*As usual, thoughts/memories are in italics.

It was yet another sleepless night. Just when I thought my insomnia went away, it struck me once again.

I glanced over the alarm clock on my night-stand. 

3 A.M.

"."

I rolled in bed restlessly, as I tried to find a comfortable spot so I could fall asleep.

I was exhausted, very exhausted. The promotions recently were unrelenting. Advertisements, performances, interviews, concerts, award shows. They were all jamming up our schedules. Not that I'm complaining, though. I'm really grateful for the love we're receiving. I believe the other members think so too. But sometimes it's just really tiring, you know? Having to deal with those nosey paparazzi and dealing with the rumours of me and Heechul dating. I mean seriously, can't 2 people of the different be best of friends? Besides, we're both gay.

Thankfully, tomorr-I mean later on, would be an off-day for the 9 of us. The first one in 2 months. God, I am so thankful. I just needed a break, even if it's just 24 hours. 

"Maybe I should start doodling again tomorrow. Or maybe I could go shopping. Or maybe I should complete the song I've been working on for quite a while now. It's the 14th of February already. I should really fini-" I paused for a second. 

"14th... February..." 

5 long years since that faithful day.

14th of February, exactly 5 years ago, was the day she called us 'TaengSic shidae'. 

It was that very night, she confessed to me.

It was that very night, we became lovers.

But exactly 2 years ago, she broke my heart.

That very night, she made me lose faith in love completely.

~

I made a long, tired sigh, before getting up and doing a small stretch.

Well since I can't sleep, might as well take a walk. I have the whole day to sleep in if I want anyway.

I looked out the window, and noticed it was snowing.

"It was snowing that night too..." I thought to myself quietly.

"Damn it, Kim Taeyeon. You have to move on." I slapped myself mentally.

I grabbed my scarf and two jackets, just in case it got too cold, and left my room, making sure that I don't wake my Tiffany up.

Yeah, you heard it write. My Tiffany.

I crept pass the corridor, and made my way out of the dorm after slipping on my shoes.

~

I wondered about aimlessly, unsure of where to go. I just needed some fresh air to get rid of those thoughts in my head. 

I strolled past a chain of closed stores, as I enjoyed the winter breeze.

I continued down the path, unaware of my surroundings. Those memories were coming back again.

"Yah! Kim Taeyeon! How could you do this to me! Right now, it's TaengSic Shidae! There's no more TaeNy Shidae!"

Hah. How ironic. 

Eventually, I ended up walking towards the end of the path, which led to a familiar park I used to visit when I was free. It has been quite a while since I've been here, actually.

So, I eventually strolled in. I mean, why not?

I found a lonely snow covered bench, which was basking under the street light. I swept off the snow, and took a sit, slouching onto the backrest.

I took a deep breath. A very deep one.

"Taengoo!~ I've come to visit you~ Your wife is here~" 

The memories of her visiting me when I was hosting the radio show started coming back.

"Wife, eh?" I giggled.

~

I enjoyed the remoteness of the park and the memories I had with her for a few more minutes, before deciding it was time to head back to the dorms to get some shut-eye.

I was about to leave, when I heard some barely inaudible sobs.

"W-What was that?!" I turned around, searching for the source.

I then spotted a petite figure, almost familiar, sitting on a patch a snow, under a streetlight, around 15 metres away from me. She faced the river, away from me.

"Who in the right mind would come to a park at 3 A.M in the damn morning?!" I thought to myself.

But then again, I did.

Maybe she had some problems of her own.

I decided to approach her, maybe strike up a conversation. Hopefully she doesn't get scared off after she recognises me, though. That would so much. It always happens when I try to talk to 'normal' citizens. They would usually tense up and stutter so much I wouldn't be able to enjoy a good conversation with them. Disadvantages of being the leader of Asia's Number 1 Girl Group, I guess.

~

I got closer and closer to her, and the closer I got, the more familiar that back was. 

The scary thing was that I noticed a bloody pen-knife by her side.

