“I love you so much”

“I love you too”

What is love actually?

It’s defined as a sensation that magically generates when Mr. or Ms. Right appears. When the feelings are mutual, all you have to do is confess to the other then it will start from there, right?

Well, what if you can’t. What if you know you found the one, yet you can’t share it with anyone, not even him? What if you have a choice, yet you can’t seem to make the right one no matter how much you want to? What if you both feel the same exact way, yet you can’t really tell each other by words?

You see, they say the hardest part in love is to fall for someone who doesn’t love you back. However, in this special case, the hardest part is knowing they both feel the same for each other, yet they can’t find it in themselves to accept the fact that they can be together, that their feelings are right, and that they’re not doing anything wrong.

They admit that they have fallen in love, but they also know that it’s with someone who’s not supposed to be theirs.

From Busan, Choi Siwon and Cho Kyuhyun are seniors in college, best friends, and roommates. They’ve known each other for four years in which they both have been helplessly in love with each other for three.

Love is easy when it’s reciprocated, right?

Well, not at all.

Despite the mutual feelings, Siwon and Kyuhyun have different religions, which neither accept homouality. Now you see where the problem is? The love is there, the compatibility is there, the strong feelings are definitely there, yet the courage to defy what they always believed in, is not.

They both come from religious families, a strong faith background, hence, they have grown up with certain beliefs and understandings that they always trusted in. That until they fell in love and everything turned confusing.

How it all started…

Kyuhyun, 18 years old, a freshman in college and majoring in architecture, and Siwon, 19 years old, also a freshman majoring in business.

When the school year started, Siwon was able to first lay his eyes on Kyuhyun when they had some classes in common. Although the auditorium was quite packed up, Kyuhyun who happened to sit just a couple of rows in front of him, stood out from the crowd. He was eagerly taking notes as he paid extra attention to their professor, his fluffy hair leaving Siwon tilting his head from side to side so he could see the blackboard, which surprisingly left him with a sudden interest in wanting to know that boy with the fluffy brown hair.

Their first encounter happened when Kyuhyun found himself running away from the packed up canteen and choosing to have lunch at the empty gym instead, which turned out to be not so empty since Siwon was there playing basketball. Kyuhyun tried to turn around and leave, but when Siwon caught him, he didn’t hesitate in starting a conversation with him, which wasn’t so hard being the sociable guy he is.

Surprisingly, Kyuhyun being the shy one, didn’t mind at all chatting with Siwon, or how he seemed to willingly answer the questions thrown at him. He even laughed at some of Siwon’s silly jokes and shared his lunch with him. He still haven’t made any real friends except the ones in his class who didn’t share any of his interests, so just talking so carefree with Siwon and finding out a lot about him in the short hour break they had, made him feel quite comfortable.

He learned about the basic information, where Siwon grew up, where he went to high school, and how many siblings he has. Also, he found out that Siwon liked playing basketball, his dream was to be a professional player one day, and that his family wasn’t supporting his choice, hence him majoring in business because according to his father, if he doesn’t get a sponsorship after graduation, he will at least have a solid degree and can run the family business.

Siwon also learned the obvious details about Kyuhyun, and that he has a high IQ and that’s why he managed to skip a grade in high school, thus the one year difference between them. Also that Kyuhyun’s parents are very happy about him choosing architecture, which made him kind of envious of him.

It was strange how they instantly opened up to each other even though they just met, but it felt like some kind of force was speaking for them.

After that day, they started hanging out on and off campus, and Siwon found himself right about his first impression. Kyuhyun was really nice. He could be snarky sometimes, but only when Siwon , and he wasn’t like most of the other guys in college, wild and boring. He was innocent and that was what drew Siwon toward him.

Three months later, when it happened that the both weren’t very satisfied with the dorms as they complained about their roommates and how they couldn’t concentrate with so many parties going around -not that they weren’t into having fun, just everything had its time- they decided to get an apartment together. It was Siwon who suggested it first since Kyuhyun would never even think of that possibility, but he agreed nonetheless with an extra eager nod. Kyuhyun liked the way Siwon handled him. He found him to be a very well raised guy and a gentleman, always treating him with respect. They got along so perfectly so he didn’t see what could possibly go wrong with them moving in together.

Well, unfortunately, he didn’t know he would fall in love with said roommate.

It wasn’t until several months later when they were both celebrating the end of freshman year, beer cans, pizza, and asian food laying around them while they lazily played video games, that the first spark hit them pretty hard.

“Why do you always win? Are you cheating?”

