She texts me about her lame movie night with Choiza, and tells me how much better ours was, even though we weren’t paying attention to the flick half of the time since we were so busy staring at the floor the whole time. And talking on her part. And silently confessing on my part. Sulli tells me about how everything with him seems boring, and she’s starting to lose sight of what their relationship’s built on, and that Choiza’s temper seems to be wearing thinner and thinner with each passing day. I’ve been witness to this rage, but only once, and it’s enough to make me change my opinion of him. I saw, with my own eyes, his cool exterior melt into a melting mess of red hot raving outburst, over something tiny. He raised his voice at her, in front of the four of us, and his hand burned a mark over the flesh of her face. 

At first, everything was still. Like how the woods get when a predator lurks out from beneath the cover of the shadows. No one even took a breath, no one could even believe what they’d seen, the second, flip side to the always calm man in front of us. But I could hear the distant roar echoing in my ears, the roar of blood, of hammering hearts, and held back emotions, and I screamed at him, letting the monster out. My hands made contact with his chest, and I shoved him down the steps and out of our dorm, locking the door behind me. When I walked back into the living room, Victoria was pressing a packet of frozen peas to Sulli’s wildfire cheek, and Amber and Luna were calling friends and family, probably warning others of the dangers. And Sulli was staring up at me, with those eyes, those sad, sad, eyes, and I knew that she’d forgiven him, even when he’d hurt her, even when he’d meant those words he’d said, even when he was trying his hardest to make her cry every night, she still loves him, and that’s. 

Even when that bastard didn’t deserve her. Even when we’re too young to be this sorrowful about life. She still loves him, she still forgives him. And I think that was one of the things that hurt the most about being her best friend, the way I could see the truth and not be able to act on it, the way I would have to stand on the sidelines and watch her fall in and out of love, watch her get hurt by some idiot nearly ten years older than her with a heart as black as the cold December air. And then, at that moment, I began to think of myself as her protector, because if I can’t love her as a lover, I’ll love her as a friend. And I will lay a bed before her; keep her safe until the end. And I think that was the moment that I promised myself that I would always be there, that I would always try to be better than Choiza, to love her better than anyone ever had. 

And that became one of my first oaths: I will love you more than anyone else in the world. I smiled to myself as I wrote it down inside of a spare notebook in my room, a new habit I would have over the next few months, before stowing it safely away beneath my mattress. That’ll be an easy one to keep, I thought to myself just after I pulled the little chain that turns my bed side lamp off, and settled into a peaceful sleep.