It was the end of their last radio appearance as SM The Ballad. Jinho, bouncing around, told Kyuhyun and Jonghyun he’d wait for the car outside if they wanted to stay inside, which they gratefully agreed to. He gave them a toothy smile and a thumbs-up before hurrying outside. Even once outside he kept turning around to wave at them through the window. Kyuhyun waved back, laughing.

“Aww,” Jonghyun, next to him, said, with a slight smile on his face as he watched Jinho bounce about with the boundless energy only a teenager could still have. “It’s sad that this is our last promotion. He’s going to hate not performing.”

Kyuhyun nodded next to him. “Poor kid,” he said, and his heart went out to him. He, himself, got bored when Super Junior had no activities. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like for Jinho, going back to being bandless and waiting for a chance to debut again. SM The Ballad was only a project group, after all. “At least he’ll still get to see us around the SM building.”

“I think he’ll find just as many excuses as he does now to seek you out,” Jonghyun said with a laugh and Kyuhyun turned to blink at him, confused.

“Excuses?” he asked, cocking his head to the side. “He doesn’t come up with excuses.”

“Yes he does, Hyung,” Jonghyun told him. “He’s like a little puppy who needs to see his master all the time to get validation that he’s still your only puppy. His crush on you is so cute.”

Kyuhyun froze. “…crush?”

“Well, yeah,” Jonghyun said, laughing again. “He adores you.”

Kyuhyun blinked at him a few times before turning back to look at Jinho through the window. At that moment Jinho turned and smiled and indicated that the car was coming with flailing arm movements.

Jonghyun couldn’t be right, could he? Jinho couldn’t like him. They were just a little affectionate with each other, always had been.

They’d shared a bed, they’d hugged, they’d held hands, they’d changed together…no, Jinho couldn’t like him. That was too weird.

When he and Jonghyun went out to the car, he acted no differently with Jinho, but the youngest’s supporting hand, on his knee, almost seemed to burn through his trousers. He was so grateful when they dropped Jinho off at home, him hugging Kyuhyun first, and he pointedly ignored Jonghyun’s look of triumph as he wriggled in his seat and smoothed the imaginary creases in his clothing, trying to get the memory of his warmth out of his head.

---

When he woke up the next day, Kyuhyun discovered that Zhou Mi and Henry had arrived for a visit. Zhou Mi was one of the members who knew Jinho, had seen Kyuhyun with him, and so he dragged him away from Sungmin for five minutes to explain his problem.

He shifted from foot to foot as Zhou Mi patiently sat on his bed waiting, and then said, “Jonghyun said that Jinho likes me.”

Zhou Mi smiled. “Of course he likes you. You’re his favourite Hyung.”

“No,” Kyuhyun said. “I mean, likes likes.”

“Yes. You’re his favourite Hyung,” Zhou Mi repeated. “You’d have to be blind not to see the way he looks at you, and I am not blind. You can see his feelings for you from a mile away.”

“I…I didn’t know,” Kyuhyun said. He paused. “Are you sure? It’s not just, um, some kind of fanboy thing?”

“He started off just fanboying you,” Zhou Mi said. “But then it grew. He really likes you.” He shook his head. “I can’t believe you didn’t know that. Everyone knows.”

“I just thought…” Kyuhyun sighed. “I don’t behave any differently with him than I do with you. We’re just friends.”

“Kuixian, I’ve seen you with Jinho. You are entirely different from how you are with me. You’re the hyung in that relationship, so you’re more mature, and he probably likes that side because he’s the only one to see it. Plus you look after him and help him. You never help me.”

Kyuhyun kicked Zhou Mi’s leg in revenge. “I don’t help you because you don’t need my help! And I’m always mature,” he whined, and Zhou Mi laughed.

“Of course you are, Kuixian,” Zhou Mi said in a reassuring tone and Kyuhyun pouted.

“What should I do?” he mumbled. “I don’t want to lead him on.”

“Don’t say anything to him yet,” Zhou Mi said. “I’m not sure he entirely knows, so you don’t want to be the one who informs him and rejects him at the same time. You know how awkward he is. It would make him so upset.”

Kyuhyun nodded, knowing all-too-well how awkward and nervous Jinho could be. “Okay,” he said. “Thanks.” He turned and headed back to his room, where he lay on his bed and wondered what he should do.

