The phone fell from his trembling hands.

His eyes darted from place to place around his bedroom but they focused on nothing in particular. His hands were still shaking as his eyes finally lowered to the fallen phone. He heard his mother’s sobbing voice calling out to him from the other end but he made no move to pick up the phone and answer back. His whole body had gone numb by the sheer weight of her words and he was at a temporary loss for words. He turned his head a little and his eyes caught sight of the lone picture frame situated on his bedside table. His vision blurred as he felt the tears he had been trying to contain well up in his eyes.

He slowly picked up the phone where his mother’s cries still echoed through. Taking a deep breath, he said into the speaker, “Umma, I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

Without waiting for a reply, he hung up the phone. And when he was sure that his mother couldn’t hear him, he let his tears fall freely from his eyes, staining his face. He cried his heart out, his sobs echoing around his small bedroom. His whole body was shaking now and he couldn’t control or stop the wails now escaping from his lips.

Only one thought played over and over in his mind like a haunting melody to his ears.

Jang Hyunseok was gone…forever.

~~~

He stepped off the plane and headed to the airport exit. He wondered who would have the duty of picking him up. Maybe his father’s driver? It was unlikely that his parents would greet him at the airport themselves. Despite still being indoors, he pulled out a pair of sunglasses from his bag and put them on. His eyes were still a bit puffy and he didn’t want anyone else to notice. Rolling his bag along with him, he stepped out to the baggage claim area of the airport. He took a quick glance around. When he recognized no one, he started making his way to the front doors. Maybe they had forgotten that he was coming in today, which was typical for anything concerning him. He tried to not let that affect him and continued on his way out to catch a taxi.

He had almost reached the airport doors when a voice called out to him.

“Hyunseungie.”

He turned and met the gaze of a man standing a couple of feet away from him. It took him a few seconds to figure out who this man was. He looked different now…not like how he had when they were young. Hyunseung distinctly remembered the fullness of his cheeks…and didn’t he wear glasses? The man before him now was tall and lean, his chubby cheeks completely gone and a strong jawline replacing them. He was no longer bespectacled…no longer the boy he had known in his early years of life. But those eyes…those eyes were still the same. Hyunseung knew he would never forget them.

“Yoon Doojoon. It’s been a while.”

Hyunseung saw pain briefly flash behind his childhood friend’s eyes. And he knew the reason for it. But as quickly as it had come, it disappeared as Doojoon made his way over to him.

“Your parents are busy with the…preparations…so they asked me to come get you.” Doojoon said, stopping in front of Hyunseung. Hyunseung nodded a little, looking over at Doojoon. But Doojoon had turned his gaze elsewhere and motioned out the airport.

“Well, we should get going then.” Doojoon said. Without waiting for a reply, he led the way out of the airport. Hyunseung watched his retreating back for a few seconds before he followed after him. When they reached Doojoon’s car, he opened the trunk for Hyunseung’s luggage but didn’t bother to help him put it in. He went straight around the car and climbed into the driver’s seat as if he were trying every way possible to avoid Hyunseung. And Hyunseung understood why.

It’s been 10 years since he left Korea. He rolled down the window and allowed the breeze to brush past his face. It felt good to be back in his homeland. He closed his eyes a bit, stretching his hand out the window to better feel the wind against him. In all honesty, he loved this place…and he never wanted to leave it those 10 years ago. But back then, he had to. There was no other way to escape but to leave this place.

Doojoon glanced over at the man sitting in his passenger seat. He took in his image once again; faded and ripped black jeans, a black and grey graphic tee, and spiked accessories lining his waist, wrists, and neck. Doojoon wasn’t surprised to see this. He had figured that Hyunseung would be headed down the wrong path when he decided to leave Korea. Without his hyung to guide him, he would definitely make the wrong decisions…Doojoon knew that for a fact.

When Hyunseung turned to look at Doojoon, he hurriedly averted his eyes back to the road.

“Yoon Doojoon, you don’t have anything to say to me?” Hyunseung asked.

Doojoon was silent for a few seconds before he said, “How have you been?”

Hyunseung laughed a little, turning to look out his open window again.

“That’s not what you want to ask. Go ahead, Doojoonie. You can say whatever you want to.” Hyunseung said. Doojoon glanced over at him again, noticing how very nonchalant he was. He turned back to the road.

“Why did you come back?”

Hyunseung felt his breath hitch a little at his words.

“If you were going to leave, you should’ve just stayed away.”

Hyunseung smiled a small smile. He knew this was what Doojoon really wanted to say.

“He’s still my brother, Doojoonie,” was his simple reply.

~~~

The rest of the car ride was silent. As Doojoon pulled into the driveway of the Jang estate, Hyunseung couldn’t help but stare at the place before him. His childhood memories came flooding back to his mind as his eyes examined the area. It felt so bittersweet being back here. He would be lying if he said he didn’t miss this place. This was his home…and it will always hold a special place in his heart. But as soon as he exited the car, he felt a strange change in the aura of the house. It just didn’t feel right now that someone was missing.

Doojoon led the way into the house, rolling Hyunseung’s bag with him. He entered the front door and was immediately greeted by the butler. He handed him the bag, giving him a small smile. The butler turned to Hyunseung, who was pulling off his sunglasses. Butler Han…he’s still here…Hyunseung thought as he stared into the face of the butler before him. The years had definitely aged him quite a bit.

“Young Master Jang, would you like me to bring your bag to your room?” Butler Han asked uncertainly. Realizing what he meant, Hyunseung shook his head.

“No. To the guest room, please.” He answered. Butler Han nodded and bowed before he made his way up the staircase with Hyunseung’s bag.

Doojoon and Hyunseung walked further into the house, first entering the living room off to the left. Hyunseung felt his body grow heavy with each step he took. It felt strange to be walking through this house again after 10 years of being away. Although nearly everything was as it had been when he had been living here, he couldn’t help but feel like a stranger here. The place felt familiar yet completely foreign to him.

The two of them crossed through the living room and entered the dining room. When Hyunseung saw his parents seated at the table talking in hushed whispers, he stopped. Doojoon continued on though, bowing to the two of them when he was near enough to them. They both looked up and their eyes traveled over to their son, who now stood frozen at the entrance to the room. His mother stood up, her eyes shaking with a mixture of emotions shining behind them. His father, on the other hand, remained seated, his dark eyes glued to his figure with a look that passed between pain and something else Hyunseung couldn’t decipher.

“Hyunseung-ah…”

His mother walked around the table and toward him. Hyunseung bowed respectfully to the both of them. When he straightened up, his mother stood directly in front of him, her eyes welling up with tears. She slowly lifted her hand and gently placed it on his cheek, a tear finally escaping from her eyes.

“My baby…” she whispered softly.

Hyunseung took a step away from his mother, her hand now leaving his face. Although it pained him to do that to her, he knew he had to. She wasn’t in her right mind at this moment and he could tell.

“I’m not hyung, umma.”

His words cut through the both of them like sharp blades. Her eyes widened a bit, shaking as they stared into his own. After a few silent seconds, she looked away, breathing out a breath of air she had been holding in since he had spoken. She closed her eyes tightly and more tears spilled out from behind them. Hyunseung felt an urge to hold his mother but painfully forced himself not to. She needed to realize that he wasn’t Hyunseok…he was Hyunseung.

