The loud music that played from Myungsoo’s next door neighbour woke him up, and this wasn’t the first time. The music that played was a song from Nell, the same song that would always play every morning and sometimes even at night, a song called The Day Before. Before Myungsoo even realised it, he had already taken a liking to this song and on some mornings he even found himself singing along to its lyrics.

“But as I continue living like this, I wonder what the point of living is...” Myungsoo sang as he slowly opened his eyes, he stared at the blank ceiling a bit longer. That day was the day it was supposed to end. His life, I mean. “I was resentful at first,” He continued and hummed a part afterwards. “I cried a lot.” He stared at the ceiling more and found himself in a trance. Tears started forming in the corner of his eyes. His eyes were honest, the kind of eyes you could look into and you’d be taken into another universe. “They will never be able to reach you, the words that let you go.” He sighed as the song stopped playing and he knew that in ten minutes, his life would too.

His body gave out a huge stretch before standing up; he peeked outside the filthy window that used to provide his apartment with brightness and light back then. The sky was poignant, lifeless like the winter clouds, and the wind from outside wafted various items from place to place.

“Fellas, we’ll definitely go to England, and when we perform at Glastonbury, we’ll hear people chanting ‘Infinite!’ and they’ll be making the sign of horses. Like this,” Sunggyu demonstrated and the others chuckled. “And Myungsoo, you’ll be playing the Micawber, the same guitar that Keith played in Exile On Main Street.”

The five of them laughed as they rested on the dry summer grass, under the starry night. “And our leader Gyu will blow everyone’s minds away with his high notes, like this,” Myungsoo screamed at the top of his lungs, and at this point onwards only laughter was heard. 

Even at this kind of situation, Myungsoo couldn’t help but smile at this memory which seemed so distant. Myungsoo wore his favourite black t-shirt as well as his favourite pair of jeans and on top of all that, he wore the necklace Sunggyu had given to him. The beautiful silver necklace that symbolized ‘Infinite’.  The apartment door creaked open as Myungsoo pushed through, he looked at it once more, the dull doors that was painted in grey – like everyone else’s door in the ten floored building. He managed to smile at the memories that this door alone contained.

“Yah, this is your apartment? You lucky bastard.”

Luckily for Myungsoo, the walk to the rooftop wasn’t far from his apartment at all, even though the building’s elevators weren’t working. He managed to get there fast, because Myungsoo lived in the ninth floor, and to get to the rooftop, it simply took one hundred and three step forwards. Before Myungsoo stepped on the last staircase, the same one that led to the door that opened to the rooftop, a single drop of sorrow welled up from the corner of his eyes, and suddenly, his eyes started leaking.

“Be good, Myungsoo. I’ll... See you... Later.”

“Hyung wait–”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before grabbing the door handle and when he finally did, he opened them again, and suddenly, he was still.

“Spring will come soon, and we’ll see the winter end. Don’t do it. Not today – not ever.”

A yellow sticky note, hung apparent on the tedious door. One or two straps of sellotape ensuring that it wouldn’t fall out. Time went still for a while, and the only noise was the brawny wind from the outside. He grabbed the sticky note and crunched it up neatly inside his pocket.

Myungsoo breathed out. “Thank you.”

<> 

Ever since that day, it became a hobby for Myungsoo to collect the yellow sticky notes, which he noticed would appear on the door every day. Unfortunately, Myungsoo would always miss the culprit.

Myungsoo woke up, but this time it wasn’t because of the loud music that played next door. He simply woke up from curiosity. Because today, he decided to wait for his rescuer, so he hid behind the walls of the staircases on the tenth floor. And he’d peek through the see through glass barrier every minute, hoping that they’d eventually come. And after a few hours of waiting, eventually, she did.

A girl, with long, wavy hair – the kind that Myungsoo liked, approached the door, at that time, she wore a simple white t-shirt and pyjama bottoms. It was simple, but it captivated Myungsoo. She held a yellow sticky note, and once Myungsoo saw that, he immediately knew that it was her.  

She stuck the sticky note on the door and placed a strip of sellotape on top of it, applying a little bit of force. She turned around hastily after sticking it on, and her eyes widened upon seeing Myungsoo, who watched her so intently during that time.

She bowed, and began to walk down faster. Why is he here?