---

It was impossible not to be awkward with his newfound knowledge, however. He was thankful their schedules had ended and he was now busy, because it meant he didn’t have to see Jinho that often. He tried to make it to their practise sessions, when he helped Jinho, but after a little while he had to cancel them due to working on Super Junior’s new album.

He was completely grateful for the excuse.

“Sorry, Jinho,” he said as he left a voice message on Jinho’s phone. “Super Junior stuff’s got the best of me and I know I said I’d have time but this is really important. I’ll make it up to you but I’ll have to take a rain check on our meeting.” He felt bad leaving Jinho the message, but he was in a hurry and didn’t have time to find Jinho in person. And it was easier doing it that way so he didn’t have to see Jinho’s face fall and then the careful, fake smile, nothing like his normal, lovely, happy one, he’d build as he said it was okay.

Even though he said he’d make it up to Jinho, he found no such time where they both had free time within the next month. He and Jinho barely spoke on the phone once, when Jinho reassured him he understood. Both of them were busy, him with recording and Jinho with practising.

And even so, Kyuhyun didn’t make an effort. He was too busy thinking of the fact Jinho liked him. How could Jinho like him? Jinho was a guy and so was he. It made no sense that Jinho would, and could, like him like that. Surely it was a passing thing?

He thought about them a lot, Jinho’s supposed feelings for him. It was easier if he thought of Jinho as a girl. He could at least comprehend them as romantic feelings that way. He knew of gay men but he’d never really spoken to or been friends with any of them. He wasn’t necessarily a bigot or a homophobe; he just didn’t understand why a guy could like another guy in a romantic way.

He wasn’t consciously avoiding Jinho as he thought about all of this, but somehow one month led into two and three and six with little contact. He could at least blame promotions for part of it, but the rest of it was just him and his avoidant personality. Sungmin had once said that Kyuhyun was the type of person who thought if he forgot about it, or ignored it, it would go away. Not necessarily fair on Jinho considering their friendship, but it was how Kyuhyun had always dealt with things he wasn’t sure about.

So Kyuhyun avoided Jinho for six months, during which he felt more and more uncomfortable and grew to rather miss Jinho and his little adoring and beautiful smile that Kyuhyun liked so much because heaven knew Henry never had such a look on his face and SHINee had long stopped treating him like their favourite older brother. Kyuhyun had always liked having Jinho around, ever since he’d first met him and he’d been dancing awkwardly in that room and Kyuhyun had forgotten about his bad breakup for the first time. Even after he’d thanked Jinho for distracting him from his thoughts of her, he still didn’t think Jinho had ever realised just how grateful he’d been to him for that. He had been utterly distraught at their breakup and probably keen to do something stupid. But he hadn’t, because Jinho had smiled that stupid little gentle smile after falling over and Kyuhyun had immediately liked him. Jinho had been perfect back then.

Kyuhyun missed Jinho, but at the same time he was afraid he’d say something if he saw him again, like mention Jinho’s feelings and how screwed up they made him. Jinho was like a little brother to him. He could swear that was how he felt. He was sure. He didn’t want to hold Jinho and if he saw him he wouldn’t. Probably. He might give him a hug and apologise but that would only be natural considering their time apart.

Kyuhyun avoided Jinho for another month, just because he could.

---

Kyuhyun was busy at a schedule when the phone call came.

He didn’t pick up the call, instead turning his phone off, but when he turned it back on and saw the missed call was from Joonmyun, he was surprised and called him back immediately. It had been a long time since he’d talked to Joonmyun.

“HYUNG,” Joonmyun said, almost curtly, when he picked up. “Hyung. You have to do something about this, Jinho is falling apart.”

Kyuhyun froze at the mention of Jinho after all those months. “Um?” he said, trying to coax his brain back into gear.

“Hyung, you are his favourite Hyung and one of his closest friends, and you haven’t spoken to him in a long, long time. He’s beating himself up over it. He thinks you hate him.”

“I-I’ve been busy,” Kyuhyun stammered out, not entirely sure what to say. “I’ve texted him.”

