Final

Tempo di Dio

 

Tempo di Dio

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.”

 

XOXOXOXOXOXO

 

For the life of Choi Sooyoung she has never felt the need to rush time at all for she believed that time in itself knows its limit and how long should it take to make up a person’s day.

She never even had encountered trouble when it came to deadlines and such since she was well aware of the time she has been given and she do know how to spend it wisely.

Time in itself was a blessing for her that she wants to spend it in trickles and all that.  Just by being there, existing was enough for her.  Just knowing that time flies in a constant steady movement, knowing how much time she needed per situation made her feel at ease so why should she rush time and be reckless when she’s perfectly fine the way it is?

People saw her as a flawless person, for she rose through the ranks swiftly like she was meant to sit at the top.  It was not because of her beauty or her wealth but by earning it as she steadily did what was she told to do like she knew which time to do it or not. 

As calm as she is, as she go through the flow of time, she sometimes admit that the path she was going was quite boring her, which made her upset sometimes. 

So when she met a certain Cho Kyuhyun on her way home – from the grocery store, she didn’t knew that it will going to change her view of time altogether.

“Miss you left this” a brunette guy had handed her a rather small yellow plastic with a charming smile – Too charming that it almost blinded her.

“Uhm, I think I don’t own that” Sooyoung gave him an uneasy look and towards the plastic he was assuming she owned.

“Oh but you do own this” he smiled again and it gave her the creeps.

“I-ah, thanks…I guess” Sooyoung took the plastic from the stranger just to end the conversation as she hastily turn back and half jog half walk towards her car.

The guy just smirked upon the retreating figure of the brunette and decided to make her remember him “Cho Kyuhyun by the way. Nice to meet you Choi Sooyoung”

Having to hear her name from a stranger while she didn’t introduce herself made her tense.

How did he know my name?

But by the time she had turned to look back, she did not found the stranger there for it was just an empty car park space.

 

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

 

It has been a week before she finally forgot that crazy and save creepy encounter with one Cho Kyuhyun.

She was again going through life leisurely, spending what time could offer her in most productive ways.  So she smiled as she stretched a bit, while looking at the finished paper works on her desk – on her newly appointed vice chairman desk which was not easy to achieve even if you’re the daughter of the chairman himself.

“Good job as always Miss Choi, would you like a cup of tea while I stack the papers clean?” Kim Junmyeon – Sooyoung’s personal assistant had offered.  

“A tea would be lovely, I still have enough time to drink before going to my father to present my reports” she smiled which made the former smile in return.

As he excused himself to prepare the tea – not before getting the stacks of papers – Sooyoung was now practically alone in the room when a certain someone just waltzed in to her office.

“Hey” the guy smiled his charming smile again and the lady was so shocked that she froze on her seat.

“What? Why are you staring at me like you’ve seen some ghost? Is there any dirt on my face?” the guy asked innocently which she thought was fake and again creepy.

“What are you doing here?” She had asked though she didn’t know if that was the proper question.

She should ask How did you get here first before asking the motive to it.

“Well just wanna visit you, cool office by the way…so hows the plastic bag?” he said as he shrugged nonchalantly at her.

Sooyoung can’t believe what her ears are hearing.  This guy must gone coco way before she had accidentally met him at the car park of some grocery store.  He sounded like they were both friends from long time ago when in fact they were strangers minus the knowledge of names and now her work address.

“Are you a stalker or something?  I told you it wasn’t mine so I had left it in a police station” she said her eyes never leaving the man as he stayed by the door.

Now is about the time for Junmyeon to come back for her tea and to usher this stalker out of her office, but what made her grind her teeth in anxiousness was that it had been minutes away and there’s still no sign of him.

She never wanted to rush time, but this was the only situation where she would want it to go so fast that she’ll be out of that place, out of his sight, out of his reach.

“I told you that’s yours, look at your table drawer, I’m sure it’s there and nope I’m not a stalker” he smiled as he pointed towards her direction.

He was weird beyond words but she did look at her drawer and true to his words it was there.

“What the –“her eyes went wide as saucers, when she saw the yellow plastic bag in there.

I have left this at the police station. Why is it here?

