Seoul – August  2013

Living as a bi was really hard for Chanyeol at the first.. He was kicked out from his parent’s house ever since he confessed to them that he was a bi..

His parents told him that he need to fixed his mind and find out that he was wrong about his uality disorder..

 

While his last girlfriend broke him up because she was very ashamed to had a bi  boyfriend who kissed a classmates

(definitely guy with his petite body and very big doe-eyes) infront of his girlfriend just only to made him got punched by the said guy’s boyfriend  Kim Jongin..

 

Park Chanyeol, 20 y.o young man was living on his own.. He lived in a small apartement at Gwangju district-Seoul.. It was not easy for him to found a proper job just because he didnt continue his study to university a year ago after he was kicked out from his parent’s house 2 years ago..

 

Being a chauffeur of a cab at downtown he was, everyday seemed same for him, not until a certain night he met him..

 

From what Chanyeol observed, he is a kind of pretty guy with a thick smudge eyeliner around his small eyes and seemed younger than him..

And what was shocked him most that guy was got out from a certain stripping club at downtown, maybe he was just a visitor, he thought..

But just being a cab chauffeur, he didnt want to asked something inappropiate to his passenger or he would be fired..

“Apgujeong district Sir..”

 

Finally that eyeliner guy spoke to Chanyeol without even spared any glance at him

because he was too much focused on his pocket mirror to observed his eyeliner..

 

The journey was spent in full silence and for once a while Chanyeol took a glance at him through a rear-view mirror

but he didnt know that he was being stared by the cab chauffeur..

‘What a pretty guy..’ Chanyeol mumbled..

 

This rare certain night became some routines for Chanyeol to standby at front side of the said stripping club building just only for waited that eyeliner guy..

‘Hope he will hail my cab again this night..’ those words always slipped out from his lips every certain night when he got his shift..

And there, every 01.00 am, infront of this certain stripping club, that eyeliner guy got out and took a ride Chanyeol’s cab..

It was not like Chanyeol really needed money desperately but he just wanted to met him, the eyeliner guy who stole his heart 5 months ago..

 

“I guess i dont have to say where my stop is, right..?”

After a long 5 months wait, finally Chanyeol heard him started a conversation with him for the first time

and this was really make him want to squealed happily..

 

“Uhmm,, Ye- yes.. Ap-apgujeong district, right?”

Chanyeol really want to punched himself for being stuttered in front of his crush  this time..

“Yes.. Im Baekhyun, by the way..”

“Chanyeol, Park Chanyeol..”

“I guess i dont need to ask what your job is, right..?” Baekhyun asked him and gigled cutely..

 

“Yeah, me too..”

Suddenly Chanyeol gasped when he realized what was he just said and mentally hit his head for being stupid this time..

“Im sorry, i didnt mean to..” He quickly apologized

“Its okay.. You’ve already knew what i am..” Baekhyun still offered his warm smile to Chanyeol..

 

From their conversation all along the journey, Chanyeol could manage to know that Baekhyun was actually older than him just by 6 months..

Chanyeol didnt mind at all, as long as he loved him, age doesnt matter..

 

But being a stripping dancer at the stripping club was not that easy as said.. 

If you love it for being a e, then do it wholed heartly but not for Baekhyun,

he just need lots of money for a reason so here he was being a stripper for about 2 years..

For once a while, Chanyeol saw a man, a different man everytime he drove Baekhyun at his apartement approached him

and slipped his arm around Baekhyun’s small waist while Baekhyun only unlock his apartement door and led them in..

 

Chanyeol couldnt do anything, it was his life, and he was only a cab chauffeur for him, no more no less..

Although it hurted him to see his crush with other men, what could he do? Even Baekhyun didnt seemed interest to Chanyeol..

They were maybe talked to eachother and knew eachother but they were just a cab chauffeur and a passenger..

He walked away from Baekhyun’s apartement building with a very heavy sigh..

 

It had been 2 years since Chanyeol had a crush for him, but not even a single courage let him confessed his love toward Baekhyun..

There was a night when Baekhyun really gloomy and this made Chanyeol really frustated..

He didnt apply his usual thick smudge eyeliner around his eyes and from what Chanyeol saw, he was crying..

