I awake and stumble to the door, yawning. This is probably the most human action somebody will ever see from me. I'm just not the type of guy showing emotions and feelings, that isn't me. I wasn't taught that way. But who cares about what I've been taught?

I change into my uniform and get ready rather quickly. Then, without any breakfast, I jump onto the truck and let it take me to the border. I hate this daily routine, this is not what I came here for. Not that it matters. At least there's one thing I can look forward to.

I am standing at the border, opposing the fence. I can hardly see the soldier on the other side- but I still know that it's not him. My lips are a thin line, pressed together tightly as I wait for him to come. I know that the South Koreans have different times of working, but he should be here. It is Monday, and he always works on Monday. Just when I've thought that, the South Soldiers change their positions and he appears, standing there, looking at me out of sparkling eyes. I suppress a smile and nod a little, it is our way of saying hello. He, who isn't scolded because of everything he does, gives me a little smile, clears his throat and gets back to normal. We're looking at each other, and I know his eyes just so well that I know he's asking me how I feel. How should I answer? Good. I nod a little and bite onto my lower lip, looking around unsure. Nobody's caring about what I do, nobody cares but him. It's crazy, I don't even know his name. I breathe in, I breathe out. Nothing will ever change. He'll always be someone. He'll always be on my mind, without us even sharing a word. I clear my throat and he draws closer, just a little, only a bit. I frown upon seeing what he does. If he comes closer, if he does- Will I have to kill him? My eyes are widened. How should I be able to kill him? He takes another step, carefully, for the others not to see him. His eyes are telling me to do the same. Doesn't he know how dangerous this is? I look around, feeling uneasy. But I've made my decision. I take a step and look at the ground. I swallow and purse my lips, looking up again. What am I even thinking, following him like that? It could be a trap, I could be killed by one of his colleagues. Nevertheless, my lips open, and a "What's the matter?" escapes my mouth. "What's your name?" He catches me off guard. He's asking for my name? I gulp and look at him, face unsure and careful. "Kim Jaejoong." He smiles at me, and finally nods. "I'm Kim Junsu..." Who cares? I should just go back, ignore him, but I'm lost in his eyes. Those deep, brown eyes. My breath goes heavy, my heartbeat fastens. What is he doing with me? I press my lips together and he quickly shakes his head. "Don't do that." He says and lightly touches his lips. I don't know what he wants to tell me with that but I still nod and relax my lips, giving him a small smile. "Way better." The smile is still on his face, but its meaning has changed. It's not a polite smile he would give everybody, but a smile that shows me how much he longed to talk to me, his eyes sparkle and his breath goes too fast. What is he thinking about? We're standing in front of each other, looking into our eyes, until the three hours of work for him are over. He raises a hand and sighs. "Good bye, Jaejoongie." He mumbles and turns around. My workday is over, too, but I wouldn't mind if it went on for more hours. Everything that separates me from Kim Junsu is the thin fence, and he is still so far away- too far away.

* * *

The days are back to normal now, for many months already. The only thing that changed is my heart, which for the first time of my life is beating way too fast everytime I awake in the morning and everytime Junsu's work starts. We haven't talked since that one day, and I grow more and more desperate each day. I want to feel his touch on my skin, his lips on my lips.

And thus, I have decided to leave the North. I have found some people that want to do the exact same thing. The escape is difficult, but it is makeable.

I awake and stumble to the door, yawning. Just like every morning. But this morning is different. I look at the watch. It's short after midnight. I have to hurry. If I don't succeed today, I won't ever. My feet hurry over the grey carpet before I leave the room. Yunho, another soldier, told me to meet him in the woods, and so I run towards the forest. We're at the border, and crossing it here is too risky. Which is why we chose to do it. We know this part of the border better than anyone else, and we know which parts are lacking of soldiers. We'll have to drive half an hour. It's a part of the fence that lays in the forest and we know which way to take to stay unnoticed.

