At the dawn of spring he first arrived. He was nine and he was scared.

The shell of frost and ice had just begun to disappear beneath layers of moss, dark and damp, and trees that could no longer bear to stand. The forest had yet to come alive with the new life spring promised, so his bright red sweater beckoned, an early bloom, even hidden behind behind the long cardigan of the old crone he followed.

I paid little attention to the intrusion at first, the old crone, his grandmother, was one of the few visitors here. The beauty of this land no longer called to likes of them, it was a mystery, a danger now. A danger that had obviously been instilled in him. 

He released her hem as she began to collect the young blooms of mushroom, warning him not to wander far, for the animals and spirits here were not always kind to intruders. She was right of course, in the time since humans had abandoned their desire for this place I had grown to enjoy my solitude, and had no intention of letting anyone break the peace that had settled here.

The small boy heeded her words at first, but with each soft step into rich soil I could sense his curiosity grow. The call of these woods beckoned him, and I watched as she led him astray. I stirred from my resting place, perching between branches to watch him.  His senses seemed overwhelmed by the forest coming to life; slick young leaves between his fingers, fresh, damp wood filling his lungs. The call of birds dragging his eyes to what had to seem an endless canopy to a human as small and frail as him.

The spell of the forest was broken as a tiny foot caught a stray root, pulling him down to the cold earth beneath his feet. He stood, swallowing the lump of pain in his throat and brushed what dirt he could from his jeans. He turned, looking for the path he were once on, but I knew he had wandered off from that trail long ago.

“Halmoni?” his soft voice called quietly at first, but with no reply he grew louder. “Halmoni?”

I tutted my head, knowing such a curious child would get himself in trouble. 

“Halmoni!” he called louder still, I could feel the fear bubbling in his chest but he refused to let it out just yet.

As I heard the quiet snapping of twigs grow closer I knew soon it would come in waves. Quickly he turned in circles again, but this time froze, eyes caught on a pair that stared back at him. A wolf. A rogue, but small, young, he must of been abandoned by his pack over winter, and desperate enough now to go after an easy meal like the frail boy. I could feel his heartbeat race into the soft soil beneath his feet, and I grimaced, turning to leave,  waiting for the scream that would escape him, calling for his demise. But it didn’t come. I turned back to see he had grabbed a broken branch that seemed almost to big for him to lift and dug his heels into the earth. The wolf seemed almost as surprised as me, but the pangs of hunger left him undeterred.   I descended from my perch behind the frightened boy, calling the wolf’s attention.

Leave the boy. His life is not yours to take.

The winter has been long and harsh, surely you would not sacrifice one of your own for this boy.

This is my domain and I shall say who lives or dies. There is an ailing deer at the crest of the river and she will not last the night. Hurry, before the bears descend on her.

The wolf looked wearily to the small boy before me, then me, before sniffing the air, and running deeper into the forest to claim his feed. Immediately the boy released a ragged breath, turning to collapse when he froze, breath halted anew, eyes glued in my direction.

“Who are you?” The shaky words barely escaping his lips.

Instinctively I turned to look for another behind me, for surely he could not see me.

“You. Who are you?” His eyes locked with mine as I faced him again. The little human genuinely could see me. The shock tied my tongue for a long moment.

“Who I am is of no consequence. You shouldn’t be here small one.”

“Hey I’m not small!” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.

“Can your arms hold all the rings of these trees ancient trunks? Can you fathom what lies at the tips of these trees?”

He looked up to the sky, brows knitted in confusion.

“Then you are small, small one.” He frowned, but his brows relaxed as he stood.

“You scared that wolf away, didn’t you?” He looked to me for confirmation, but I only gave a tilt of my head in return. 

“You saved me.” A gummy smile spread across his chubby cheeks, raising his arms as he approached.

“Hold it small one. If you touch me I’ll smell like human for a century.” I stopped him, a single finger to his forehead. His big doe eyes widened as he spoke.

“What are you?”

“I,” I paused, what exactly was I to the likes of these new blind humans?

“You help things here, right?”

“You could say that.”

“What about the wolf? He looked very hungry. Will you help him to?”

I cocked my head, studying him, in your now dirty red sweater. A human, an animal bitter and selfish and blind, worried for the animal that nearly took his life? The boy was intriguing, that was certain.

“Yes small one. I already helped him as well.”

“Then you’re a helper. What’s your name Mr. Helper?” 

“Ah, you may call me Seunghyun.”

“Um Seunghyun.”