Picking up his body off the floor and flopping it on the couch after tossing the game controller on his friend’s lap, Siwon whined, folding his arms over his chest to will away the soreness of losing yet again. How Kyuhyun did it? He’d never know.

“Such a baby! I always win because I’m that good and you’re not. Simple as that”

Kyuhyun defended with his lips pursed in pride, leaning on the side of the couch from where he was sitting on the floor and stretching his neck backward to look at his sulking friend.

It had been six months since they moved together, and so far things were going pretty well. Kyuhyun never thought living with Siwon would be that exciting, and he was really glad he asked him to share an apartment. Besides, it was easier to come home to someone who could listen to you complain about your day at school, how boring the lecture was, and someone to share your favorite hobby with, which is video games for Kyuhyun.

“Tsk… you can’t even pretend to let me win? Not even once?”

Kyuhyun playfully stuck out his tongue before bursting out laughing when Siwon’s pout deepened and his face scrunched in a funny way, causing the older to jump off the couch, and start a tickle fight on him.

Kyuhyun tried to free himself but Siwon was just too strong for him. So he just kept slightly hitting his chest and asking him to stop between his increased laughter, which he only did when Kyuhyun was out of breath.

“You’re so mean to your hyung, Kyu”

Siwon exclaimed, still hovering over Kyuhyun as they both ended up laying on the carpet somewhere between him attacking and the younger pleading for him to stop.

Kyuhyun closed his eyes as he panted for new air, lips parted and chest heaving up and down. When he could normally breathe again, he opened his eyes and was met by a look he had never seen from Siwon before. The older was strangely staring at him, dark orbs felt like intently piercing through him.

Kyuhyun didn’t know what just happened but he felt mesmerized by the way Siwon was looking at him so he just stared back with as much intensity.

Their faces were close and they stayed in the same position, feeling as if time had stopped and there were only them in the room, no sound coming from the tv, no clock ticking, no car noises heard from the street… nothing, just the sound of their breaths.

Then, a strange thing triggered in their hearts. It was like something hard had hit them and their chests felt like exploding any second. They sensed a sudden fire inside them that felt like nothing before.

Unfortunately, along with that magical feeling, something else involuntary clicked in their brains and thus made them instantly break the intensive gaze.

Siwon abruptly pulled away and sat up on the floor, eyes repeatedly blinking as he just looked ahead, while Kyuhyun stayed laying there staring blankly at the ceiling, both unable to utter a single word since they were trying to understand what just happened.

Half an hour later just sitting there, staring at nothing, Kyuhyun stood up and excused himself to sleep, wishing Siwon a hurried good night.  The latter was spacing out, so he could only nod before also standing up and headed to his own room.

The spark of love… Check.

They say when you know, you just know, right?

So the next day everything went back to normal but at the same time it didn’t. They talked normally, laughed as usual, hanged out like before, and they even grew closer. However, unspoken words were always clear in their eyes, words that felt like hanging mid-air whenever they were in the same room together.

As time passed by, the questions were only getting vaguer. However, even though neither had talked about it, didn’t mean that they weren’t curious and confused about that little moment they shared that night.

Could they call it a moment though?

Because after that night, they would feel their hearts fluttering whenever the other was around, but luckily, or unluckily, they both were going to spend the summer break with their families, and so they thought it would all be forgotten when they meet again. They thought it would go away in time and distance, after all, they do say ‘Out of sight out of mind’.

However, as the new school year started and they went back to their apartment, it was still there.

Feeling the excitement in their souls just by being around each other, feeling the other on his skin even if they’re not touching, it sounded like something from the dramas that everyone thought it was just a mere imagination, a delusion. Nevertheless, out of all people it was happening to them.

They knew something was wrong with the way they would flinch when their faces came too close or how they would blush and turn all nervous when one found the other staring at him, but they didn’t try to figure it out because they were too afraid to admit it even to themselves.

Something was definitely there but for them, it wasn’t even possible so they always shrugged it off. Whenever something was about to bloom inside them, they would kill it right away, not even giving it a chance to see the light.

It wasn’t easy though.

Deluding themselves that nothing was going on was torturing them. They didn’t stop being friends because that was too important for them. Their friendship was something they cherished and in time it was only developing into a deeper connection and they both knew it well enough, yet neither could say it out loud.

“Do you have a game today?”

Kyuhyun asked as they sat across from each other on the kitchen counter having breakfast.

“Yep. You’re coming, right?”

Siwon hopefully asked and Kyuhyun pretended to be thinking for a moment before shaking his head then focusing on his bowl of cereals.

“What? Why?”

Siwon was disappointed in Kyuhyun’s answer, being his first real game against a rival college and his friend wasn’t going to be there.