“Well, he hasn’t received any of them,” Joonmyun said. “Hyung, just come here and talk to him. Seriously. He can’t dance properly, he hasn’t been hitting any of his notes, and I haven’t seen him eat anything in…” He broke off. “I don’t know when the last time I saw him eat was.”

Kyuhyun’s blood ran cold at that. “Oh,” he breathed. He hadn’t realised that avoiding Jinho was going to be bad for the younger boy. Even though Jinho liked him, he hadn’t realised just how much he meant to Jinho.

“Just come in and see him,” Joonmyun said, and then hung up on Kyuhyun. If Kyuhyun were anyone else, if Joonmyun were anyone else, he’d be horribly offended by that, but he knew Joonmyun never meant to be rude. He was just direct, and he cared a lot. It came through in his words that he cared greatly for Jinho, enough to be worried about him.

Kyuhyun sighed and thought he should probably get over his pride issues and at least see Jinho.

---

He headed into the SM Entertainment building the next day and immediately went looking for Joonmyun. Joonmyun would know where Jinho was.

He found him in one of the practise rooms at the back, stretching. He knocked on the door. “I’m here,” he said simply, knowing that Joonmyun would understand.

Joonmyun did, as he knew he would. “I’m glad. He’s been making life hard for the rest of us. We can’t dance in synch and he’s throwing our harmonies off. Fix it, whatever it is you did. I will lock you in a room together if necessary.”

Kyuhyun frowned. “It’s not really—”

Joonmyun reached up and covered his mouth. “Hyung,” he said, “go to him. Now. Fix it before it’s too late.”

Kyuhyun stopped trying to talk and nodded. He wasn’t entirely sure how to fix it, but he could at least try.

Joonmyun led him to another one of the practise rooms and shoved him inside without another word.

Jinho was inside, trying to dance and making a complete mess of it. His eyes were red and had deep bags under them, his cheeks were sallow, and his complexion was dull. He looked sick, it even stretching to his body. His sweatpants were hanging off his hips and Kyuhyun clenched his fists so tightly his nails almost cut into his palms.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

Jinho whirled around at the sound of his voice, and Kyuhyun realised that he hadn’t noticed he was there. “Hyung,” Jinho breathed.

“I’m here now. I’m sorry,” Kyuhyun repeated.

Jinho ran across the room towards him. Kyuhyun thought it was for a hug, so he opened his arms, but Jinho instead started beating at his chest. “I hate you, I hate you,” Jinho cried.

Kyuhyun was torn between feeling hurt and like he deserved it. He was the one who had spent seven months away practising and recording and performing. He was the one who had made Jinho feel uncared for.

So instead of saying anything, he brought his arms up behind Jinho and gathered him into the hug he had been expecting. After a few moments, Jinho settled down and returned the hug, and Kyuhyun rested his chin on Jinho’s head. “I mean it,” he mumbled.

“I understand,” Jinho said. “But you don’t know what it was like.”

“I’m sorry,” Kyuhyun repeated like a broken record. “I’m so sorry.”

He and Jinho stood, like that, for what seemed like forever, until Jinho broke free of his hold. “Why?” he asked, looking straight up into Kyuhyun’s eyes.

Kyuhyun opened and shut his mouth. “Um, well, I was busy—” he began.

Jinho cut him off. “Don’t give me that, Hyung. Tell me really why you’ve been avoiding me.”

A lump rose in Kyuhyun’s throat and he swallowed it back down before saying, “Jonghyun told me something and I’ve just been thinking about it for a long time.”

“My feelings for you, right, Hyung?” Jinho said, not even really asking. Kyuhyun, a little dumbly, nodded. Jinho knew? “And you think they’re weird, right?” Kyuhyun shrugged. He did, but he’d also got used to them. “I’m sorry.”

Kyuhyun shook his head. “No. I. I needed time to think about them. But I’m okay now.” He shrugged. His chest constricted slightly. “I haven’t seen you in a long time and I missed you. I wish I’d come earlier.”

“Me too,” Jinho said with a sigh, and he slid down the wall to sit on the ground. Kyuhyun moved to sit opposite him. They sat in silence for a few moments.

“When did you realise?” Kyuhyun asked. There was a funny feeling in his chest and in his head that he didn’t recognise but he suddenly wanted to know more about Jinho’s feelings. Maybe they would explain everything.