"Was she cutting herself?!"

I approached her, determined to give that foolish girl a lecture. Self-harm is just plain ridiculous. 

Step by step, I shortened the gap between the unknown female and me.

15 metres, 10 metres, 5 metres, 1 metre.

That petite figure wasn't just familiar. I knew that girl.

"Wait... isn't that... Jessica?!"

I rushed forward to confirm my suspicions. And indeed, it was the Ice Princess and also my ex-lover; Jessica Jung, sitting on a patch of snow, her face stained with tears, but without emotion, wrist bleeding and scarred with cuts.

"What the Hell?!"

"Jessica Jung! What in the world are you doing out here in the snow 3 A.M in the morning?! You're not even in the proper attire! And what do you think you're doing?! Where you... cutting yourself?! Are you out of your mind?!" 

I pulled her arm closer, examining her wound. I couldn't count the amount of cuts, but I could tell it was pretty serious, judging by the amount of blood flowing out of the open wounds, despite the cold weather. The snow in front of her was even dyed red.

I took off my jacket and wrapped it around her. Seems like it was the right decision bringing 2 jackets. 

I proceeded to tore out a piece of my pyjamas, just enough to act like a bandage. I cleaned of the excess blood, and wrapped it around the wound.

Throughout the process, she didn't say a single word. Her face remained emotionless as before.

I sat in front of her, obviously annoyed and angry, with a tinge of pain and concern.

I sighed, and broke the silence between us again.

"Sica-yah. Why were you cutting yourself? You know you can tell me. You're stupid for cutting yourself. You know it." I stared at her, hoping for a reply.

And thankfully, she did. But what came out of was something I least expected.

"Yeah... I'm stupid. I'm stupid for breaking your heart, too." 

She stared at me, tears streaming down her face.

I was taken aback, but I remained composed. I did what anyone would do. Change the subject.

"Y-You still look like you're freezing. Here, take my scarf." 

I closed the gap between us, wrapping the scarf around her neck. We were so close. So close that I could feel her breath on my cheeks.

Our eyes made contact for a second, and she did the unexpected.

She lunged at me and kissed me. 

She threw her arms around me, as she kissed me aggressively, not showing any signs of backing down.

I kissed her back. Yes, I kissed her back. You have no ing idea how much I missed those lips. Those cute, pouty lips. 

Our kiss was steamy and rough. Tongues were involved and emotions were mixed together.

Memories flooded my brain. Memories of us. Memories of TaengSic.

However, no matter how much I enjoyed it, I knew it was wrong. I have Tiffany already, and I'm not planning to give her up anytime soon.

I pulled away from the kiss, gasping for breath. Her cheeks were pink, probably from the intense kiss we just shared.

There was an awkward silence between us, as both of us thought of something to say.

This time, she broke the silence.

"I'm sorry... I don't know what got into me just now."

"No... it's okay. Come on. It's late. We have to go. You owe me an explanation for those cuts." I stood up, and made a quick stretch.

"Taeyeon..." She mumbled, barely audible.

"Hmm?" 

"I'm sorry for that night. It was my entire fault. Do you... hate me?" She kept her head down low.

"Of course it was your fault... but you know I can't hate you for more than a day... Hell, I might still even love you more than I think I do." I silently thought to myself.

"Let's... not talk about it. And no, no I don't hate you. You know that, Sica. You know I can't hate you for more than a day." 

"No, Taeng. We have to talk about it. I... I love you. I still do. I love you so much I can't even think straight! Please, Taeng. Forgive me. Let us start again. Let us be-"

"ENOUGH! I've heard enough of that, Sica. You know it. Every damn time I close my eyes, I see that scene replaying over and over again. Do you have any idea how much it hurt? Do you have any idea how much I've cried?! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH I LOVED YOU?!" 

