“Jinki, can you please come over? I need some advice.” He heard Sungchan’s voice on the other line, almost choking up. He understood she was having troubles with her boyfriend again and he was always glad to help. They’ve been friends since the beginning of high school. Inseparable; there was no such thing as a break-up in terms of their friendship. But whenever he gave advice, he would put it in his perspective. Meaning he would tell her how a guy should treat a woman. But really, he was expressing his feelings about Sungchan. He’d loved her as long as their friendship was. But she never knew.

                                “Of course, I’ll be right over.” He responded, saying goodbye then quickly gathered his things to head out the door. She lived about a block over, so he decided he would walk and gather his thoughts, wondering what he should say. Should I confess my feelings? Should I act nonchalant towards her so she’ll ask me what’s wrong? Or…should I just be a good friend and not worry about myself today? Thoughts of that nature spun through his mind like a whirlwind. He hated getting anxious over these things, but knew he had to do it at some point or another. His hands rustled in his pockets and he flipped out his phone. Onew scrolled through the contacts until he reached the right one.

                                                                Jonghyun, I really need your help right now. I have no idea what to do…

                     Jonghyun answered right away, shocking Onew, since he never seemed to answer his phone when he really needed him to.

                                                                ??? Are you ok?

                                                                I’m going over to SC’s house. Should I tell her how I really feel?

                     Jonghyun’s response this time took several minutes.

                                                                I would. I’d let it all out if it was me. But I’m kinda busy right now, ttyl I hope it goes well~

                                Onew sighed and put his phone back in his pocket. It wasn’t much help, but it was enough to sway his decision. He would tell her. Today. How he really felt. Onew had never really done this before. Maybe for a few elementary crushes that never seemed to matter, but this one…this one person he actually loved…it was the hardest thing he’s ever had to deal with. What if she hates me? Will we still be friends? Onew knew what happened with Jonghyun’s ex-girlfriend before he became a trainee. They had to break-up and go separate ways. Onew didn’t think he could ever handle that. He wasn’t sure Jonghyun could either, considering he would never ever bring it up and would ask others not to as well.

                                After the long walk of contemplating, Onew reached the apartment complex of Sungchan. He knew the exact floor and door number she was at: 4^th floor, #395. He pressed the correct button on the elevator and waited. He began to nervously rustle his hair as he walked down the hallway to her apartment. His footsteps got slower and his breath got shorter. Even if he was a grown man he still felt like a child with these things…suddenly he reached #395. He reached out for the doorknob and was quite shocked as the door swiftly opened in front of him.

                                “I could hear your footsteps. You’re pretty loud on your feet.” Sungchan giggled. Onew stepped back a bit, but then smiled anxiously at her. His worried feelings were gradually fading away as he gazed at her. Her nose was red and her eyes were glistening with tears, but her voice wasn’t shaken. Her light brown hair was pin straight, grazing her collar bones. Her eyebrows raised as she supposed, “Well don’t just stare,” her voice cracked a bit but she resumed, “Come inside!” her hand waved in and she stepped aside so he could walk in. he nodded and strode inside.

                                “I’m sorry if it’s a bit messy…it’s just that whenever I’m going through something I…forget to clean.” She softly laughed to herself and tried to pick up some of the things on the floor. Onew took off his jacket and set it down on the arm of the chair, then squatted down to her level.

                                “No, no, it’s really okay. It doesn’t bother me. My dorm is usually worse than this, so don’t be ashamed.” He chuckled and looked at her for a moment, “So what did you want to talk about? Jiyoung?” Sungchan tensed up at the sound of her boyfriend’s name. Her eyes moved down to the floor and she nodded her head. “Ah, I read your mind.”

                                “Actually, it’s sort of embarrassing that you already know why I’m upset…” she stood up and threw away what was in her hands. With her back turned, she resumed, “I mean…is it always about him?” Onew felt bad for a second, but then stepped toward her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

                                “I didn’t mean it that way. Let’s sit down. You can tell me anything you need to and I’ll listen.” He gazed down at her and smiled warmly. She met his gaze and responded in the same way.

                                “Sure. That sounds good.” She grabbed his forearm and led him to the couch where they once were and sat down. Sungchan sat with her legs crossed like a childs. Onew thought it was adorable and he was about to grin, but decided this wasn’t the time to admire her. He needed to help her through something important. And with that thought, he hurriedly paid his full attention to her. “Well…Jiyoung has just been starting fights over nothing…like how messy my or his apartment is. It’s not my job to clean his, but he expects it to be. Sure, I could clean here and there around my apartment, but I don’t think it’s that bad.” She held her hands up and motioned to the area of the room.