“Yes?”

“Can you help me find Halmoni?”

I could already hear her calling for him, several yards into the large clearing.

“If you promise not to delve too far into the forest again.”

“I won’t! Promise!” I should have known better than to trust the words of such a small human, but even then I doubted if I could ever refuse him.

“Follow me.”

Obediently he followed at my heels through the underbrush until his grandmother calls could be heard by his weak ears as well.

“Jiyong! Sweety where are you?”

“Halmoni!” He bolted past me as fast as such little legs could carry him, but as he ran he called out.

“See you soon Seunghyun!” 

Once again he emerged at the forest edge. The leaves of fall began to turn and he was twelve and full of joy.

My eyelids lay heavy, gradients of the changing leave slowly danced against their darkness. The afternoon was quiet, peaceful; the early risers had gone about their way and the evening creatures had yet to stir. Except for whoever clumsily tromped through the falling foliage, a human, that was certain. The footsteps grew closer but I held my place against the great trunk, unconcerned with being seen.

“Seunghyun!” My eyes shot open. The footsteps turned to a run.

“Seunghyun! I knew I’d find you!” I rose to see a ball of long, lanky limbs and messy hair hurl itself towards me, crashing into my chest. It was Jiyong.

I patted his head, extracted myself from his grasp.

“Well if it isn’t the small one.”

“I’m not small anymore! I’m twelve now!” He narrowed his eyes, but those rosy, round cheeks still said otherwise.

“Right, right. Twelve, definitely not small.” I lazily nodded as I headed down the hill. He stumbled, running to catch up.

“Wait! Where are you going?”

“For a walk. I’ve slept quite long enough.”

“I’m coming too!”

“Didn’t someone make a promise not to venture this deep into these woods again..?” I glanced to my side, his ears burning red.

“Well I had to to find you again, so that cancels it out.”

“Mhmmm…”

“Seunghyun?”

“Yes?”

“What are you really?”

“Well, I am many things.”

“A ghost?”

“Not quite, for I have always been like this. My life has been and always will be this forest. I am a guardian.”

“But my grandma said those kind of spirits don’t exist anymore.”

“I exist, do I not? You did crash into me not five minutes ago, right?” I raised my brow and he let out a a small fit of giggles.

“I guess you’re right.”

He reached over to lock his skinny arm in mine, but his steps faltered as he did.

“You’re so cold. Do you want my scarf?” I couldn’t help but chuckle at the kind offering.

“It’s just the way I am small one. There’s nothing beating in me to warm. But thank you all the same.”

We walked in relative silence for a time, the warm din of his voice would occasionally pipe up with a question of the forest, a plant or an animal that crossed our path. I thought his presence would be a burdened, but his soft voice and bright smile was a surprisingly nice change of pace. 

We found our way to the rivers edge, I enjoyed the quiet babbling as he skipped stones along its surface.

“Do you ever get lonely here by yourself?” He asked casually as though he was asking of the weather.

“My time is different than yours. It doesn’t feel as long.” Even at his young age, his doe eyes shown with sympathy I felt I did not need.

“I can visit you if you want. We live in Halmoni’s house now.” That was right, the old crone had not been to the woods in nearly a years time; she must have passed. How short and frail human life seemed to be.

“You’re going to get yourself into trouble in this forest small one…”

“Not if you’re with me.”

He came nearly everyday that fall and though the following spring and summer, but as fall came again his visits grew sparse, and I adapted to the silence of the forest once again. 

He came again with the searing heat of summer. He was eighteen and more than I could handle.

My limbs dangled from a branch of my great camphor, enjoying the cooling breeze that danced in only the highest branches. Summer birds serenaded overhead. In a strike of fancy I joined them, whistling a song of my own. In my reverie I had failed to notice the presence that had joined only several boughs down.

“I’d love to hear you sing.” The sudden voice shocked me to reality and to the ground, and had I been human I surely would not landed on my feet, or probably alive for that matter.

“Oh my god! Are you okay? I didn’t mean to scare you. You always heard me coming.” Jiyong rambled as you quickly climbed down to the forest floor. He ran over as I dusted myself off, taking over for me.

“Are you hurt? Can you even get broken bones?” 

I hardly recognized him at first, but when I met those same warm, doe eyes I knew it was him. He had grown nearer to my height, no longer knees, and elbows and awkward limbs, but stronger. His tanned shoulders not as wide as mine, but if I were built as the towering trees of this forest, rooted and strong, he were the animals that lived between, limber and graceful.