“My feelings for you? About a month after we stopped talking,” Jinho said. “It made sense, and it explained why you were ignoring me. It didn’t really change much, having a label for them. I still felt the same way. I still do,” he added.

Kyuhyun nodded. He hadn’t really expected that Jinho would stop feeling that way. Somehow, he thought part of him would have been disappointed if he had, like it had been a craze.

Where had that come from? A few months earlier he’d been thinking that it probably was just temporary considering guys with feelings for guys was just weird, and now he was thinking that? Had he really got used to it? Did he really accept it? Just like that?

It seemed he did, because there was no awkwardness in his head or his words when he asked, “Why do you like me?” He said it in a genuinely curious voice. Just a little probing.

Jinho shrugged. “You’re nice and handsome and perfect and you look after me and I like your voice and Hyung there are so many reasons. I could list them but we wouldn’t want your head to get any bigger,” he teased. Kyuhyun found himself smiling at this.

His heart also beat a little faster, for reasons he couldn’t quite understand. He’d never really considered what parts of himself Jinho would like, but he was flattered that it wasn’t just for shallow reasons. “Thank you,” he said quietly.

Jinho shrugged again. “It’s okay. It’s something I’ve asked myself a lot. But I just really like you, Hyung. There’s not much I can do about those feelings, but they’re there.”

Kyuhyun bit his lip as he pondered some more. “Do you…what do you want to do about those feelings?” he asked, a little awkwardly. Did Jinho want to act on them, make something of them?

Jinho shrugged. “I like you, Hyung,” he said. “I’m not asking you to kiss me, or anything else. Just. I don’t want to lose you again. Not like before.”

Kyuhyun swallowed. Kiss him? He didn’t know why his brain was caught on those words. He shook his head to get out of it. “I don’t want to lose you again, either,” he said, focusing on the safer part of Jinho’s speech. Losing Jinho again would make him feel terrible, even more terrible than he already felt. He had missed Jinho a lot, without really realising it.

“I’m glad, Hyung,” Jinho said, and smiled widely, and somehow Kyuhyun found himself looking at the smile, watching Jinho’s lips move into the expression he had always liked Jinho wearing best. Jinho wasn’t the cute child he’d used to be, having lost all of his baby fat, but he was still familiar when he made that expression and it took Kyuhyun back to the days when he’d messed up Jinho’s hair on stage and during radio broadcasts, and Jinho had worn those stupid sunglasses to look cool and Kyuhyun had just thought he looked like an adorable dork. Those had been the days.

Kyuhyun swallowed again. He wasn’t supposed to be thinking like that, was he? Of course not. To get himself away from those thoughts, again, he just did what he would have done back then. He opened his arms, and jokily teased, “Ahh, come here, you dork.”

Jinho’s smile grew, if that were possible, revealing his teeth. He crawled forwards on the floor and then wrapped his arms around Kyuhyun’s neck. Kyuhyun thought he was kneeling oddly, so, with one hand wrapped around Jinho’s waist, he moved himself so that he was kneeling better, and, without really thinking too much about it, pulled Jinho closer by hoisting him up onto Kyuhyun’s own thighs. He then settled his arms back around Jinho, hugging him closely, resting his chin on Jinho’s shoulder.

He could feel Jinho tense a little, possibly at how close they were, but Kyuhyun didn’t move to look at him, just stayed like that. Jinho’s breathing was comforting and it calmed his own and his heartbeat down. Kyuhyun wasn’t entirely sure why his heartbeat had sped up, but he didn’t really care.

After a few seconds, Kyuhyun could feel Jinho loosen up and relax against him, almost snuggling close. “Let me have this, Hyung,” Jinho barely breathed. “Just this once.”

Jinho didn’t have to beg him. Kyuhyun didn’t want to let go, either.

He shut his eyes and just kept holding Jinho. The hug probably went on for minutes, where the only noise in the room was the sound of their breathing. Somewhere in the back of his mind Kyuhyun knew this wasn’t normal. Nobody held onto a friend like this for so long. This was the kind of thing he had done with his last girlfriend. But he didn’t want to listen, so he chased the thoughts away with images of Jinho’s smile. Jinho’s smile had always been beautiful to him.