His father stood up from his seat. He walked over to his wife who was now sobbing uncontrollably and firmly held her upright by her shoulders. He looked up at his son, his expression unreadable before he led his wife out of the room. Hyunseung waited until he heard them quietly ascending the stairs before he turned back to the living room. Directly across from him hung a huge family portrait…one that they had taken years ago. His parents sat in the middle while he and Hyunseok stood at either side of them, all of them smiling widely to the camera.

Hyunseung forced himself to choke back his tears and calm down as he stared into his brother’s face…a face identical to his own.

~~~

They were completely alike in appearance but total opposites in personality and character. Yet in a way, they made up for what the other lacked.

Hyunseok was an adventurer; outgoing and talkative right to the core while Hyunseung was more reserved and shy. While Hyunseok made friends easily, Hyunseung had a harder time with it. But Hyunseok made sure he was always included. It was his duty after all, as the hyung-by-two-minutes. Growing up, a lot of people tended to mix them up, especially teachers. There were only a select few who could tell the difference between them, Doojoon being one of them. Hyunseok had hit puberty first though so whenever the two were together, they’d be able to tell them apart by their height differences and voice octaves.

They also differed greatly in academics as well. Hyunseok was top rank; the class president nearly all their years in school together. Hyunseung had a harder time learning though. He liked to blame it on his short attention span. Hyunseok was always willing to help tutor his brother but Hyunseung’s grades rarely ever improved. And because of that, their parents always seemed to favor Hyunseok more. When they were young, Hyunseung really didn’t take notice of it. But when he hit 12, it became clearer to him how often he was viewed as second best. He envied his brother’s relationship with their parents but there was nothing he could do. He just wasn’t like Hyunseok.

Early the next morning after his arrival to Korea, Hyunseung took a stroll around the estate, wanting to be free of the constraints of the house. Hands in the pockets of his jacket, he breathed in the fresh morning air as he walked at a near sloth pace. He loved the familiarity of the air…loved how it hit his face as if welcoming him. He closed his eyes and smiled. When he opened them again, he was stopped in front of a large oak tree off to the far left of the estate. The tree in front of him triggered his memory and he was unconsciously brought back to the past.

 

“Seung-ah, last one to the tree buys ice cream!” Eight-year-old Hyunseok shouted, sprinting off in the direction of the tree. Hyunseung rushed off after him, a smile spreading across his face when he saw that he was gaining on his brother. Hyunseung’s hand touched the tree just seconds before Hyunseok’s.

“Ha ha! Seokie, you lost!” Hyunseung cried out in victory. Hyunseok smiled over at him, huffing and puffing next to an exhausted but ecstatic Hyunseung.

He roughly ran his hand through Hyunseung’s hair, messing it up. “Alright, little brother. I guess I’ll pay. Let’s go.” He said. Hyunseok wrapped his arm around Hyunseung’s neck and dragged him along with him playfully. Hyunseung struggled against his hold, trying to pry his brother’s hands off of him.

“Yah! I’m not your little brother! We’re twins so neither of us is younger or older!” Hyunseung bellowed. Hyunseok simply laughed at his words as they continued onwards.

The sound of his brother’s laugh those many years ago echoed distantly in his mind. He walked up to the tree and gently placed his hand against the rough bark of the trunk. He knew Hyunseok had purposely let him win. That was something he liked to do often. Every game they played, Hyunseok would pretend to play his hardest just to lose in the end. To make Hyunseung happy and not feel like a loser, he’d step down and let him take the spotlight for a change. It was something Hyunseung both loved and hated about him.

As he headed back to the house, a car he didn’t recognize pulled up the driveway. Curious, he paused by the front door and waited to see who it was that was paying them a visit so early in the morning. Out of the car stepped a man in casual wear, a bouquet of flowers in hand. He looked to be about Hyunseung’s age, his black hair sweeping across his face to one side. His eyes were piercing and the whole aura that hung around him wasn’t a very inviting one. Yet the expression on his face spoke only of pain and sorrow.

The man made his way to the front door where Hyunseung stood by. The man suddenly caught sight of him and upon seeing his face, he stopped dead in his tracks. He lowered his bouquet, his eyes wide with shock as he silently stared over at Hyunseung.

Hyunseung inwardly sighed. “I’m not him.” He said. He had a feeling he’d be saying that a lot the next few days. The man continued to stare at him for a few seconds before the intensity in his gaze lessened and a small smile spread across his face.

“You must be Hyunseung then. I’m Yong Junhyung.” The man said, stopping in front of Hyunseung and stretching his hand out to him. Hyunseung reached out and shook his hand in greeting.

“Seokie told me a lot about you.” Junhyung said. He looked into Hyunseung’s face again before he shook his head a little. “You two really are identical…” he muttered loud enough to be heard. Despite his almost dangerous aura, when he spoke, he became the complete opposite of it. His tone was nice and convivial, true to the saying that one must never judge a book by its cover.

Unsure of what to say, Hyunseung uttered the first thing that came to his mind. “Come in.” he said before leading the way into the house.

Junhyung silently followed after him. They entered the living room and each situated themselves on separate couches. When Junhyung sat down, he placed the bouquet of flowers on the coffee table in front of them. Hyunseung could tell by his expression that this wasn’t Junhyung’s first visit to the Jang’s estate and he was soon proven right. One of the maids entered the room and smiled over at Junhyung.

“Mr. Yong, so good to see you! Would you like anything to drink?” she said. Junhyung smiled at her in return.

“Water is fine.” He answered. The maid turned to Hyunseung.

“The same.” Hyunseung said. The maid bowed and exited the room to fetch their drinks.

They were silent for a few minutes, the maid returning with their drinks and leaving them just as quickly. Junhyung was the first to break the silence.

“You’re probably wondering who I am.” He said. Hyunseung looked over at him and their gazes met.

“One of hyung’s friends…right?” he guessed.

Junhyung let out a small laugh. “Hyunseok was more than just a friend to me. He was the brother I never had and always wanted. You’re extremely lucky to have grown up with him.” He said. Hyunseung remained silent, sure that Junhyung would elaborate on their story.

“I was new in town and naturally viewed as an outcast. News traveled fast about my parents’ divorce. Even before my first day of school, stories had spread about me having an alcoholic father and a e mother. There were even rumors that I was a part of a notorious gang and that I had murdered countless times before. I was only 16…how could anyone believe those lies? But they did and they all stayed away. Everyone…except Hyunseok. He befriended me despite the jeers and name-calling he received. He accepted me when no one else would.” Junhyung’s eyes were lost as he recalled the memory.

That sounds like him…Hyunseung thought. A few seconds passed before Junhyung looked up at Hyunseung, a small smile on his face.

“Seokie always talked about you. It was like he was obsessed with you or something. But I guess that’s natural since you two are brothers…twin brothers, at that.” He paused, looking into Hyunseung’s eyes. “I don’t exactly know why you left when you did…and I have no right to poke around in your business…but you should know that Seokie…he really missed you when you left.” Junhyung finished. Hyunseung looked away, unsure of what to say.