“Small one.” I finally seemed to find my long disused voice.

“Really? Still?” He laughed as he finished brushing the invisible dirt from my robes.

“Well I guess you aren’t quite as small anymore are you.” A small smile slipped my lips and I was met with a dazzling one of his own.

“And you’re still the same; I’m glad. I was worried if I’d still be able to find you.” 

“On that you needn’t worry. I’ll always be here. It’s the seeing me that might be difficult.”

“Why?”

“People grow up and forget, or never believe at all.”

“Forget? I could never forget you.” Those warm honey eyes glazed with a sadness not befitting for our reunion.

“Ah it’s no time for such somber conversation. Let us walk. The river should be nice this time of day.” Finally he brightened again and we began to walk.

He regaled me with tales of the years I missed. Of school and friends and the trouble he seemed to cause his poor mother. I always knew he’d be trouble, but I suppose it made me appreciate his company all the more.

We reached the fork in the river, he insisting in sitting beneath the shade of the trees they held between them. I easily hopped to the far shore, while he was barely balanced on a nearly submerged rock. Toned, lithe arms moving erratically to keep himself upright.

“Couldn’t you have made this river easier to cross?”

“I didn’t make it you know. I’m not that ancient quite yet.” I laughed as he jumped, barely making it to the third rock. As much as enjoyed such a sight I decided to take pity on hom.

“Give me your hand.” I said floating out to him.

“As long as you swear not to push me in.”

“Ah I hadn’t thought of that, shame.” As I spoke, turning away as he nearly lost his balance, frantically reaching for my hand.

“Okayokayokay.” He grabbed ahold and I couldn’t help but laugh as we made our way to shore, toes dancing just above the water.

“Holy what else can you do?” His eyes growing wide and smile bright in awe.

“Plenty. But now we rest.” I said perching myself beneath the nearest tree.

He huffed, but sprawled out in the grass beside me, regardless. He closed his eyes, spreading long limbs into the lush grass, letting the cool earth cradle him. I watched the hypnotizing rhythm of his chest, its steady pace just as steady as an old jonggo. It steadied as he fell into a peaceful slumber, and soon it lulled me into my own.

I awoke to the feeling of eyes upon me. I cracked opened my eye that was nearest him. He laid  on his side, gaze focused upon me.

“Yes?”

“How old are you Seunghyun?” I was surprised he had never asked before, with the myriad of questions that had sprung from his younger self.

“Truthfully age has no meaning to me, but I suppose,” I paused, trying to remember. “I honestly can’t recall. 200, 250? At least that is my oldest memory, but I don’t doubt it’s even longer with memories lost to time.”

“And you’ve been alone this whole time?”

“Not entirely. The animals are here, though I like to leave them be unless I’m needed. Other spirits come and go, though not as it once was. It’s only the mountain god and I here now, and I have not seen him in a very long time… The occasion monk or child as well… Though none in memory have stuck around as long as you.” I smiled and was rewarded with the new ring of his laughter. It was a smoother timbre now, silky and honey-like.

“What was the song you were whistling when I found you? It sounded familiar.”

“Ah that.” It was strange to feel shy from such an action. “It was simply a song that lingered from those who used to venture through. And it seems to have clung to memory.”

“Sing it.”

“Excuse me?”

“I want to hear it.” he nearly whined, and suddenly I saw that small nine year old once again.

“You humans have no manners…” I grumbled, but cleared my throat regardless and he beamed in anticipation. I hesitated at first, the lyrics slowly returning to me.

“Arirang, arirang, arariyo,  

Going away through the Arirang Pass

My sweetheart is leaving alone after abandoning me  

Your feet will ache terribly before walking ten miles”

As I hummed the refrain he joined, uncertain at first, but as I began again he found the lost melody; the smooth, effortless cadence of his voice coalesced with the rasp of my own, like the sweet spring breeze rustling through ancient woods.

“Arirang, arirang, arariyo,  

Going away through the Arirang Pass

So many stars are shining in the clear sky

So many dreams are in our hearts”

As our voices dimmed a small smile graced his lips.

“My grandfather used to sing that song. I haven’t heard that in a long time…” He paused for a moment, as if lost in thought.

“Something on your mind?” 

“Have you ever been in love Seunghyun? You’ve had to with as long as you been alive right?” If anything could ever be said of the boy, he was direct.

“I’ve loved many things in my life,”

“I don’t mean things Seunghyun. I mean people. Or spirits or whatever…” Despite the strength in which he began, his words seemed to grow uncertain.