“What happened..?” Chanyeol asked him calmly  and saw his face through a rear-view mirror but the latter silent still..

“Baekhyun, please tell me..”

“Nothing..”

 

Chanyeol decided to let it passed for this time because they had already reached Baekhyun’s apartement building

and he frowned because there was a definitely another man waited for Baekhyun at the loby..

Baekhyun gave Chanyeol some money but before he opened the door and got out, Chanyeol called him..

“Dont push yourself too hard..”

“I am not..”

He left him and headed toward the loby just only to be welcomed by a rather bald ugly fat midle aged man in his black suit..

 

 

It had been 3 year since they met eachother and there were not too much differences between them

even Chanyeol still didnt know what was the reason for Baekhyun being a stripper.. If he need some money,

he could find another job which didnt forced him to do something inappropiate according to Chanyeol’s thought..

 

As always, he parked his cab at the front stripping club’s building and he checked his watch which showed 1.00am..

“Chanyeol..”

He waved at him from the front entrance door of the stripping club which only earned a slightly wave from the cab chauffeur..

“Hey, what about we go get some foods..?”

 

This was the very first time Baekhyun asked Chanyeol drove him else beside his apartement.. Much of Chanyeol’s pleasure, he nodded..

“I’m very hungry, you decide where will we get our foods, dont make me disappoint!!”

‘What the hell is wrong with this kid..’ Chanyeol mentally asked himself..

After he knew that the eyeliner guy’s name is Baekhyun, he decided to call him with his name or a kid which he only did in his mind..

“I will not, Sir..” Chanyeol grinned so wide then he stepped on gas pedal and quicken his cab’s speed..

 

Chanyeol felt happy this night because it was his first time to looked at his face from a rather close distance..

He examined Baekhyun facial features and he knew that Baekhyun has a cute little mole on his left ear and above his lips,

or he knew that his ears were rather big, he knew that he has pretty and delicate fingers, and there was also a cute mole on his left tumb..

 

Everything about him were perfect for Chanyeol..

Chanyeol really loved to see his smile which always make his eyes turned into cresscents shape

and his cute little teeth made plus point for his perfect smile..

“Thankyou, im really happy tonight..” Baekhyun said happily as they got inside the cab..

“Me too..” Chanyeol anwered him as he the engine..

“Baek, I.. I think i like you..”

 

Finally Chanyeol said his feeling toward him..

Chanyeol couldnt handle this happiness anymore, the happiness he had been received ever since 3 years ago he met him..

Although Baekhyun didnt answered him, Chanyeol still could be happy at this time but little did he know,

Baekhyun quietly hold his sobs and pretended to check his make-up instead at his pocket mirror which he hold it with his tremble hand..

 

For 4 years Chanyeol had been met him, he seemed thinnier than the last time they met

and Chanyeol could’ve sworn he saw dark  circles arround Baekhyun’s eyes although he manage to hid it with his usual BB cream..

“Hey.. How have you been..?”

“Fine..”

 

A very long paused happened before Chanyeol decided to broke this awkward sillence between them..

“Baek, arent you tired..?”

It seemed like Baekhyun has this habbit, didnt answered Chanyeol question which he thought it kinda irritated him..

“No, this is my job afterall.. None of your business..”

Baekhyun himself shocked upon heard his statements..

“Ooh.. Im sorry..” Chanyeol still offered him his toothy smile through a rear-view mirror..

 

Before they reached Baekhyun’s apartement building,

Chanyeol could manage to asked his phone number by saying that maybe he couldnt pick him up or whatnot

so Baekhyun gave him his number without hesitated to Chanyeol..

 

And it became a very usual view for Chanyeol to see another man waited him infront of his apartement’s door but tonight, this man was definitely different with others men..

This man was absolutely young and although Chanyeol hate to admitted it, this young man was very handsome and tall..

Maybe as tall as him and this man had his blond hair..

But Chanyeol only shrugged it off..

‘He was just his another customer..’ He mentally said and decide to left before he saw something which made his heart broken..

