“Cut!”

Jongdae quickly bows and mutters ‘thank you’ for few times to all the staffs. He then bows to the mc and hugs him.

“Ma Song gege! Thank you!”

“Oh, Chen! You have done well today! Thank you!”

Have I done well? Nope, definitely not. If I have done well, then why Yixing hyung….

He stares at the Chinese MC’s back for few minutes. He ignores all the noises and the shouting from fans. His whole body is not functioning well right now. All parts of his body feel numb. His ears cannot hear anything. His eyes are fixed on something but he does not even know what he is staring at. He keeps staring at nothing and only comes back to reality when Suho nudges him.

“Jongdae ah? Are you okay?”

He nods repeatedly. He actually does not really hear what the leader is saying. He just feels that nodding is the best response that he can give for now.

He walks to the backstage, returns the microphone to the technical staffs and disappears. Everyone else is still busy on the stage, saying bye to the fans and thanks all the staffs, but Jongdae has no heart to stay there longer. He just wants to run away and be alone right now.

He plans to go to the waiting room but stops halfway when suddenly a sudden pang hits his heart. As if a recorded tape, his mind starts to play the scene that he really does not want to remember. Just with that one scene, he secretly wishes that he will lose his memory.

Because..

That memory is definitely a nightmare for him.

Nightmare…

He cannot believe his eyes. He just see something terrible, so terrible he is emotionally paralyzed. Something that leave him more than just an emotional scar. As he stops in the middle of the empty hallway, his hand reaches the nearest wall to stabilize himself. Short on breath, plus being destabilized by disbelief, his right hand holds his shirt tight right in front of his heart as if he is trying to heal his broken heart.

He hears EXO’s loud voices coming towards his way so he quickly pretending as if nothing happens. Baekhyun is the first to realize that Jongdae is in the middle of the hallway.

“Jongdae! You look pale. Are you okay?” Baekhyun puts his hands on Jongdae’s forehead, with his palm facing Jongdae to measure his temperature. Baekhyun’s touch makes Jongdae closes his eyes. When he opens his eyes back, most of EXO’s members are surrounding him with worried looks on each face. He scans each of everyone who is surrounding him and his eyes cannot find the one he is looking for.

He turns his face to his left and the pang that has disappeared just now is striking his heart again.

Yixing is walking with Sehun with one of his hand----around Sehun’s waist….

His attention is back to the people in front of him when Kyungsoo walks closer to him with a worried look plastered on his face and he does the same thing as what Baekhyun did to Jongdae just now.

“Your body is slightly hot. Are you sure you are okay?” The doe-eyed male holds Jongdae’s hands tightly.

Jongdae fakes his smile.

“Of course I’m okay Do D.O yah! This is nothing! Let’s go!”

Kyungsoo has Jongdae in a headlock and shouts “What did you just call me?!! Try calling me that again!”

Everyone else laughs and they walk together to the parking lot.

Jongdae links his arms with Suho and puts his head on the older’s shoulder. He always does that whenever he feels depressed and sad. Suho’s shoulders are always the best place for him to find comfort.

On his way to the car, the same scene appears in his mind. He tightens his holds on Suho’s arms so that the scene will disappear.

Little does Kim Jongdae know, a pair of eyes is watching over him.

**

When they reach their car, Jongdae does not want to let go of Suho’s hands and he insists to ride the same car with K members. Jongdae blocks Sehun from riding the K’s car and he pushes him to M’s car where all of EXO-M members are patiently waiting for Jongdae. He stomps his feet in frustration and annoyance when the manager hyung sternly says no and instead asks him to ride the M’s car as always.

 “B-but hyung. Just tonight. Let me ride K’s car. Only for tonight.” Jongdae pleads.

“You heard me, Kim Jongdae.” With that one remark, the manager pushes Suho into the car and drags Jongdae from the place and he hands Jongdae to Luhan who is waiting inside M’s car.

Jongdae knows very well that he is being childish right now but his heart is not strong enough to be in the same car with Yixing right now.

Jongdae can feel the tears that are b in his eyes as he is being shoved into the car. He closes his eyes immediately to avoid any question from anyone but he manages to glance at someone who is sitting behind Luhan who is sitting next to him. Jongdae’s heart sinks even more when Yixing does not even bother to look at him.

Not after what he just saw.

Not after Yixing kissed Sehun.

The pain in his heart is indescribable.

When Yixing holds him for support after the Spin and Draw game, he feels that the whole world is his. His whole body melts with just one touch, what’s more his heart.

But no wonder people say ‘a bouquet of flowers comes with a ton of heartbreak’.

The moment when Yixing’s pair of lips touches Sehun’s, Jongdae can feel his whole world spins.

He may have smiled and even laughs at them, but no one knows that seeing Yixing’s lips on Sehun’s is a terrible wrench for him.

No one knows that when he sings ‘Baby Don’t Cry’ at the end of the show, he actually sings it for himself.

No one knows that Zhang Yixing is in each and every smile that Kim Jongdae fakes.

And no one knows that Zhang Yixing is holding himself from hugging Kim Jongdae.

**

In 15 minutes, they reach their hotel and Jongdae quickly opens the door and jumps off from the car. He runs to K’s car and again, glues himself to Suho.