“It’s so boring watching you fight over a ball” Siwon’s eyes grew in size, missing on the little smirk plastered across his friend’s lips.

Getting no more answer, Kyuhyun peeked from under his long bangs to see Siwon playing with his food with a dejected look on his face, making him feel guilty all of a sudden.

“Tsk… fine, I’ll be there” He watched how Siwon looked up at him, but still there was no smile so Kyuhyun added “You know I wouldn’t miss it” It was a mere whisper but Siwon heard it nonetheless, causing his face to break into a wide happy grin.

“Such a tease!”

Amusingly inspecting how Kyuhyun started blushing and a little smile tugged on the corner of his upper lip but he tried to hide it by pushing a spoonful of cereal into his mouth, Siwon lovingly smiled as he stretched his arms and ruffled the boy’s fluffy hair, not realizing that his little move made Kyuhyun’s heart unexpectedly drum in his chest.

“I’ll be sitting in the back so your sweat won’t reach me”

He cheekily commented to will away the strange feeling, although when Siwon laughed at his sentence, his heartbeat only got worse.

“Fine!”

Standing up to go get ready for school, Siwon once again ruffled Kyuhyun’s hair as he passed him by, but then suddenly three words ticked in his mind and he was almost about to say them out loud if not for his brain stopping him just in time.

He really wished he could say them though. They had been on the tip of his tongue for a long time but never was he able to say them loudly.

One day he will. Not now, but one day.

That day, he just bitterly smiled while staring at Kyuhyun’s back for a few seconds before walking away.

Feelings acknowledged… Check.

So when those buried feelings went on for two years, they started thinking about it more and more. Part of them wanted to tell the other how they felt about each other, to let it all out, without any regrets. The other part however, reminded them of their faith, the way they were raised, and the hurtful truth that the one occupying their hearts, was a guy.

So always at square one.

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They say if you love someone, be brave enough to tell them, otherwise, be brave enough to watch them be loved by someone else. In Siwon’s and Kyuhyun’s case, they couldn’t do either.

When they both came to an understanding that something was definitely going on, that something strong was pulling them toward each other, they did everything to fight against it. Hence, they went the easy way. Finding someone else to replace the one they truly want to be with.

So they dated other people. They’re both good looking so it wasn’t a problem finding a girl who was more than willing to go out with either one of them. They thought it was the perfect solution for their dilemma, but at one point they end up breaking up because she just wasn’t the one.

Of course they knew deep inside why that was, and they knew that as long as they were in each other’s lives, it would only get harder. However, no matter how confused their hearts were, neither was willing on giving up on the other. Even though it would help them let go and move on, they didn’t have the courage to be apart because being together was what kept them going, what kept them sane from breaking down, and they had no intention in trying out what life would be like without the other by their side. They weren’t brave enough, so denial was the only way.

However, fighting it was taking a toll on them.

For three years, they both had so many opportunities to confess, and they almost did, but ended up chickening out as their brains were always reminding them of who they are, what they’re supposed to do, and who they’re supposed to love.

All dressed up nicely and a girl by his side, Kyuhyun walked up to the coffee shop diner just around the college, a place where most couples go to for a date. He said he won’t be dating anyone else and focus on his studies, but whenever he saw Siwon with someone, he just had to.

As they walked inside looking for an empty table, Kyuhyun’s eyes bulged out when his sight met no other than his best friend. They both froze in place, just communicating through their eyes, both knowing something bad was about to happen.

“Oh, look it’s Kyuhyun oppa!”

The girl sitting across Siwon spoke, breaking the intense gaze they were sharing.

“Hey”

Kyuhyun greeted with a little bow toward the girl he knew as Tiffany, one of Siwon’s classmates, while his date, Sulli, immediately walked to her and hugged her, whispering something to each other before she turned to him and asked.

“Kyuhyun oppa? Can we join them? Tif doesn’t mind”

Of course they were friends, and now it would feel like a double date. Just their luck!

Siwon and Kyuhyun exchanged glances with an awkward smile, not wanting to sound suspicious, yet they don’t want to hurt each other because that’s what would happen if Kyuhyun and his date joined them.

Every time they went out with a girl, they made sure the other wouldn’t catch them together. It was like an unspoken deal because they understood one another and both cared about the other’s feelings.

“Siwon oppa, you don’t mind, yes?”

Siwon smiled at his date, sending a little tug to Kyuhyun’s heart who looked away from the scene. He really wanted to just leave but the girls seemed very persistent and thus when Siwon nodded, Tiffany quickly stood up to sit next to him, leaving Kyuhyun and Sulli to sit on the sofa across from them.

