"You're so dumb," Daesung teases with a flutter of laughter, and Seunghyun just wants to tell him everything, give him everything, right then and there.

Because Daesung knows Seunghyun actually isn't dumb at all.

"Its my charm," is all Seunghyun really has to say back as he sticks out his tongue and wiggles his eyebrows. And that's when Daesung laughs, when Seunghyun laughs too, when eveything just feels so right.

--

The first time Choi Seunghyun properly greets his fellow band members, he can't help but to feel something raw. Its just a passion for music, for being heard. But what really makes him almost want to cry is being seen. Why does this have to be an idol group, anyway? The underground rapper known as Tempo was dissapating, transforming into what pop culture would be more comfortable with. He had lost so much weight, had remembered to wash his face most nights, had drunken enough glasses of milk to grow tall. But the problem was that none of the members were overly attractive.

Seunghyun watches in the distance of an old dingy studio room that YG rents as the documentary cameras light up on Kang Daesung's face, sweaty and nervous. As Daesung's full lips pucker and purse in search of the right words, as his soft-spoken voice soothingly caresses each word, each word of hope and unsurety, as he speaks of an ugly idol group and his love of singing. Daesung can't really keep a straight face in front of all those cameras as he just keeps laughing and smiling. His eyes are so small, so small. Yet what Seunghyun notices right away in those eyes, beyond all the before, beyond all the ugly, beyond all the doubts, is that Daesung has a warm soul. The smiling guy doesn't know what he's doing here at all, like Seunghyun, and yet he freely speaks of these doubts. Daesung is simply the most raw.

When Seunghyun doesn't know what else to do, he'll just listen to that guy talk and laugh as he all the while drowns himself in negative thought. Then, when the smiling guy sings, it's something new entirely.

Seunghyun learns that he loves to listen. 

--

"Hey hyung?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you like Doraemon?"

On the nights Daesung can't sleep, Seunghyun has gotten used to keeping him company. Daesung will steal his hyung's large banana pillow and prop himself on the floor of his room. Seunghyun will just listen while he sits at his writing desk with a beat sample on replay and a journal of his little raps. 

"Dora..e. Wait, you mean that Japanese cartoon?"

"Yeah," Daesung smiles, playing with the drawstring of his flannel pajama pants. A blue cat with a pocket on his stomach is patterned all over the fabric from his hips to his ankles. Seunghyun just stares as the dongsaeng gently rocks back and forth. Fatigue is starting to claim the younger. "I like him a lot. He can give you things from the future, but they're always more trouble than they're worth."

"Hmm," Seunghyun nods. He finds himself comparing the cartoon to his own life. He figures his own rascal of a robotic cat would be the boss. His life is all about his role in a pop idol group, and YG could make or break him. He almost wishes for the latter. He's promised a future, he is promised a contract and a life with this CEO figure, full of his own little tricks and skills with handling the media. But all that's happened so far, day in and day out, is a schedule full of challenging dance classes, of strenuous vocal lessons, of awkward photo shoots and long hours of basically doing everything but rapping. He doesn't want the limelight, he just wants to rap and mess around with bad word puns and quirky jokes, really. But mostly mess around.

"I don't think I could trust the thing, that Dora..eh. Yeah. He's cute though," Seunghyun adds as an afterthought. 

" I think getting into troubling situations would be kind of fun though, don't you think?" Daesung speaks slowly, and he's very relaxed here in his hyung's room.

Seunghyun has a change in mindset then. He sort of chuckles to himself as he notices the smiling guy has drifted off sitting up, leaning into the banana pillow, with his head drooping down and down until he supports his weight on his knees, curled in on him, cheek plump right against Doraemon's stomach.

The eldest makes himself a promise, right then and there, to stop complaining, to stop thinking all of this isn't going to be worth the work. Because it very much will be worth it. Seunghyun will be smart and play his cards right. He'll do just enough to satisfy the norms of being a idol rapper, but everything else is just going to be about him being himself and having fun with this trouble. Because he's throwing Daesung into this, and they're going to get into so much trouble. It'll be fun.

--

Sometimes Daesung's self-depricating humor becomes too much, and Daesung laughs too much, for all the wrong reasons.

Daesung starts to hide things. Seunghyun overhears conversations of the younger speaking to his dad on the phone. His dad is still against him becoming an idol singer, but Daesung sticks to his passion while still not raising his voice. When he hangs up and the schedules are done for the day, he locks himself in his room and Seunghyun hears the sobs.

