One day screaming you love me loud

The next day you’re so cold

One day you here, one day you there, one day you care

You’re so unfair

- Jay-Z feat. Justin Timberlake: Holy Grail-

Fall was coming to end and winter was fast approaching.  The coldness made the weather so dry.  Time was going slow since their last misfortune two days ago.  As they looked outside, the leaves were red and dry and half of them had fallen off the trees.  Also, the apples needed harvesting.  They will have to stock up for winter because the plants can’t possibly live in the dry and cold weather.  When they were meeting to plan their stocking and food ration, Hyunseung, who was usually the quiet one had gave them a brilliant idea.

The greenhouse.

Yoseob and Sierra had their votes in straight away.  They were so excited about the idea.  Doojoon was happy about the ‘no food rationing’ idea and he also had himself counted for it.  Junhyung also quickly agreed to that.  Gikwang and Erika were all for it too.  The only one who took twice to think about it was Yoshikuni.

“Who will build it?  Where can we get the components and parts for the green house?” she asked.

The others looked at her as though she was asking such a ridiculous question.  Doojoon almost laughed even.

“We have one hell of a resourceful man here.  He knows how to get anything anywhere.  You see?  Junhyung will be able to help us. He…” his words faltered when he looked at Junhyung.  He looked still tired and he had his arms bandaged and in sling.

“Exactly.  That was what I was trying to say,” Yoshikuni shrugged.

“Okay…” Doojoon scratched his head, thinking on how they were going to solve the problem themselves. It will be difficult because they had become too reliable on Junhyung.

“Well, it is a brilliant idea, the greenhouse,” Junhyung quickly interfered, “I don’t see why we don’t want to work it out.  I can get the components once we have the design finalised,” he said.

“And I can’t fathom how you can work it out being you in that state,” Yoshikuni pointed his arm, “I put that arm in sling to restrict its movement so that you can get better quickly.  And I don’t appreciate you mess up my work.”

“Who says I am going to gather everything by myself?  I am just going to bring the experts to wherever the sources might be and he or she can take it here himself or herself,” Junhyung raised his brows.

With that, the team began to work on the design and mechanism of the greenhouse.  The most important thing should be the temperature and water system.  Dongwoon had shown his credibility in engineering their first greenhouse and everybody was quite thrilled by the progress.  Erika had forgotten the trauma of the self-triggered explosion and she can be seen smiling while working together with the team.  Dongwoon on the other hand, was glad that his own progress had contributed in Erika’s contented feeling.

When they were sure on the piping system for the water sprinklers and air duct for the control of temperature, Yoseob started working on their control system.  Yoseob diligently designed a computer programme that can control temperature regulation when it got too hot or too cold and also that adjusts the watering on time.

Then, Dongwoon, Doojoon and Junhyung built a model one-eighth the size of the real greenhouse.  They used the old material they could find in their storeroom – pipes, Perspex glass, thermostat etc.  Yoshikuni was clearly infuriated that Junhyung seems did not care about recuperating, but Junhyung stated that he did not used his right hand at all.  He kept it in the sling.  So, she can’t say a thing anymore about him working on the model.  It did not take too long to build a model since it was small in size.  They did it just in a day and had it tested.

After that, they improvised it and the final design was ready on the next day.  Junhyung took a look at all the components listed and rummaged the store again for the old business record and city map.  His suggestion was to get the components from an abandoned hardware store, but he needed to count the possibility of zero availability of those things.  Well, when people decided to evacuate the war zone to the north, he thought that some of them could be crazy enough to bring along their business, instead of focusing on important possession.  So, his other plan was to go to any old farms or agriculture hub that might have the abandoned greenhouse.  They could get the components via undo-and-redo method.  That was what he usually did anyway.

That’s how they ended up dividing the tasks again.  Junhyung reminded them that it was very essential for Gikwang and Hyunseung to get their winter attire and means of transportation at the abandoned shopping mall.  Doojoon was given the task to guide.  Junhyung, the ever resourceful man and Dongwoon, the brain of the project, were given the duty to gather the components and parts for the greenhouse.  The others were required to pick the apples before it dried up in the cold weather, gather grasses and stock up for the cattle and move the tilapia and catfish into the large aquarium in the huge garage, where the cattle were.  In short, they need to do farming work.

So, those who needed to go out to scavenge were ready with bikes, backpacks, rifles (safety protocols, Junhyung insisted although he was shot just a week ago) and lunch.  For Junhyung and Dongwoon, they had a trunk attached firmly to the back of the bicycles (Junhyung’s masterpiece since he began finding things) to carry the things home.  Doojoon, Gikwang and Hyunseung decided to go walking because the bicycles they will procure later will need service before they can be used.  That was usually Dongwoon’s cup of tea and it was already decided that he will fix the bikes when they get back to the base.