“See I told you” Kyuhyun had smiled his mega-watts smiled like he just had won the lottery by just proving her his point.

“Had you snoop here and place it here?” she asked not as calm anymore, since he had freaked her out more.

Where is Junmyeon when you did him?

Dear time, please go faster I beg you, Just this once.

“Why bother?” he suddenly asked and she didn’t answer for anything he said was foreign and strange to her.

“Why are you so time conscious?  Just let it go.  Let time flow” he had this stare on her that made her uncomfortable.

“I-I don’t understand you” she tried to calm herself.

“You were asking time to go fast right?  When all this time you have just swayed to it’s rhythm so why ask it to go fast now?”

“W-what…H-How” she couldn’t stand it anymore, this creep is even reading her mind and boy how she thought she was losing it too just by thinking that this man is reading her mind.

“As far as I can see…you kind of value time right?  But in all honesty you kind of just made your life boring.  You should explore time more, not just sit there all prim and perfect just like you knew time would bend on your will…which it actually did”

“I really don’t understand any of this” she raged, at first she was nervous then scared but now she was in rage. 

Who dare messes with her in her office and tells her what to do with her precious time.

“Oh I know you do.  Just like that plastic bag.  You know this Sooyoung” Kyuhyun smirked.  The way her name rolled out from his mouth made her shudder but in what way she didn’t knew.  All she knew was that this guy was giving her negative emotions, but by just saying her name made her dizzy with another wave of emotions.

She had stood up from her seat and tried to push past him by the door to find whoever she can find to make the weird stalker go away.

But what met her by the hallway made her want to run all the way back to her office where her stalker was waiting with a bright smile on his face.

There in the midst of the hallway was Kim Junmyeon, papers on his left hand and her supposed to be tea on the right.

Should be normal though, but what made her run away in fear was that the man was not moving, like he was caught in a standstill.

He was like a statue.

Kyuhyun smiled when the brunette ran back, he knew this would happen.

“What happened Sooyoung-ssi?” he mocked.

“Y-You! Who a-are you?” she asked clearly terrified now, things like these should not happen.  She went to her bag and fished for her phone only to see that her phone was not connecting to anything and the phone’s clock had stucked to 6:57pm which was ages ago.

“You still have not look at the plastic bag” he pouted, which made him look cute but now is not the time to fancy a stranger especially if this stranger was a psycho and everything except them stood still, like time has been frozen.

She gulped upon reaching for the plastic bag, her hands tremble upon holding it, her eyes darted towards Kyuhyun and the bag in her hands.

Slowly she opened the bag to find an old watch like the ones found in the 18OO’s thingy in it.

She had raised the watch and studied the carvings on the front.  It had the initials of K and S on it which made her looked at Kyuhyun with an inquiring face.

“Who are you?”

“Me?  Can’t you recognize me with that in your hand?” he gestured, his eyes urging her to think more.

“This is a clock.” She had shrugged.

“Exactly.  Now enlighten me, why do you value time so much?” he had asked.

“Well…it helped me to ease through life.  And I want to treasure what time has given me” she had replied, not even thinking why in the world would she respond to that when everything seems so weird now.

“My guess is you’re in love with time” he smiled which made her feel quite uncomfortable.

“What?” she breathed.

“And so is he”

“Excuse me?”

“For I am Time himself” he said with so much satisfaction that Sooyoung could just passed right there, but she did not and she seemed to believe him since it’s the only plausible explanation for the sudden time still and all.

Cho Kyuhyun had offered his hand at the wide eyed Choi Sooyoung before uttering his offer in three short words.

“Be my Queen”

And Sooyoung just reached towards his hand and together they disappeared through  the night, leaving everything in their normal way of things again.

 

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pinboo
#1
Hello, here's your goody bag for joining my TMaF semi-contest! Thank you!

Plot: Intriguing, very intriguing. It surely is backed with a concept that easily sets this apart from other entries. The idea is quite genuine –although this might be an idea that is sometimes used in the manga/anime universe. And it definitely, as I said, intrigued and fascinated me. In the kpop fandom, it is quite original and executed well enough.