 

A week later Chanyeol have the urge to asked Baekhyun who was that certain handsome and tall man whom he saw almost everynight infront of Baekhyun’s apartement but Chanyeol decided not to interfere his personal life although it made him suffer..

 

“He is Kris.. Just in case you was wondering..”

Baekhyun could seem read Chanyeol’s mind so he decided to told Chanyeol in the middle of their journey..

“He is just a customer like the other..”

Chanyeol didnt muttered any words and he could’ve sworn that Baekhyun seemed annoyed to wait him saying a word..

“Are you mad at me Yeol..? ‘Coz it is really irritated me to see your annoying face like that..!”

Baekhyun blushed madly and avoid Chanyeol’s gaze on a rear-view mirror..

“Do you love at least one of them..?” Finally Chanyeol spoke up..

“No..”

 

Silence filled the air

“I even dont know or remember any names of them..”

“But you remember Kris!”

Chanyeol yelled at him and it was actually his first time to yelled at him..

He knew it, he even had no right to mad at Baekhyun or interfere his personal life but this Kris guy was really annoyed him to death..

He remember that this Kris guy once kissed Baekhyun’s lips even before they were inside Baekhyun’s apartement..

 

“I dont think i need to explain it to you..”

“You need to explain it to me! I like you ever since our first met 4 years ago, Baek..!!”

“Sorry, i guess its not the right time to explain it to you..”

Baekhyun quickly gave him some money and got out from his cab even before Chanyeol could muttered any words..

Once again, Chanyeol left dumbfounded inside his cab and only could see this Kris guy as always, waited Baekhyun infront of his apartement..

~*~

 

It had been 5 years Chanyeol met him.. Every twice a week Chanyeol got his day off and he took his day off every weekend..

So this meant he couldnt meet Baekhyun these days.. Although Chanyeol had already got Baekhyun’s phone number,

he never answered any calls or texts from Chanyeol..

‘Then what’s for to get his number?’

 

Chanyeol was in the verge of flipped everything that was why he didnt saw a hole on the pavement which he walked

so he stumbled forward and landed with his left hand first to hold his body..

It was not like he planned it after all, his left wrist got sprained after this incident..

That was hurt enough to make him sobbed quietly..

“!!” He cursed all along his way back to headed a nearby hospital..

 

After the treatments which doctor and nurse did to him,

Chanyeol decided to headed the registration desk for a payment and moved to the next desk to get his medicine at the first floor of hospital building..

But before he reached the first floor, he walked all along the hallway at the third floor which he assumed that this side was for a physical therapy ‘coz he found some patient was sat on their wheelchairs and some did their walking therapy and whatsoever..

 

Chanyeol, never saw this kind of view before in his good 25 y.o life..

It was kinda pathetic to saw them like that, Chanyeol suddenly thanked to his God that he still have a normal body and a normal mental although he was in problem with his ual orientation..

 

But what was made him shocked the most, he saw him..

“Chanyeol...?”

“Baekhyun, what are you doing here..?”

 

Chanyeol couldnt register what was actually he did there but then he saw that Baekhyun was not alone

or actually he was holding onto a wheelchair’s handle and there infront of him was a very pretty young lady whose face resembles Baekhyun sat on the said wheelchair with her blank eyes stared at Chanyeol, or maybe at nothing..

 

“Who-”

“My twin sister..”

 

Only God knows how they could find an empty bench on the third floor’s balcony and sat there..

From what Baekhyun had told him, his twin sister’s name is Jihyun.. 7 years ago they got into car crash and they lost their parents..

It was when Baekhyun and Jihyun only 18y.o.. They lost everything, even Jihyun had got into a severe traumatic after the accident..

She couldnt talk and even sometimes she didnt remember who Baekhyun was..

But Baekhyun loved her and vowed he would earn lots of money to paid her treatments in this hospital..

 

“I’m so sorry to hear that Baek..”

“No, its okay..”

“So, that is your reason being a..” Chanyeol didnt have a heart to say something like that..

“Yeah.. I dont want to lose her.. She is my only one family, Yeol.. I dont have any choice..”

 

Baekhyun sobbed and hugged Chanyeol.. This was the very first time they hugged eachother and it felt so warm..

