Autumn passed quickly ... When winter came , there were no more rumors and everything got back to normal . And I ...am grateful for that . I am grateful I can be ME again , without having to hide , run , explain things -I don't even know - over and over again. I can be the same ironic- lazy -with no worries-free-crazy foreigner I struggled to become when I came to Seoul, 5 years ago.  How things were before....I don't need to remember , but since people are naturally curious ,I guess I'm gonna have to tell my story someday , and when this happens...I promised myself  I will have no regrets , no expectations , and most of all...I will not cry...

"YA!" Ha Nah jumped from behind , trying to playfully scare me. I didn't even blink. I was sitting on a bench in front of my house hugging my knees to my chest to warm up .It was freezing
"What are you doing here? Aren't you cold?" ah... DUH! That's what I just said! well.. I thought it...
"I was...waiting to snow.."I said in a theatrical voice
"Ugh! you're so depressing in the winter time... and it's not even Christmas yet !"
"Hey! I would say I'm more romantic in winter time...and at Christmas I'm actually jolly"
She laughed. I'm sure she remembered my 'drunk session' from last year's Christmas Eve when I was the "main entertainer" for our ex-classmates from highscool.Let's just say...NO DRINKING THIS YEAR!   "OK! --she was still trying to stop laughing...-- Now seriouslly , why are you here?"
"I live here, remember? Why are YOU here?"oh.I'm good...
"ELLA!!" gee..CALM DOWN , sis! "You're no fun! -I pouted- I lost my keys.." ...again... xD
"Again?!?!" See? She knows me too well..
"Ne...and I have to wait for my mom to close the shop and come home"  we own a small clothes shop with things I design ,and since I really like to have a lot of free time , mom makes them and sells them....it's a pretty good business . I plan to go study 'Design' at Seoul University next year...
"Then why don't you wait in ajumma Lee's restaurant?"I just frowned without looking at her
"You're afraid you're gonna bump into him again aren't you?"she smirked
"I am afraid of nothing! I don't even know what you're talking about."
"Aren't you tired of doing that?"she became serious all of a sudden Well, isn't she bipolar...
"Doing what?!"
"This! Pretend everything is perfect when is obviously not!" I stopped pretending in front of him.... that's why I'm scared that we'll meet again...I can't be like that...
"I'm not pretending...everything is fine... " I said smiling at her
"See? you're doing it right now! Although I don't know what happened before we met, I realize that you want to hide it for a reason...but the thing is.. you do the same with all the bad things that happen to you...and you think you erase them that way...but you're not. Those things just pile up inside you. You need to get angry , you need to see what's wrong , and instead of hiding it ,to get over it , you need to cry-you're only human...you need to let people take care of you..."

"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself!" I almost shouted . Her words were hurting me because she was right and it was hard for me to admit that even just to myself...
She looked at me disgusted and left without another word...Well, that was lovely...

I sat there on the bench smiling sadly 'Mianne , Ha Nah-yah...I'm not ready yet...'



Joon's POV


  "ok...stop, stop it's getting better. Let's do the dance one more time and you can go home" Ji-Hoon hyung said
"Ne , hyung... " we all answered .
We have been practicing for our new mini album for over 5 hours and now is like 10 PM . I feel exhausted , and I'm sure the others are too but we have to give our best in order for it to become a success...

 Eventually, the music finished and I was lying down  on the floor gasping for air with my eyes closed , when I heard Ji Hoon hyung calling my name from the changing room ...
"I'm here hyung! " I tried to shout but my voice cracked. I let out a big mouth of air and opened my eyes. Ji Hoon hyung was standing above with his hand towards me . I grabbed it and he helped me get up...
"I have to  show you something..." he said , taking me to a bench
"What is it hyung?" he gave me a big white envelope
"I was planning to tell you about it tomorrow but I thought you will have more time to prepare this way..." oh yeah..like one night would make any difference...I just starred at the envelope though...I didn't know what to expect and I really don't like surprises since I have experience with the hidden camera...-_-

"Well.. open it!" Ji hoon hyung interupted my thoughts. I opened it and inside it was a script with English lines ..."Hyung..." I murmured and my eyes widened...
"It's a preview script for an upcoming Hollywood movie" he said pointing at the pages . "It came last week but your manager said he wants to talk to the production team from the States before handing it to you...You're selected to audition...so it's not 100% sure you're getting the part..."
"Waaahhh ...this is so cool"
"I hope you realize you're going to have to work hard..." Don't I always do...?!
 "Hyung , there are so many lines..." and I can't even read most of them I sighed in realization...
"Didn't I just said you're gonna have to work hard?! It's a big part so you need to be prepared for the audition . Start by learning English..."
"But I know English!" I whined
"Of course you do!"he quickly said" Search for a proper teacher, but also someone you can trust with the script ...other than the teacer you should show it to nobody , not even SeungHo ,GO ,Mir , or CheonDong , because it could spread and then we'll be facing Hollywood lawsuit... not pretty... so be careful of who you chose to be your teacher...arasso?"
"Ne..."I murmured while his phone rang and went outside the practice room to answer it.

 I was really excited but also worried about the lawsuit and finding someone who wouldn't be interested at all of spreading the news of me auditioning , or any information about the movie whatsoever...

I was looking through my phone ... maybe I know someone who could help...just to realize that I can't trust many people...And then I saw her number .

I smiled to myself because I saved it with the name 'Stalker' - she is not a stalker , ara , arra , but it sounded funny and warm for me...like an old friend's nickname and also...I don't know her name...

She could help...she's foreigner and a teacher...a kindergarden teacher , but still...and she doesn't like media's attention so she wouldn't tell ...BUT,,,, I'm pretty sure she hates me...