                                Onew agreed silently, “It really isn’t bad at all.”

                                “See?” she dropped her arms in frustration, “And he’ll just constantly belittle me just because of that….calling me unclean and disgusting and not hygienic. And when I tell him that I’m tired and I want to go home, he’ll try his hardest to keep me awake. It’s really annoying…he’ll make me stay up late to go clubbing, but that just isn’t my style…I hate it. I hate drinking. But he loves it and expects me to as well. I’m not him!” Sungchan’s voice grew a little more angry with each word. Her face was getting flustered.

                               Onew looked for the right words to say, “Hmmm…” he tapped his fingers on the leather couch rhythmically, “Well I think you two are very very different. At least, from what I’ve heard. And you both fight constantly because of it. And you act like you aren’t together a lot…”

                                Sungchan’s eyebrows furrowed, “I asked for your help, not the obvious…”

                                He gulped and tried to get to the point, “I-I think you two are different, but you blend well together when you don’t argue. You both fight a hundred times but you’re still together with him, right? It’s like you can’t be pulled apart. You push each other away, but you never fully leave each other. Maybe you’ll run out of things to argue about and just be happy with each other. “

                                She clasped her hands together, “Maybe so…but...what would you do in this situation?” she glanced up at him, waiting for his viewpoint.

                                Yet again, Onew looked at the ceiling and carefully thought out what he was going to say, “If I was angry, I would try to hide it just for you so we wouldn’t argue. I would try to show you that we can be happy together. I’d say how much I’d want to hold you and how even if we’re different, we will always be the same. But if we argue, our love is just vocal, I guess.” He thought he played his feelings smoothly.

                                Sungchan looked like she was processing what he said, for her face looked stoic. Then it turned into a bright smile, “Ahh, you always know exactly what to say! You’re too sweet. Thank you so so so much.” Her eyes were now shining with happiness instead of tears. She held her arms out and wrapped Onew in a huge hug. At first he was surprised. She’d never her given him a hug like this. His eyes were wide, but sooner or later, he returned the hug and nestled his head into her shoulder. He wished he could hold her like this. He wished he was in Jiyoung’s place, for he could treat her world’s better than her boyfriend ever could.

                                Onew lightly grabbed her shoulders and back away from the hug, “Sungchan, can I tell you something?”

                                “Sure, anything.” She looked curious.

                                “I…” Onew gulped and took a deep breath, “What if I told you I loved you? What would you do?”

                                Her eyes widened and looked at him up and down, “That depends if you’re serious or not…” Onew looked down and pursed his lips, “Are you being serious?”

                                He slowly nodded and stared at her straight in the eye, “Sungchan, I’ve loved you since we started to become friends in high school. Every time you would ask about Jiyoung, I would be there. I would eat lunch with you, I would buy you presents for no reason, I would come to your house when you were lonely….how could you not know?” there was a hint of sadness in his eyes. He realized she never even had the slightest clue this whole time.

                                Placing her hands on his forearm, she spoke, “I…I never paid attention to it…I didn’t look that far into it…I thought you were just being a great friend but if I caused you so much pain by ignoring you why would you still love me?” she pleaded, “Please tell me if this is some psychological joke or something Jonghyun came up with to scare m—“ her last word was cut off by Onew softly touching his lips to hers. He could feel her tremble underneath.

                                A couple seconds went by and Sungchan heard him quickly inhale through choppy breaths. She opened her eyes and pulled her head back and gazed at Onew, who was silently crying, his shoulders hunched and his hands now clenched together. “Are you okay?” she asked quietly.

                                His wet face looked up at her, “What do you have to say?” his expression looked like he was defeated in some way.

                                Sungchan was confused, but knew she had to answer, “Um…I-I’m sorry…?” she said hesitantly. Onew bit his lip and shook his head, getting ready to stand up. “No, please, don’t leave I’m so sorry, I didn’t know anything…” she reached out to grab his hand but to no avail. He was already at the door putting on his shoes.

                                With one foot in and one foot out, he froze, “No. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have expected you to say anything. After all, I’m the one that’s supposed to make you feel better, right? Because I’ve never had any relationship problems. Because I’ve been wallowing over a girl that I’ll never get for the past four years.” He put on his last shoe and turned the doorknob, “I’m sorry, I need to leave.” And with that, he closed the door, leaving Sungchan the way he greeted her: full of tears and wondering what she had done wrong.