Siwon uneasily shifted in his seat when Kyuhyun was right in front of him, both taking deep breaths as they hoped the night would go smoothly.

But when was their prayers ever answered, right?

At first it was all good, chatting and laughing among each other, surprisingly enjoying a nice meal while Siwon and Kyuhyun stole secret glances at each other, but then unexpectedly, Tiffany started to flirt with Siwon. Running her fingers along his arm whenever something funny was said, then she would gradually lean closer to him until her head was rested on his shoulder.

That was totally unacceptable and Siwon could immediately sense how Kyuhyun was uncomfortable and how his body had tensed up with each touch. He really tried hard to not reciprocate his date’s actions, but she was too persistent and being the gentleman he is, he couldn’t brush her off. Instead, he just smiled and hoped the night would end soon.

At least Sulli was the shy type and didn’t dare to even touch Kyuhyun. She even blushed only by seeing her friend’s affection toward Siwon and could barely keep her head high.

As the night came to an end and they were almost done with dessert, Kyuhyun sighed in relief as he asked his date if they should leave, but before she could answer, he caught on a horrific scene from the corner of his eye that left his heart drumming in his chest.

That Tiffany was kissing Siwon.

The latter’s hand was on her shoulder obviously trying to pull away, but it wasn’t helping at all. Kyuhyun felt like his heart just split into halves. He had questioned himself before on what it would feel like to see Siwon kissing someone else, but now that it happened, it exceeded all of his imagination.

“I’ll go to the restroom”

He abruptly stood up, managing to make Siwon break the kiss and look at him in shock, while Tiffany shot him a glare for interrupting their moment.

Siwon nervously eyed him, contemplating on what he should do. He knew why Kyuhyun had a hurtful expression on his face, and it pained him to know he was the reason behind it. But no matter how he wanted to assure him that it meant nothing, which it definitely didn’t, he could only stare at him with an apologetic look for a few seconds before Kyuhyun shook his head in disappointment and hurt then walked past him. He knew better to expect anything.

Siwon clenched on his jaw, holding up the anger inside him. Why was life so cruel to them? Why couldn’t they simply be together? Why couldn’t he stop Kyuhyun and tell him he was the only one?

Nevertheless, those questions remained and still are unanswered. One day when he’s a braver man, he will tell Kyuhyun how he really feels, and then he will look him in the eyes and tell him that he loves him and ask him to finally be his. He will ask him to believe in what they share and to trust in the feelings they have for each other. One day he will, just not today.

Today he’ll have to suffer some more because he’s not brave enough yet.

When they got home that night after each walked his date home separately, somehow the universe was ganging up on them because they had to arrive at the same time.

However, Kyuhyun barely spared Siwon a look before heading inside and walking toward his room then shutting the door behind him. He knew things would turn normal the next morning because that‘s how it always goes, but just for that moment, he had the right to feel angry, betrayed, and just… devestated.

His tears threatened to fall but he didn’t want to shed them. He couldn’t place all the blame on Siwon because he didn’t do anything about their situation either. It was their background, their religion, their beliefs… their hearts. Why did he have to fall in love with a man? Why couldn’t he simply fall for a girl? That would’ve made his life so much easier.

But then again… Siwon was much better, Siwon was special, Siwon was the one his heart yearned for.

Sliding against the door, he sat on the floor and brought his knees to his chest. He wouldn’t cry. He couldn’t cry. He was stronger than this.

Eventually… he did cry.

He wasn’t aware of the person standing in front of his room, forehead resting on the door as he clenched a hand on his chest right above his heart that felt like breaking with each sob coming from inside.

Siwon felt helpless. He wanted to barge inside and hold Kyuhyun in his arms but he couldn’t. His feet felt like they were frozen in place, stopping him from taking that one step that would make his life so much easier. Being with Kyuhyun is all he ever wanted, but life is so cruel.

A tear trickled down his cheek as he harshly brushed his lips, feeling disgusted by the kiss. The kiss that made his Kyuhyun cry, the kiss that made Siwon see the most dreadful looks of pain on Kyuhyun’s face.

Taking some steps backward and kneeling on the floor with hands clasped together, he looked up and prayed. He prayed to god to take Kyuhyun’s pain away. He wanted to wash away his sadness and take it instead. He didn’t want Kyuhyun to suffer anymore even if he has to endure both of their pains together. His heart was already crushed and he didn’t think it could get any worse than that. Just not Kyuhyun.

The breaking point… Check.

Which brings us to today, four years after they met, three years after they fell in love, and it’s their graduation day.