As if on cue, his mother entered the living room, her face immediately lighting up when her eyes found Junhyung.

“Junnie! You’re here.” She exclaimed, making her way over to him. Junhyung stood from his seat, smiling at the woman now approaching him.

“Eomoni…” he said as she embraced him in a tight hug. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner. I had business in Japan and the news came to me a little late.” He said. Mrs. Jang shook her head a little and pulled away from him to look him in the eyes. She stared up at him lovingly, as a mother would her own son and smiled a little.

“You’re here now and that’s all that matters.” She said, squeezing his arms in a comforting way.

She turned to Hyunseung and walked up to him. When she reached him, she cupped his face in her hands, her thumb gently caressing his cheeks. She smiled up at him lovingly too. The sight of her looking at him so tenderly made Hyunseung’s heart swell. He missed this look…more than anything in the world, he missed the loving touch of his mother.

“Seung-ah, did you sleep well?” she asked, staring intently into his eyes. Hyunseung lifted his hand and placed it over one of hers before he nodded his head a little. Their time of mother-son bonding was short-lived though as a series of footsteps were heard making their way to the living room.

“Eomoni, we’re here!” A bright voice called as four men stood in the wide doorway of the living room.

Hyunseung and his mother both turned to see who had joined them. The only person Hyunseung recognized out of the bunch was Doojoon. The other three he had never seen before. All at once, the three guys he didn’t know laid their eyes on him and their expressions changed immediately. As if they had just seen a ghost, they gazed at Hyunseung with wonder and shock. But the look soon passed, all three of them shaking their heads a little to clear their thoughts. Mrs. Jang had already walked over to them, pulling each of them in for a hug.

“It’s so good to see all of you here at once. It makes my heart leapt with joy.” She said happily, holding Doojoon, the last of the bunch, a little longer than the rest. She pulled away and he gave her a knowing smile.

“You must be Hyunseung.” One of the three guys had approached him. He was a little shorter than him, his big build easily noticeable through his t-shirt. “I’m Lee Kikwang.” He said, holding out his hand to him. Hyunseung nodded his head a bit and shook his hand, noting how strong his grip was.

The second guy stepped up to him, his height matching Kikwang’s. He smiled at Hyunseung, extending his hand out as well.

“I’m Yang Yoseob. It’s nice to finally meet you.” He said in his sing-song voice. Hyunseung wordlessly shook his hand as well.

The last guy came up to him too and followed the other two’s actions. Although he was taller than the two…and even a bit taller than Hyunseung himself, he gave off a younger more youthful feeling. Hyunseung could tell that he had to be the youngest in the room.

“I’m Son Dongwoon.” He said and Hyunseung shook his hand in greeting.

“These are all Hyunseok’s closest friends, Seung-ah.” His mother explained as the group of them dispersed to find a seat in the room. Doojoon hit Junhyung’s back in welcome, smiling as he took a seat next to him. Yoseob squeezed in on the other side of Junhyung. Kikwang and Dongwoon sat down together on the couch next to theirs while Mrs. Jang seated herself down on a one-person armchair. Hyunseung walked over to where his mother sat and stood beside her chair, looking around awkwardly at the faces before him.

“Eomoni, how are you?” Kikwang asked, gazing over at Mrs. Jang.

She smiled and said, “I’m fine, Kwangie. Don’t worry about me.” She reached over and took Hyunseung’s hand in her own and gave it a little squeeze. “I have my Seungie here with me now.” She said. Hyunseung wasn’t sure how to react so he just stared down at his mother, allowing her to continue to hold his hand. The guys in the room glanced over at him but each of them remained silent.

“Abeonim too?” Kikwang asked after a few silent seconds. Mrs. Jang nodded her head.

“He’s still a bit shaken but he’s getting through it. He’s acting a lot like how I thought I’d be acting at this moment.” She let out a soft chuckle. The guys all smiled a little.

“Well, I know you’re all here about the funeral plans so I’ll get right down to it.” Mrs. Jang said.

“Wait. Didn’t Saeri say that she’d be here too?” Doojoon asked, staring around at all of the guys.

“It’s understandable if she can’t make it, Doojoonie.” Mrs. Jang said. She let out a small sigh. The other guys nodded in agreement as Hyunseung stared curiously over at them.

“Noona’s probably having the hardest time right now.” Dongwoon said softly.

Moments after he had spoken though, another set of soft footsteps were heard and in seconds, another visitor walked into the living room. She was a petite young woman, casually dressed in boot-cut jeans and a navy blue blouse. A black handbag hung from her shoulder and her long hair was let down in loose waves. She entered the room with a small, somewhat forced smile on her face. She quickly scanned the room, her eyes landing lastly on Hyunseung. When she stared into his eyes, the whole world seemed to have stopped. Hyunseung couldn’t deny that she was beautiful. With her eyes completely glued to Hyunseung’s, she walked toward him, stopping about a foot away from where he stood. Hyunseung wasn’t sure of what to do so he simply stood still, waiting to see what she would do. Very slowly, she lifted one hand and placed it on his cheek. The coldness from her hand tingled through his skin and he involuntarily shivered a little. Her eyes began to water as she continued staring at Hyunseung, her hand still lightly cupping his cheek.

“Noona, he’s not Hyunseokie hyung.” Yoseob’s voice pierced through the silent room.

Saeri took a sharp intake of breath, quickly pulling her hand away from Hyunseung’s face and using it instead to wipe the tear that had escaped from her eyes as she turned to face the guys. She smiled a little at them before she walked over to the couch Kikwang and Dongwoon sat on, taking the empty seat next to them.

“Saeri, dear, this is my other son. I’m sure Hyunseok has told you about him before. Hyunseung.” Mrs. Jang said, worriedly gazing over at the slightly distraught girl. Saeri nodded her head, feigning a happy expression.

“He has. I’m Park Saeri.” She said, glancing at Hyunseung before quickly averting her eyes elsewhere, shifting a little in her seat.

Mrs. Jang went straight into the funeral plans for the next day. Everyone listened attentively, readily volunteering themselves for certain duties. Hyunseung silently watched as they talked, observing them. He could tell they were all distressed with this unfortunate event but they each strongly carried on, knowing that this was something that couldn’t be easily ignored. More than once, Hyunseung’s gaze had lingered on Saeri, who was obviously trying her hardest to avoid his eyes. When she felt him staring too long, she’d awkwardly fidget in her seat and Hyunseung would quickly look away.

When they finished their talk, Saeri was the first to rise from her seat. She said quick goodbyes, embracing Mrs. Jang in a tight and comforting hug. She barely glanced at Hyunseung before she turned and left. Hyunseung stared after her for a few seconds before the other guys’ voices brought him back to the room.

“You’ll stay for lunch?” Mrs. Jang asked the guys. They all smiled at her.

“That’s a lot of mouths to feed, not to mention the fact that we’re guys and we love food.” Doojoon said, laughing a little. Mrs. Jang smiled in return.

“It’s not something I haven’t done before. I already told the maids to cook extra food in preparation for you guys so now you have to stay and eat.” She said.