Another thing that I'd have to commend is the way you actually build the plot. The scenes are effective, not too draggy, not too fast. It's focused and goes to the point –a definite plus point. And additionally on the plot building, I do say you are also good in building the suspense. The plot keeps me curious and I kept on wondering what could be inside the plastic bag, what ordeal could this all actually be. Surely, this is something important –because you have managed to lure the readers to continue reading your story. The element of surprise at the end also adds more points to your entries –I definitely love it.
pinboo
#2
One thing that kind of deducts your point a bit, is the rather abrupt way the plot is ended. Like, you're building the extremely well, and I am all fired up, but when Sooyoung took Kyuhyun's hand at the end of the chapter, I kind of feel mildly disappointed. I'm not disappointed with the concept, I'm a bit troubled by the lack of motive for Sooyoung, who was undeniably skeptical in the beginning (even until the part where she said "Excuse me?"), suddenly received that hand offered to her. Yes, it's one thing to believe in Kyuhyun's surreal existence (as you pointed out, it is plausible since that's the only explanation for the sudden halt of time), but it's a different thing to actually go with him. The lack of motive and reasoning is the tiny point that I think you could have elaborated more. This might seem like a minor point, but since it is actually the conflict-solving part of the story (and thus one of the, if not the most, crucial part of the story) the issue becomes more substantial.
pinboo
#3
Characters: You got it. I do love the fact that you make the readers able to decipher part of Soo's personality from the very first paragraph that you wrote. This is a strategy that I think works well, because indeed, you do not have to go into a thorough analysis on different aspects of Sooyoung's characters –her perception, behavior, attitude towards time is sufficient. I think it's better to focus on one thing rather than to sporadically throw many unrelated points to a character. The focus on Sooyoung's attitude towards time actually explains a lot of things: her anxiety, her mild impatience beneath her seemingly cool persona, and it's good! Another bonus point is because the characterization actually ties well with the plot.

Then we have Kyuhyun. You also stole my heart right away with the enigmatic air that he has ever since the first meeting outside the grocery store. There is also consistency in his character (maybe persistence), and definitely there is a flair that makes him as a good male lead in a story. There is an extra something in him, I love it. Of course, maybe there are a lot of aspects that are not explained, but with Kyuhyun, I think it's the correct approach –considering it would be best to maintain him as this 'superstitious', enigmatic being or something. The fact that he might be another existence that is apart from the human race also justifies his lack of attention to other things, aside perhaps Sooyoung and time.
pinboo
#4
Style: It is the style however, that I think can be slightly be improved. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, because your writing style is anything but mediocre. It's clear-cut, efficient yet enigmatic at the same time. Your effective style is also appropriate for building the suspense. I just think that a bit of extra push is needed, a bit more description is required. And this is a matter of preference, but since this is clearly a surrealistic kind of AU, you might want to choose using more 'flowery' words to emphasize the 'distinction' between this world and the realm that you're introducing. Play more with metaphors, personification, in other words, flair to your writing. Another minor comment would be to use a comma before you end your quoted speech. ('"...," he said.', for example).
pinboo
#5
Suggestion:
• Elaborate more on the ending. While it's understandable to make it vague, but at least, I need to see more of Sooyoung's reasoning. The way it is now, it's like you're building the very well, but then left it with the "ah, it almost hit it!" kind of feeling.
• If you'd like to try, add more metaphor to the writing style. On one hand however, I'm not exactly saying that your efficient/effective writing style is wrong. I might be wrong instead. Maybe the effective stylistic works best with this fic, I don't exactly know –maybe this is just a matter of preference.

Favorite Parts:
• Kyuhyun and his enigmatic air. His character here is able to make me fangirl ^^
• The concept and the way that you, again, build the plot.
• Effective strategy on choosing the part of characterization to be focused on.
• Sooyoung is kinda relatable, and I don't know, I like how she's portrayed here.
codenameclumsy
#6
Chapter 1: Since I don't know how to look for a good Kyuyoung fic, I found this on Pinboo's Treat Me a Fic's comment :3 Just one shoot and I know you are a good writer! More kyuyoung please? *pleading face* *wink*
Everlotte #7
Chapter 1: Wow I really like this :D its soooooooooo fantasy-ish ^^