"Jongin-ah,"

"Mmm?"

"......"

"What is it?" 

Taemin sighed.

They were in the dancing studio. Both panting, lying on the floor. Starring at the ceiling, they were catching breath after a non-stop six hours of practicing. They would do a dance performance on Inkigayo this week; just the two of them, S.M's dancing machines. The fans had super high expectation on the six minutes-seventeen seconds performance, knowing the pair was also very close to each other in person. Dances were not the only thing they were looking forward to. Rumour had it that S.M would outdone itself on this particular stage, that was why it had been cancelled a couple times, to which Taemin grateful to and Kai seemed hatred towards.

I am doomed, he thought, when he found out that yes, the stage would happen eventually and yes, there would only be the two of them. Why, you asked. Because Taemin, he shamefully admitted, had improper thoughts of his dongsaeng recently. In a very, extremely romantic way. Like hugging him to sleep. Like cuddling with him on the couch. Like kissing under the moonlight on the white sands by the sea—

It was not used to be this bad, per se. He had long harboured his feelings but it was getting worse lately. He would like to blame Jongin because the last couple of weeks he’d been painfully touchy, adding skin ship here and there shamelessly both on and off-cameras. Taemin tried to shrug it off, because there was just no way he’d talk about this with the other. There would be questions and he was not gonna answer any of them thank you very much.

“Do you think they’re gonna like it? Those people, the fans; do you think it’s gonna be enough?” Taemin asked. Do you think they’d at last leave me alone after? Jongin stared at him, looking a bit surprised.

"I thought I just heard the mighty Lee Taemin feeling insecure? Something’s wrong with my ears," Jongin chuckled. Taemin rolled his eyes. "And you don't?"

"Why would I? I'm with you," Jongin breathed, chest moving up and down. “I have you with me, course it’s gonna be fine.”

"What is that have to do with this...."

"Everything.”

“You know exactly what I mean Jongin.” Taemin said, covering his eyes from the light with his arm, “They expect more than just dances, they want us to be all over each other—”

“—is that what you've been thinking?" Jongin turned to him.

"I—”

“—is that why you seemed reluctant the whole time? Because you don’t want to do fan service with me?”

“Yah, I'm still older than you, you could've—”

“—or you just don’t want to be seen together with me?"

"Will you let me ing finish!" He shouted, sitting up. Really, sometimes this favorite dongsaeng of him could be such pain in the .

"That’s not it, you dumb. They'll ing compare us to each other. They want us to be lovers, they want us to be perfect. I’m tired, Jongin. Their expectation kills me. They want us to be EVERYTHING, for 's sake. How is any human being supposed to do that?! Heck, I don't even know why I agree to do this,"

He felt drained.

Taemin used to be the one and only. The golden child. Receiving all praises for himself, solos, all for him and him only. HE was used to be the dancing machine. Jongin had been there the whole time supporting him, but back then Jongin was nobody. He got the title 'dancer' for himself, and most importantly Jongin, all for himself. He was never very fond of sharing.

Surprisingly, as Jongin debuted and (not so surprisingly) stood out, Taemin didn’t mind the title at all; it was Jongin instead. Jongin being exposed, Jongin’s picture on women’s bedroom around the world. Women and men. He hated that he could do nothing about it. That was when he realised what he had for the other. That was also when he started to pretend. And it’s been extremely exhausting.

The title and position didn’t matter because he had accepted for quite a while that Jongin was the better dancer. Although he could still recalled those times when the other murmured at the oddest time and moments; during lunch, on a walk, by phone calls, “I want to be like you,” It was never directed straight to him, not that he mind.
 

"So you do regret this huh," Jongin softly said, pulling Taemin back to reality. He sounded sad, voice as small as ever, Taemin almost missed it.

"You regret having this dance with me," Jongin chuckled bitterly.

"Stupid, did you even listen to my words earlier?" He would dance his whole life with him if it was possible. He was just tired of faking, of hiding. And truth be told, Jongin didn't because the next things came out from his mouth caught Taemin off-guard, and utterly bewildered.

"Why though, hyung?" Jongin sat up, starring at him.

Jongin didn't just call him hyung. Why would he? He never called him that before. What the hell is happening? He liked being called hyung but now that Jongin said it, and in this kind of situation, he hated it. It felt wrong.

