Hyesung gently poked at the skin around his eyes, giving himself a melancholy look in the mirror. “It's the lighting in here, hyung. I promise,” said Junjin, standing in the bathroom door, “you look great.”

It was near impossible to give each other compliments without a silly tone or a backhanded edge to it at least. It just felt awkward, like trying to apologize when the other guy already knew you were sorry, or saying I love you when it was patently obvious. But more than the others, Hyesung needed it every now and then, that reassurance that he wasn't fading away. He might not be as mirror-happy as Dongwan, but even if he wasn't looking, it was always on his mind. Is my hair out of place? Am I shiny? Did I smear my shadow just now when I wiped my eye?

“You don't think the dark hair makes me look sickly, does it? They look sunken, my eyes look sunken, Jin-ah.”

“No, hyung, no...” Jin reached over and put his hand on his brother's shoulder. “You're just not used to it, and you're tired. Besides, we'll get some sun in a few days filming and you won't be quite as pale anymore.” He pulled him away from the mirror, and Hyesung looked up at him. “You also look hungry. Let's go get some noodles to go with your hair, hmm?”

“Yah, if I'm jjajang, you're danmuji!” He reached up and ruffled Junjin's blond hair before pushing past him, the bad mood broken.

“Not much longer. Getting it all cut off before the photoshoot.” He ran his fingers through his own hair, looking in the mirror himself now, feeling the strands brittle from all the bleaching. “Still wish I had dyed it orange for the last concert.”

Junjin followed his hyung out to the living room. He found him already perched on the edge of the couch, messing around on his iPhone, dinner plans forgotten along with anything else. At this rate, they'd never eat. “Should I order delivery, hyung, we can just eat here?” Hyesung made a noncommittal grunt and stayed immersed in his phone. Jin, annoyed at being ignored, pinched the phone away from his grasp and started scrolling through the messages on the screen. Words barely had a chance to come into focus before he felt the hard slap on the back of his head and felt the phone snatched back away. “Ow!! Wait, where are you going? Hyung? Aniyo, kajima! Mianhae!~” Hyesung was already at the door, shoving his foot into his shoe, his back to Junjin. One shoe on, he stopped, stood still for a moment, then sat down hard on the step into the entryway, burying his face in his hands.

All he'd seen was “Bapo” at the top of the screen before it was taken from him, and he assumed that was a chat with Eric. They hadn't seen much of him since they'd gone on break after the tour. At least, Junjin hadn't...

Jin knelt down behind Hyesung and gently rested his hands on his shoulders. Hyesung stiffened for a moment and reached up as though to shove Jin's hands away, but stopped and pulled his arms down across his chest instead. Turning his head, he buried his face against the sleeve of Junjin's shirt, leaning heavily into his dongsaeng's shoulder. Steady Junjin. Strong Junjin. Solid. He felt Jinnie's breathing in his hair as the younger man pulled his friend against his chest, holding him while he cried softly.

After a couple minutes, Hyesung sniffled and leaned his head forward, his usual signal that now was time for talking. He picked up his other shoe and played with it absently while Junjin shifted from kneeling to sitting wrapped around him without letting him go.

“I should be happy for him. Even if it probably won't last, I should just be happy for him that he has someone even for a little while.” Jin's arms tightened around him as his voice caught in his throat. “It's what we all want... isn't it? He's the oldest, the leader, why shouldn't he find it first...”

Junjin rested his chin on Hyesung's shoulder, ears touching. Sungie's cheeks were warm from crying, his eyes were surely rimmed in purple, his skin flushed. He felt awful, thinking how delicate and beautiful his hyung looked when he was distraught. “We aren't going to lose him, hyung. He's not going to leave us.” But didn't it feel like he had? Almost immediately after the closing party, he'd disappeared, always at work, or 'out'. The weird messages on Kakao that drove them all crazy, they missed them now that they were so infrequent. Somehow Andy being so busy with getting Teen Top ready to head to LA hadn't been the same. They could understand completely all the work that went into getting the hoobae groups set for their own promotions because they'd been there. When Eric was distracted with Stellar, it wasn't like this. He wouldn't say it out loud, but it was always different when one of them was dating. Especially when it was only one of them. Especially for Hyesung when it was Eric.

Hyesung flipped the shoe in his hands halfheartedly towards the door and sighed. “Of course not.” He didn't sound convinced, more like he was trying to convince himself. “Of course he wouldn't.” The shoe gone, he started playing with Jin's hands, tracing around his fingers, toying with the bracelets on his wrists. Closing his eyes, he imagined Junjin's warmth was like sunshine on his back. He felt safe like this. Even if Eric wasn't responding to messages, even if he hadn't heard from him in a day and a half, hadn't heard him come home last night, everything would be alright. Jin shifted a bit, pulling his friend's legs closer with his calves so he could wrap himself around him down to the ankles. If only he didn't feel so safe in Junjin's embrace. A little uncertainty, a little fear, maybe a little danger … these were things Eric offered, the things he missed sorely. Even resting in his personal sunbeam, he felt a chill as he imagined living without that spontaneous insanity: the 4am knock on his door and Eric dressed in a wetsuit asking if he could borrow a toilet plunger; the tiny stuffed animals left on his doorstep, or sometimes in strange places in the house if he forgot to change the door code regularly; the “mystery” of his underwear occasionally disappearing or being replaced by things he'd never dare to wear in a million years. Jinnie was always there, would always be there, always answered his calls, always knew when something was wrong and always seemed to know what to do to make it feel alright again. He was … too good sometimes. He'd sacrifice his own happiness to make sure any of the other members felt better, and cover it up with smiles and jokes till it was too much to bear, till he broke down himself or drank it away in nights often better lost from memory.

A sharp pain pulled him from his reverie as Junjin bit him hard on his shoulder. Ok, maybe not so boring, not so safe. No Eric, but still an in his own way. Hyesung smiled and wiggled himself around so he could try to scowl at the mischievous grin. “I'm NOT a noodle, Jin-ah. If you're that hungry, let's go already! Sitting around while we starve. I'm not going to go easy on you just because your birthday is coming! You need to eat, keep your strength up.” He moved to his knees, reaching for his shoe, pulling himself free from Junjin. “We have a huge week next week! Your fanmeet! The filming! The photo spread! How can you keep your schedule if you don't eat well? Bad enough you never sleep!” Mamabird only finally stopped nagging for a moment when his phone chirruped at him, the familiar sound of Kakao messages coming through. From the way he blushed, Jin was pretty sure Papa had finally checked in. “Yah! Who do you think you're smiling like that at!” Hyesung said, shoving his phone into his pocket roughly and wagging a finger in Jin's face.

“Smiling like what, hyung? I'm only happy we're finally getting something to eat. Your hair, it's making my stomach rumble. Another bite, hyung, I feel faint...” He reached out to grab Hyesung, grinning wickedly.

“Aniyo! That hurt, Jin-ah!” He waved his hands at him to keep him at bay. “Out the door! Now!” He opened the door himself and half pulled, half shoved a laughing Junjin through into the hot summer night. Everything was going to be ok. Eric wanted to know where they were eating so he could meet up with them. Gwenchana.... gwenchana.