“Well, if you insist, then of course we’ll have lunch with you, eomoni!” Yoseob exclaimed, walking over to her and gently grabbing her arm in a playful way. Mr. Jang entered the room as Mrs. Jang let out a chuckle, pinching Yoseob’s nose a little.

“You’re still up to my wife, Yoseob?” Mr. Jang said. His voice was naturally loud and authoritative but there was a hint of playfulness behind his words.

The guys all turned to Mr. Jang and bowed, including Hyunseung. When they straightened up, Mr. Jang was already making his way to the dining room so they all followed after him. Hyunseung was the last to enter, curiously watching as the other guys seated themselves around the table. It wasn’t their first time eating here, he could tell. They all comfortably and naturally dispersed around the table, going to certain seats as if they were assigned what chairs to sit in. Mr. Jang seated himself at the head of the table, Mrs. Jang taking the seat to his right. Yoseob sat next to Mrs. Jang, Kikwang next to him, and Dongwoon next to Kikwang. Across from Kikwang sat Junhyung and across from Yoseob sat Doojoon. The seat next to Doojoon and to his father’s left stood empty and bare. Hyunseung stood by the doorway for a few seconds, debating on where he should sit. That empty seat was most likely where Hyunseok would usually sit and Hyunseung wasn’t sure if he’d be allowed, or even worthy, to fill up that seat. But right as the thought crossed his mind, his father looked up at him and motioned with his head for him to take the seat on his left. Hyunseung took in a deep breath before he made his way over to the seat.

“How are the deals in Japan going, Junhyung?” Mr. Jang asked as the maids began laying the table down with food.

“Quite well. I landed the deal with Mizaki Motors before coming home. I was still busy with negotiations and such that the news about Hyunseok came to me late.” Junhyung answered, bowing his head a little in apology to Mr. Jang. He simply nodded in approval and understanding.

“Dongwoon, how’s the company doing?” Mr. Jang asked, turning his attention now to Dongwoon.

“Great as well. Ever since our merge with your company, we’ve been doing exceptionally well.” Dongwoon answered with a smile. Mr. Jang smiled in returned and nodded as well.

The conversations continued as they started on their lunch. Hyunseung quietly listened in, intrigued by their talks. They all seemed to know each other quite well and were close to his parents and brother. And that sort of amazed him. He was only gone for 10 years, yet so much has happened in that time frame that now, he felt a bit lost and out of the loop. But he had no one to blame for that except for himself.

Kikwang was a fitness instructor at a gym that he owned. Hyunseung could understand that, seeing how buff the guy was. Yoseob worked at Seoul Hospital as a children’s doctor. That bit surprised Hyunseung. Though the job seemed to match what he’s seen of his personality so far, he couldn’t believe that Yoseob was already old enough to hold such a career. His face and the way that he spoke made him look and feel a lot younger than he actually was, which Hyunseung guessed to be maybe a year or two younger than himself. But from what his mother had said, Yoseob hadn’t been at the hospital that long…a year and a half exactly. Hyunseung figured it was possible then. Dongwoon worked at his father’s company, who were close partners with Hyunseung’s father’s own while Doojoon and Junhyung both worked under Mr. Jang. Hearing what they all did for a living made Hyunseung feel increasingly ashamed. He had no career or status, barely scraping by with a part-time job as a driver for FedEx. He was relieved when no one asked him to relay this embarrassing news to them.

Hyunseung was the first to finish his food. Feeling burdened and a bit overwhelmed by the talks around him, he excused himself from the table and went for a walk outside. The sun was now high in the sky, its rays brightening up the great expanse of land before him. The cool morning air he had walked through hours ago was now replaced with warmth and accompanied by some humidity. He aimlessly walked along the smooth-cut grass with no particular drive or destination in mind. Not long though, he felt someone else’s presence join him and he looked over to see who it was. Kikwang walked in step beside him, his hands in his jean pockets and a small smile on his lips. He was looking out at the land before them, taking in the beautiful scenery that was situated on the Jangs’ large estate.

They were both silent as they continued their stroll. But after a few minutes, Kikwang broke that silence.

“You know, after meeting Seokie hyung and hearing him rave on and on about you, I’ve always wondered what you’d be like.” He said. He turned and glanced at Hyunseung. “You’re exactly like how he described you to be.” He finished.

Hyunseung kept his gaze in front of him, a sting of annoyance running through him at Kikwang’s words. Hyung talked to his friends about me a lot, huh…he thought to himself, not really enjoying the fact that he was so easily talked about to people he didn’t even know.

“It seems like you all know a lot about me, then…” Hyunseung muttered, a hint of contempt in his tone.

Kikwang chuckled. “Don’t worry. Seokie hyung only said good things about you. He mainly talked about the things you two would do as kids…and how he missed you but you never answered his calls.” Kikwang chuckled again, a memory running through his mind. “Those rare times when he gets drunk, he calls out for you, even when Saeri’s the cause of him wanting to drink in the first place. I thought it was funny at first but it just goes to show how important you are to him.” He said. A moment of silence passed between them.

“I’ve known Seokie the shortest out of all the guys though so I didn’t have to go through as many ‘Seung stories’ as they have.” Kikwang smiled at his words. “Hyunseokie hyung was the one who brought all of us together and we’ve pretty much been close friends since. I’ll always be grateful for that unexpected meeting with Seokie. I’ve been so much more content with my life since meeting him.” Kikwang said, smiling as he thought about that fated meeting.

“We actually met through a car accident. I had idiotically rammed into his car from behind one day, nearly breaking off his bumper. Hyunseok was unusually calm about it all though and instead of having me pay thousands to fix his car, he said treating him out to lunch would suffice.” Kikwang laughed. “If I were in his situation, I would’ve made the guy pay for nearly ruining my car. But Hyunseok isn’t like me and that made me want to know him even more. Hyunseokie…he’s the most optimistic guy I’ve ever met. Just being around him made me feel this odd sense of peace and contentment…like no matter what obstacles I was facing, it’d all be okay in the end.”

“Seokie hyung, he taught me to look at the bright side of every situation…something that has helped me greatly in life. And I guess…the bright side to all of this happening…is that we get a chance to meet you.” Kikwang said. Hyunseung turned to look over at him. “Not that we want you to replace him in our lives or anything. Hyunseok used to always say how much he wanted you to be a part of the bond the guys and I now have. He said that being around people like us would help you become the person you were always meant to become.” Kikwang finished. He smiled and clapped his hand onto Hyunseung’s shoulder.

“Even though we barely know each other, I hope that through this, you’ll be able to view us as your friends as well.” Kikwang said. He gave Hyunseung one last look before he turned to make his way back to the house. Hyunseung was silent for a few more seconds, gathering his thoughts.

“Hyung…he really said all of that?” he asked, hoping that Kikwang wasn’t far enough to not hear. Thankfully, Kikwang’s voice answered back.

“Every word. He really cared about you, Hyunseung. He still does.”