“I’m sorry maybe i couldnt pay full of her treatments, but at least i can give you my spare salary-”

“No, Yeol.. You dont have to..”

They broke their embrace while Jihyun only silent still on her wheelchair with her blank eyes..

“Actually, Kris gave me some money last month before he went back to China..”

“...........” Chanyeol didnt muttered any words but only frowned..

 

“Listen, he was my ex-boyfriend.. We were together when i was 17 y.o..

He had visited me since last year just because he’d worried us.. Jihyun and I.. We didnt do anything like what you were thinking..”

 

“And why you explain it to me? I dont think i gave you my annoying face..” Chanyeol smirked to him and the latter only groaned in frustation..

“I just didnt like it when you think Kris and I together but actually no..!! We broke up when i got the accident 7 years ago.. Im not finish so please dont cut my words..”

Baekhyun snapped Chanyeol even before the taller opened up his mouth..

 

“Look, he has already his wife since 2 years ago.. And no, he is not the same age as us.. He is 2 years older than us, okay..!”

“So he was cheating on his wife by visiting you..?!”

“No.. Please dont say something like that.. We just kissed, nothing more..!!”

Baekhyun shooked his head furiously..

“I know.. I trust you..”

Chanyeol smiled to him, his bright smile gave him a warm feeling and made him had the urge to kiss this kindhearted giant..

 

Chanyeol yelped when he felt Baekhyun’s soft lips against his and he saw Baekhyun slowly closed his eyes..

It didnt give a minute for Chanyeol to kissed him back and he made a slow motion against Baekhyun lips then closed his eyes..

This kiss was very sweet and soft.. Chanyeol could smelled Baekhyun strawberry mint’s breath..

He could felt a hundred or even thousand butterflies inside his stomach.. And Chanyeol felt his hearbeat raced uncontrollable..

He didnt know whether this was his heartbeat or Baekhyun’s heartbeat which made rather loud sounds..

 

“Thankyou..” Finally Baekhyun broke their kiss.. Chanyeol even couldnt register what was he said..

“By the way, why you were here..?” Baekhyun had just realised that Chanyeol actually met him by a coincidence..

“Uhmm..I sprained my left wrist..” He answered timidly and scratch his neck awkwardly..

“Pabo.. I think we should get inside ‘coz its time for Jihyun takes her lunch and medicine..”

They stood up from the bench and this time Chanyeol volunteered to pushed her wheelchair headed to her hospitalized room..

 

~*~

It had became a habbit for both of them to met up every weekend just to spent their time in hospital..

Yeah, Chanyeol admitted it that he love to accompanied Baekhyun to take a good care of Jihyun..

Chanyeol kept tracking a time, it had been 6 years he met Baekhyun.. Things were getting better, he thought..

Althought Baekhyun didnt bluntly said that he like Chanyeol’s presence, Chanyeol knew it..

Baekhyun was the person who couldnt express his emotions..

 

At a certain night after their time in hospital, Chanyeol asked him to get some spicy rice cakes (ttokbokki) at his favourite wagon..

They looked genuine happy smiled to eachother..They ended up in Chanyeol’s apartement.. 

Their first time was very sweet as Chanyeol showered Baekhyun with i love yous at every inch he kissed Baekhyun’s delicate body..

As they panted heavily and tried to catch their breath, Chanyeol laid beside Baekhyun and swiped away Baekhyun’s damp bangs which was covered by sweat..

 

“I love you..”

Again, Chanyeol said he love Baekhyun and kissed his forehead gently but nothing came in return as Baekhyun got up from the bed only to dressed himself not even bothered with his sticky body after their make love session, or Chanyeol said so..

“I dont deserve you, im sorry..”

Baekhyun said calmly despite his tremble lips and hands at that moment, even his heart wrenched, but he wasn’t even looked back..

Then he left..

 

Chanyeol only stared blankly at his bedroom’s door..

Chanyeol knew that Baekhyun also loved him back, but he wasnt sure anymore because the latter never said ‘i love you’ to him..

Chanyeol knew Baekhyun only showed his genuine smiles to him, only infront of him and Jihyun he never showed his fake smiles..