As we reach it, Yunho grabs my arm and turns me around. "One last thing, Jaejoong. If one of us gets caught or shot, the other will go on running. Don't ever look back and don't ever stop running, understood?"

I nod, of course I do. During the past few months Yunho has grown to be a brother for me, but I still know the aim of this risky journey, my one and only destination. Kim Junsu. Even thinking the name causes my heart to skip some beats. I take a deep breath and follow Yunho towards the fence, we're trying not to make a sound. Arriving at the fence, we once again check whether there's really nobody who sees us. Yunho then nods and points at a tree standing nearby. We approach it and start climbing, one of its thinnest and most breakable branches is crossing the border and we'll have to try taking this one somehow. I am the first one to reach the branch and my hands shiver as I begin to walk and try to hold my balance, which is harder than expected. The fence is only a meter away from me, when I feel that I can't do it anymore. If I don't jump, I'll fall. But jumping will be too loud. I gulp, I don't have the time to think about it. I take a step and- thud.

A burning pain starting from my ankles, rushes up my legs. I know that I should turn around and check whether Yunho is alright, if he will make it, but I can't. My head is all filled with Junsu's voice that calls out for me, his eyes that long for me- and thus, I start running, without looking back. I hear voices, they're yelling, gunshots, a scream. I want to stop, to look back, to help Yunho- but I remember his words, and I remember Junsu's sparkling eyes. The urge to hug him, to ask him what he's thinking, what he's thinking about me is stronger than the guilt that is haunting me. I keep running, my feet are still hurting from the jump, but I can't stop. Not now, not until I meet Junsu, not until I can embrace him. The forest starts to lighten, I can see the full moon on the horizon, my heart is at ease.

I made it.

I arrived.

* * *

Staying in the south turned out to be harder than expected. In all those months I've been here, though, I have managed to get my papers and I have bought a small apartment in Jeju-do, as far away from the North as possible. The problem is, I've been here for almost a year and I still haven't met Junsu. I tried to visit him in the military, but they wouldn't let me. And I don't expect him to come to Jeju anytime soon- even though many young soldiers are educated here.

For being able to meet him, I wanted to go to the army, but I am too afraid of somebody recognizing me there. One year, and the reason because of which I came here seems farer away than before. I am standing at the beach, eyes closed while I enjoy the sand under my bare feet. I still don't know what happened to Yunho that night. I hope he's still alive. I don't know.

"Yah, Kim Jaejoong!" I hear somebody calling out behind me and I whirl around, seeing the so familiar face hurrying into my direction. I raise a hand for greeting Junho.

"I thought we were going to meet at yours later?" I ask, wondering how the boy knew that I am here.

“Yes, because of my birthday. It's just that my twin brother came home today and we decided to celebrate together-”

“Ah, never mind then.” I wave it aside, giving the younger an understanding smile.

“No, no! I still want you to come, it's just going to be bigger than I planned. My brother has decided that he wants it to be all glamorous and huge and thus you have to come in your best clothes.” I clench my jaw. I don't have anything that looks close to 'best clothes'. I nod, though. Guess I'll have to go shopping.

* * *

When I arrive at Junho's house, my mouth drops open. I stare at the huge building and check the address. When saying 'house', Junho had to mean 'Palace'. I try to suppress the amazement and make my way to the door. I bought a suit for the birthday, but I feel strange in it. Uncomfortable, somehow.

I ring the bell, and at first nothing happens. But then it is opened and a young man stands in front of me, hair red like blood. But that isn't what's so stunning about the guy. It's his lips that are opened a little. They have been curled to a smile, which has dropped upon seeing me. I can feel the tension between the two of us, that moment of not believing, understanding, being amazed. His facial expression is a mirror of mine. I am taller than he is, but I've known that already. His eyes keep staring into mine and I know this look in his eyes. This longing. I raise my hand, I want to his cheek- but the magic of the moment is gone when Junho steps to the door, bright smile on his face.

“Jaejoong!”, he exclaims and hugs me. I am too confused to hug him back, but I quickly regain my senses. I force a smile onto my lips and hug him for a second, before pulling away again.