~~~

It felt odd for Hyunseung to be in the company of others. He had grown used to being alone.

Hyunseung left Korea at the age of 14 to live with his aunt and uncle in the States. Looking back on it, he wasn’t really sure why…because the reason for it seemed stupid to him now. To put it simply, he was jealous of his brother. After 14 years of constantly living in Hyunseok’s shadow, Hyunseung thought it better to be out of his life altogether. He hated being compared to the perfect Hyunseok and wanted to get away from all that. But now that he was here and Hyunseok wasn’t…he realized just how stubborn he had been. Hyunseok was a great brother to him…a great person overall. And his friends were living proof.

“Yah!! That was my question mark box!!”

Junhyung’s booming voice echoed through the living room. Yoseob stuck his tongue out, his eyes still glued to the TV screen.

“First come, first serve, loser!” he exclaimed, his grip tightening around the controller in his hands.

Hyunseung couldn’t help but laugh a little at the two. After lunch, Doojoon had pulled out Hyunseok’s Wii and soon, the guys were immersed in the gaming system. Mr. and Mrs. Jang had pointedly left the room so the guys could have their fun, smiling at the all too familiar scene before them. Hyunseung quietly watched as the guys played, amused at how they were all acting like young boys in the face of this gaming system. They were all already in their 20’s yet still carried that inner child in them. Doojoon, Kikwang, Yoseob, and Junhyung were now in a very heated Mario Kart race, all of their eyes stuck on the screen.

“You guys can be such kids sometimes…” Dongwoon muttered, a smile of his own on his face. Dongwoon sat next to Hyunseung on a separate couch while the other four squeezed together on another one.

“And to think they’re all my hyungs too.” Dongwoon said to Hyunseung. Hyunseung looked up at him and smiled. Dongwoon stared at him for a few seconds, Hyunseung feeling a bit awkward under his gaze. When Dongwoon noticed this, he looked away, shaking his head and letting out a small chuckle.

“Sorry…it’s just crazy how you two look so much alike. It’s like nothing’s changed…and Seokie hyung’s still here…” Dongwoon said, his voice trailing a bit as he stared at the floor.

“I met Hyunseokie hyung when I entered college…my first day, actually. I got lost on campus and hyung helped me get to my class. Turned out that he was in the same field as the one I was going into so I went to him for a lot of advice and help…and he was always willing to give it.” Dongwoon said, a smile on his face as he spoke. He looked up at Hyunseung.

“I’m an only child, heir to Son Corporation. My father’s always been hard on me. Seokie hyung, he helped me through a lot of the problems I went through though. He even helped my father and I grow closer to each other so our relationship isn’t as bad as it was before. And ever since the companies’ merge, hyung has been like a son to my father…and your father has been like a dad to me. It’s amazing, really…how much life has changed since I’ve met Seokie hyung. It’s like he was some sort of angel…put on this earth to make right all the things that were wrong.” Dongwoon said, chuckling after his last sentence. A few moments of silence passed between them, the other guys’ voices still resounding in the background.

“I’ve always wondered…ever since hyung told me about you…have you two ever traded spots before?” Dongwoon asked. Hyunseung turned a questioning look to him. Dongwoon smiled. “You know…like he pretended to be you and vice versa? Hyung never told us a story about it before but I’m still curious. You guys can definitely pass as the other.”

Hyunseung smiled a little before speaking. “Hyung always wanted to but I always said no. We’d eventually get caught anyway so there was no point. Hyung and I are too different in personality…and while he can pretend to be shy and quiet like me, I knew I couldn’t be outgoing like him. The most we ever did was answer the roll call for each other.” He answered. Dongwoon smiled in return, nodding his head. They both silently sat there again, watching the others play. After a few minutes, Hyunseung rose from his seat and headed to the kitchen for a glass of water.

He was taking a drink from his cup when someone else joined him.

“I guess now I’m the only one who hasn’t shared my story so I thought I’d come and join you.”

Hyunseung turned and met Yoseob’s smiling face. He grabbed a glass and poured himself some water as well.

“I hope you’re not getting bored of all our stories.” Yoseob said before taking a sip from his glass, looking over at Hyunseung as he drank. Hyunseung didn’t answer…he didn’t know how to answer. A part of him found it interesting…learning about how each of them had met his brother. But another part of him hated hearing their stories because it shed light on how great Hyunseok was in comparison to him.

Yoseob took his silence as a sign to continue.

“Believe it or not, I wasn’t always this happy and free-spirited.” He started, staring off at nothing in particular. “A couple years ago, I hit the lowest point of my life and I could barely find the strength to carry on. I was such an emotional wreck at the time…I wanted nothing more than to end my life. After my mom committed suicide, I went crazy…as crazy as a guy could go. I started cutting myself, relishing in the pain that it brought me. And then one night, I went completely overboard. After drinking myself to near intoxication, I went to the Han River and situated myself on the bridge, ready to take my life once and for all.” Yoseob paused, smiling a little.

“Hyunseokie hyung…he was driving by and he spotted me. He pulled over and tried to reason with me. Of course, I didn’t listen. I thought I had jumped but before blacking out, I felt his hands around my arms, pulling me back over the ledge. I woke up the next morning in this house with a huge migraine and a warm breakfast waiting for me. Hyunseok helped me start a new life, one that I was happy and content with. Your parents helped me pay for college…that’s why I view them as my own parents as well.” Yoseob said, looking back over at Hyunseung.

“I still physically have the scars from then,” he said, lifting up his arms to show Hyunseung the faint scars lining his wrists, “but emotionally, they’ve all healed…thanks to Seokie hyung. I’m happy with my life now and I never take living for granted anymore.” He finished, a smile on his face.

