Chapter 3: Update this story please author-nim! >.<

Hello, here's your goody bag for joining my TMaF semi-contest! Thank you!
Plot: The plot reminds me of a melodrama –some Latin melodrama. Of course, the motives are different, and I'll never gonna dock off the points just because it reminds me of something else (I'm the type of writer who believes that by now, maybe only God can create something completely original). Anyway, there is this rather dramatic plot –which, on one hand, has more distinctive element to it in comparison to your first entry to this contest. So kudos for making me remember this one (which, dare I'd say, quite important, especially now that I have to read plentiful of entries).

But on the other hand, I do like your pacing at your previous entry more. In this one, I think there's a little rush in conveying the plot. It's not to the point that everything gets jumbled into a mess –no, it's not to that extent. But there are implicated feelings that are growing a tad bit too fast, there is a minor lack of smooth transition between the past and the present, and the lack of "transition" when Sooyoung becomes Summer (because as much as they resemble each other, being raised and living life differently for years surely warrant some kind of adjustment).

Another thing to be careful of is the possible holes –as this type of story, given the type of conflict, is prone to holes or some logical fallacies. There are some points that I think are too... coincidental to make any sense –this, I reserve, because it might have been your intention from the very beginning. All in all, I still have to see how the story would unfold to really evaluate it. On another note, to give you credit, I'm actually quite curious to see how everything will turn out in the end.

Characters: Sooyoung is fine, I suppose. There are some traits that you try to incorporate in the narration or the dialogues –and I commend you on that. Another suggestion is to have the characteristics shown by the subtle things –accumulated enough so by the end of the story the readers would feel like they know the characters, even without them realizing it. Some ways to do it is to show the habit of a character, the tendency of the character's way of thinking (presumptive/judgmental/accepting? Try Jung psychology test to dig more on this). Anyway, I'm getting off topic. Sooyoung, despite being fine, to me still comes out a bit too weak. Sure, I appreciate her struggle in finding out the truth (and kudos for making her able to think on her feet), but there is this sense of helplessness –and her motive to become Summer is quite questionable. In my opinion, I have no problem with her going to substitute Summer (without it, the plot won't move, right?), but I don't think there's enough contemplation/consideration for Sooyoung before she did that. Becoming someone else means that you have lots of things to learn, and that you'd have to leave your old life too –I think adding more considerations before Sooyoung's decision making process will solidify her as a character on her own, not only as a face to follow the train of plot.

Kyuhyun is interesting, I like him. Maybe I'm a bit biased because you formulated him somehow to be the perfect male lead in my mind. But on a more objective basis, maybe I like him because you give layers to him: on first glance, he's this arrogant and rather cynical man, on the second layer, he's actually able to distinguish Summer and Sooyoung –indicating his perceptiveness, and on the third layer, he's actually able to break free from his cocky attitude and actually break down when he heard of Summer's death. I like these layers –and this is something you need to maintain on all characters.

Siwon, a bit too bland and rather typical of him, but I know there are possibilities to have his character becoming equally if not more interesting than Kyuhyun –considering the secret that he seems to carry.

Style: Your style is decent. The problem is, given that this is a contest and by now, I've read other entries which possess not only distinctive writer's tone, but actually a very engaging stylistic that is even able to compensate the plot... then I'd have to say you need to step up the game. Again, there's nothing bad or wrong about your style, but you just have to get the extra push, the extra magnet to lure the readers to read. I feel like your words and sentences still follow the usual formula and you do not exactly "let loose" yourself and play with the words.

Suggestion:
• Take time and slow down the pace of the plot. I understand that you said the story is nearing the end. Even if it's not for this story, maybe in your next story, take consideration of the pacing.
• The way it is now is still fine, but be careful not to make it too dramatic to the point of it being too soap-opera-ish.
• Review the plot again, because there might be some holes or unrealistic matters in it. Again, it's completely fine to have a rather "out-of-normal" fic, so long that the reasons, motives, description can actually justify that.

Favorite Parts:
• Despite the possible soap-opera theme, I actually like this kind of theme/genre. In fact, I'm quite a er for this kind of fic
• Kyuhyun is likeable as a character, and I actually quite fangirl for him here –and definitely, I'm rooting for him with Sooyoung.
• There's these... ideas, like possible chemistry between Kyuyoung. The tension, the possible ual innuendos (maybe that's just me), just... argh, I actually can again fangirl about their interaction here –use this for your benefit, hehe.

 

Chapter 3: Waaaitt. What lie? Update....jebal

Chapter 3: SOOWON PLEASE!!!!

Chapter 3: SOOWON!!! <3

Chapter 3: Wait. What lie? What is happening? :O