Since Jongdae refuses to let his hand go, Suho motions his other hand for Kris to come to him. Kris walks closer to them and he leans down to match with Suho’s height. Suho whispers something to Kris. This image of them kills Jongdae even more.

Everyone knows that Kris and Suho is an item. Their relationship is no longer a secret among EXO members.

If only I and Yixing hyung is like them…

Looking at how Jongdae sticks himself to Suho, Yixing comes forward and pulls Jongdae off Suho.

“W-wai wait! What do you thi---”

He looks around and finds no one but Yixing.

Everyone already leaves him, alone.

They leave him alone with Yixing.

Oh, no this is bad.

Jongdae struggles from Yixing’s grip that gets stronger everytime Jongdae tries to pull his hand out of it.

“You may want to stay still before I kiss you”

Jongdae’s whole body freezes at Yixing’s stern remark.

Stay grounded, heart. Why do you have to fly away to this man? Just stay still. Do you know that you are under the wrong sky?

Jongdae’s tears burst out when the word ‘kiss’ comes out from Yixing’s mouth. He hates that word. He hates that verb because it reminds him of something that he definitely does not want to remember anymore. Jongdae groans in annoyance to that word.

Is Sehun not enough for you?

“Hyung. Let me go, please”

 Jongdae feels that he needs to walk out from this. Even if it means that he will step over his own heart. He lets the tears run uncheck down his cheeks. Yixing cups Jongdae’s face so that it will face him.

“Listen to me, Kim Jongdae. Listen to me”

Jongdae refuses to cooperate and when he finally frees himself from Yixing, he runs with his might into the hotel. His heart is still beating so fast that he pants heavily right after he enters the elevator.

What was that all about?

Jongdae touches his chest. This pang will never leave his heart. If only he can iron the wrinkles in his heart, will it lessen the pain that he is having right now?

Your heartbroken is showing, Kim Jongdae. What to do.

*ting!*

The elevator stops at his level and just when it opens, Jongdae is being pulled out from it and his body crashes into someone.

“I need you to listen to me, Jongdae-ah. Please”

Jongdae’s body goes numb completely when Yixing’s pair of arms wrapping around his slender body. He does not even try to free himself this time.

“I’m sorry Jongdae-ah.”

Jongdae buries his face into Yixing’s shoulder and cries quietly.

I’m sorry that I fall in love with you, hyung… If not, I won’t have to deal with this heartbroken when you kissed Sehun and I-I…

He does not have the strength to say those words out loud and he cries even more when Yixing pulls him closer.

“Jongdae-ah”

Yixing pulls apart and he leans closer to Jongdae who is closing his eyes, still crying like a kid who just lost his lollipop.

Jongdae’s sobs completely stops when Yixing shushes him with a kiss.

The kiss is passionate, not so deep but still it leaves an impact on Jongdae’s body. His lips are still trembling even after Yixing breaks the kiss.

“Do you think I want to kiss you for a purpose of punishment, in front of the whole world, and with a pepero involves in it?”

Yixing intertwines his digits with Jongdae’s shaking fingers. Jongdae who is still in shock with the sudden kiss takes almost 5 minutes to register all the words that Yixing just says.

“B-but y-your l-ip-s did touch Sehun’s li-p-s and I-I-I ha-te t-that.” Jongdae’s lips quiver when he says that and then he starts to cry (again).

Yixing reaches out his hands and pulls Jongdae into a hug tightly.

“Listen here, Kim Jongdae. Remember this forever. This is me, Zhang Yixing. This is my confession and this is me who is whispering this to you. That kiss just now was out of love and I did it because I love you.”

Jongdae lets out a single hiccup when he hears the word ‘love’.

One hiccup becomes two and two becomes three and three becomes unstoppable. Yixing chuckles at this adorable side of Jongdae.

Still, he managed to mutter, “Then your kiss with our maknae, what is it?”

“That is meaningless. But this, this is meaningful, Kim Jongdae.” Yixing stresses the word ‘meaningful’ and again, catches Jongdae’s pair of lips.

Kim Jongdae smiles between his kiss with Zhang Yixing.

**

“So, hyung, now tell me. What makes you fall in love with me?”

Jongdae and Yixing are on the couch watching this one drama about a woman who can see ghost and she falls in love with a man that when she touches him, the ghosts disappear. 

Kyungsoo and Baekhyun’s loud voices can be heard from the living room.

“I TOLD YOU BYUN BAEKHYUN. STOP MESSING WITH ME”

“Aww! You are so cute, Do D.O ahhh~”

Kris and Suho are reading a book together with Suho sitting on Kris’ lap.

Yixing smiles watching at the couple.

“Hyung!” Jongdae hits Yixing’s arms.

“Yes, sunshine?” Jongdae can feel his reddened cheeks. His blushing face makes Yixing’s heart skips a beat.

“What. Makes. You. Fall. In. Love. With. Me?” Jongdae says those word one by one because he cannot look at Yixing straight to his eyes.

Yixing pulls Jongdae closer to him and whispers, “I fell in love with you because of the million things you never knew you were doing, Kim Jongdae.”

Jongdae smiles to his ears.

“I love you too Zhang Yixing, and don’t you ever kiss anyone except me and yes, this is a warning.”

END

WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST WRITE /wails/