“We did it!”

Siwon cheerfully exclaims as he makes his way between the crowds to reach his friend. They have just finished their graduation ceremony, and are now gathered in the garden outside the hall, college students in their black gowns are everywhere, taking pictures with their families and celebrating the end of an era and the beginning of a new one.

Kyuhyun watches Siwon walking toward him, a beautiful nervous smile on his face as he readies himself for what he’s planning to do.

“Congratulations, hyung. This is my gift for you”

Kyuhyun immediately says once Siwon is standing in front him, his hand stretched out and a small blue box in his palm.

“A gift? Kyu, you didn’t have to”

Siwon gratefully takes it, inspecting it with a wide smile as he wonders what it might be.

“Open it”

Siwon nods before eagerly opening the box and retreating a small paper that looks like a business card. He then curiously eyes Kyuhyun for a second before reading what’s written on it, making his eyes instantly pop out.

“Is this-”

“Turn it around”

Kyuhyun smilingly says, very excited about the look on Siwon’s face.

“Kyu?”

Siwon nervously stares at him, not believing what the card says. It’s from the CEO of SM Basketball league in Seoul, the company Siwon has been dying for them to sign him up. There were some managers from there at his college matches, but he’s yet to receive an offer.

On the back there’s a time and a date written on it and ‘be in time’ comment, making him almost squeal in happiness.

“You have an appointment with them next week, so better prepare”

“Are you serious? How did you- I’ve been trying so hard to-“

Siwon doesn’t seem to form a full sentence as he can’t believe he’s one step closer to reach his dream and it’s all because of Kyuhyun.

“I know. It’s just an interview so the rest is all on you”

Kyuhyun knows that Siwon will do just fine since he’s really good, but he just didn’t want to see him disappointed in case something went wrong. Of course he did a lot of pleading and sacrifices for his father to help him make this true, but it’s all worth it after this look Siwon is giving him.

Frantically shaking his head, Siwon knows that getting an appointment with the CEO himself is a really big deal and he will make sure to not let Kyuhyun down.

“Oh my god, Kyu! Thank you!”

He slightly jumps in his place, putting both hands on Kyuhyun’s shoulders as he looks him straight in the eyes, something they’re both used to by now, giving each other a certain look which means ‘I love you’ in their twisted torturing un-confessed love.

They stood there with faint smiles on their faces for a few seconds before Siwon suddenly realizes that if he nails the interview, he will have to live in Seoul and thus leave Kyuhyun behind.

“But it’s in Seoul”

“Yeah”

Kyuhyun nods, already having thought about the fact that they’ll be separating soon. He tries hard to keep the forced smile on his face because he doesn’t want to back out on his decision.

Siwon knows that it’s for the best. He always knew one day they will come up to this point where each will take his separate way, but he just can’t seem to accept it.

“You can come to Seoul as well to find a job, and we can be roommates again, how’s that?”

Kyuhyun sadly eyes him before shaking his head.

“I already got a job, Siwon”

“Oh, where?”

“New York”

Siwon is definitely taken aback, his arms falling limply to his sides as he averts his gaze away, not wanting Kyuhyun to see the hurt on his face.

“I sent them my application and did an online interview”

Kyuhyun explains, his heart clenching at the thought of never seeing Siwon again but he hopes it will get better in time. He examines the look on his best friend’s face and he knows the feeling is mutual.

Lightly pulling on Siwon’s gown to get his attention, Kyuhyun takes a deep breath to will away the lump of tears in his throat as he whispers “It’s for the best”

Siwon nods, also fighting against the tears as he grips on the hand on his dress and pulls Kyuhyun into a hug.

“I’m so sorry” He sincerely whispers in his ear, his arms tightening around his back not wanting to let him go.

“Me too”

“I’m gonna miss you so much”

“I’m gonna miss you too”

Their hearts are loudly beating against each other’s chests and they can both feel it. They really wish it was easy for them to part but they have been in love for three years, in which all they did was yearn for each other.

“You’re a great person, hyung. Never forget that”

Kyuhyun softly smiles while pulling away, putting some space between them as he takes a step backwards.

“You too, Kyu”

Siwon bends his head down as he feels the tears are about to spill out, closing his eyes for a moment before looking up again and meeting Kyuhyun’s chocolate orbs that he loves so much, his mind and heart suddenly reminding him that this might be the last time he sees them and instantly, a sole tear breaks free but he quickly wipes it away and fakes a short laugh.

When Kyuhyun witnesses the deep sorrow on Siwon’s face, he just can’t hold it any longer. Tears of sadness, disappointment, ache and hurt, streamed down his cheeks but he doesn’t care to wipe them. He just puts a painful smile on his lips and tries hard to block his sobs.