“Happy birthday, Junho-ya!” But my attention isn’t with Junho- I stare at the boy next to him. For the first time since I know Junho I can see how similar they look. Junho is slightly taller than the redhead, and his face doesn’t look as perfect as the smaller ones, but one can easily see that they are twins. I run my fingers through my hair and shake my head. I have to be dreaming.

“Ah,” Junho suddenly says, getting back our attention. “Jae, that’s my brother, Junsu. Junsu, that’s Jaejoong.”

Junsu. I breathe in. Junsu. I breathe out. He bows. So do I. He smiles. So do I.

“Nice to finally meet you,” he says. I nod. Junho frowns, but a girl appears behind him and wants him to come back for making pictures. He hesitates, but eventually leaves. I’m still outside, while Junsu is surrounded by the warm light of that Palace. He smiles at me.

“You’re here,” his voice sounds again. I nod. Why am I not able to say something, anything that would make sense? I’ve been waiting for this moment for such a long time…

“How come you’re here? I thought you were dead…”

I press my lips together. My hands are trembling. “I’ve been looking for you.”

He widens his eyes. “You escaped?” He looks cute. So cute that I want to cup his face in my hands and kiss him. If that was the last minute of my life, I wouldn’t mind at all. Now, that I’ve been able to meet him. To finally meet him. I nod.

“I did.” His eyes widen even more, if that’s possible. His jaw drops open. When a cold wind blows, he shudders and looks at me.

“Don’t you want to come in?”, he asks . I breathe in. My heart skips a beat. And then, I nod.

***

We’re standing at the bar. I haven’t even been able to grasp my surroundings; I’ve been too busy staring at Junsu and making sure that this isn’t a dream. It seems impossible. We haven’t said a word for a while now, each one of us expecting the other to raise his voice.

“I wanted to visit you,” I finally say. His eyes sparkle while I talk. “But they wouldn’t let me. I did expect that, though.” He his head to the side, looking at me breathlessly.

“How did you end up here?” Even though I’m not quite sure what he meant by ‘here’, I’m eager to give him an answer.

“I wanted to get as far away from the border as possible- even if that meant bringing more space between the two of us.”

“Why did you flee?”

I frown. Because of you. I look away and take a deep breath. “I wanted to meet you.”, I admit.

“You risked your life.”

“It was worth it.” Junsu doesn’t seem to understand it. Why somebody would do something so reckless.

“Worth it?”, he wonders. His hair shines in the light, and the untouched glass of Champaign sprinkles next to him. I can hear every bubble burst.

“Now that I met you, it was.” He stares at me, his eyes are examining my body. I can almost feel how he stares into my eyes and how his then go down, staring at my lips, my chest, my stomach. He blushes and looks away. I take a step towards him, unsure of what I am doing there. I take another step and soon, I find myself wrapping my arms around his waist as I bury my face in his hair. I take a deep breath. He smells sweet, a little like Vanilla and Citrus, mixed with a scent that reminds me of the army. Blood, dirt and sweat. Yet, mixed with the smell of the Vanilla and citrus, it is the sweetest fragrance I’ve ever smelled. His hands lay on my chest. My heart beats like crazy. I take a step back and blink a few times. I don’t want to ever forget this moment.

“You could’ve died.” I look at him. We are so close. For the first time in our life we aren’t separated by a fence. For the first time he doesn’t seem too far away. I only have to raise my hand…

“I couldn’t die without meeting you.” My hand lies on his cheek. It feels warm, and it fits perfectly into the palm of my hand.

“You’re here,” he repeats his words from before. I nod.

“And I’ll stay.” And with that, I can’t take it anymore. I don’t care where we are, or who sees us. I lean forward, allowing my lips to touch his. It isn’t much of a kiss. It’s a brief touch of our lips, a trace of a kiss, but it’s enough. I breathe in, I breathe out.

I’m home. 

-

THE END.