Myungsoo managed to stop her before she walked any further. “Miss!” To that, the young lady stopped, and turned her back away from him. She didn’t reply but she shot him a stare instead. Her eyes had an indefinable sparkle to them. “My name is Myungsoo, Kim Myungsoo, what’s yours?”

She hesitated, “Suzy... Bae Suzy.” She bowed again before quickly turning around.

Before she even took a step forward, Myungsoo said, “I just want to say thank you, Suzy.” She stood still for a while, they both did, but she didn’t reply anymore.

Suzy bowed once again and continued walking towards the opposite direction, Myungsoo’s gaze became fixed on her until she made a turn in the corner, and he made his way over to the door, where the note was.

“The bitter winter will come, but so will summer. So, please stay.”

He looked at the piece of paper once more, and whispered beneath his breath.

“Hyung, people like her still exist, after all.”

<> 

Suzy picked up her hand phone, regretting it slightly after she heard the familiar voice speak; it was the same voice her and Minho despised. “Suzy-yah, I gave you your allowance, a few months ago, remember honey?”

“Yeah, father.” Suzy answered, rolling her eyes at the phone as she slumped her body on the couch. She looked around her apartment. The walls were empty and blank, like Suzy without Minho. She turned her focus on the huge windows; the skies were grey, lifeless as usual. But the only source of light came from outside and even then, the room was a mess, and more than that – it was miserable. 

“I need a little bit of it, honey, you see–”

“Are you gambling again, father? Have you not learnt your lesson? Don’t you know that it was the reason Oppa–” Suzy snaps, tears started emerging from her falcate eyes. “Father, please...”

“You goddamn ! Just like your mother! If I find–” Suzy hung up, and when she did so, she got up and turned the radio on again, to the same song, her brother’s favourite song and eventually it became hers as well. Suzy would purposely turn the volume on loud, because she knew that no one would hear her otherwise, and above all, no one would hear her cry.

‘I just want to say thank you, Suzy.’ Those same eight words echoed in her mind, those words were the last words Minho spoke – to her, anyway. She laid in her couch, and stared at the blank ceiling. “I wish you never ran away, Oppa.” Her gaze became fixed on the windows. “I wish we ran together.”

<> 

Myungsoo was thirteen when he met Sunggyu, who was fifteen then. Sunggyu was the boy who taught Myungsoo how to skip classes without getting caught, how to drink soju at the age of fifteen, Sunggyu was the same boy who taught him how to play the guitar at the age of fourteen. They weren’t related, at all, but to Myungsoo, Sunggyu was a brother he felt grateful for.

“Hyung, I have to return to Gwangju.” The younger one started. “My mother needs help around the shop.”

The four of them were gathered at Sunggyu’s funeral.

“Sorry...” Sungjong stooped his head low to avoid Myungsoo’s eyes. The atmosphere was somehow awkward.

Myungsoo wanted to break the silence, so he joked, “H-hey, why do you all look so gloomy? You bastards,” He scoffed and ruffled the maknae’s hair. “It’s okay, we’ll visit you when we become successful as a band. Right fellas?” But even after that, everyone’s expression was still as firm as before.

“Actually,” Sungyeol scratched the back of his head. “Myungsoo... I... Have to leave too. I wanted to announce this to everyone – including hyung, but well...” He paused briefly. “I’m starting as a trainee, my family needs the money... you know.”

Myungsoo gave out a weak laugh, and that’s when his expression changed. “You know, hyung did everything he could do for us.” He paused. “Sungyeol, do you remember your sixteenth birthday?” Myungsoo snapped. “Do you know how hard he worked for those ing shoes you always said you wanted? Three part time jobs that barely paid enough,” His focus turned to Sungjong. “And you, maknae, has your mom even told you how Sunggyu would send her some money every month just to keep you in this goddamn band!” And finally, he said, “Do you guys know how desperate Sunggyu worked just to reach his– No, our dream?”

Dongwoo cut in. “Listen, man–”

“And you guys... would give this up only for your own sake. Then,” Myungsoo scoffed, he turned away and looked back at the three of them. “Then, let’s not see each anymore. Ever.” He walked away, and not once did he ever look back again.

<> 

Suzy looked into the mirror, her eyes were swollen yet again. It’s morning, I wouldn’t run into anyone right? Those kinds of thoughts went through her mind; after all, all she needed to do today was stick the piece of note she held in her hands that time.