“It’s sad to think that I won’t be seeing him anymore. I won’t get to hear his voice or listen to his words of encouragement. But I think I’ve been with him long enough to be able to stand without him now. He may be physically gone but his spirit still lives in each of us, even you.” Yoseob said. He placed his hand on Hyunseung’s shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“You meant a lot to him, Hyunseung. I hope you understand that.” He said before exiting the kitchen first to join the other guys in the living room.

~~~

Hyunseung had trouble sleeping that night. He spent hours tossing and turning in bed, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in. He wanted to blame it on the unfamiliar bed and room…or on the fact that he had spent nearly the whole day with five guys he didn’t personally know. But he knew the real reason as to why his heart was so restless. Hyunseok’s funeral was tomorrow. His brother would be laid to rest, his body permanently gone from this world.

Hyunseung awoke early the next morning, his eyes puffy and his face stained with dried tear tracks. Running on only three hours of sleep, he washed and readied himself for the day. Hyunseung knew though that no amount of preparation would be enough for this day. Not on a day like this.

Hyunseok’s wake opened at nine in the morning. Hyunseung and his parents arrived two hours early to set everything up. While they worked, his mother cried, having to stop in the middle of things to calm down before continuing. His father kept himself composed, but Hyunseung noticed how he avoided looking at both the picture of Hyunseok and at Hyunseung. When they were done, the three of them stood by the open doors to greet anyone who would be coming. They waited in silence, his mother constantly wiping tears from her eyes.

“Seung-ah, did you know that Seokie didn’t want to be cremated when he died?” His mother’s voice was quiet…barely above a whisper. Hyunseung turned to look at her and saw that she was staring at the picture of Hyunseok that hung in the room.

“‘Umma, you can’t burn this beautiful face!’ he had said.” She laughed a little as more tears ran down her cheeks. “I don’t even remember how we got to the subject…but that’s what he had said. He said he wanted to be buried…so whenever anyone needed to speak to him, they could. Whenever anyone needed him, they could visit his grave and feel him there.” She let out a sob and Hyunseung wrapped his arms around her, allowing her to cry into his chest.

Thankfully, she had calmed down before people started to arrive. Hyunseok’s five closest friends were the first to arrive, each of them with bloodshot eyes but still managing to look composed. Following them were many others that Hyunseung didn’t know. He figured his hyung would have a lot of people attend his funeral…he just never imagined how many there’d really be. Because as the day soon reached midday, the room became ever cramped and full, sobs and cries rebounding off the walls at a high volume. Many of the people who had come stared awestruck at Hyunseung…some even went up to him and cupped his face in their hands as they cried. After the tenth time that had happened, Hyunseung excused himself and went outside for a quick breather.

When he was sure that he was alone, he let the tears fall from his eyes. This was so much harder than he had thought it was going to be. Seeing all the people his brother knew…had touched in some way…it ate away at his heart. And the pain hurt…more than he could imagine. Why did this have to happen to him, of all people? It should’ve been me…Hyunseung thought bitterly. If it had been him instead, there wouldn’t be this much pain and sorrow. Hyunseung was nobody…while Hyunseok was somebody. If he had gone instead, the lives of many others wouldn’t have drastically changed like how they had now.

Hyunseung heard someone walk up behind him and he hurriedly wiped away his tears. When the person came to a stop next to him, Hyunseung glanced over. Doojoon silently stood next to him, his hands in his pockets as he stared up at the sky.

“Remember that one time we went down to the creek by my house? While we were crossing a deep end, you slipped on a rock. Hyunseok was there to catch you though and ended up spraining his ankle in the process. That was the day before our big soccer match and the coach was furious.” Doojoon started, his gaze never leaving the sky above them as he thought back.

That’s how Doojoon first became their friend. At age seven, Hyunseok started playing soccer. He met Doojoon at a club he played at and they became friends instantly. Hyunseung didn’t play soccer though. He didn’t like the sport. But he always tagged along with Hyunseok and Doojoon when they were kids. Hyunseung remembered that day as clearly as if it were yesterday. When they got home, his parents had scolded them, Hyunseung a little more for allowing this to happen to his brother right before such an important game. Hyunseung even had to formally apologize to the coach for getting their star player hurt.

“After Hyunseok went to the hospital, you kept apologizing and saying how it should’ve been you instead of him. And Hyunseok kept having to tell you it was okay…that it wasn’t your fault and that he was glad it was him instead of you. We lost that game…and you blamed it on yourself. But it wasn’t because of you…it wasn’t even because Hyunseok was injured that we lost. We lost because we all depended too much on Hyunseok to pull us through instead of our own skills and talents.” Doojoon said. He finally turned and looked over at Hyunseung, whose gaze was set on the ground they stood on.

“Can you hear him, Seung?” Doojoon asked quietly. At his question, Hyunseung looked up at him. He saw Doojoon’s eyes well up with tears as he forced a small smile onto his face.

“Can you hear Seokie saying that he’s glad it’s him and not you?” He put his hand on Hyunseung’s shoulder and squeezed it a little. “So don’t think for a second that it should’ve been you instead of him. Hyunseokie…he’s gone now because it’s time for us to rely on ourselves and not just on him. He’s done all that he can and now, it’s time for us to do the same.”

This was Doojoon’s gift; he was so incredibly good at reading people. All he needed to do was observe people and he’d be able to tell how they were feeling. And because he knew Hyunseung and the person that he was, he could read him all the easier. Hyunseung’s heart swelled at the thought. Doojoonie still knows me…understands me…even after all these years…

Doojoon chuckled a little, bringing his hand back to his side and blinking away his tears. “You know, I used to hate you so much when we were kids…because all of Seokie’s attention was always on you. I was always second to you and was so jealous because of that. But when you left, I realized just how important you were to the both of us. We really missed you when you left. It was like losing a musketeer in our famous trio.” He said. Hyunseung smiled a little at his words.

“You ready to go back?” Doojoon asked. Hyunseung nodded and the two of them turned to reenter the building. As they neared the room, Saeri exited it, covering her face a little with her hand as she walked at a fast pace away from the room. She walked right past the two of them without saying a word. Hyunseung watched her as she went though, seeing the tears she was trying to hide fall from her eyes. He stopped when she passed, his eyes on her retreating back. Doojoon noticed that he had stopped and followed his action, his eyes also landing on Saeri.

“Did Seokie ever tell you about Saeri? I thought he would’ve at least tried to tell you when they got together. They’ve been together for three years now. He was going to propose to her soon…I went with him to pick out the rings not too long ago.” Doojoon said as he sadly stared after her.

Now that Doojoon mentioned it, Hyunseung did remember his brother leaving a message about Saeri. He never said her name though…he just talked about how perfect and beautiful she was.

“You go on ahead. I’ll be right back.” Hyunseung said. Without waiting for a reply from Doojoon, he walked off in the direction Saeri had gone.

He checked outside but she wasn’t there and he thought she had probably gone home already. But as he walked past the door leading off to the staircase, he heard muffled cries and decided to check if it was her. Sure enough, when he opened the door, Saeri sat slumped over a little ways away from him. Her arms were crossed across her lap and her head was buried into them as she tried to silently cry. Hyunseung gently closed the door and walked over to her. When she heard his footsteps approaching, she sniffled up her tears and turned her head away from him to wipe her face. He sat down next to her uncertainly and she turned to look at him.

The both of them were quiet for the longest time, both of them staring silently at the landing below them. Saeri was slowly calming down, her breathing now at a steady pace and her face dried of all tears. Finally, she broke the silence.

“Oppa used to tease me and say that I look the prettiest when I cry.” She started, a small smile spreading across her face. “And I’d always argue back and say that that’s no reason to make me cry. Do you think that’s why he left? He wants to see me look my prettiest?…” Her voice shook and she took a deep breath to calm herself.

“You know, I didn’t like Seokie oppa when I first met him. I felt like he came on to me a bit strongly and it turned me off. But he was so persistent and I eventually started seeing how sweet and caring he really was. Our relationship wasn’t perfect. We fought over stupid things a lot of the time but he always found a way to resolve our problems. That’s what I loved about him. He wouldn’t rest until everything was okay.” She said, smiling again as she thought back. Another moment of silence filled the air before Hyunseung spoke.

“You two never fought about me, have you?” he asked, awkwardly trying to lighten the mood. Saeri let out a small chuckle.

“We have, actually…more than once. Even though you were so far away, oppa would always put you first. I got jealous a lot, wondering why he would care so much about a brother who never answered his calls or replied to his letters. I felt wronged and we fought about it quite often.” She chuckled again and turned to look at him, her eyes meeting his. She stared at him for a few seconds that soon grew into minutes. Hyunseung held her gaze in return.

“You two look so much alike…I don’t think I’d be able to tell the difference between you two if I were to see you two together…” she said, her voice trailing as she continued to stare into his eyes.

He wasn’t sure what made him do it. Maybe it was because of his own selfish desire to know why his brother loved this girl so much. Or maybe it was because her eyes pleaded for him to be Hyunseok and he couldn’t turn down her cry. But right after she had said those words, Hyunseung leaned forward, his head slightly tilted to one side, and he placed his lips on hers. That’s all he did; he innocently and gently pressed his lips against hers. She was the one who went further, responding to this sudden action. She deepened their kiss with a kind of force Hyunseung hadn’t expected and he had no choice but to follow her lead. She kissed him as if she was searching for something and that feeling didn’t make him feel too good. After a couple of seconds, she pulled away, the both of them breathless. Hyunseung quickly looked away when he noticed that fresh tears were now spilling from her eyes.

“I’m sorry.” He said. Saeri wiped away her tears and shook her head at him.

“Don’t be. I’m glad that that happened.” She said. Hyunseung looked up at her. She smiled a little at him, her eyes still watery.

“You’re not him. And I’m sorry I used you in that way to confirm it. But I need that confirmation…I need to know without a doubt that Seokie oppa is really gone. That way, I can gradually let him go and move on.” She said. She reached over and took his hand in hers, giving it a tight squeeze.

“Thank you, Hyunseung.” She said before she stood up and walked out of the stairway.