As uncertain as my answer seemed to be. Had I ever been in love? I knew what is was like to admire, to grow fond even, but to love? 

“If I were to be honest I can’t even say what being in love is. What is it like?”

He seemed as taken aback by my question as I was of his.

“Uh it’s hard to describe, it’s just a feeling, you know? It seems like every little thing reminds you of them and no matter how long you’re apart all those things keep that person in the back of your mind. When you’re with them your heart seems to race and you feel like you will never be able to catch your breath but it feels good. Your whole body seems to be alive and ever nerve seems to tingle when they’re around but you don’t want it to stop. I guess being in love is kind of like that.”

His words trailed off as a ghost of a smile appeared across his unusually soft features. I could feel the drumming of his heart through sun scorched earth.

“You must really love him.”

“I can- wait what?” He quickly sat up, nearly falling over himself.

“I can feel your heartbeat. You’re thinking of him, right?”

“You need to stop with that freaky spirit stuff. Are you going to be reading my thoughts next?”

“If you would like me to.”

“You’ve been reading my mind?” A surprising twinge of fear settled into his voice and I couldn’t help but feel guilty. The last thing I would try to do was frighten him off.

“I said I could, not I did. I respect you enough not to.” He seem surprised but relieved by my answer, the tension in his shoulders dissipating.

“Ah well thanks.” I ruffled his hair and he smacked me away.

He stood and walked to the rivers edge, crouching to peer beneath in crystal surface.

“Hey Seunghyun.”

“Yes?” I stood to join him, peering into our reflections over his shoulder.

“How does the river know which side of the fork to take?” he asked as his fingers gracefully danced atop the water.

“It doesn’t think. it just does.”

“I think that could be pretty good advice.”

“I suppose-”

My voice was silenced as my senses were filled with honey and jasmine and musk. Soft lips crashed into mine, slender fingers grasping at my robe’s collar. As almost quickly as he began he quickly pulled away, cursing under his breath.

“ I shouldn’t have done that.”“Hey”“I am an idiot.””No-””How could I be so-”

It was now I who silenced him, my cold chapped lips pressed into the heat of his own. I could feel the frantic beating of his heart as his fingers desperately grasped at the back of my neck, fingers tangling in the spindles of white. He pulled away, catching his breath.

In that moment as the evening sun danced across his radiant features, eyes full of wonder and heart racing, I knew what it meant to be in love.

“You kissed me.” The brilliance of his smile made it nearly feel as if my heart could beat.

“Just don’t let that be my only one.”

Just like the blazing summer sun against scorched earth he burned himself into every fiber of my being. His voice was now the cool babbling of the river. Tresses of black were lush blades of grass between my fingers. The heat of his skin the rising sun, the warmth in his eyes the pink summer twilight. We were so full of love we were blind to the changing of the seasons. So it was only natural that his tears ran like a summer storm as ours ended, fall bringing his departure back into the real world, away to college and away from me. As I felt his warmth disappear from my chest I had never wished for tears of my own so desperately.

The frost of winter set in early that year.

In the deep freeze of winter he arrived. Twenty-five and with a sorrow heavier than the snow on the camphor’s bough.

If it wasn’t for the cool murmurings of the river stream and lazy twilights that held his lingering touches and gentle voice I would have thought the beautiful boy a dream. So when the sound of footsteps echoed from the river’s edge I cursed my treacherous mind for playing me a fool again. I had chased invisible fragments of my memory too many times. But the sound didn’t fade as it always had before, it grew, pounding through the empty cavern of my chest. I stirred from the camphor’s roots rushing from tree to tree to the river.

Wrapped in layers of fabric and the thick wool of a peacoat he stood, feet dangerously near the edge. He was thinner, the glow of his skin replaced by a ghostly pallor. I felt a strange ache in my chest I couldn’t shake, and it dragged me to earth, not a meter behind him.

“Small one.” my voice was hoarse, like old cracked wood, from disuse.

His strained shoulders failed to even flinch at my voice and I felt what had to be dread spread through me, my knees feeling weak. He couldn’t have forgotten me. I would surely give anything for it not to be true.

“Please, say something.” Tentatively I reached out to him, afraid I would go straight through. But before my hand reached his hunched shoulder he spoke.

“Why do I feel like I’m going crazy?” the melodic timbre of his voice was all but gone, leaving a hollow din in its place.

“Do you know how long its been?” He spoke to me now, but had yet to face me. “Do you?!”

