Frosty air blowed through the wide opening window, filling the room with under zero degree chill of which hardly did he sense. A sip of whiskey and he wished the choking hanging over his chest would flow with the heavy alcoholic liquid. But it didn't. He settled himself on the wooden floor, leaning on the edge of his bed. Picking up a random one in countless pictures scattering around his seat, he traced the obvious happiness in the piece of memory.  The paranoid photo portrayed her crescent shape eyes, twinkling in her signature wide grin in the middle of his embrace. The sound of her giggle was once ringing all over this place.

Another sip of whiskey and it tasted like tears while he closed his eyes, rewinding his feeling on the date showed at the back of the photo with her English handwriting: "Sehun and Amber's100 day anniversary - With love." He didn't need a tomorrow that day on the first time they made love. The sensation in her touches, the warmth at the corner of her neck, the tenderness of her kiss, the fragility in her voice whispering his name still lingered on the back of his mind. He could have dared to make a deal with devil just to live that moment forever but it was just a never being granted wish.

She was his first love and loving Amber was a game he lost from the start. He was 14 when they met each other in that year’s classes for new trainees. She newly arrived from overseas, being eager to discover everything in the strange land. He was a kid tailing his favourite boyish bubbly noona. Like a pair of foolishly ambitious young birds, they jumped into a random subway then get off at a random station, following each other everywhere around the major city. Together they danced and sang, shed drips of sweat and tear in the pure pursuit of their dream.

Back then, he couldn’t imagine how beautiful she would become just another year later when she debuted. The butterfly unfolded her splendid wings and for the first time she flew out of the cocoon, into the insane forest named Fame. He wasn’t so surprised, she was the most outstanding candidate among the fellow kids and for someone with blossomed talent like her, there was no need to take long training .  With that, she left him and the tiny world of a trainee behind, stated living an overwhelmingly out of control span of an idol.

She was a jaywalker who looked like no other female artist in the industry. She was unique, the one and only f(x)’s rapper who couldn’t be imitated even years later. Under her own distinctive charm, she stole massive public attention. People watched her every footsteps, curiously looked into her private life behind the spot light, judging. Among the netizens, some insulted her mercilessly, some just simply madly in love with her.

Along the way, she got tired. Sometimes, with long breaks in her schedule, she came back to the trainee practice room, quietly observed the dancing trainees. Down to earth like she had never been a celebrity, like being famous never ruined the kid in her soul; she played and laughed with him and their common friends. Only he knew she had changed. She told him that she had a wish to reverse time; that she wanted to live the life of a little trainee again. He understood nothing at all. Why did she want a retrospective life while his only wish was to climb on that stage of vivid light and applause so that they could perform together as the promise they made years ago?

He was not the boy he used to be anymore. Feeling strange inner vibration whenever she shifted her gaze on his eyes, he was taken aback. He kept a certain distance, secretly watching her. That was when he realized the intent eyes she only saved for the Canadian trainee - Kris Wu who was 4 years older than him. He didn't notice that the guy was always there beside her, taking good care and reliable. Hence, Kris huyng was a god damn good looking young man who couldn’t be more visually suitable for a girl like her, while he was just a skinny boy who wasn’t fully grown up.  In a summer night after the late practice, standing in a dark corner of the dance studio he caught her crying silently on the older guy's shoulder. Gazing at her trembling frame in the guy's embrace, his vision blurred before falling into million pieces in tears. That was his first heartbreak, the first pain he ever learned to feel.

One day, she was nowhere to be found. People told him that she carelessly injured her ankle, and she left for her hometown locating somewhere miles away in US, that maybe she would never comeback. He felt loss. She didn't even bid her farewell. 

Fire was burning up his mind and he furiously asked around their friends if anyone was able get in touch with her but even her members couldn’t. Numerous of emails he sent were leaving unreplied. He doubted they were mistakenly sent out of the space instead of her inbox to defend the simple fact that she just ignored his letters, being busy her wound alone. He bitterly realized that he was no more important than just a childhood younger brother, an ordinary friend for her. In fact, he was a teenage boy who barely knew anything about the conflicted world she was trapped in and failed to involve in her personal crisis to give up her dream.

When he began to freak out that people were forgetting her, that no one ever mentioned her on news or gossips, she came back, with Kris. The young man took a flight across Pacific Ocean to bring her back to where she meant to be, being an f(x) member and being Kris Wu's girlfriend.

