hold still Tae, You’re still hurt.” He mumbled out. I rolled my eyes yet still complying with what he said. When he had finished cleaning me up, he helped me into a bath and sat on a stool, keeping me company in the bathroom as I wet a wash cloth and cleaned myself up, trying not to put pressure on any of the blue bruises that formed not long ago.

I heaved a sigh as I put on some clothes Jinki brought me and sat on the couch, watching the glow that emitted from the television yet no sound was heard. The clothes were a little big, considering that it was Jinki’s clothes but I wasn’t going to complain any time soon. It felt oddly comfortable, as if I was enveloped in a blanket of warmth and security. I hadn’t felt like this since my mother had passed on when I was just 8 years of age. Living with my father… It wasn’t the ideal life I had intended to live but he was my only pillar of strength that I could lean on, that is, until I met Jinki hyung at the age of 10. Since then, we were inseparable.

The loneliness I had felt whenever my father left the house to go to work and return home without so much as a glance at my direction slowly disappeared when Jinki hyung entered my life and repainted the jaded memories I have with new and colorful ones. And now, I feel indebt towards him. I can never repay for how he cared for me all these years and I have the audacity to fall for him.

I knew it was taboo – where a man shouldn’t fall for another with the same gender and yet my heart yearns for his loving words, aches for his soothing touch – the one that has always made my heart palpitate, creating a messy rhythm of its own. I need him in my life, not only as a lover but as a savior. My knight in shining armor, that had just recently save me from another distress. My ex-boyfriend whom I had just started going out with for the past two weeks beat me up without any particular reason. He wasn’t even drunk! So I did what I could, run to Jinki though I knew very well that this might only cause him more burden… and yet he still welcomed me with that bright smile of his that enticed me so, leaving his arms wide open for me to snuggle in his warmth and care whenever I needed it, even though he lived in a small, one bedroom apartment, he still welcomed me here whenever I needed help.

“Tae?” I snapped out of my reverie and looked towards my right, my gaze meeting Jinki’s as I took a sharp intake of breath. I hummed, resuming my hazy stare towards the television screen. I heard him shuffle, I assumed he stood up and I was right as he turned the television off and held out his hand. I blinked, not knowing what to do, that is, until Jinki spoke.

“Tae, you have to rest. Sleep in my room for the night. It’s more comfortable there than it is on my couch.” I nodded and got up, making a bee line for his room before I looked behind and saw him sitting on the couch. Puzzled, I went back and grabbed his arm, tugging at it – a silent plead for him to come with me. He shook his head slightly, a smile grazed his facial features and this is one of the millions of reasons why I fell in love with this man in the first place, being as humble as he was, he refused to go with me and opted to sleep on the couch but I wouldn’t have any of that and resumed my constant tugging.

Jinki wouldn’t budge so I stubbornly sat next to him. Two can play that game. “Tae, go.” His honey-like voice melted my insides but I was still as stubborn as ever, replying him with a small mumble of “if you’re not there, I won’t go.” I heard Jinki heave a sigh and got up and lifted me up bridal style and slowly walked towards his bedroom, I assume he did so as to not cause me anymore pain. Of course, being this close to Jinki was a rare opportunity so I took the liberty of staring at his perfect features, snuggling my head against his shoulder to inhale his vanilla scented body wash mixed with his own musky essence and as always, Jinki would neither complain nor show any kinds of distaste. Sometimes, I wonder if he was really okay with this…

When he laid me on his bed, my arms automatically clung onto his neck in a vice grip, stubbornly saying that I wouldn’t be here in his bed if he wasn’t here with me. Jinki’s face broke into a smile, one so bright that his eyes turned into crescents. He finally agreed and I let go of my arms for him to lie down next to me, immediately turning his back and facing away from me. I huffed and nudged his shoulder, rolling my eyes and let out a small whisper, “oh come on, am I that ugly until you wouldn’t allow me to see that handsome face of yours?”

Jinki shuffled until he was staring right into my very soul. I gulped and flushed 50 shades of red, trying to avoid eye contact with him that seemed impossible as his face was merely inches away from my own. I ended up looking at his plump lips and started wondering how they would feel like against my own. I snapped out of the thought as he cleared his throat and started caressing my cheek like he always did when we were young or whenever I needed it. I let out a small hum of appreciation and snuggled closer to the warmth his palm radiated. He let out a small chuckle and guided my face with his palm so that our gazes met and my heart started palpitating against my ribcage and I was praying to god that he couldn’t hear the loud beating of my heart. “Tae…” He started off with a whisper. “Don’t ever say that you’re ugly. You’re the most beautiful person I have ever met. I’m probably the one who’s full of imperfections between the two of us.”