“Yoshikuni,” Erika started, “You allow Junhyung and Dongwoon to set out…just both of them?”

“Yeah…” Yoshikuni nodded but gave Erika a very questioning look.  She smelled something fishy.

“Well, both are not really in their best condition…” Erika tried again.  Her eyes looked at the two men checking their communication with Yoseob.

“Well…yes…” now Yoshikuni really think that Erika was up to something and she could guess what.

“You know…it is not that I don’t like farming…but…I am a little concern about them,” Erika kept trying.

“You know what?” Yoshikuni looked at her, “You can follow them if you want,” she gave her permission.  Erika beamed joyfully.

“Really?” she asked again and when Yoshikuni nodded, she shouted, “Yes!  Thanks!”

“No problem.  Besides, now that you mention it, I think I need someone to look after them.  Both of them can be really stubborn and stupid.  They don’t look after themselves well,” Yoshikuni shrugged.

“Well, yes,” she laughed, “I better get ready then!”

So, she went through the usual drill again.  Backpack? Check.  Lunch? Check. Bike?  Check.  Rifle?  Check.  Communication?  Check.  Although Yoseob was quite surprised that she suddenly had to go with them, he had no problem letting her.  He even helped to set her allowed perimeter same as theirs, 50 meter.  The only thing she had to do was to get Dongwoon and Junhyung before they left her.

“Hey, Dongwoon!” she shouted.  Dongwoon turned to her.  Junhyung was already far ahead but, still in the allowed perimeter.

“What are you doing?” he asked her when he saw her on her bicycle with a rifle hanged on her shoulder.

“I am following both of you,” she answered.

“Since when?” he asked.

“Well, since Yoshikuni allows it,” she shrugged, “Says that she needs somebody to look after both of you.”

Then, suddenly Junhyung shouted when he saw them riding behind him.  He had asked Erika why she was suddenly there.  She explained that Yoshikuni had sent her to look after them.  Junhyung rolled his eyes, telling her that he was fine and capable to look after himself.  On the contrary, he was riding the bike single-handed, literally because the other one was still in the sling.  Also, he was still under medication and was not quite ready to set out for heavy labour.  Stubbornness can really be a bad thing.  But, she was grateful he still allowed her to join their journey.  She rode side by side with Dongwoon, since the other guy was already ahead from the beginning.

“Thanks, Dongwoon,” she said suddenly.

“What for?” he asked.

“You tell me before that I have to pay attention to find out who cares for whom.  I understand what you say.  I think I know who really cares now,” she paused and looked at him, “Thank you.”

Dongwoon’s heart skipped a beat.  For a moment, he assumed that Erika had gained full memory about him.  But, he decided that shouldn’t be the only case.

“You remember anything again?” he asked nonchalantly, tried to hide his excitement and nervousness.

“No…I don’t remember who cares,” she answered and he frowned, “But, I know who cares,” she emphasized.  Dongwoon nodded.

“Thank you, Dongwoon,” he could sense her sincerity, “I won’t be anywhere without you.”

Those words, from her, made Dongwoon wanted to jump in joy.  She thanked her and gave him that sincere smile, full of life and full of love.  If she can’t remember him, Dongwoon had hoped that they will be able to reconcile this way.  He thought that his wish might be granted that day.

+++++

“You take off the sling,” she stated, looking at Junhyung as he started cutting and unscrewing things.

“Yes,” he answered coolly.

“Well, you shouldn’t,” she feigned anger in her voice.

“Don’t try to be Yoshikuni on me.  It’s hard enough as it is at the base, where I have to put my hand in sling all the time.  I’m right-handed and using my left hand can be awkward most of the times,” he said.

“But that hand needs recuperating,” she still argued.  Before, Junhyung could give another argument, Dongwoon quickly interfered.

“It’s alright, Erika.  Junhyung knows how to take care of himself.  Besides, I need his help in undoing the pipes,” he said gently.

Erika looked like she can just fire off more arguments.  But, she decided to breathe in and out and acted like nothing just happened.

“Fine,” she said before she too, started to work.

But, they spared some glances towards Junhyung because he winced almost every minute.  They were even alert to his hisses and curses whenever he accidentally aggravated the wounds to the point that it hurt him more than he could bear.  After a while, beads of cold sweat started to show on his forehead.