This time, he kept calm. He hated to admit but Kris huyng made an invincible thing above his estimation to show how much he loved the short hair girl. Though, as stubborn and aggressive as the boy he was, he believed as long as she was breathing the same Seoul air with him, he still had chance to do something even more impressive than that. The romance relationship with Kris couldn't prevent him from continuing to build up affection on her. Disguising himself as a younger brother turning to best friend, he stepped closer to her again, unaware of the giant boyfriend. Thanked to his gifted choreography skill, he took her side in the enduring struggle against fear and physical pain due to the after effect of the injury to dance again. Only he knew how much tear and tolerance it costed her to bravely win that battle at last. He tried to listen and comprehend her stories, behaving himself more matured yet still being ridiculously fond of receiving her joking praise of being cute.

“Thanks God I have you Sehun ah."

His timing came when he was chosen to debut under a male group named EXO, the agency’s promising project with innovative promotion scheme. Needless to say how happy he was. She was the first person he wanted to inform the news for literally being the most supportive one for his long awaiting dream. She hugged him tight in the congratulation but her eyes didn’t lie, she was partly upset for a reason.  Kris who was accidently his bandmate was sent all the way to China under the Mandarin sub unit while he was lucky to join domestic activities. Beginning his idol career, he learned to live on the thin edge of being loved and hated, to perfectly hide his truth emotions in front of the cameras, to bite the insecurity of long idleness after neck tight schedule. Finally he got the meaning behind her wish earlier when she debuted at the exact age like him, plus she was a girl who didn't have family beside. It was the path they chose but both of them lost their freedom in the journey becoming the centre of attention at a very young age, too young to calculate how dark at the other side of the moon before blindly flying into it. It was a sugar coat poison pill, sweet to taste at first but eat them inside out with growing mental wounds.

It was his turn to come more often to her place, finding advices from the wiser senior, finding gentle comfort from the girl he secretly loved and adored. She didn't turn his expectation down in giving him strength and experience in figuring what he should seriously consider, what nonsenses worth being turned a deaf ear to. She guided him the way to exist under the public's eyes without losing his original self, she was the reason he could balance his inner peace.

"You know, people were born to be the most precious one for at least one person. We're lucky for receiving much more love than we deserved. So treasure yourself was the best way to return the love you received. Keep your chin up, Sehun ah."

However, she couldn’t make the similar miracle to her own boyfriend who was distanced apart. Even an outsider like him could point out the trouble in their relationship since Kris had as few schedule in Korea as she did in China. It twisted his heart watching her wasted away in growing fights between them.

In a snowy day near Christmas, she came to him, asking to teach her the choreography he got a chance to cooperate with the noble BoA sunbaenim. He would call anyone blind for not realizing Amber was a girl, a very feminine one if to know her better. She didn't need y dance moves to showcase her slender frame with absolute curves despite her daily baggy fashion. This was their first co-ed dance where she played the girl role and him on the opposite. He couldn’t tame his heartbeat in the sudden narrow distance from her gorgeous chocolate eyes, so narrow that he could sense her tickling breath. He cursed his teenage hormone for the imagination that the blushes on her beautiful face was not because of the heavy dance moves, for the electricity he felt everytimes his hands made contact with her bare arms and ankle. Proudly he noticed how much taller and bigger he got comparing to when he had to look up at her face years ago, how tiny her hands when they interlaced with his in parts of the dance. They sat together, back to the giant glass wall at the end of the day when she simply informed their recent break up. It was the first time someone cried on his board shoulders, meaningfully that was her. He didn't feel as much delightful as expected seeing Kris had walked away from her life. It hurt him instead holding Amber crying her heart out for another guy.

“I’m glad you’ve grown up Sehun ah, so that I can lean on you."

She chopped her shoulder level hair which carefully being raised up only for a promise with Kris and wore black glasses during New Year activities to cover the aftermath of the pain possibly reflected on her face. He patiently waited a little more for her recovery, making it clear that he was always there for her. As usual, it was her personality to get bright up very soon. Burying the pain in a deep corner of her heart, she wore a friendly face like nothing happened to welcome Kris back to Korean. There was a new album to prepare and this time his whole group would join. They published their new status of being friends to the whole SM community and it was not so difficult to see boys began to revolve around her like satellites and Earth, from violin boy Henry, to the Baozi Xiumin, even the main vocalist Do Kyungsoo was counted. He really rushed about it. She was not one of the girls madly chasing him at school but the social butterfly, the dream girl whose boys fought for a piece of smile.

Out of the blue, when he was busy choosing an appropriate occasion to make his confession event, she gave him the most wonderful gift for his 18th birthday. It was even beyond his wildest dreams. A kiss, a rose and a confession. His first kiss, his first love and his 18th couldn't be more complete.

"Sehun ah, will you be my boyfriend?"

Messy but hope you guys like it. Hunber obssesion is killing me T^T. Don't forget to comment and vote. Part 2 will arrive soon.