Frankly, Hyukjae didn't know where his sudden anger arose from. When he was in the bathroom and took a shower, he suddenly had to think about Donghae and Siwon, how they flirted on stage and how close they were as friends. He saw pictures in his head of Donghae next to Siwon, kissing each other and striping off their clothes and ---

While walking down the empty sidewalk, Hyukjae shook his head and kept his mind from building up these images again. He pushed his hands into his coat's pockets and fastened his steps a little. Cold wind was rushing through his bones but though he actually didn't want to reach Siwon's apartment – he was too afraid of what he will find there...

Hyukjae winced a little when he heard quick footsteps in his back and expected an obtrusive fan running behind him, but when he turned his head he saw Heechul walking up to him, his face filled with a mixture of anger and understanding.
Immediately, Hyukjae's bad conscience arose in his chest again and he paused his steps to wait for his friend. It wasn't fair what he just had said to Heechul.

Hyukjae turned his body towards Heechul and waited for him to be close enough to hear his words. “I'm sorry, Hyung...”, he mumbled silently and knitted his eyebrows a little, but – surprisingly – Heechul only shook his head and stopped in front of his friend.

“I know you didn't mean that...”

Heechul's soft hand landed on Hyukjae's shoulder and squeezed it slightly, before the elder man nodded down the street and continued his way towards Siwon's apartment. Hyukjae frowned a little since he had expected that Heechul tried to take him back to the dorm but when he felt a light pulling on his shoulder, he followed his friend and continued walking.

“You won't freak out, you won't yell at them and you won't cause a scene when we're arriving at Siwon's, got it?”, Heechul mumbled silently and threw a brief glance to his right, seeing the heavy nodding Hyukjae was immediately answering with. "And please don't tell Donghae about your stupid assumptions. You'd only make them him about you..."

When they walked down the long pathway towards the front door of the large apartment complex, Heechul rummaged around in his pockets to pull out a thin bundle of keys. He pushed one of them into the front door's lock and turned it around to open it. Hyukjae raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“Why do you have a key to Siwon's house?”, he asked while entering the long hall and pushed the button on his left to call the elevator. The door fell back into it's lock.
"He left it at the dorm for emergencies", Heechul answered casually and pulled his smartphone out of his pocket. "And I think this IS one, at least if you rip them out of their sleep by ringing the door bell."

Heechul dialed a number on his phone and held it against his ear, before the elevator arrived and they entered the small cabinet. Hyukjae didn't know who he was calling right now and it took a quite long time until Heechul's call was finally answered.
Heechul frowned a little, before a light smile appeared on his lips.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up.”, he said into his phone and threw a brief glance into the large mirrors that were covering all four walls of the elevator. “Hyuk and I are at your apartment now. Could you open the door? … Yes, we didn't want to ring the bell or just step in...”

After Siwon's next response, Heechul nodded his head a little absent and ended the call.

“Remember what I told you, okay?”, Heechul said towards Hyukjae and gave him one last insistent look before the doors swung open and they went down the dark hall towards Siwon's apartment.
Right when they reached it, the door swung open and Siwon's shape appeared in the thin line of light that slipped into the hall.

“Good morning”, Siwon said with tired voice and coughed silently, leaning his left shoulder against the wooden frame of his door. Heechul smiled slightly and eyed the dark circles underneath his friend's eyes. “Sorry, we didn't mean to wake you up”, he said again and turned his head briefly towards Hyukjae. “But our little bullhead here insisted on talking to Donghae right now... Can we come in?”

Hyukjae stiffened a little when Siwon gave him a long glance.
"Donghae is still sleeping."

Though it wasn't cold in the hall, Hyukjae shivered slightly and straightened his back, when he felt his former anger crawling up his throat again. He clenched his fist unknowingly inside his pocket and raised his chin. “We can wait inside until he wakes up.”

A light frown appeared on Siwon's face. The sudden tension that came from Hyukjae's posture both surprised and angered him. He detached his shoulder from the door frame and placed his hand on his entrance door – conspicuously blocking the way inside his apartment. “I think it's better for Donghae to find some more rest.”, Siwon stated seriously, his eyes focused on Hyukjae's face.

'Oh, oh...', Heechul thought to himself and eyed the two men in front of him. Reaching out his hand to place it on Hyukjae's arm, Heechul tried to call him down a little. “Hyuk, we'll just come back later, ok---?”

Heechul winced when Hyukjae ripped his arm roughly out of his grip. Hyukjae made a step towards Siwon; the hall was about to explode. “You don't know what's good for Donghae”, Hyukjae spit towards Siwon, his eyes furious and full of rage. “You can't keep him from me and if I want to talk to him, I WILL talk to him, got it?!”