Chanyeol knew, he knew, or so he said to himself but actually, he never knew anything about Baekhyun..

That night, he threw everything on the floor, not to mention even broke his mirror which hung on his bedroom’s wall..

Books, pictures frame, shattered mirror were scattered around on his bedroom’s floor..

That night, Chanyeol ended up curled his body on the floor, didnt even bother with those messy he made..

~*~

 

It had been 5 months since Chanyeol quitting his job as a chaffeur..

He even didnt bother to text neither call Baekhyun for explanation or whatnot, no need.. He just need to stay away from him..

Chanyeol has found another proper job as a waiter in a certain cafe near his apartement.. At least he can make a living with this job..

 

It was Friday afternoon, not too many customers at this day..

Maybe only those bunches of teenage girls hang around with their friends just to stayed to avoid the sun’s heat outside, not to mention,

they ordered the cheapest beverages..

But being the kindhearted he was, Chanyeol still offered them polite and nice smile, not the creepy one..

 

“May i take your order now..?”

“Oppa, I want you..” One of those girls spoke and the rest chuckled..

“Oh, i’ve already have my own wife and kids..” Lied

He bowed politely only to make the girl blushed madly because of embarrassement..

“Your lost..” The girl darted her tongue toward Chanyeol..

 

So, speaking of wife and kids, Chanyeol realised that he actually wanted to have a family of his own..

But the problem is, He loved Baekhyun, no matter what.. Although sometimes he when he saw some incredibly hot women who spent their time at cafe Chanyeol worked, but he never felt the spark like he felt when he was with Baekhyun..

No one can ever replace him in his heart.. But Baekhyun simply didnt loved him back, or maybe he loved Chanyeol but to shy to admitted it..? Who knows..

 

After Chanyeol finished his task to deal with those teenage girls, he sat on the seat which placed near the counter of cash register..

He daydreamed again, as usual..

But his train thoughts was cut by the vibrate of his phone inside his pocket..

The ID who sent him message is the only one person who could make Chanyeol’s world upside down..

‘Baekhyunnie~’

 

He smiled upon read this ID, he even didnt delete his number on his phone..

But as Chanyeol slide his touch screen, he wished he never did it, he really wished he didnt receive a text from Baekhyun, he never wished he read it..

His eyes stung, his heart wrenched, his hands tremble as his tremble lips let out soft sobs.. He didnt realised that he cried at that moment..

The only words which Chanyeol yearns to hear from Baekhyun’s mouth are ‘i love you’..

But the last words he got from Baekhyun are

“I’m going marry..”

 

 

~*~

For a week after he received the text from Baekhyun, Chanyeol felt a big hollow in his heart as he kept work diligently at said cafe..

Although his mind was actually occupied with Baekhyun, he kept smiled and did his work to kept make living..

Chanyeol even didnt asked him  when or who or where about Baekhyun’s marriage..

No need.. Whoever the guy or girl was, Chanyeol sure he/she was very lucky to have Baekhyun..

He decided this was it, his time to move on because he spent his damn almost 7 years to chased Baekhyun but what he got was nothing..

 

At late night Chanyeol’s shift end and he locked the cafe, his another task at his work..

He arrived at his apartement and just like usual, the TV while he made himself a cup of black coffee..

When he put a cup of hot liquid on his dining table, his heart seemed like to dropped to his stomach as he heard the headline news that night on the TV..

He got a major heart attack as he watched his TV screen to found a familiar apartement room of him..

 

‘A dead body of a young man was found by Cleaning Lady on his apartment at Apgujeong distric-Seoul.. The said guy was convinced comitted suicide by overdosed himself of sleeping pills.. The said guy’s name is Byun Baekhyun, 26 years old............’

 

Chanyeol couldnt comprehend the next words which said by announcer, because his heart wrenched, his heartbeat raced uncontrollable,

he had the urge to go there as fast as he can.. Maybe, just maybe he thought it was not too late to safe Baekhyun despite the fact that he died 3 days ago..

 

But when Chanyeol reached his jacket and decide to go there to found his Baekhyun, he turned and looked at his TV screen once again just only to make sure that this was just a nightmare and soon he would wake up but the reality hit him hard, very hard..