"Is it because I'm your dongsaeng? Because I'm not good enough to be with you?”

“...are you crazy?"

"Is it because I'm not Minho?"

"Wha—He is not what we're talking about!"

"Is it?"

"Kim Jongin!"

"I hate him, hyung,"

What?

"....What?"

“...I’m better.”

This was really weird and something was off, that he knew, but why, he couldn’t tell. And this side of Jongin is darker it scares him.

"People always talk about you two. They have pictures of you two being all lovey-dovey like a newlywed couple. Dammit, are those even necessary??"

"...What in the ing hell are you talking about?”

“Can't you just let us be, hyung? Just this time? I promise I won’t demand anymore from you, but can't I have just this one? Please? For me? I'm your favourite right? Please," Jongin talked like he was running out of time. The whole speech was high pitched and loud, almost shouting, yet in the end he pleaded, powerless.

Taemin was speechless. Hell, he didn't know what to think, what to feel. Where did this sudden outburst come from? When did this even happen? Taemin was too confused to process anything, he couldn't see the connection between the points. What is the 'this' the other had been talking about? The performance? But what did it has to do with Minho and him being lovey-dovey, or what people talked of? How the heck did Minho even got involved? And what's with him not gonna demand anything else?

"I don’t understand one you said. You better explain them s to me or I'll walk out and pretend this conversation never happened."

"You're so dense its killing me hyung."

"Stop calling me hyung."

"What now, Sehun can be all sweet with you and I can’t?"

"...I’m so done with you—"

"—I ing love you, that's why."

“...”

“I’m in love. With you.”

The silence that followed was sickening, he felt light-headed.

Did Jongin just confessed to him?

Is this even real? This was his most treasured person talking right here, but did he heard right? Had daydreaming much caused him to hallucinate after all?

“I don't know what to say...”
 

"Then don't. I'm not exactly ready for any rejection from you.”

Taemin shook his head a couple times. If this was some kind of sick joke he sure as hell would break down. What is happening?

When Taemin didn’t say anything, Jongin snapped and he realised what he had said. Panic shot through his veins.

“. Sorry, hyung—Taemin-ah, I'm sorry I—I shouldn't have—” and Kai cursed to himself , what you’ve done Jongin, “Look, I didn't mean it— I mean I do, so much, I just—” And cue the painful tears running down Kai’s face, he looked so lost, “Can we just please—let’s forget—" Jongin cried, the strangled sobs wouldn’t stop.

It seemed like Jongin had this pent up for sometimes because he was sobbing and it hurts, Taemin thought, to see the other in such state. Then finally, the gears inside his damned brain started to work and it clicked one by one and it's oh. Oh. Oh God. "God Jongin,"

"I'm so ing sorry, Taemin-ah," He put his face in his palms as he tried to calmed down, it didn’t work. "...You hate me now?" He croaked.
 

Hate??? How to hate you how could anyone ever hate you are you out of your mind?? Taemin was mentally cheering and shouting in happiness and flying to infinity and beyond, and Jongin thought he was hated? Really, he wanted to jump and hug him right then and there, because this was too much excitement but the overflowing feeling made it hard for him to do so.

"Of course, of course you do. Dammit, I messed up bad didn’t I? Now you won't—the dance—we can never—” Jongin paused to sob hard, “I’m sorry...” He whispered.
 

Taemin reached out tentatively, carefully placing his hand on the other's head, caressing it. Jongin slowly looked up, his crying stopped. His eyebrows furrowed and it was clear Jongin was confused. Taemin dragged his hand down, resting it on the taller's cheek. He wiped the tears with his thumb. Jongin leaned to his touch, desperately.

"I can't, Jongin." He said, and he saw Jongin shut his eyes tight, though he didn't pull away. "Forever, I cannot, ever hate you." He continued, "I love you too much."

Kai’s breath hitched and he brightend for a second, then the gloomy face was back, “...please don't say this just because—”

"It was all fan service, with Minho. And he always wants a little brother, really. I thought everyone know by now. He was the maknae before I joined remember? I think he fancy me and I fancy him and we have brotherly love but that’s all, okay?" Taemin tried his best choosing his words wisely. He retracted his hand back and looked down to his lap.