~~~

The sun lightly burned his back as he watched the men lower his brother’s coffin into the ground. The same crowd that had come to his wake was now here around this hole in the ground to watch his burial. The cries and sobs around him made him want to break down as well but he forced himself not to. After the gravestone was laid, the people started dispersing. But Hyunseung stood rooted to his spot, unwilling to move. Eventually, only he, his parents, and the guys were left. After a long while though, the guys led his mother away from the gravesite, seeing how she was near exhaustion now. Hyunseung stood quietly next to his father in front of Hyunseok’s grave. And for the longest time, they just stood there, the sun slowly setting behind them.

“I’m sorry, son.”

His voice croaked a little from having not used it nearly the whole day. Hyunseung kept his eyes on his brother’s gravestone though as he waited for his father to continue.

“I’m guilty of favoring one of you more than the other. And I know that will always be my greatest regret. I’m sorry…for everything. It’s my fault things are as they are now. I take all responsibility.” Mr. Jang turned and looked over at Hyunseung. “Come back home and live with us, Seungie. It would mean the world to your mother and I.” he said. Hyunseung was silent for a few moments before he spoke.

“I’m not hyung, abeoji. I can’t do the things he’s done…I’m not as great as he was. I won’t come back just to fill the space he left behind.” He said.

“I know you’re not Hyunseok. I don’t want you to come back and be him, son. I just want you to come back and be you. Your mother and I will support you no matter what you decide to do.” He reached over and placed his hand on Hyunseung’s shoulder. Hyunseung looked over at him.

“I can’t even begin to describe how horrible I feel that I’ve only raised up one of you. And now that Hyunseok’s gone, I won’t make that mistake again. I’ve already lost one son…I won’t let another one slip away from me too.” He said with all the sincerity in his heart.

Hyunseung heard it and a small smile spread across his face. For as long as he could remember, he had wished to spoken to like this by his father. He had done it countless times with Hyunseok, praising him for all the things he had done and so on. But never had Hyunseung heard this tone of voice used in a conversation with him. His father returned his smile and the two were soon in a loving embrace. They both now shed the tears they had been holding in during the burial, each of them crying silently as they hugged.

Over his father’s shoulder, Hyunseung caught sight of his brother’s gravestone through his blurred eyes. For a second, it seemed like the stone shone just a bit brighter as he stared at it.