“So this is what goodbyes feel like, huh?”

He mutters, getting Siwon’s attention as the latter shockingly stares at him.

“What?”

“I’m leaving tomorrow”

It’s Kyuhyun’s turn to momentarily look away, trying his best to calm his frantic heartbeat while harshly wiping his face with the back of his hands, although new fresh tears were still flowing out.

“B-But”

Siwon tries to argue, not believing that this is indeed the last time he will see Kyuhyun. However, the younger sadly looks at him, his eyes speaking for him and making Siwon realize that it must be hard for the younger to stay any longer. They have been fighting it for too long and apparently, Kyuhyun just can’t do it anymore.

“Kyuhyun…”

Siwon starts but he can’t seem to finish what he badly wants to say. The words are caught up on the tip of his tongue as usual, and even though it feels like he should say it now more than ever, it doesn’t happen.

“I know”

Kyuhyun smiles, this time it’s sincere because what’s special about these two is that they can always read the other’s mind and heart without any words.

So reaching for Siwon’s hand, he squeezes his fingers before adding “Me too”

One day… it keeps echoing in their minds but… just not today.

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“Yo Cho! Something’s here for you”

Kyuhyun stands from his desk and walks out to the living room to see what his roommate is talking about.

“What’s that?”

Kyuhyun curiously eyes the envelope handed to him, knitting his eyebrows together when there’s no sender name.

“Open it”

Sighing, Kyuhyun impatiently tears up the cover and takes out a ticket to what seems like a basketball game, and immediately, his brain takes him back to two years ago, the day he separated from his best friend, managing to make his heart ache at the memory.

“A Basketball game?”

His roommate, Changmin, asks as he takes the ticket from Kyuhyun’s hand and reads the details, missing on how his friend is spacing out with a nostalgic look on his face.

“Well good since you like basketball”

Kyuhyun snaps out of it, snatching the ticket from Changmin’s hand and taking a seat on the couch, different questions running inside his head about who might have sent him this invitation.

The only person he knows related to basketball is Siwon, but he doesn’t want to let his hopes up thinking it’s from him. Besides, it’s not even the Korean team playing so it can’t be him.

Kyuhyun is still in contact with Siwon of course, but only by messaging. At first it was very hard to not have the other in their lives, so they talked every day and kept the other informed about whatever was going on with them just like they used to. It was like nothing had changed really, that until one day they realized they just had to stop. They were only hurting even more that they were miles away from each other, so instead, they busied themselves in their jobs and kept assuring their hearts that it was for the best and that one day it would all be just a painful memory.

The little sign indicating they had new message was all they have left.

It may have been two years already since they parted, and although they don’t talk much, each still have a special spot reserved for the other. The link between their hearts always exists.

“I don’t like basketball” Kyuhyun mutters, his fingers clenching on the ticket in his hand, stopping himself from falling into ‘what ifs’ again.

“Sure you do. You always keep track of the basketballs games” Changmin nonchalantly replies, startled when he heard a sudden sniff coming from his roommate.

“I don’t.like.basketball” Kyuhyun sternly said before abruptly standing up and rushing to his room, shutting the door behind him with a loud bang and leaving Changmin frozen in his spot, dumbfounded.

As Kyuhyun flops his body on the bed, he tries hard to stop the flowing tears running down his face but his heart is aching too much to stop, making his sobs increase instead. He had indeed been keeping up with the games like Changmin said, but only because he wanted to know how Siwon was doing. He was so proud of how his best friend earned his spot in the sport world in such a short period of time, and it made him feel good that he was having the life he always wanted.

Scrunching the ticket in hand, he throws it away, hating how it makes him think of the past. It’s not like he forgot about Siwon because that’s just impossible, but he managed to bury him deep inside and not let his emotions take the best of him. That’s how he survived so far.

Closing his eyes, he lets himself being taken to the time he and Siwon just met till where things started being unbearable. Even though it had been such a painful hardship, Kyuhyun can’t deny how happy he was around Siwon. He just hoped the older realized how much he meant for me although he never said it.
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.

It wasn’t any easier for Siwon either. The guy has been feeling lonely for the past couple of years, feeling like a lost soul. He didn’t know what to do anymore. At first, he was happy that he could still hear Kyuhyun’s voice when they talk on the phone or online, but when he wasn’t able to wake up to him running around the apartment gathering his things in a hurry since he overslept as usual, when he couldn’t hang out with him and just talk to him about anything and everything, and when he was met with silence, no mesmerizing laughter when he did something silly or have been clumsy, he started to feel empty.