Eventually, she settled on leaving her apartment, so she headed to the rooftop door.

“Oppa, how about me? How about me!”

“Hmm, Suzy-yah, when you grow up, you’ll become a beautiful writer, the kind of writer that inspires other people too. Like mom... Hey, are you crying? You shouldn’t cry. She’s in a better place now, Suzy. Father wouldn’t be able to hurt her anymore.”

Suzy was in a daze, and she found her fingers repeatedly pressing on the piece of sellotape, even though it didn’t need any more pressing down. She took a deep breath before turning back around, and she became still, because once again, the boy she met a few days ago stood there. Kim Myungsoo.

“Hey,” Myungsoo greeted her. “Suzy-yah.” She looked at him with slight doubt; a stranger she had only run into a few days ago was already speaking informally to her. It was the first time for her, and it reminded her of Minho, somehow.

“We meet again.” She bowed towards him and their eyes met. “It’s Myungsoo, right?”

“Right.”

“Well, listen I have to–”

Myungsoo cut in, “Are you free later on?”

Suzy nodded slightly, still unable to figure out what exactly he was thinking.

“Meet me at the rooftop,” He smiled. “It doesn’t matter what time, just as long as you come before tomorrow. Okay?”

Suzy could only look at his eyes at this point on, and she didn’t– No, couldn’t decline his offer.

“I’ll be waiting, but if you don’t come until then, I guess I’ll just have to report your loud music playing.” Myungsoo teased and he smiled again as he made way for her.

<> 

The day was almost vanishing away, and the moon started to fade in with the sky. The quiet, yet relaxing breeze hit Myungsoo’s skin as he in air. A few consistent but quiet force tugged the rooftop door, it was definitely her.

“You finally came.” He greeted her as he sat on the edge of rooftop, his feet dangling down on the one hundred feet tall building. Suzy was surprised she even agreed to this. She wasn’t the type to trust anyone that quickly, especially not after that day, the day he ran away. Usually, when she talked to other guys, it was clear that they only wanted something from her, either it be or just her. But Myungsoo, he was definitely something else. Something about him felt genuine to Suzy. Especially his eyes.

“So, why exactly am I here?”

Myungsoo’s lips curved into a smile and he turned away, his view consisted of the busy motorways of Seoul and several other buildings. “You remind me of someone. Someone I respect.”

Of course, Myungsoo reminded Suzy of Minho too. “Who?” She asked, and she sat on the unoccupied space one or two meters away from where Myungsoo was sat.

“This idiot who saved my life once,” Myungsoo scoffed. Suzy didn’t reply, she waited for him to finish. “The funny thing was, I never once thanked him. Not once.” He turned to her and turned back to the view.

“You can tell him now.”

“He’s dead now.”

There was a long silence between the two of them, and she finally admitted, “You remind me of my brother.”

“How so?”

“Your eyes are very similar.” She replied.

“Ah, really?” Myungsoo smiled. “Where’s he now?”

“Here and there. He ran away.” The two of them continued to talk; they talked about everything and nothing. That night, Myungsoo learned that Suzy liked writing and she wanted to be a writer. And that same night, Suzy learned that if Myungsoo liked anything more than ramen, it was playing the guitar.

In a few ways, she had a peaceful effect on him. The two of them watched the busy roads, and the building lights were turning on. “Myungsoo?” She asked out of the blue.

Myungsoo turned to her. “What is it?”

“Why did you do it?”

Silence took over again. He sighed, only to look up at the beautiful, murky sky. It was night time, and the wind became much cooler than before. “Because I was tired.”

Suzy’s eyes flickered as she turned to him “Tired of what?”

“Life.” Myungsoo smiled.

<> 

“If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant. It’s only rough now, but things will get better. So don’t kill yourself, not today – not ever.”

<> 

Strangers you’ve known for days, but it feels like you’ve known them for your whole life. That was Bae Suzy to Kim Myungsoo and that was Kim Myungsoo to Bae Suzy. It was simple as that really, within the space of three weeks; they became good friends, inseparable at times. They found themselves meeting up in the same rooftop, from three times a week to five, to almost every day. 