My eyes widened and I sat up on the bed but in my haste, I winced as a sudden pain shot itself up my spine like electricity flowing through a current. I paid no heed to the pain and gripped his hand – the one previously my cheek. “Hyung, don’t say that. Don’t ever say that.” Jinki scoffed and rolled onto his back and buried his arm in his face after gently laying me back down next to him. “And why not? It’s true, after all. My past girlfriends and boyfriends broke up with me, saying I was full of imperfections, whether I was clumsy or just not as handsome as they wanted me to be. I wouldn’t classify myself as a perfect person.”

I sighed as I try to turn him over to face me yet to no avail. “Hyung, no one is perfect. Even I’m not perfect. I need you to rescue my sorry behind whenever I’m in the slightest bit of trouble and you were always there, never letting me down once. But I do know one thing and that is you are the nicest most reliable guy I have ever known. I have always wanted to be with you and only you. All those douchebags I dated are only to take my mind off of you but no matter what I do, no matter who I go out with… I can never get you out of my mind. That sweet, signature smile you make whenever you’re happy makes my heartbeat quicken but I can’t help but feel jealous because the reason that you’re smiling isn’t because of… me…” I sniffled as a tear slid down my cheek and fall of my chin, that little droplet somehow ended up dropping on Jinki’s arm. “I don’t understand how you don’t see that I am deeply and hopelessly in love with you hyung…” I whispered in my heart which was ironic because those were the words I so desperately want to scream to the world.

“Tae… Taebaby please stop crying. You know I hate it when you cry, it breaks my heart.” I could feel Jinki got up as his hands were trying to wipe away the salty tears that were streaming down my cheeks. I couldn’t see anything as my vision was still blurry but I knew he was there; he always was. I don’t know how the both of us ended up hugging – my face buried in the crook of his neck, my arms clinging onto his shirt in a vice grip as I felt Jinki rest his cheek atop of my head, his hands rubbing my back in a soothing manner while constantly letting out whispers of calming words and right then and there, I felt that there was nothing except the two of us. “Hyung… Why can’t you see that you’re all I ever need? You’re all I ever wanted. I don’t care about how clumsy you are or how you claim to be not as handsome as others where as in fact, you are the most handsome and charming person I have ever met. Hyung, why can’t you see that I… I love you…” My eyes widened as I broke our hug and dashed out, trying to get as much distance I can get from Jinki. I felt so stupid, carelessly blurting my feeling out of the blue. I never even stayed to see what Jinki thought of me. I inwardly scoffed; I am just that much of a coward, always running away but this time… This time, there’s no Jinki for me to go to…

Just as I was about to reach the door, something, or, more precisely, someone had grabbed my arm and pulled me into a bone-crushing hug and yet, I cared not for my bruises but for what my hyung was thinking of me right that moment, what this hug meant right at that moment because at that moment, I found myself clinging onto him, depending on him as streams of salty liquid flow endlessly down my face and seeped into his shirt. As my breathing calmed and tears subsided, Jinki pulled away just an arm’s length and fixated his gaze onto mine. I fidgeted under his watchful gaze yet I cannot seem to break the eye contact. It was as if I was compelled to return that sullen gaze of his, that sudden wave of emotions I knew not of were swimming in his deep brown eyes. I couldn’t seem to look away, even as he let out the words, “Taemin, y-you really love me?” Even I could tell the uncertainty that laced in between his words. “Taemin, please, answer me… Please…” To see my strong hyung pleading like this was a sight to behold. I wanted to answer, I really did but I found no strength to spew out words at the moment so I leaned in and kissed his lips. I smiled as he began to respond, kissing with much care and love as I did. I found his lips to be soft – more so than I would ever imagine.

I pulled away and my hands circled around his neck while his hands circled my waist, both of us grinning at each other. “Does that answer your question?” I said, once I found my voice. Jinki smirked and kissed me as a reply. I responded, of course but a small yelp I escaped my lips as Jinki carried me to the bedroom and let me down softly on the bed, all without breaking the kiss. I pulled Jinki atop of me, suddenly feeling heat rise up to my cheeks as I could see the hunger that he was trying hard to contain. “Sleep.” He said, caressing my cheek. “You still need some rest.” His eyes soften and gave my lips a soft peck before lying next to me, his left arm never leaving my waist as he sang me to sleep. “I love you hyung…” I whispered as I used his right arm as a pillow and snuggled closer to him. I could feel is arm tighten around my waist before kissing the crown of my head and whispered into my hair, “I love you too Tae.”