 

He saw it.. He saw Baekhyun’s dead body laid peacefully on his bed which was blurred in mosaic but Chanyeol knew very well his love of life..

And what made him shocked the most was Baekhyun’s right hand crumpled a piece of paper which police assumed as a death note..

As the police got the said crumpled paper and straighten it, the only words which written were

‘I love you, PCY.. I’m sorry..’

~*~

 

It was almost winter and the chilly wind of November slapped his cheek very hard as he walked along the cemetery’s path to met him..

It had been his routine to visit him at least once a month.. This time was his nthtime Chanyeol been there and brought his favourites flowers ‘white lillies’..

He stood infront of Baekhyun’s tomb and read those beautiful name of him carefully as if he still didnt believed that Baekhyun was die..

He knelt down and brushed the dust on the tomb gently not bother if his hands would dirty..

 

“How are you Baek..?” Chanyeol always said that as if Baekhyun was alive and be there beside him..

“I bring your fav white lillies..” He smiled to Baekhyun’s tomb..

It had been already 5 years after Baekhyun’s death.. Some things changed but some things remained still, like Chanyeol’s love toward Baekhyun..

 

Suddenly Chanyeol heard some steady steps followed by some bolt little steps approached him and he looked up to be welcomed by the most cute angelic face infront of him.. The figure smiled and also knelt down beside him.. She was the most precious person in Chanyeol’s life.. She clasped her hands and closed her eyes then prayed for a few minutes then opened her eyes..

 

“Oppa, how are you today..?” The same question with Chanyeol’s..

“We hope you always happy there, Baek.. Because as you know, we are happy as well and i keep my promise to take care of her.. Right..?”

“Our little kids want to say hello to their lovely uncle.. Kids..!”

 

Jihyun called her twin sons, Jichan and Baekchan who stood behind Jihyun from the begining..

Chanyeol and Jihyun got married and had their lovely twin sons and name them after Jihyun, Chanyeol, and Baekhyun..

These twin cute adorable 3y.o kids kneltdown and followed what their parents did like clasped their hands then prayed..

“Uncle Baekhyun, we hope you always be happy there and get married with a very pretty lady..”

 

They even didnt know what was death mean because they were still 3 afterall but their words made Chanyeol laughed,

genuinely and this made he ruffled their kids hair..

 

After some short of conversation they had, they decided to left..

As always, Chanyeol asked Jihyun to headed the car first with the kids then he followed behind a few minutes later..

“See you later Baek.. I love you..”

 

As always Chanyeol said then kissed the top of Baekhyun’s tomb, but today is different, he said something different because Chanyeol thought its the time..

 

"I - I didn't say goodbye to you back then, i was left without any warning from you, so,"

Chanyeol took a deep breath before he continued, his eyes didn't leave the tomb..

 

It's time..

"Goodbye, Baekhyun.." Chanyeol finally breathed out. "Farewell, Baek.. See you.. See you soon."

 

It felt painful to say it, to finally let go after holding on something he should have let go, but eventually Chanyeol would feel the peace..

He believes that.. He had said what he should've said back then.. The guilt is not there anymore.. He felt in ease..

Then Chanyeol shivered, suddenly he felt the extremely chilly breeze blew his nape..

He felt a presence behind him,  he turned around only to saw a figure whom he longed so much infront of him,

the figure stared up at him  and smiled at him..

Chanyeol breathed in, embraced the scent of flowers and something sweet, absolutely Baekhyun’s scent..

 

The soft brown hair was blown by the gentle breeze seemed so real infront of his eyes..

Those twinkling eyes and mischievous smile of him seemed so real..

Chanyeol couldnt registered what was really happened because it seemed so unrealistic

but he didnt care and stood up to reached out the figure..

“Baek..? Is that you..?”

 

************************************************* FIN *************************************************

 

 

 

 

A/N :

Hahahaaaa :D

I know i shouldn’t make the ending be a super cliffy but however i made it, LOL..

Thanks for whoever read my fics also those who leave me comments.. I really apreciate it n happy..!!

:D

Till we meet again..

 

P/S : I DIDNT RE-READ IT COZ IM SO ING DAMN TIRED