Hyukjae's shoulders started to tremble in rage.
None of them knew Donghae like he did. None of them knew what's good for him.
And none of them had the right to claim that.

Siwon's face didn't give a hint on his current thoughts, but Heechul saw how the muscles on his upper arm were tensing up due to Hyukjae's aggressive posture. Heechul knew that this situation was shortly before a fatal breakdown and – though this was definitely nothing of Siwon's manner – Hyukjae would lose.

Right when Heechul was about to step between his friends, he threw a glance over Siwon's shoulder and saw a familiar person standing in the living room's door frame.

“Could you tell me what's going on here...?”

Siwon and Hyukjae winced in perfect synchrony and turned their heads towards the fourth person that joined their conversation now. Their features flattened, their muscles lost their former tension and all anger popped out of their minds again. Immediately, Hyukjae took a step back from Siwon and opened his mouth, but he wasn't able to bring out a single tone.

Heechul smiled a little weak and pushed Siwon's hand off the doorknob to enter the apartment. “Hey”, he greeted Donghae and gave him a brief hug. “You okay?”, he whispered into his friend's ear, gaining a small nodding for response.

Donghae shove Heechul carefully aside and leveled his glance at Siwon and Hyukjae again. “I always thought I am the one who is sometimes lacking maturity.”, he stated silently and made his way towards the bordering kitchen, leaving a surprised silence behind in the hall.

Heechul shrugged his shoulders.
"He's right", he said casually before following his friend into the kitchen.

“Sorry for those crackpots.” Heechul sat down on the large dining table that stood right next to a large window and gave them a great view over the southern districts of Seoul. Leaning back on the comfortable chair, Heechul crossed his hands over his flat stomach and yawned silently.

Donghae shrugged his shoulders, which were nearly swallowed up by the large shirt of Siwon he was currently wearing. “Do you want some coffee?”, he asked without answering to Heechul's statement. Opening some of the large cupboards, Donghae searched for Siwon's coffee pads.

“Left cupboard, lowest shelf”, Heechul chipped in.

Donghae frowned a little. “How do you know?”, he asked a little confused but Heechul didn't answer when Siwon and Hyukjae entered the room in the same second. Donghae freeze in his movements and threw a short glance at Hyukjae, then continuing to brew their coffee.

Siwon sat down next to Heechul and observed Hyukjae who kept standing in the kitchen's door frame. “Come in now”, he mumbled after some silent seconds and nodded towards the other empty chairs around the table.

Filling in some coffee into four cups, Donghae brought the first two to his friends and placed them carefully in front of Heechul and Siwon. “Do you need milk?”, he asked silently while already heading to the fridge. When he returned to the table with a bottle of milk and Hyukjae's cup, Hyukjae reached out his hand to place it on Donghae's lower arm.

“Can we talk?”

The silver ring on Hyukjae's finger was leaving a cold patch behind on Donghae's arm. Siwon was about to interfere their conversation again, but Heechul gave him a light kick underneath the table.
Donghae eyed Hyukjae's warm hand on his arm and made a step back, so that his hand was slowly sliding off his arm.

“Sure...”

Hyukjae was probably as surprised as Siwon and Heechul about Donghae's casual agreement and before one of them could say another word, Donghae grabbed his own cup of coffee and left the kitchen towards the living room. Hyukjae's heart started to hammer against his ribcage and his hand trembled slightly when he grabbed his cup from the table to follow the younger man outside the room.

After hearing the silent clicking of the door's lock, Heechul breathed out deeply and turned his head towards Siwon.
"Sorry, I tried to convince him NOT to come around, but..." A little helplessly, Heechul shrugged his shoulders and sipped at his coffee. He laughed silently when he remembered the reason for Hyukjae's outburst this morning.

“Hyuk thought you have a crush on Donghae.”, Heechul said with blinking eyes and looked at Siwon, who joined his silent laughter immediately.

“Me and Donghae?”, Siwon asked chuckling and placed his hand softly in Heechul's neck. His fingertips were softly sliding over the plain skin and a light pressure was slowly guiding Heechul towards Siwon. “Nah, Donghae is not my type”, Siwon stated silently and bridged the last centimeters between them to place a soft kiss right on Heechul's smiling lips.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Trying hard to slow down his hammering heartbeat, Hyukjae shut the door behind his back and raised his glance towards the large couch in front of him. Donghae had sat down on a pile of pillows and blankets that were messily laying on the couch. 'Maybe he slept here and not in Siwon's bed...', Hyukjae thought relieved and headed to the large armchair in front of the window.

Donghae placed his coffee cup between his thighs and warmed his hands on the hot surface.
"So you wanna talk?", he asked silently, keeping his eyes on the cup in his hands.