The events of that night scarred me more than anything else. Whenever I thought about it, my heart would experience an immense amount of pain. Tears would flow out of my eyes. My head would start spinning. She was my first love. She was my everything. Why? Why did I have to see my first love in bed with another woman? Not only that, the woman that I saw  with her on the damn bed was one of my closest friends.

~

Flashback.

2 years ago.

Taeyeon was walking down the street on a cold winter night, her right hand holding a box of chocolate, her left holding a balloon.

"She's gonna be so surprised! This would be the best anniversary gift, ever! Hmm, should I tell her the chocolates were made my Kim Taeyeon the Great...?" Taeyeon thought to herself as she giggled cutely.

It was the 14th of February, 2011. Taeyeon and Jessica's 3rd anniversary. Taeyeon was making her way back to Jessica's house to surprise her, since Jessica had to rush her assignment with her schoolmate, Hara.

"Hopefully they're done and I could celebrate our anniversary with my Sicababy~"

It was not long after Taeyeon reached Jessica's estate. It was an estate Jessica bought privately for herself. It was used as a getaway, when she needs some peace and quiet.

Taeyeon was about to ring the doorbell, she noticed that the door was slightly ajar.

"Hmm? Seems like they didn't shut the door. How careless."

Taeyeon closed and locked the door, before proceeding into the living room, in hopes of finding Jessica alone. 

She searched the current level, not finding a single soul.

She only found a pair of unfinished steak and 2 glasses of red wine.

"Hmm... they must be upstairs."

Just when Taeyeon was about to head up, she heard squeaking noises from the upper level.

Taeyeon raised an eyebrow, and she made her way up the stairs.

She followed the sound, as it started getting clearer and clearer.

They were moans.

"W-What in the world...?"

The unsuspecting Taeyeon source of the , which was Jessica's room.

The door was also slightly ajar, and she peeked in.

What she saw that night changed her life completely.

It was from blissful and pure, to painful and tainted.

It was Hara, making love to Jessica, her girlfriend.

Both of them, were as the made out.

Tears were falling from Taeyeon's eyes. She couldn't believe it. She didn't want to believe it. She wanted to deny it all. She hoped it was a bad dream.

But the truth was right in front of her. There was no escape. It was no lie.

Her first love was cheating on her for her best friend.

She dropped the chocolates, causing the 'couple' inside the bedroom to look towards the source of the sound.

Jessica's eye's grew wide, as she realised who it was standing by the door.

"No... No, no, no, no!" Jessica thought to herself.

Taeyeon clenched her teeth, and walked away. She didn't know what to do exactly. All she knew that she had to get away from here, as soon as possible.

She had to clear her head. Everything was in a mess. 

Her girlfriend was in bed with her best friend. Her first love, to be exact.

It was Taeyeon and Jessica's 3rd Anniversary and the ones making love wasn't them, but Hara and Jessica.

Taeyeon's head started to spin, she started to feel nauseous. Her tears were blinding her vision. She felt like she was choking. 

Her heart felt like it was going to stop.

Jessica, whom quickly got dressed, went out of the house to chase after the unstable Taeyeon.

She saw her in the distance, choking and limping. Jessica didn't know what to say. All she knew that she had to a lot of explaining to do.

She rushed towards Taeyeon, whom she pulled into an embrace.

"Taengoo! I'm so sorry! I didn't know what I was doing! I didn't-" 

Taeyeon pushed her away, and gave her a stunningly hard slap across the cheek.

It was so hard; it almost left a cut on Jessica's cheek.

"Why... WHY DID YOU CHEAT ON ME? WHY DID YOU CHEAT ON ME ON OUR ANNIVERSARY? WHAT DID I DO WRONG?!"

"Taengoo... I'm sorry. I didn't know what I was doing. We were doing assignments after dinner! Then out of nowhere I started feeling faint and she started making out with me! She told me it was okay! She-"

"OKAY?! SHE TOLD YOU IT WAS OKAY?! WHAT KIND OF BULL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, JESSICA JUNG?! DO YOU THINK I'M SOME 3 YEAR OLD KID? I TRUSTED YOU, JESSICA. I LOVED YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND YOU JUST THREW IT ON THE GROUND?!" Taeyeon was screaming by now. She was venting out her anger. Her sadness. Her pain.