He didn’t know what made him do it, he blamed Jinho’s smile for making him go crazy, because a second later, he pulled back, turned Jinho’s head to face him, and pressed his smile against Jinho’s.

It was a chaste kiss, nothing but the press of their lips together and not lasting longer than a couple of seconds, before Jinho pulled away, his eyes wide. “Hyung?” he asked, his brows furrowed into an expression of confusion. “Hyung, I don’t understand.” He started trembling a little.

Kyuhyun couldn’t look at him so he turned his face away, his cheeks burning as he realised what he’d done. He’d kissed Jinho. One of his closest friends, someone he’d claimed was like a brother to him. Someone who was young and impressionable and he didn’t want to lead along or astray. Someone who looked up to him. He’d kissed him.

He raised a shaky hand to his mouth and touched his lips wonderingly. And he’d do it again, he thought. He would do it again.

“Why?” Jinho stammered, entire body shaking as the trembling spread.

Kyuhyun turned back to him, wrapped his arms back around him, and said the truth for the first time in what seemed like forever. “Because I wanted to.”

Jinho froze. “You…?”

Kyuhyun was glad he couldn’t see his face, because he didn’t know what expression Jinho would be wearing. “I wanted to,” he repeated. “And I would again.”

Jinho wasn’t moving at all, and Kyuhyun, worried, leant back from Jinho’s shoulder to see what was wrong. Jinho’s eyes were swimming with tears. As he watched, they spilt over the lower corners of his eyes and Jinho started crying properly. Kyuhyun flailed a little. What was he supposed to do? What should he do? He wasn’t good at dealing with a crying Jinho. Jinho was too cute when he cried.

“Jinho?” Kyuhyun asked, trying not to let his voice show his panic. “Jinho, I’m sorry—” He raised a hand, shakily, to Jinho’s cheek, with the intention of wiping some of the tears away. It was all he could think to do.

Jinho caught his hand partway and then shook his head, dashing his tears away. “Hyung,” he said. “Hyung, you, really? You’re not teasing me?”

Kyuhyun shook his head, though his heart constricted a little at the thought that Jinho thought he was just messing with him. “I wouldn’t do that to you,” he said softly. “You…you mean a lot to me.”

He could see Jinho swallow visibly, before Jinho shut his eyes and looked away shyly. The image was somehow incredibly pretty and rather adorable to Kyuhyun.

Kyuhyun followed Jinho’s gaze down to the hand that Jinho was still holding, and he smiled softly and rubbed the back of Jinho’s hand with his thumb lightly. “I…I think I like you, Jinho,” Kyuhyun found himself saying, a little awkwardly. He’d had far better confessions before. Usually when he’d known for a while, or was literally just trying to get a hot girl to date him. None of his confessions were this innocent before, and none of them meant so much.

Kyuhyun didn’t think a different kind of confession would have Jinho tearing up again, though, his smile wide, happy and innocent. “Thank you,” Jinho said, eyes shining again.

Kyuhyun did what any self-respecting man would do when faced with the person he likes’ tears. He leant in and kissed them away.

Jinho laughed aloud at this. “You,” he managed, before giggling. “Thanks.”

Kyuhyun felt a little hurt by this. “Hey,” he said, and pouted.

“No, I’m touched,” Jinho said. “Really. I just. How many romantic comedies have you been watching?”

Kyuhyun flailed a little, suddenly rather embarrassed. “Hey!” he whined, and pouted even more.

Jinho, laughing, leant in and kissed him.

This wasn’t like their first. It started just as chaste, but as Kyuhyun clutched Jinho even closer to him, Jinho straddling his hips, it grew deeper. Jinho, even though he’d instigated it, seemed to let Kyuhyun take control of the kiss. He didn’t deepen it too much, not wanting to get ahead of himself, but deep enough. It wasn’t a little chaste peck; it was a proper kiss between two people.

Kyuhyun hadn’t kissed anyone for years, so he wasn’t sure if it was a good kiss or not, but Jinho didn’t complain when they pulled apart to breathe. Jinho’s eyes were sparkling with delight.

“I love you,” Jinho whispered.

Kyuhyun smiled at him and wondered why it had taken him so long to see what was in front of his face. He could have had this much sooner.

Instead of vocalising this, he kissed Jinho a third time, smiling warmly and thinking that this day couldn’t really be much better.