“Okay, that’s it.  I think you need to stop,” Dongwoon finally gave up.

“Stop what?” Junhyung asked indifferently.

“Stop doing this work.  You reach your limit for today.  Even your face can’t hide that pain,” Dongwoon commanded.

“I’m fine.  I’m not in pain,” Junhyung argued.

“Well, your body says otherwise,” Dongwoon stated, “You are shaking, Junhyung,” he said sympathetically.  Junhyung breathed.

“I think I could use some rest,” he finally admitted.

Dongwoon nodded.  Erika looked at him and smiled.  Dongwoon smiled back, prideful.  Honestly, making Junhyung listen to you is a victory because usually, only Doojoon and Yoshikuni can control him.  Both of them laughed silently and got back to work, letting Junhyung rested.  Not long after that, he already fell asleep and they thought that was better rather than arguing with him about his capability to do work.  Dongwoon understood Junhyung’s feeling, where he wanted to make himself useful.  He was once limited to only light labour too and it was quite irritating, but it was for his own good.  Therefore, Dongwoon had been quite strict to Junhyung as well.

They woke him up for lunch.  By that time, they had gathered Perspex glass needed for the greenhouse.  They only needed to focus on pipes and air duct materials after lunch.  Junhyung acted bitter because they had let him sleep.  He thought that they should have woken him up.  But, that was quite impossible to do, even for Dongwoon.  All the more so, Erika had to offer to spoon feed him during lunch because he looked so pathetic with his left hand.  But, of course he had refused any form of help from his friends.  Therefore, they let him resumed working after lunch.  Not long after that, he cursed again.

“Damn!” he shouted and by the time they turned their heads to face him, he saw him already cradled his arm close to his chest.  The cutting instrument fell onto the floor with a loud clang.

Erika was fast onto her feet and ran towards him.  Dongwoon came too.  Junhyung did not look very good.  His face was twisted in pain.

“I think that was a fair reminder that you should take it easy,” Erika said seriously.

“No.  You shouldn’t have come at all,” Dongwoon would like to put a stop to his activity.

Erika nodded, agreed to what Dongwoon had said.  She took the sling from Junhyung’s backpack and set it on his shoulder again.  He gave her an irritating look and she had to firmly state her decision.

“It’s either this or I contact the base to take Yoshikuni here,” she threatened him.  It worked.  Junhyung let them put his hand in the sling.

When Erika was busy putting on the sling, Dongwoon had noticed something that he wished he didn’t notice.  Erika was particularly caring towards Junhyung and that instigated jealousy in his heart.  He suddenly wished that he was still injured by the missile attack a year ago but quickly brushed the thought off.  Junhyung was not well and it was alright if Erika wanted to care for him.  It was her right too to care for whoever she wanted.  He was not affected by that, he reminded himself.  But, deep inside, he felt that his heart was seriously injured.

In the end, both of them had gathered the components, only allowed Junhyung to help only with task he was able to do with his left hand.  By four in the evening, they had loaded everything they collected into the trunk.  Smaller and lighter components went into Erika’s backpack.  With that, they set off to base office.

Junhyung was still very bitter towards them even on their way back.  Erika glanced at Dongwoon, and he just shrugged, not knowing what he was supposed to do with the situation.  Junhyung was not looking very good, physically and emotionally.  He cycled ahead of them to avoid talking to them.  Even Dongwoon was afraid to start any conversation with him.  To talk means to face his wrath and they preferred to face death than that.

In the end, however, Erika sped up and caught up with him.  He didn’t say anything, so Erika assumed that it was not a problem to cycle by his side.

“Hey, are you alright?” she asked, more for the sake of starting a conversation than to know how he was doing.

“Of course I’m alright.  I’m cycling,” he said, showing that he was still physically capable of doing such thing.  Erika had to steal a glance to make sure his hand was still in the sling.

“Okay…I’m just asking,” she paused, “You seem pissed with me,” she stated.

“You think?” he asked, that irritating tone was very visible in his voice.

Erika pulled a face.  Then, she slowed down her bike to look at Dongwoon, who was loyally cycling behind them.  She shrugged at him, giving him the sign that Junhyung was really displeased with them.  Dongwoon replied with a smirk and he mouthed “Try to make him angrier.” to her.  Erika smirked and came up with a plan. If she can’t (even civilly) get him to talk to her, she will make him talk angrily to her.

“Are we not going to talk to each other until you are not angry with me anymore?” she asked in an aggravated tone.

“I’m not angry,” he retorted.

