Days, weeks and months pass so quickly that it almost surprises Jessica to see the snow falling from SNSD’s tainted window. Has it really been that long since she last talked to that boy with the sun as a smile? It’s not her character to be bothered by someone like him but she is, really is. Maybe’s and what if’s enter her mind but it doesn’t really do anything to solve her problems with him so she doesn’t do anything.

It’s for you own good, her inner says. But is it really? Will protecting herself and not letting anyone know her stop the truth and hurt that had happened from the past?

What pains Jessica more though, is that Onew doesn’t seem to be less bothered by her presence? He sees her, greets her, talks to her but he never smiles. Never gives her his precious angel smile the way he presents to others. Perhaps he’s still upset about the incident from before but is it really worth the upset? Isn’t he being childish by thinking over it too much? And why does he want to know her anyway? She has never pondered about it before. What is so special about her? Nothing. She’s plain and dull. So why, Onew, why?

“What?” Taeyeon asks, brows rose at her questioningly as if she has said something absurd.

“What?”

“You said, “why, Onew, why?” What’s that about?”

Jessica bites her lip. “I did? That’s nothing.”

Taeyeon squints her eyes suspecting and with a sigh she says, “You’re weird. I can’t understand you.” Jessica huffs and smiles a little. Yeah, neither can her.

Months passed like that to a year, dazed, and Jessica thinks it’s ironic that their song was actually happening in real life and happening to them. The only difference is that in the song, the couple was in love and as for them… well there wasn’t much to start with anyway. So she just watches Onew from afar like before and do his stuff. Sometimes she catches him looking at her but it was always seldom and brief and she never makes any big deal about it. She doesn’t really want to think that there is something.

On days like these, (dazed and wonder when the rain will stop, if it ever stops) Jessica curses her inadequate self to adapt to a more comfortable way of living. She’s tired of having to protect her heart to everyone approaching and she just wished that she can be laid back like before. But she knows her old self won’t come back anymore, she barely even remembers the old Jessica so what’s the point, right?

“What’s the point of what?” A voice comes from behind and Jessica jumps a little, recognizing the voice. Ah yes, that voice. Dark but sweet and smooth to her ears. She turns around to see Onew smiling slyly, and cautiously sitting on the opposite side of the bench she was at. He looks outside.

“Nothing. Why are you here?” She retorts exasperatedly, becoming tense. Something has changed about him and it’s not the new styled darker hair or his tight neon pants (she needs to talk to those coordi’s, they are trying to sabotage everyone with that look), it’s him and that tired eyes or maybe the way his face lost weight or the way he never really smiles.

“Am I not allowed to be here? This is the company’s building after all.” He doesn’t look at her or anything. His voice is exhausted and saddening.

Jessica says nothing. It’s annoying how he always has something to say to her and she has nothing. She doesn’t like being ‘dominated’. Irritated, she focuses outside, where blurry images of people under all kinds of colored umbrella, sprouts like mushroom. She thinks they all look moving Jell-Os. Maybe ignoring him the best idea to avoid having so many awkward situations with him. Like right now for example. Just when she’s about to bid him a goodbye, Onew speaks in a hushed voice.

“I’m sorry about last time. You know, at the beach. It wasn’t my place to say that. It’s not like I was under the influence of alcohol or anything. I wasn’t. My mind was straight. I knew what I wanted to say, I just—“ Jessica listens to him and even throws a glance in his direction (eyes closed, head leaned against the wall, face furrowed in a knot, much like he’s in pain). “I’m sorry Jessica.”

What should she say? Probably like an apology too, that it wasn’t his fault but sorry is such a foreign word to her now. So what should she say? “It’s not like it’s your fault anyway. I know that you were just trying to be nice Onew.”

Onew furrows her brows as if she had just said something wrong. He seems really offended. “But I wasn’t being nice!”

The blonde smiles at him a little. Lightning strikes. “But it was the truth, you know. I was scared and afraid.” She leans her head on the window’s glass. It’s cold to the touch. She’s not sure why or how and she wants to stop but the words are out before she can even stop. “You were right in a lot of ways Onew and I just didn’t want to admit it. I guess I just… feared you were like everybody.”

“And everybody is…?”

Jessica sighs. “Stupid. And dumb. They always want to hurt you because people they think its fun to hurt people. I don’t have a definite reason to be honest…”

“Not everyone is trying to get you out there you know.” Onew says calmly, opting to stare outside the window too.

Jinki hardly heard the faintest, “I know” before she patted his leg and stood up. She faces him with the slightest determination spreading on her beautiful face and stretches her hand to him. Jinki, startled to see a change by Jessica’s action, stares at her face blankly, to her outstretched hand and then to her face again. He smiles; she’s really not the type to this kind of stuff but now she’s willing to make a change.

“Are you willing to trust me?” Jinki inquires, grabbing her hand gently. She doesn’t let go when he’s already up from his seat and gives him a long look—a measured one—before the corner of her lips quivered upwards.

“Only if you don’t trip every time we’re together.” Jessica squeezes his hand and intertwines his fingers with hers and she realizes how much little her fingers are compared to his.

Author's Notes: 

Hi! I'm finally done with this! I can move on!

Short stuff needed to explain:

"she realizes how much little her fingers are compared to his"

-  you know when they say that our own heart is only the size of our fist? yeah, that's what i meant with that line. like jinki has this really, really  big heart that he's willing to share with everyone and jessica has a small, broken heart. her heart fits right in his palms or something like heart on his hands. get it? hopefully you do. :P

@ tanegsic part

- i'm just a er for taengsic ok.

ALSO HERE IS A VERY, VERY SHORT FILLER ON WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TWO OF THEM AFTER A FEW MONTHS. Enjoy~