Jessica was unsure what to say. She tried to retrace the previous events of that night.

"I-It's my fault, Taengoo. I don't know what was going on! I swear! I felt faint! It was as though I was drugged! She... THAT ! She drugged me! No wonder it took her so long to pass me my wine! Taengoo. Please! Trust me! She drugged me! I can go get tests! I can-" 

"ENOUGH. ENOUGH JESSICA JUNG. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU. I CAN'T ING BELIEVE YOU ANYMORE."

Just like that, Taeyeon walked away from Jessica, whom was lying on the concrete floor, crying her eyes out. She was filled with hate, anger and sadness. 

She was drugged. And she knew who did it.

Taeyeon changed so much after that day. She didn't smile as much. She wasn't as energetic. She cried every single night. She fell sick easily. All of this was because of Jessica. And till then, she still loves Jessica so, so much. She loved her beyond words, but she couldn't bring herself to forgive her. 

The relationship between Taeyeon and Jessica changed so drastically, that even their fans knew. But the reason behind it was unknown to the fans. Even to the other members. Taeyeon and Jessica did not mumble a single word.

Of course Jessica tried to make amendments. She tried everything. But Taeyeon was unrelenting. She ignored her entirely, As though 'Jessica Jung' did not even exist.

~

"I'm... sorry... I don't know what else to say... I ended all relationship with her. I stopped contacting her! To me, she no longer exists! Please, Taeng! Tell me what to do then you would forgive me! Then you would love me again!" Jessica begged.

"It's... too late, Jessica. I have Tiffany now. She loves me and she cherishes me more than you do. And... I love her more than I ever will love you."

Taeyeon lied. She knew it. She knew she couldn't find someone she could love more than Jessica. She was ready to die for her. She was ready to suffer in her place. She loved Jessica more than anything in the world. And she still does.

"No... No! Taeyeon! You know it's not true! You know you're using her as a substitute! Taeyeon! Please come back to me! I beg you! I've been crying every night since then! I've never had a peaceful sleep ever since then! I've never smiled like I used to anymore! I know you're the same, Taeyeon! I yearn for your touch, Taeyeon! I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING, DAMMIT!" Jessica wailed out, her heart was hurting more than anything right now.

Taeyeon bit her lip. Jessica was right. They were alike. Without each other, they both cried every night, they both haven't had any peaceful sleep. They didn't smile like they used to. 

And they both loved each other more than anything.

But Taeyeon just simply couldn't forgive her. She just couldn't.

Taeyeon silently walked away, wanting to get away as soon as possible.

"Don't... don't go Taeyeon... my heart aches so badly. I don't think I can live another day without you, Taeyeon! Please! Please let us start afresh! We... We were so close! We were perfect! WE WERE ALMOST THERE, TAEYEON! WE WERE ALMOST-"

Taeyeon stopped dead in her tracks, but her tears continued to fall. 

"Almost...?" 

"Almost, is never enough, Jessica." 

---

Author's note: Hey there guys! Finally completed this one. Took me quite awhile to fill up the gaps. Once again I don't think it's up to standards and I don't think it's as angsty as my first 2. (Especially my most recent one, 'Now go, forget about me.') Hopefully you guys would enjoy this one, though. I put in quite a bit of my honest TaengSic feelings in. (Not the 'making love' part, that's for sure.)

Yeaaaaah. Do leave comments and do give me feedback. I'll read and reply every single one of them~ ^^

And do check out my other fics.

My first on-going story: Broken Heartstrings

My first TaengSic angst: A second, too late.

My second TaengSic angst: Now go, forget about me.

Do check them out if you enjoyed this one! ^^

-009ine.

P.S. I'm looking for a good graphics shop to do a poster and background for this one. Do recommend me a good one in the comments below!~