You, Like A Star

 

 

 

Taeyeon sat on the edge of the roof. Soon it would be 1st of January, a new year was about to begin. There was a New Year party for SMTOWN groups going on downstairs, but Taeyeon didn't feel like partying. She needed some time alone. She glanced at her clock, it was 15 more minutes to midnight. A cold wind blew across the sky, making her hair dance in the cold winter air. It was quiet up in the roof, and that was excatly what she needed. She closed her eyes.

 

Taeyeon had very mixed feelings, and she couldn't get a hold of her thoughts. She was living her dream, she had everything she ever dreamed about. But something was missing. She had SNSD, her members, who she loved more than anything. She had Ginger, her own little man, who made her always smile. She had her family, who supported her in everything and loved her the most. But she couldn't help feeling like something wasn't right. 

She was tired. It was no wonder with their busy schedule. Oh how she dreaded for a month holiday. She wanted more free time she could spend with her family, members and friends. It wasn't easy to be the leader of nation's girlgroup either, and it made her constant stress and worry. She was supposed to be the strongest one, who took care of her members. She felt like she was a bad leader. She felt guilty for her family, because she didn't have time for them. She felt guilty for having these thoughts. She had gotten everything and yet she was complaining. Her life was good, yet she was ungraful at times. She should be graful for what she had. Sighing she let a lonely tear escape, which was soon blown away by a strong gust of cold wind. She let her head drop and embraced herself in the night, when someone spoke up behind her. 

 

"Taeyeon, are you okay?" It was Leeteuk, the leader of Super Junior. Quickly she wiped away her tears and stood up, trying to hide the sadness in her voice. 

"Oh, I'm fine, just needed some time... How's the party?" 

Leeteuk wasn't that easily distracted. "You've been crying. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong Oppa, it's just that... It's just that..." And she let the tears once more escape. For a moment Leeteuk looked shocked, but soon she felt his strong hands around her shaking shoulders. He didn't say anything and she just cried her heart out in Leeteuk's warm chest. After a few minutes her sobs died and they stood in the silence, before Leeteuk put a finger under her chin and lifted her head, looking into her eyes. "Taeyeon, what's wrong?"

She stared into his eyes, which were full of worry and caring. She felt safe. "Oppa, It's so stupid you know..."

"Nonsense, I can see something's bothering you."

"It's just that..." She hesitated for a while, thinking wether she should open up or not. "I don't know what is it excatly. I just feel so... confused. I don't know how should I feel about all this. I love my life and I love SNSD, more than anyone could imagine, but at times... At times I wish everything was different. I wish I had more time for my family, I wish I had more time for myself. It sounds so selfish and I know I should be grateful for all I have, but I... I can't help it. "

 

Leeteuk was silent for a while, before he started to laugh. Taeyeon looked at him surprised. He laughed and hugged her. "I know how you feel and there's nothing selfish in your thoughts. It's normal Taeyeon. I know you love your job but it's normal to want some time for yourself as well. You'rea damn good leader and you're one amazing girl I know. " He smiled at her, took her hand and went to the edge of the roof. And he shouted. Taeyeon jumped from surprise and couldn't hide her confusion. She looked at him like he was insane, what made Leeteuk laugh even harder and shout once more. 

 

"Come on, shout." Leeteuk said. "Let it all out. I know you need this. "

Taeyeon hesitated. "Oppa, someone will hear us... We should go back insid..."

"Who cares?" Leeteuk smiled and didn't let go of her hand. "I know how you feel because I feel the same at times. I used to be confused as well, before I realised it's not all about the job, damn the job at times. We may be superstars but we're just human as well. Come on, do it!"

 

And she shouted. He joined her and they just stood there shouting from the bottom of their lungs. Taeyeon let her tears join them and she laughed. She screamed, shouted, cried and laughed. She let all the stress, all the thoughts and all the feelings out. When they stopped they looked at each others and collapsed to the ground, laughing. 

 

Sitting there, they watched the stars. "You know, I always thought of you when looking at the stars." Leeteuk suddenly said. 

"Me?" Taeyeon blushed. "Why?" 

"Because you are like a star. You shine on. Sometimes I wonder how do you manage it all. With everything that happens, the shine on your eyes never fades. It's there whatever happens. And that glint, it's like a shining star. Like the brigtest sky on the sky, " Leeteuk pointed at the sky and continued, "in the black, velvet universe."

 

He turned to her and saw her smiling. "Oppa, thank you! That's the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me... Oppa?"

"Yeah?"

She said something, but none of them heard it, because the first fireworks exploded in the sky. They watched the dance of fireworks in comfortable silence, only when Leeteuk grabbed her hand. She watched him and they kissed. The sounds of fireworks seemed to disappear somewhere. In their world everything else was gone. It was just the two of them, kissing in the cold winter night, only stars and fireworks as their audience. 

 

They stayed in the roof, watching fireworks and holding hands. 

"Taeyeon, Happy New Year!"

She laughed. "Happy New Year Oppa! What a way to start it, huh?"

"I love you, Kim Taeyeon!" And they kissed again. 

"By the way, what was the thing you tried to say earlier?"

Taeyeon grinned, leaning closer to him to whisper: "I love you!"

 

And that was when she realised. It was okay to be sad at times, it was okay to be selfish at times. It didn't matter. They were only humans who lived their life in the universe, just like everyone else. They were only humans, who faced hardships and fell in love. And she smiled. 

 

Sometimes you needed love to understand.