“2,675. You’ve been gone 2,675 nights.”

He finally turned to face me, the sorrow that clung to his once bright features made him look older than his years.

“Why me Seunghyun? Why did you save me back then?”

“I honestly can’t say. There was just… something.”

He released a harsh, bitter laugh. “That’s just great. I was just something.”

“You know that isn’t what I was saying…”

“I haven’t been able to get away from this place for sixteen years…  Every god damn spare thought is this place, is you. I’ve tried to convince myself its all been a dream but I can’t shake you. I’ve tried being with others but they all eventually say the same thing. ‘Your heart is with someone else.’ And they’re ing right! Every person is compared to you. Your eyes your touch your voice your laugh. And it’s never enough. How can it be when compared to a ing ghost!”

My throat constricted and my knees grew weak under his stinging words. They chilled me far more than the snow beneath my feet, but I could not blame him.

“I’m sorry… You don’t deserve to be bound to this forest by the likes of me. You deserve a real love, someone who can be by your side and match that burning warmth inside of you. Look at me, look at what little I have for you. You deserve so much more than this…”

The cascade of tears that had been threatening to spill for finally broke free from him as I spoke.

“Why does this have to hurt so much? Why does it have to be this way?”

A gut wrenching ache swelled through me at the sound of his tears. It was the last sound that should ever come from such sweet lips. It was I who caused this. I was responsible for his pain and I would be the one to heal him, even if it killed me.

“It doesn’t have to.” His head shot up at my words.

“What do you mean?”

“You have to forget me.” The words were nearly silent, fighting to stay hidden behind my teeth.

“I can’t just forget you, you fool!”

“I, I can make you. You’ll remember nothing of me. It will be as if you never believed.”

“But how can I- But you-”

“I can’t let you hurt anymore. Let me do this for you, please.”

“But-”

“Please. You know you need this. Just- just let me have one last goodbye.”

He ran, crashing into my arms, hot tears burning into my cold flesh. If I were to ever guess what heaven were to be like, I would imagine the warmth that permeated into my very core as his arms were wrapped around me.

“I love you Jiyong.” I whispered, for would be the first and last time.

A ragged sob burst from his lips. “You called me Jiyong.”

He crashed his lips into mine, stealing the air from my lungs before he pulled away, surprised. I thought that this was it, he would pull away and I would slowly watch our memories fade through those sad, doe eyes. But instead he pulled me tight again.

“Seunghyun!” Jiyong’s voice suddenly changed, exasperated, confused, elated.

“You- you’re warm. You’re warm I can feel it!”

I pulled back, putting my hand to my chest. He were right. And beneath my trembling palm I felt it. A deep reverberating beat that wasn’t just the echo of his, but its own, unique rhythm, beating in time with his. A sudden tidal wave of weight hit my chest, and I reached to embrace him. But before I felt his arms around me my vision turned white as the snow beneath our feet.

I could not see, my vision remaining white, my body light as though I hung through the air.

Once you took with only thought of yourself.

Even without sight I knew the gravel of a whisper as the mountain god.

In your greed you sought a great buck, leaving the forest spirit dead with blood on your hands. I left you in his steed, forever to guard the forest for which you showed no mercy.

I tried to speak, to call out to him in question but my lips fell silent.

But now, but now you were to sacrifice the one thing which you hold dear, with no thought of yourself. Leave this forest, for you do not belong to it anymore.

Suddenly, as if long submerged I jolted forward, gasping as cold air burned my lungs, memories racing forth.

“Seunghyun!” Jiyong arms wrapped tightly around me. “You’re okay! Oh god you just like collapsed into the snow and you were so hot, you were on fire, and I tried to wake you up but I couldn’t and god I thought I was going to lose you just as I thought I finally had you and I was so confused and-” his frantic rambling stopped as his eyes fell to mine.

“I love you, Jiyong.” I felt a foreign pressure well up within me as hot, salty tears ran forth for the first time.

He smiled now, bright and gummy with tears of his own, and I felt as though Spring had finally come. He reached out his soft palm, wiping away the tears from my cheek before wiping away spare ones of his own.

“I love you too Seunghyun.”

“Let’s go, we have much to discuss and I quite dislike this cold.” I stood holding my hand out to him.

“But how-” Jiyong were lost for words as I took his hand in mine to help him stand.

“Your going to have a lot to teach me Jiyong.” 

He smiled as I pulled him near.

“Don’t worry, we have a lifetime for that.”