"The reason I seemed reluctant is because I’m ... I’m afraid. Because sharing the stage with only you would give people chance... to see. They already ship us and it freaked me out, the fact that they might catch, somehow see through me that its real. That what they’ve been guessing was right all along, that what I have for you is real and I don’t—I can’t let it happen." He paused to see Jongin staring blankly at him, that kind of expression he couldn’t understand. “Because what would happened then? I mean, what if... what if you found out? You would hate me, you would probably push me away and what would happen... to me then?”

Jongin leaped to him, almost sending them both to the floor.

“I love you so much,” Taemin laughed at the cheesiness.

“You should’ve told me earlier.” And he was a little .

"You’re the hyung though," Kai snapped back, voice muffled by his not-so-hyung’s chest.

"Will you stop that.”

"Hyung," Jongin teased, looking up slightly. Taemin groaned and buried his face in the other’s hair, drowning in the scent (and a little sweat, as gross as it was, but he couldn’t care less) of Jongin. "Whatever," Jongin was being clingy, Taemin noticed, and it was new. But he kept it to himself; he’d ask him later.

Jongin giggled. "I love you," and more giggles. "I’m your fan,"

"...right..." He replied flatly.

"I feel like fangirling right now. I'm dating Lee Taemin!" He laughed, proud of himself, wrapping his arms around Taemin’s torso tighter. His legs spread long on the wooden floor while Taemin’s bent on either side of him. But Taemin thought of having a little payback. He smirked.

"...who said anything about dating?" On that sentence Jongin froze.

"Wh-what?" he stammered.
 

"..."
 

"..."
 

"...I'm just messing with you."
 

"YAH!" he hit Taemin half heartedly while pouting, still in his fangirl state. Taemin could get used to this. He pulled Jongin closer, cradling him in his arms. Kai was bigger than him and it was a little awkward but that’s okay because it was warm and he just liked hugging Jongin. "I love you too."

“I know. Who doesn’t.” Jongin’s tone was smug though he sniffled a little, breath still hitching here and there after the tiring cry he had.

“...wow, after all the confession, really? You were literally ugly sobbing here minutes ago thinking it’s unrequited and now—” Suddenly he was being kissed on the lips. There was no movements, the other was only touching their lips together, then hid his face back to Taemin's neck even before he could register what happened, let alone close his eyes. “Shut up.” Jongin said, blushing, and it was cute but Taemin was too dumbfounded to notice.

He took a deep breath and pulled away bit by bit, lifting Kai’s chin up just as careful in the process. He observed his face, eyes red and swollen, gleaming nonetheless. His bottom lip trapped between his teeth but Taemin could see the grin the younger was trying to hide because he had successfully stole a kiss. Taemin thought he’d be able to manage, having this kind of relationship with Kai. All teasing and stolen kisses. And dances. He would like that. Kai made him happy and he found himself wanting to be the other’s reason for happiness, too. He smiled and put their forehead together.

“Thank you.”

And Jongin kissed him again, longer this time.

“Why do you not like me to call you hyung?”

“It’s weird, you never called me that before. Plus the first time you said it you looked so torn, you did, don’t give me that look, and so I hate it.”

“Hmm...” Jongin thought about it for a moment.

“AND I know you don’t like being younger too,” Taemin added, “You always act all adult like, with that I-don’t-need-nobody attitude of yours, so why the hyung all of a sudden?”

Kai blushed all the way to his ear and his face contorted to this funny expression Taemin would never forget. Huh.

He mumbled something Taemin couldn’t catch, “What was it?” he tried to not sound too amused, knowing Kai might be embarrassed he wouldn’t talk at all. Kai cleared his throat and talk in a very, very hushed voice barely above whispers.

“I want—I want you to baby me—is all.”

Taemin laughed his off people in radius of fifty meters could probably hear him. He didn’t give a because the ever manly man Kai wanted to be babied. By him. Not to mention the way he stuttered and blushed as he said it to his face.

“You are one hell of a jerk, Lee Taemin.” The blushing boy managed to say. Taemin continue to laugh. Jongin attempted to make him feel bad again.  “You’re lucky I love you otherwise I would’ve done nasty things to you,”

“I love you too, baby.” Taemin cooed. And burst out laughing again.

You're still there?

omg god bless you why are you still here thankyou so much did you read it? Its lame isnt it im sorry T.T

Comments, critics, and violent reactions are very welcomed! If you want, you can go anon and tell me here. Thanks for reading :D