His life can’t be any more perfect, doing what he always dreamt of doing, yet he could never stop but to think about his best friend, the one who solely owned, and still owns, his heart.

He can still clearly remember the times he almost told Kyuhyun he loved him, but just couldn't. The boy was standing there waiting for him to say it but it just wouldn't come out. Their eyes have said it all though. However, they both knew that once those words were said, that it would hurt them even more, it would confirm their feelings for each other, and it would make the matter of not being able to be together even worse.

He kept telling himself One day…

However, they always wondered when that day is ever going to come…

Then, it’s finally here.

D-Day…

As the alarm starts ringing, Kyuhyun whimpered and hides his face under the pillow. He hasn’t slept well the night before since all he has been thinking about is Siwon and now he feels so tired and all he wants is to sleep some more.

However, since the alarm kept on bugging him, and knowing Changmin will storm in to his room if he didn’t get ready for work, he finally sits up with a loud grunt, eyes barely open as he makes his way to the bathroom to clean up.

Once done and feeling refreshed, he walks back to his room, stepping on something on his way to the closet.

When he lifts his foot and takes note of what’s under it, his face expression falls and his heart does a hurtful leap recalling about the night before.

Picking up the ticket from the floor, Kyuhyun intently scans it for a few seconds before heaving a deep sigh.

“Maybe I should check it out”

.
.

So later that evening when he comes back home after work, he finds the same ticket still staring at him from where he put it on the hairdresser.

He doesn’t know why, but he just feels this urge to go to that game. It may be because his heart is deluding him into hoping it’s something related to Siwon, or it may be because he’s a er for believing in love and happiness and second chances.

Whatever it is, he’s now sitting behind the wheel, driving to the arena.

Making his way past the crowd, Kyuhyun settles down on an empty seat at the back, letting his eyes wander around the large field and suddenly having an uneasy heart. It’s the first time he steps into a basketball court ever since college because anything that screams ball, basketball, sports, athletes, and orange, immediately reminds him of Siwon.

Shortly after, the audience starts cheering as the teams step out to the court and greet them, but since Kyuhyun is sitting at the far back, he can only watch from those big screens on each side of the arena, the camera now going through each face at a time.

Kyuhyun is uninterested at first, not liking the screams and the shouts around him. However, when one particular face is shown on the screen, a dimpled smile that he can recognize anytime anywhere, black orbs, bow shaped lips, and blonde hair that makes him look like an American superstar, his eyes expand and his hand immediately flies to his mouth, stopping his sharp gasp.

It’s Siwon.

Abruptly standing up on his feet, Kyuhyun tries to find him between the players, yearning to see his face again. He doesn’t even care to know why Siwon is now playing for the NBA instead of SM because all that matters is that he’s here.

His eyes start roaming from one person to the other and then there he is, just as he remembers him… and he’s even looking back at him.

Even though they were feet away from each other, they keep their eyes locked as the national anthem is being sung. Unstoppable tears are flooding all over Kyuhyun’s face and his heart feels like exploding any minute now.

His best friend… the love of his life who he hasn’t seen in two years is right there. He doesn’t care about how people around him are suspiciously eyeing him and questioning the reason behind his weeping, he only has eyes for Siwon.

When the cheering starts again and the commentator announces the beginning of the match, Kyuhyun takes his seat and focuses his gaze on Siwon, the whole time not letting him out of his sight.

He’s literally sitting on the edge of his seat, fingers entwined under his chin and eyes sparkling with love and longing. He would smile whenever Siwon scores and looks in his direction as he winks at him, then he will giggle when the people in front of him think it was directed at them.

Kyuhyun’s heart is fluttering from happiness and all of his fears and insecurities disappeared at the moment. Nothing matters except being with Siwon in the same place.

Then, the moment of truth is here…

The first half of the game is over and as the teams take their seats on the side of the court, the camera starts rolling around, filming the audience before a huge heart is shown on the big screen, making the crowd go wild with cheers.

Kyuhyun doesn’t understand at first since he’s too preoccupied staring at Siwon. However, as he suddenly sees himself inside that shaped heart and the crowd starts chanting ‘Kiss… Kiss’, his eyes widen and he puzzlingly looks around wondering what he should do.

He can’t just kiss anyone, no that can’t happen. So as he looks back at Siwon to ask for some sort of saving, his heart drops to his stomach when he can’t see him anymore.

He instantly starts to freak out, eyes already b with tears as he silently hopes it’s not all just a dream.

Then, a voice that he missed so dearly whispers to him.

