*Preview/Excerpt*

 

If you had asked me 3 years ago, perhaps even 2… I would have said yes—in a heart beat. It’s funny how things change. All I ever really wanted was for you to see me, awknowledge that I was there, albeit far but always there—I didn’t need you to love me or even need me in your life, I just wanted you to realize and appreciate the fact that I was there. But I don’t need your appreciation anymore. You didn’t give it, so I’ve learned to do without it. I don’t need your validation... your protection--not anymore. 

 

You once said you felt like I was something you needed to protect and at the time it had made me feel safe. Indestructible. I was untouchable because Oppa would never let anything hurt me. But if I had known protection meant amicable indifference and becoming nothing more than a casual colleague I would have shown you just how strong this ghost really is. I never needed your protection. Your hand in mine was more than enough because it was in those moments I felt the most invincible. I could have conquered the world with one hand just as long as you held the other.

 

You hurt me more than anything you were protecting me from.

 

"Oppa, saranghae"

 

I really did love you. 

 

 I wouldn't have said it if I hadn't meant it. 

 

I was smitten. Everyone could see it so why didn't you? I suppose selective blindness really is an art form, just turn away from the things you didn’t want to see. You had my heart in your hands and you must have known it, but it isn’t yours for the taking anymore. I'm done looking for your news in my every spare moment. "Taecyeon" and "2pm" will no longer dominate my search history. The subtle responses to your updates were all in hopes of making sure you wouldn't forget me but I can't keep chasing after someone who doesn't want to be caught. You never said anything but yet you said it all. Your silence spoke volumes.

 

Once upon a time we met and for me that was happily ever after. I know you thought I had expectations but I didn’t—not once, that would have been the height of all foolishness. With you, I only ever hoped. You promised a long time ago that you'd never forget me and that is finally enough. No more silly, wistful longing for more. I will always love you Taec, for the things you taught me, the world you showed me, the way you made me feel. I will never forget Ok Taecyeon. You were a beautiful part of my past but holding on to you leaves no room for my future. I'm letting you go for real this time, just like I had intended to do with our parting gift. 

 

Saranghae Taecyeon.

 

Annyeonghi Gyeseyo.