“Myungsoo?” Suzy said one morning, to assure Myungsoo was still awake. It was already five after all. They rested on the rooftop cement, it was cold, but it was bearable. The sky became a mixture of blue and indigo, and the sun was ready to rise. It was still dark though.

“Hm,” Myungsoo answered back, he peeked at Suzy with one of his eyes closed. “What is it?”

“Minho...” Suzy said. “I think I want to look for him.”

Silence.

“What do you think?” She asked.

Myungsoo wavered. “Is it far from Seoul?”

“I think so.”

“Will we see each other again?”

“I doubt that.”

“Then, don’t... leave me. Help me.” Myungsoo looked at her and Suzy smiled back.

Suzy didn’t say anything anymore, she rested her eyes, they both did.

“Help me become a better person.” Myungsoo smiled, his eyes were still closed. “Please."

Suzy smiled back. “Okay.”

“I’m sorry for being selfish.”

Droplets started to form in the corner of Suzy’s eye, and Myungsoo didn’t notice it then. “You’re not at all.” She answered. Apart from each other’s calm breathing, the loud seagulls were the only sound that they could hear.

Myungsoo managed to break that silence by saying, “Suzy,”

“Yeah?” Suzy replied.

“I have one more thing to ask of you.”

“What is it, Myungsoo?”

“Write about me.”

Suzy wiped her tears immediately, she didn’t reply, and soon enough, they both fell asleep on the rooftop.

<> 

“I hate the rain.” Suzy stated as they sat on the steps, they waited for the rain to stop. The doorway to the rooftop sheltered them well. “It’s no fun.”

“I know.” Myungsoo replied. “Sunggyu liked it the most. He found good in everything.”

Suzy nodded. “Myungsoo, what do you want to be when you’re older?”

“Just,” Myungsoo paused for a bit. “I want to be happy.”

<> 

“Spring is near."

<> 

“Hyung, do you think I’ll have to deal with the same thing you’re dealing with in the future?” Myungsoo asked sincerely. The both of them roamed around the alleyways of Seoul, it became a hobby of theirs ever since they were young.

Sunggyu’s lips beamed a little. “Myungsoo, do you know what depression is?”

“Hyung, I’m eighteen... I’m not stupid.”

“Then,” Sunggyu turned to him. “My answer to your question is it depends on how well you can handle something.”

“You’re very weak, hyung. You know that.”

“I know.”

“But you’ll get better. I just know it.” Myungsoo smiled and ruffled his hyung’s hair.

Sunggyu scoffed. “Be good, Myungsoo. I’ll... See you... Later.” 

“Hyung wait–” Myungsoo stopped him. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to Hyuna, she’s calling me.”

Myungsoo cried, “Aish, ditching me for your girl again, tell noona I said hi.”

“I will.” Sunggyu walked away, that was the last time Myungsoo ever saw him. And an hour later, Myungsoo received a phone call, it was from Sungyeol.

“What is it?” Myungsoo asked.

“M-myu– No, where’s hyung?” Sungyeol’s voice was in a panic state.

“He went to noona’s house. Why? Why?”

“Hyuna’s dead."

<> 

“My father?” Myungsoo thought for a bit. “I don’t really remember him. But according to my grandma, he was good at playing the guitar.”

“How about your mom?” Suzy asked. The two of them sat on the rooftop, eating the watermelon that Suzy bought beforehand.

Myungsoo shook his head. “Never met her. How about you?” He took a bite.

Suzy smiled. “My mom was pretty. Unbelievably pretty. She died when I was seven, so Minho would often tell me stories about her, and my dad...” She thought for a while. “I wish I never had one.”

"Why?"

That day, Suzy showed Myungsoo her scars, permanent ones, and she told him about the time Minho took the beating for her, and that time where Minho couldn’t handle it anymore that he ran away. And that day, Suzy had finally told Myungsoo. Something she had never told anyone before, not even Minho. He thought it was pitiful.

“You’re safe now.”

<> 

“Sunshine beats rain, like how scissor beats paper, summer beats winter, and like how you’ll beat life. Don’t let life beat you.”

<> 

A few weeks went past, and as soon as Myungsoo departed from the hospital, he got on the bus.

He sighed with relief, but worry still lingered inside him. Unlike his hyung, his battle with depression was a success, and he pitied Sunggyu a bit. But still, he remembered his deal with Suzy, and today was finally the day he would let her go to meet Minho. Meeting Suzy saved him twice and he knew that he owed her a lot. He knew all too well, that letting go was the best he could do for her.