“Hey”

He turns to his right and jumps from his place when he sees Siwon in the flesh standing before him.

His emotions suddenly heightened up and he felt like choking. Pressing his hands over his mouth, he repeatedly blinked the tears away to clear the blurriness from his eyes.

The crowd stops asking for a kiss as they start whispering among each other on what’s really going on between the two, but Siwon and Kyuhyun are currently in their own world.

“Kyuhyun”

Taking a step closer, Siwon pries Kyuhyun’s hands away from his face and holds them tightly in his, the touch leaving both of their hearts dancing in their ribcages.

“What are you doing?”

Kyuhyun manages to whisper, his whole body shaking from excitement mixed with confusion, and Siwon sweetly smiling at him is not helping.

“Kyuhyun, I’m going to kiss you now”

The statement emanates a gasp from the younger who immediately blushes at the word kiss coming from his friend. He doesn’t know what he should do or what he should say because after all, the same reasons they couldn’t be together before are still there. So what changed now?

“If you won’t stop me then I’ll take that as a permission to kiss you”

Kyuhyun nervously fidgets in his place, so many questions flashing in his head right now but he pushes them away, only focusing on the way his hands fit perfectly in Siwon’s and how something in the older’s eyes has changed.

“S-Siwon…”

Kyuhyun manages to mutter, but it doesn’t stop Siwon from leaning forward, inching their faces together before whispering.

“I don’t care anymore. Now you have to make a choice”

How is he supposed to make a choice? He can’t even think properly with Siwon’s face this close to his. All he knows is that he wants to be kissed by Siwon. He wants them to finally KISS!

And that’s what he gets as Siwon closes the gap between them, capturing Kyuhyun’s upper lip and gently nibbling on it before tracing it with his tongue, and when he’s granted entry, his muscle starts exploring the inside with lingering caresses before finally tangling with Kyuhyun’s.

The kiss is slow and simple, yet so profound that they feel their hearts will burst out from the strong love filling them. They had both imagined what their first kiss would be like so many times before, but now that it’s happening, it feels utterly magical.

When Siwon pulls away, a deep sigh escapes his mouth as he plants a peck on each of Kyuhyun’s closed eyes, adoring how the younger is blushing and how he’s adorably chewing on his lip and smiling at the same time.

“So what do you say?”

Kyuhyun’s eyes flutter open, looking deeply into Siwon’s orbs that are full of love and hope, unlike when they first realized they were in love as they always showed fear, insecurity, and hesitation. So now that none of that is there, Kyuhyun can confidently say “I don’t care either”

Siwon beams, hands leaving Kyuhyun’s to cup his face instead as he pulls him for another kiss.

“Good, because we’re on national TV so everyone knows by now”

It’s now that Kyuhyun realizes that they’re not alone and that thousands of people are ogling at them, while millions more are watching them on TV.

However… for the first time in his life, he really doesn’t care.

“Listen Kyu, I don't know what's going to happen from here on out but what I do know is that I want to be with you. You are just simply amazing and I'm so happy that I had the privilege to meet someone like you. I’m sorry it took me too long to have enough courage to admit it but…”

Kyuhyun’s heart already dropped to his ankles as he wonders if Siwon will say what he has been dying to hear for a long time. His eyes anticipatively wait as they fix on Siwon’s frozen lips, nervous all of a sudden that it will be like the other times when the older comes too close to say it but it never happened.

“I love you so much”

Kyuhyun instantly breaks into a fistful of tears, his hands clutching on Siwon’s jersey as his knees start to feel wobbly.

“I love you too”

The feelings are so real that the words flew out of Kyuhyun’s mouth so fluently before he’s pulled into another kiss to seal their long awaiting confessions.

“Love birds! Care to wait until we win this game at least?”

Siwon’s teammate yells out, causing them to break apart and instantly flush when all eyes are on them.

Kyuhyun buries his face in Siwon’s chest, hiding his embarrassment when everyone starts clapping and whistling for them, while Siwon has this broad grin plastered across his lips, looking like the happiest man alive.

“Can you wait for me?”

“I waited for five years. What’s half an hour compared to that, right?”

Siwon smilingly nods, hand possessively draped around Kyuhyun’s back as he doesn’t want to let him go yet, but he knows he will now have all the time in the world to cherish him and keep him by his side.

“The waiting is over”

He mutters, pecking Kyuhyun’s lips one last time before walking back to the court. As long as they have each other, nothing’s going to stop them now.

They have been fighting it for too long, but their love is so real that it surpasses everything that they believe in. Together or far away, true love is not easy to deny.

Surrender… CHECK!

“Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope”