I am smiling.

My brain tells me so; that I am smiling. The corners of my mouth reflected in the mirror support the first affirmation; I am smiling.

Two factors agree with the statement, thus, the conclusion is true.

I am smiling.

The side of my brain that emitted such simple sentence is in contradictory with itself.

Am I smiling?

My corners dropped not long after. I stare blankly at my expression.

Had I been smiling?

If there was a positive emotion present in my face’s muscles, wouldn’t they maintain it longer?

I am not smiling.

Thus, I am not happy.

But does one need to smile in order to prove their joy?

Isn’t laughter a decisive factor as well?

I laugh.

No, I don’t. My ears pick a sound that does not belong to me; dry, lacks empathy.

I am not laughing.

Why are my hands attached to my head?

Why does it hurt?

What hurts?

Is it the way locks entangle with my fingers?

I pull.

It hurts, but it doesn’t give me pain.

Not the pain I am feeling.

Can I even feel?

Am I capable of feeling?

Why would I question a smile if not because I am empty and I do not recognize it?

It stings.

My heart aches. My metaphorical heart implemented by my brain; an endorphin reaction.

The limbic system with the hypothalamus – why do I need to know this?

But it throbs. The bloody organ that can go on without brain intervention stabs my chest.

So why the does it pump tears instead?

My eyes are sore.

I’m a mess. I’m a wreck.

Am I?

Do I even exist?

What if I am nothing more than an image of my former self? What if I am not who I think I am?

I’m nobody; a nobody.

Placing “a” in front suggests I am a person. I am human.

But aren’t they creatures driven by their emotions?

So what am I?

A human is also an animal.

What kind of animal am I?

What kind of animal is one that is dead?

Am I dead?

Am I?

I scream.

What the is wrong with me?

 

---

 

“Hey, hey...” he burst into the room at the sound of Daniel’s yell. “Are you alright?”

The blond violently shook his head. He was trembling so hard, it was visible from afar.

Henry rushed to his side and pulled Daniel into a tight hug. He didn’t know what triggered his panic attack.

It was the third time that week.