Myungsoo was more than aware that if he saw her face again, he wouldn’t be able to let go, so he called her instead. Stupidly.

“Suzy I’m better now.”

“I know.”

“Are you leaving today?”

“I am.”

Silence.

“Are you not sending me off?”

“I... can’t.”

“Right,” She exhaled on the phone. “That’s good.”

“Have you written about me?”

“I couldn’t.”

They both didn’t say anything for a while.

“I guess,” Suzy sighed. “I guess this a goodbye.”

“I hope you find him.”

“I think I will.”

“Thank you, Suzy. Really.”

“Myungsoo, I won’t forget you. Ever.”

“Me too.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Bye.”

“I’ll miss you.”

<> 

Suzy saw Minho waving from afar, she was happy but somehow, she felt empty inside. Did she bring a part of Myungsoo here as well? She wondered.

“Oppa!” Suzy cried as soon as she got off the train, the underground was busy, as it always was even from when they were both children.

“Suzy!” Minho shouted. “Are you okay? Why did you come here!?”

“I wanted to see you.” Suzy replied. “But oppa, why didn’t you tell me sooner that you were here?”

“I... was ashamed... I’m sorry.” Minho hugged her. “I’m sorry for leaving you with that crazy bastard.”

“Oppa, it’s okay. I met someone, and he took great care of me.” Suzy smiled, but tears rolled down her cheeks. “Actually, oppa, I’m sorry but I want to go back to Seoul. I want to continue my story with him. I’m sorry.”

“The next train leaves at half nine.”

This didn't happen. Well, it was Myungsoo who wished it did.

<> 

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Bye.”

“I’ll miss you."

Suzy hung up, and she took a couple of steps forward. She lied, she didn’t leave, in fact, she was still on the rooftop. She took another step forward and this time, she could see the view beneath her clearer. She looked down from the top of the one hundred foot tall building. “I’ll miss you too.”

She jumped.

<> 

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Bye.”

“I’ll miss you.”

The bus stopped outside the building where his apartment was, and Myungsoo got off.

“I’m going to Hyuna, she’s calling me.”

“Minho... I think I want to follow him.”

“Hyuna’s dead.”

“Here and there. He ran away.”

No, it couldn’t be. Time became still for Myungsoo, the sound of the city sounded like several notes being played on the piano, it was messy. Everything became a horror as he ran for Suzy’s life but it was already too late, because by the time he reached the third floor, ambulances from outside echoed inside his ears.

It can’t be.

But it was exactly what he thought it was.

Because Bae Suzy committed suicide. And she succeeded.

<> 

“Each season is a beginning, a beginning of a new story. You’re only starting, so don’t end it today.”

<> 

There were no more sticky notes to stop Myungsoo this time. Unfortunately, nothing could get in his way anymore. Or at least he thought.

Myungsoo opened the door to the rooftop slightly, it revealed a bit of the sunshine. He took several steps forward, and stood on the same exact spot Suzy did during her last moments. He looked at the view below him, but he wasn’t afraid anymore. The weather was hot, and the sunshine brightened up the city of Seoul.

Myungsoo took a deep breath.

But surprisingly, he doesn’t jump. The sound of a sticky note lightly thumping against the wall entered his ears. Myungsoo turned around to find a bright yellow note stuck by a strip of sellotape on the front of the door. He walked towards it, carefully he peeled it off and read it.

“26 letters is simply not enough to describe how wonderful and amazing you are. I’m sorry I couldn’t write about you. Don’t do it. You’re far stronger than us.”

The tears that Myungsoo worked hard to hold in for a while came down like a flood. And finally, he folded the piece of paper and put it inside his pocket.

<> 

“Summer is near, just wait a little longer, and hold on.”

<> 

“Daddy why do you love that song so much?” The little girl asks Myungsoo. The song that played in the room was the same song that played, on that same day.

Myungsoo ruffles the hair of the child and smiles. “It was special to someone. So now it's special to me too.”

“Who is it, daddy?” She sits on his lap, and he playfully lifts her up. "Is it mommy?"

Myungsoo shook his head. "It isn't."

"Then who is it, daddy?"

“Summer.”