I can't live like this. I don't want to have to live a lie anymore. Why can't you love me out in the open?

Sungmin sat up, sweaty and distraught, he wiped his face with both hands and found that there wasn't just sweat there but tears. Night after night he was haunted by those words. Feelings that he was not able to deal with in his waking time came out in repetitive dreams. Trying to be upbeat and focusing on work was not cutting it. He felt like he was just one more sad thought away from getting depressed. So he kept his schedule as hectic as he possibly could this semester, quite the contrary to the last four years that he's made every possible concession to fit Kyuhyun into his busy life as an educator.

They met during the freshmen orientation. He was a new instructor and he was a freshman. Though they didn't quite look the part.

"Are you in the music department too?" the tall freshman had asked him. Sungmin nodded since he did graduate from the music department of this university and was going to teach a class along with the self-defense classes that he would have every MWF.

"I guess there are not a lot of cute professors here, huh? I was hoping to find some inspiration." the playful smirk made Sungmin smile as well. "I'm Kyuhyun _____ by the way, and you are?"

"Sungmin Lee." he was shy, even when he was doing his practice teaching he had a hard time trying to be casual. But whenever he sings, he forgets his shyness. And whenever he gets into the movements that he has to do in his demo classes, he was told that his soft-spokenness disappears. He never thought that he was any different when he sings or performs. But he is most definitely comfortable in those situations than when he needs to socialize.

"Sungmin-ssi!" another professor saw him and ushered him to the stage. Kyuhyun was left with his mouth open.

"And here is our newest instructor, teaching Vocal basics and Self-defense, Sungmin Lee." Sungmin bowed in front of the thousands of new freshmen and received a lot of hoots and oppa shrieks from the female student body. "He is a national champion and international competitor for Wushu."

The crowd shouted, "Demo! Demo! Demo!"

"Would you care to do a demonstration for us?" the dean responded to the heckling.

He scratched his head and agreed to do it. He went over to the corner and took the long part of the mop that was placed at the side of the stage and weighed if it was the right kind to use for his demonstration.

After his demonstration the hoots and the applause now included the male student body. He bowed and wiped the sweat off his forehead.

He looked at the crowd and saw that Kyuhyun was giving him the thumbs up while he was beaming at him. He felt like his breath was knocked out of his lungs. And it had nothing whatsoever to do with what he just finished doing.

It was as clear as yesterday and that was what hurt the most. The remembering. People are lying when they say that forgetting someone is difficult. It's not. It's the remembering that hurts like a mo-f* because the feelings that came with the moments that we keep replaying in our heads are like tiny wounds that are so itchy we don't have any choice but to scratch them. And in the end we feel worse and the infection spreads.

Kyuhyun had moved on to a life outside of the academe. Outside of Sungmin's reach and where he could be as open to who he was and who he wanted to be with. Sometimes it's not just that he was left behind that hurts, it was that Kyuhyun didn't even bother to make him a part of his future plans. Sungmin would have dropped everything just to be with him.

"I told my parents. They are shipping me to my aunt in America. They said that if I stayed here I would never be able to be who I am." Sungmin had stopped listening after the word America. He had always wanted to go there and be free.

"Be who you are?" Sungmin was trying to pretend again. He was the one in the closet. Kyuhyun had come out...they'd promise to do it together. Kyuhyun had wanted to do it during his first year in college. But meeting Sungmin made him think twice. If they were seen together often and Kyuhyun was known to be gay then it would have affected Sungmin's reputation. And as he was a new member of the faculty, one scandal was enough. They were already dating in secret. A student-professor relationship that evolved into a love affair that would cause Sungmin his reputation and his job.

"Be the real me." they never said the words because they were never sure who might be listening in. During the past four years they'd devised codes and changed the meaning of hyung and maknae to become their pet names. They've gone out on double dates simply to be able to go on dates that they wanted to go in. They'd always tag along