Hyunseok was here. He could feel him.

~~~

Hyunseung walked down the hallway toward the guest room, loosening his tie as he went. He was about to enter the guest room, his hand on the handle, when another door caught his eye. He turned his head and stared at the lone door at the end of the hallway. The longer he stared at it, the more it seemed to be calling for him, beckoning him to enter through it. Since he’s been back, Hyunseung’s been avoiding that door, trying his hardest to not face what stood behind it. But now that the burial was done, he felt as if now was the right time to enter that room.
Very slowly, Hyunseung made his way over to the door. He took a deep breath before turning the handle and pushing the door open. The familiar scent of the room hit his nostrils and he unconsciously smiled. He stepped in and quietly closed the door behind him as if the contents of the room were sacred and only for him. When the door was securely closed behind him, he turned back to look at the room as a whole.

Hyunseok hadn’t changed anything, which greatly surprised him. At the far left of the spacious room stood their old bunk bed, the sheets still the same as Hyunseung remembered them. His sheets on the top bunk where he had slept for 14 years were still there, neatly folded into place. He laughed a little on the inside. The image of a grown man sleeping on such a bed amused him. He couldn’t believe Hyunseok would still have that bunk bed after all these years. His eyes wandered a little to the right and he noticed two picture frames situated on their bedside table. He walked over to get a closer look. One he recognized instantly because it was the same one he had beside his bed in the States. It was an old picture of him and Hyunseok, their arms around each other’s shoulders as they smiled identically to the camera. The frame next to it was a picture of Hyunseok and Saeri, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist as he hugged her from behind. Hyunseung smiled at the sight before he continued looking around the room.

At the far right side of the room were two identical desks standing side by side. Hyunseung walked over to the first desk, Hyunseok’s desk, and examined it. He was still extremely neat, his pens in one cup and his pencils in another. Everything on his desk was orderly arranged. There was another picture situated on the desk and Hyunseung bent down to see it clearer. It was a picture of Hyunseok and his closest friends. The six friends all posed for the camera so naturally. Kikwang and Dongwoon were off to one side laughing at an inside joke. Yoseob posed like a child, his body bent forward a little, a peace sign waving at the camera, and an adorable expression upon his face. Junhyung had his arm around Yoseob’s shoulders, his free hand copying Yoseob’s peace sign. Doojoon held Hyunseok in a playful headlock, both of them laughing at the camera. Hyunseung couldn’t help but laugh at the picture. Their close bond was so evident in this photo and he felt an odd sense of joy run through his body.

Hyunseung moved on to his own desk where he first noticed a lone package sitting atop it. He walked curiously over to it and reached for the envelope resting on top of the package. His name was printed on the envelope in Hyunseok’s neat handwriting and he carefully opened it, wondering what this could possibly be. He pulled out a letter…one that he was familiar with, though each year that he’d receive it, it’d never say the same thing.

 

Seung-ah, happy birthday!

Can you believe we’re 25 now?! It’s crazy to think about. Sometimes I really enjoy being an adult…and other times, I just wish I could go back to being a kid…back to those times when we’d play video games and watch scary movies late into the night. Don’t you miss those days, Seungie? I certainly do.

You haven’t opened the box yet, have you? You better not have! You can’t open it until I say you can. And I say…now you can. Go ahead…I’ll wait for you to open it. Go, open it! Yah, little brother, I told you to stop reading this and open the box, so do it!

It was like Hyunseok was standing next to him, saying all of this to him. Hyunseung placed the letter down and proceeded to open his gift. Inside was a nice red dress shirt along with black dress pants. Hyunseung put the articles of clothing down and picked up the letter again.

 

Nice, huh, Seungie? You know what the best part is? I have the same exact outfit! I know…we were never that type of twins but I figured that since we’re reaching our prime years, we’d at least do it once. Just for kicks, you know, Seung. When you come back, we’ll go out and wear our matching outfits together. Hey, we can even go and trick some people in the park if you want. It’ll be fun! On a serious note though, I hope you like the gift (although I know nothing can top the year I sent you the pet turtle you always wanted).

How’s life, Seungie? You always avoid my calls so the only way I can get news on you is through Auntie and Uncle. And they don’t even know a lot to begin with, since you moved out of their house and into an apartment of your own. But seeing how you can even have an apartment of your own is a good sign, right? Well, I hope everything’s well with you. If you ever need anything, I’m here, little bro. Just a phone call away.

So Seung…I’m finally gonna do it. I’m gonna ask her to marry me. Doojoon helped me pick out the perfect ring the other day and I know she’ll love it. I hope she’ll love it. Ah Seung…I want you to meet her. She’s the most beautiful person alive, I swear. She can have quite the temper but she’s so cute when she’s angry. And although I hate seeing her cry, she’s the prettiest when she does because her tears are so pure. Am I sounding sappy now? Sorry…I get like that when I think about her. I hope one day you’ll get to meet her though, Seung. I promise you’ll like her…just don’t fall in love with her. She’s hyung’s woman. Haha.

Seung-ah, I know you’ve heard and read this a thousand times already but I wish you were here. Not just to be with me, but with my friends as well. I have amazing close friends who I want you to get to know. I’m so serious…you won’t regret meeting and being friends with them. They all claim that I helped them out in their lives somehow but I don’t really see how I did. I guess I’m a life-changer without even realizing it? Haha. But really, Seung, you have to meet and hang out with these guys. They’re great and I think you’d really enjoy being with them because I really do. I don’t know how many close friends you now have in the States but trust me, Seung…these guys are keepers. I guarantee that they’ll be with you through the thick and the thin. So give them a chance, yeah? When you come back, I’ll introduce you to them.

Mom really misses you. Dad does too but he tries to tell himself that he doesn’t. And of course, I really miss you. That’s right…here comes sentimental hyung. Deal with it, little bro.

Remember that time during grade school when we learned the terms ‘optimistic’ and ‘pessimistic’? Mrs. Kang used the analogy of either seeing the cup as half full or half empty. I immediately thought it half full but you had said that it was half empty. I never really understood why you’d answer in that way back then but as the years have gone by, I think I understand now. Seung-ah, you were never second to me. You thought you were living in my shadow when in actuality, it was your own shadow you were living in. We’re two separate people, each with separate shadows. You had cast your own shadow but were afraid to let it show. But don’t be, Seung. Your fear will only keep you from living to your full potential. And I know how much potential you have. I’m your hyung, of course I know.

Don’t be discouraged, little brother. Don’t think that only I was made for great things because you made for them too. The glass is not half empty; it’s half full. And you know that…I know you do. So live your life to the fullest, Seung-ah. Live like tomorrow will never come and be happy. I just want to see you happy, Hyunseungie.

Love you, bro. Wish you could spend this 25th with me. Don’t do anything stupid. Wait…scratch that. Party hard, okay, Seungie! We’re only 25 once in our lives, right?!

Come back soon. Your top bunk’s waiting for you.

From the awesomest hyung in the world,
Seokie

Hyunseung’s tears streaked down his cheeks and fell onto the paper in his hands. He quickly tried to wipe away the water droplets but only caused some words to smear in the process. He placed the letter down and away from his face to keep it from further ruin as he continued to cry. Hyunseung didn’t even realize that his birthday was in a week. Hyunseok must have written this ahead of time to send to him…and that made him cry even harder. He had no idea that this would be his last letter. Of course he didn’t know; no one knew. And that was what made life so unfair and cruel. Yes…life was cruel. It took his perfect hyung away from him. But as the thought crossed his mind, Hyunseok’s words in the letter repeated in his mind.

The glass is not half empty; it’s half full.

His hyung was right. This was a chance for him to learn…and to grow. No matter how tragic the event, Hyunseung had learned a great deal from this. He learned a lot about his brother…and about himself. And now, he knew what he needed to do. He knew what he wanted to do.

For hyung…and for myself.

~~~

A week later…

Hyunseung walked over to the grave and bowed. It was early morning; the sun had barely risen and yet here he was. He smiled a little at the gravestone.

“Like my outfit, hyung?” he said playfully. He straightened out his red dress shirt and pretended to clean off his dress pants. He let out a chuckle.

“You know that park prank you were planning isn’t my thing. But I think I would’ve still gone through with it if you were still here.” He said. He placed a bouquet of flowers down on the grave and an envelope addressed to his brother down next to it.

Hyunseung straightened up and said, “Happy birthday, hyung.”

 

Hyung, happy birthday!

25…we’re old now, hyung. Although technically, I’m the only old one, seeing how you’ll be 24 forever now. Eh…I don’t like being alone in this aging thing so I’ll just pretend that you’re getting older along with me.

Since you’ve always wanted to know about my life, I thought I’d share a bit with you. I came back to live in Korea with mom and dad. Dad helped me get classes at Seoul University and I’ll be starting up college in a couple of days. I’m not going into business though…you know I’m not good at that stuff. I’ve always liked film and photography so I’m giving that a shot. Hopefully that’s where my calling lies. The business will be okay though. I think dad might name Doojoonie as heir, which I’m fine with. He’d take better care of it than me anyway.

I started hanging out with your friends, hyung. And you’re right…they’re great. I’ve never felt so completely myself with anyone but you. But now, they’re counted in that. It’s crazy how fast we all became friends…it’s only been a week since I met them! It’s you, isn’t it? You’re the one making it so easy for us to get along, huh? It’s okay…keep doing what you do, hyung. I don’t mind.

Hyung, why’d you make her cry? I know you think she looks the prettiest when she cries but really, this is too much. She’s still not over you but I know eventually, she’ll move on. Bring her someone special, will you, hyung? You know she deserves to be happy.

I want to say thank you, hyung. Thank you for everything. I realized I’ve never really thanked you for all that you’ve done for me so I’m taking this time now to say it. Without you in my life, I wouldn’t know where I’d be now. Probably at a place I’d later regret. But because of you, I’ve learned from my ways and am now growing from my past mistakes. Forgive me, hyung, for all the pain I’ve given you. I never meant to hurt to you, you know that, right? Hyung, you’re some sort of angel, right? From the day you were born, you were one, right? All the good things you did…all the lives that you touched…you had to have been born an angel. And now, you’re watching over us like a guardian angel, right?

I hope you’re doing well…wherever you are now. Love you, hyung. I miss you every day. I sleep on the top bunk still and some days, I wake up, expecting to see you down on the bottom bunk. Maybe one day, right? That bed will always be yours.

Happy 25th, hyung! We’re only 25 once so enjoy it to the fullest!

From your two-minutes-too-late little bro,
Seungie

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*eomoni - another word for "mother"; usually used when greeting a mother or mother-like person formally

*abeonim - another word for "father"; usually used when greeting a father or father-like person formally