Though Donghae couldn't see it, Hyukjae nodded his head and took a deep lungfull of air, hoping that it would help him to find the right beginning.
"I know it was really surprising...", he started quietly and sipped on his cup. His throat started to scratch. "I thought about telling you first, without the rest of the band, but---"

“But you were too gutless to do it.”
Donghae raised his glance and he couldn't deny the satisfaction he felt when Hyukjae winced a little at his words. It wasn't Donghae's manner to be reproachful – he absolutely hated fighting, especially with Hyukjae, but right now his latter really deserved it.

Hyukjae sighted deeply and nodded his head.
"I didn't know how to tell you about it..."

Following a sudden impulse inside his chest, Hyukjae got on his feet and placed his cup carelessly on Siwon's coffee table, before sitting down right next to Donghae and looking into his friend's tired eyes. Carefully, Hyukjae grabbed Donghae's warmed up hands and tangled their fingers with each other.

“I really, really like you, Hae”, he mumbled silently and squeezed Donghae's thin fingers a little, both to show him the truth of his words and to keep him from pulling them away again. “But I want to live a... normal life, you know? I want to have a family some day, I want children and a house and when I come home from our schedules I want to be a perfectly normal Korean man. I don't want to upset my parents or society by--- by---”

Hyukjae's glance slid down to their tangled fingers and as if he just realized his own words right now, he slowly detached his hands from Donghae's. “I just don't want to deal with rumors about being gay or such things...”

Donghae's hands lingered in the same position in which Hyukjae left them behind; levitating between their bodies, fingers slightly crooked and open as if Hyukjae would grab them in the very next second again. When he realized that it wouldn't happen, Donghae lowered his hands and placed them on his own thighs.

“So you're just afraid that someone might discover that you're interested in guys?”, Donghae asked a little confused, throwing a brief glance at Hyukjae's ring.
"No!", Hyukjae said insistently and clenched his fist to cover the ring. "I mean, yes! I mean... it's not like that! Because I'm NOT interested in guys and they shouldn't THINK that 'cause it's WRONG!"

A short laughter escaped Donghae's throat. “I'm not sure if you have noticed it yet, but I am a guy, Hyukjae”, Donghae said silently and looked at his friend, completely unable to understand Hyukjae's point of view right now.

Hyukjae sighted deeply and swallowed down the lump that was slowly choking him.

“You're my closest friend, Donghae... We have been friends since the very first second we met each other, but... Maybe we just... over-interpreted this whole thing, you know? I mean... I mean we spend a lot of time with each other before, too, the difference was just this... physical thing.” Hyukjae ran his hands through his sandy hair and closed his eyes for some seconds. “And you know... maybe we both just felt lonely during the last months and needed someone around us and, well, if you're the active partner there's not THAT huge difference between sleeping with women or men and so I maybe---”

Hyukjae winced heavily when a loud clangor was interrupting his flow of words. Donghae had jumped on his feet, kicking down the cup of coffee that was still between his legs and Hyukjae found himself speared by Donghae's deep brown eyes right now. Pure rage was grimacing Donghae's face, but in contrast to his outer appearance, his voice was trembling and weak.

“You better stop talking now, Lee Hyukjae, or I can never talk a single word with you again.”

The shards on the floor were crunching under Donghae's feet when he turned around and left the living room without another word or action. The door shut loudly behind Donghae's back and made Hyukjae's heart lose its rhythm.

The meaning of his thoughtless words was slowly slipping into Hyukjae's mind and without any chance to hold it off, his view became blurred by tears of guilt and helplessness. He had ed up now. He had totally ed this whole thing up now...

Alone in the much-too-large room now, Hyukjae stood up from the couch and made some steps towards the window and the sliding door that lead to a large roof-deck behind Siwon's flat. They have spent countless evenings here with the whole band and stuff members, mostly after their last concert of their current Super Show or just to celebrate their great successes.

Especially one night came into Hyukjae's mind when he saw the empty chairs and tables on the roof-deck now. He and Donghae had been the last ones who stayed awake after their party and when even Siwon went to bed and the others had left, they sat together on the roof-deck's edge, legs hanging loosely down the roof, wind blowing playfully through their hair and greeted by the sun that was slowly peeking over the horizon.

“We can't keep it secret forever, you know?”, Donghae had mumbled after some endless seconds, keeping his eyes on the raising sun in front of them.
"I know", Hyukjae answered, carefully grabbing Donghae's hand that laid right beside him. "I know we can't..."

This night was five months ago now.
The day after, Hyukjae had called Ji-Eun to ask for a date.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

In exchange for the long, long time you had to wait for an update, I finally present you a quite long chapter - tada!
I hope I've enough time to write some more in the next weeks, though I think I won't have it, haha.
Enjoyed it? Well... At least as much as it is possible to enjoy this?

Ah, and sorry for the SiChul-moment... I couldn't resist :D