“Yeah, and I am a man,” she said mockingly, “Look, we are really sorry for being so caring and concern towards you, okay?” she gave him sarcasm.

Junhyung didn’t say anything though.  Erika started to feel pissed as well.  She decided to cycle faster, made a turn and then pulled the brake of her bike, blocking Junhyung’s bike right in front of him.  He quickly pulled his brake too to avoid collision.  She shared a smirk with Dongwoon.

“What are you doing?!” Junhyung was surprised because both of them could have collided.

“You listen to me, boy!  You’re being so childish here!  It’s not like Dongwoon and I like to do the work just both of us.  It was tiring, alright.  But, your stupid hand is injured and I don’t want to face Yoshikuni’s anger by having your hand becomes worse after doing such thing.  I would prefer to have you do all the work alone if it is not because of that hand.  Do you understand?!” she shouted.

Junhyung was startled by her outburst.  He looked at her and she softened her gaze.  He suddenly felt like a jerk towards both of them.

“I…I’m sorry.  I act like an idiot,” he paused, “Thanks for your concern,” he responded.

“Well, apology accepted.  But, do me a favour.  Take care of yourself,” she said.  She tried to look angry but failed to hide her smile.  She laughed unexpectedly.

“Why are you laughing?” Junhyung asked.

“You actually listen to me?” her words were contaminated with laughter, “That’s a world record!”

Junhyung’s face changed abruptly, “Are you actually not angry?”

“I just want you to talk to me, like really talking.  Not just your short, annoyed reply,” she chuckled.

“You cheeky brat!” he said with a smile and playfully tried to poke her cheek.  She quickly cycled her bike away from him.

“Catch me if you can!  And with that hand!” she mocked him playfully and Junhyung tried to catch up with her.

Both of them did not notice Dongwoon, who had silently watched them since the beginning.  His heart clenched painfully and he felt like he was falling to the deepest part of the world where nobody can reach him.  He suddenly wished that he was not saved the day he had almost died.  He wished the world would just end right there and then.

Her eyes, Erika’s eyes; he recognized those eyes.  He recognized very well her gazed.  He knew what filled those eyes.  That gaze was once directed towards him.  At that exact moment, Dongwoon knew that he was no longer able to be the receiving end of it.  Those eyes, full of love, were not intended for him anymore and it hurt so much, even physically.

That moment, Dongwoon knew what Erika meant by knowing ‘who cares for her’.  He understood what she meant by ‘will not be anywhere without him’.  He had unintentionally made her realized who she loved and cared, but he knew it was not him.

+++++

Dongwoon oiled the chain.  He changed the tyres.  He rewired the brake.  He repainted the bike.  He retested the bike.  Then, he did the same for another bike.  He did anything that will prevent him from thinking about those eyes, those eyes which were not for him.  He curbed his hurt inside.  He will not allow that hurt to eat him inside out.

“Dongwoon,” Hyunseung touched his shoulder.  Dongwoon almost jumped.

“Hyunseung,” he said, gave him a small, empty smile.

“You were so tense.  Anything bothering you?” Hyunseung asked.

“No,” Dongwoon lied, “It’s just…you know…the bicycles…I’m repairing it.  Maybe I was just too absorbed in the job.”

“I see,” Hyunseung nodded, before he asked, “So…how was your outing?”

Dongwoon cursed silently.  Why people just have to ask him about it?  It was downright horrible.  He did not want to talk about it.

“Not bad,” he replied without giving much thought about it.

“Of course.  I heard Erika joined you,” Hyunseung teased.

Again, Dongwoon felt hurt emotionally and physically at the mention of her name.  Fate knew how to joke around with him.  When he did not want to think about her, people just have to bring out the topic.

“Yeah,” he answered indifferently.  Hyunseung sense the tense in his voice.

“What’s wrong, Dongwoon?  I thought you will be happy for a chance to go out together with her,” Hyunseung asked.

Dongwoon sighed.  Hyunseung just needed to be insensitive, didn’t he?  Tears threatened to fall.  Dongwoon wanted to run away or just die right there.

“Well, it’s not like she’s happy going out with me,” Dongwoon answered.  His voice cracked.

“What’s wrong?” Hyunseung was panic that he caused Dongwoon’s tension.

“She’s not in love with me, Hyunseung.  At least, not anymore,” Dongwoon said, sadness was evident in his face.

He left after that, leaving Hyunseung behind, with his new, repaired bike.  Hyunseung tried to digest the new information and he wondered if Erika simply did not have feelings for Dongwoon anymore or if there was third party involved.

Mood: I'm eating so I'm happy :)