-- I’m walking through the park on a sunny day with the beautiful colors of autumn surrounding me. Can this day be any more beautiful? “Yes, it can!” I think to myself as I hear a voice in the distance calling my name. Without even seeing his face, my heart already skips a beat. It knows. Every fiber of my being knows. Just the thought of his smile makes my knees go weak. And his smell – such an amazing smell. It smells just like…bacon?!

-- I snap up out of bed, shocked by reality’s interruption to such a wonderful dream. It was just a dream. After a split-second of disappoint, I remember why my mind was so eager to wake me. It knows. I run downstairs only to stop short of the kitchen. I gather myself before casually making my way to the bar stool by the counter. There he is, quietly making breakfast. He sends a smile my way that immediately sends chills down my spine. Perfection in every sense of the word; and he’s all mine. How lucky am I to live in a reality that’s even better than my sweetest dream...

-- I always cherish moments like this one; a quiet breakfast, just the two of us, no worries of getting caught or being seen. These days, they are hard to come by. He’s been so busy and the group has become so popular. But I’ll gladly endure the time apart. For his dream, for our future together, I’ll make every sacrifice I need to.

-- I sit and stare at him as he eats, allowing my eyes to bathe in the brightness that he brings to my world. It’s all mine. All the cuteness that he shares with his fans plus the manliness that only I get to see: my prince. How lucky I must be…

Jin: You know I hate it when you stare like that.

Me: I can’t help it. It’s going to be a while before I get to see you again so I have to absorb as much as I can; like gathering nuts for winter.

-- Oh, no. Don’t smile. I can feel the heat rising through my body and straight to my face as my cheeks begin to blush. Even after all this time, that smile still takes my breath away. I wonder when he will realize that he’s too good for someone as ordinary as me.

Jin: There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about. I really don’t know how else to say this, so here it goes: I’m tired of sneaking around. It’s just too hard. I don’t like that I have to look over my shoulder every time I with you just to make sure no one will see us…

-- And here it is. The moment I’ve been dreading. Can I live without him? No. But if this is what he wants, then I will have to stay strong for him. I prepare myself for the worst. Anything to make him happy…

Jin: I want to reveal our relationship to the public. I want to be able to show you off to the world. I understand if you don’t want to, but I wanted you to know how I felt about it.

-- My heart stops. My brain shuts down, shocked by his caring words. This is not what I expected.

-- His single question raises so many more in my mind. What do I do now? I would love nothing more than to show the world how much I love him, but what will happen to his career? What will the fans think? Will they hate me for stealing him away? Will they love him less? Is his really willing to risk his dream just so he can be seen with me in public? What about the other members? What would they think of our selfishness? Would his managers scold him for making such a rash decision? Each and every scenario convinces me more and more to say no.

Jin: You’re worried, aren’t you? You shouldn’t be. I thought you’d know me better by now. I already talked to the members about this; they love you almost as much I do so they said it was okay. Manager Hyung said it was our decision and he doesn’t mind either way. I even asked Bang PD. He reminded me that there were never any dating restrictions anyway. I love my fans too much to keep secrets from them. I’m sure they will be happy for us; and those who aren’t will learn to accept you.

Me: When you put it like that, I guess I have no choice. You know how much I love you. If you think we’re ready for this, then we are. No matter what happens, I’ll stay by your side.

-- Three nights go by and I get almost no sleep. They have a performance tonight and we’ll be walking out of the van hand-in-hand. The fans and reporters can figure out the rest. I try on every piece of clothing I have, but everything feels too ordinary. I grab my phone and dial his number.

Me: I changed my mind! I can’t do this!

Jin: Too late. We’re already on our way. I’ll drag you out if I have to. Stop worrying, you silly girl. Everything will be fine.

-- I put on the outfit I hated the least and paced back-and-forth until the van came. The moment I saw his face, I was reassured. We’re doing the right thing. The world around me disappears when I’m with him. It always does. But reality hit me again as the venue came into view.

Jin: We’re here. Are you ready?

Me: No.

-- An obviously meaningless answer. The door opens anyway. He and I step out first. Everyone is frozen in shock. I can hear vague whispering among the crowd of fans that gathered to greet the boys. No turning back now…

-- Jin smiles and waves to the crowd as he leads me from the van to the backstage area. I make an effort to avoid eye contact with anyone. We make it inside the building unharmed. I take a deep breath and prepare myself for what’s to come. Believe it or not, the entrance was the easy part. The waiting is what I really feared the most. I couldn’t sit still. I paced around the waiting room all throughout rehearsals, their performance, and even the mini fan meeting after the show. We left the venue the same way we came in, with his hand in mine and his big smile for the fans.

-- The next morning, I gather up all of my courage and search the internet for any articles or comments that could have been written about us.

“Who was that with Jin? It can’t be his girlfriend”… “Calm down, I pretty sure that was his sister.” … “Oh, Jin is so sweet. He really protected her from the crowd. He’s such a nice oppa!”…

-- His sister? They think I’m his sister? I was prepared for the worst. My heart was ready to hear and read every insult they could have come up with. This, however, I was not prepared for. The fans accepting me as his sister without a second thought hurt more than any negative outburst. Does this mean we don’t look like a couple? Would it really be that farfetched for a guy like him to love someone like me? I slowly felt like my heart was being shredded into tiny pieces. I knew I was too ordinary.

-- Days go by. I ignore all of his calls. When he comes to the door, I pretend I’m not home. He would never understand the pain I feel right now. Even I don’t understand it. He finally catches me on my way to the store.

Jin: What’s the matter? The managers have been keeping track of the search engines. They said there’s nothing too bad. So why are you avoiding me?

Me: I don’t want to see you anymore. I got a taste of your life and I don’t like it. I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can date a celebrity.

-- He deserves so much more than what I can give him. If I let him go now, then it’s not too late for him to find someone better; someone who is just as amazing as he is.

-- I turn to leave as tears begin to stream down my face. I want to runaway before I change my mind. I have to be strong for him. He grabs my wrist and pulls me into his embrace.

Jin: I have no idea why you’re being like this, but don’t think for a second that I’m going to let you go just because you ignore me for a few days.

-- Why is he so stubborn? I really don’t deserve him. I break down and cry even more at the thought of his undying love. I pull away from him and hide my pain with false anger.

Me: Can’t you see, we’re not right for each other? Not even your fans can believe that we’re together.

Jin: What are you talking about? Some fans are jealous, sure. But the majority have been pretty cool about it. They even send me messages saying congratulations and giving their blessings.

Me: They thought I was your sister. They see us holding hands and the first thing they think of is that we’re related.

Jin: My sister? Where did you see that?

Me: I searched for comments the next morning. I saw them saying I was your sister and everyone believed it because it makes more sense than believing that someone like you would date someone like me. And they’re right, too! I was too hurt to read anymore after that, but I’m sure the comments were all the same.

Jin: HA! Come here.

-- He pulls me in again and I’m too weak to refuse.

Jin: I don’t know what you’ve been reading, but the company made the formal announcement of our relationship the afternoon after the show. Silly girl. You and your crazy imagination. But that’s what I love about you. I wish one day you could see yourself through my eyes. Then, maybe, you’d finally realize how perfect and amazing you are.

-- He gives me a kiss as we hug tightly. How lucky I must be to have someone like you in my life…

[The end]