And that's when Seunghyun will search for props, for words, for any kind of excuse to knock at the younger's door. He'll find an old beat loop somewhere and make up some sort of silly rap as fast as he can, will grab his banana pillow, will pull down his hoodie, and knock and kick at the door and make noises, anything to get the guy to answer.

"Yah! Hyung!" the dongsaeng will laugh in response, but Seunghyun still hears the dryness in his throat. The door will open, nontheless, and Seunghyun doesn't like seeing the red-rimmed eyes, the swollen cheeks.

"Let me be your Doraemon," Seunghyun says one late night, outside Daesung's door with his hands completely full of toys, of the pillow, of silly hats and some free samples of facial cleaning products he recieved from a fan on the streets.

"What?" the younger asks, rubbing at his eyes, already trying to force a smile again as he swings open his door. Seunghyun drops all the crap in his arms to the floor as soon as its completely open.

"I said, let me be your Doraemon. I can give you stuff. I can lend you my pillows, my toys, anything to make you happy."

"But I'm already happy, hyung," Daesung smiles again, still forcing his lips to curl upwards.

"Yah, stop smiling so much," Seunghyun says sternly before he picks up a santa hat and a rubber chicken. "Don't laugh if it isn't funny, Daesunggie," Seunghyun finds himself saying the childish nickname easily. Then he throws the chicken at him, pulls back his dongsaeng's fringe and stuffs on a santa hat, jingling bells and all, rushes past him to take a seat at the younger's little vanity dresser and mirror, rapping about whatever random things that come to mind while using a chapstick tube as a make-shift microphone.

That's when Daesung truly smiles, when he clasps his hands over his mouth to fight back the real laughter.

"You're so dumb," Daesung laughs, continuing to rub tears off his cheeks. but these tears are happy ones, and a bubble of satisfying pride seeps into the elder's thoughts.

"It's my charm," Seunghyun says back, sticking out his tongue.

----

The day Seunghyun moves into his villa, he calls Daesung and complains that its too empty, too big. Too expensive. Daesung laughs and tells him its his own fault, really.

"I need more toys," the elder sighs, pacing his living room in the late morning. Its a day off of work, but its raining too hard to go anywhere.

"Hyung, you need to admit you have a problem," Daesung smiles through the reciever.

"But Doraemon never runs out of gadgets," Seunghyun complains, tapping a finger against the phone's mouth piece. "I want you to be the first person to visit here, but you've already seen everything. I need something new to make you smile."

There's a moment of silence on the other line, and Seunghyun worries.

"Hyung..."

"What?"

"I don't even like Doraemon anymore. I'm past that phase," Daesung says gently, almost in a whisper. "I just liked the idea of having a hero like that at the time. That was years ago, you know? We've gone far now."

"Well, yeah, but I-"

"Hyung. I don't need anything to smile. Its always been you, not the toys, not the hats or the weird things you find that make noise. Just you."

Seunghyun stares up at a small hanging wall shelf above his bed, where his old banana pillow is perched along with a Doraemon toy that came with a happy meal and a few framed photographs of him and Daesung making faces in photo booths.

"I make you happy, Daesunggie?"

"Yah! Seunghyunie," Daesung laughs. "You always have. Gosh, you're so dumb."

"Well good. Its my charm," Seunghyun replies, relieved. "But hey. I still want you over here. I miss you."

"You just saw me yesterday, hyung."

"Yeah, but I haven't seen your smile today."

"I'm smiling, hyung."

"But I want to see it. Come over," the elder pouts. "And bring me a toy."

"Hyung!" Daesung barks into laughter. "Yah! I thought we were friends? Why do I have to bring a house-warming gift?"

"Because I want to add it to my special shelf. You have to see it. I'm proud of it," Seunghyun smirks into his reciever. "Besides, we're more than just friends."

Daesung groans, but complies anyway. "Aish, making your dongsaeng go out in the rain. How cold."

"It'll be worth it, I promise."

----

     Above Seunghyun's bed, the wall shelves are constantly emptied and arranged to his liking, but what always remains are the pieces of himself he treasures most dearly. The old banana pillow, the small meal toys his dongsaeng brings him, the photos. They're pieces of Daesung too, and that's why he holds them so dear in his room. Its the pieces of Daesung he's always loved, the memories of late night conversations, of dumb over-used jokes, of the before, of the ugly, of the doubts. Its his pieces, and they're his too. Its beneath all the expensive glass walls, the modern furniture, the antiques.

At the very heart of Seunghyun's villa is a little piece of the beautiful soul he loves most. When Daesung sees it, he smiles and smiles, his laugh flutters and echoes throughout the walls.

And that's when Seunghyun laughs too, when everything feels so right.