✤ Winter 

 

 

Minho met her in winter.

 

They were walking from different ends of the same road, each living their lives separately - he was taking a morning run, she was on a mission. Little did any of them know how intertwined their paths were about to cross.

 

She was listening to her favourite rock band and drinking a warm cup of coffee, dancing down the street in her own secret bubble. He was jogging, listening to his feet thump on the sidewalk, watching his breath blow out foggy. 

 

They met the cliche way, with her spilling her hot drink down Minho’s tracksuit - but they zinged. They sparked. They connected. 

 

“Hi, I’m Haneul,” she breathed, her long gossamer hair blowing across her face, tickling her cheek. Her eyes met Minho’s, and his heart rate sped up. It wasn’t from the jogging. 

 

“Minho. Choi Minho.” 

 

It was their beginning.

 

 

✤ Spring

 

 

Minho fell for her in spring.

 

“Minho-ah, oppa look at me!” She squealed, carefully pacing her way across the rooftop parapet. It was the hundred and seventh day since Shin Haneul had come into his life. It had been exactly one hundred and seven days of a budding love, but now as Minho fell silent while watching that amazing person laugh, he found that his heart would burst if he did not declare this newfound feeling.

 

“I- I think I’m in love with you,” he said.

 

She stopped laughing and stopped walking. “Sorry?” 

 

“I’m in love with you, Haneul,” Minho repeated, his voice stronger, convicted. Haneul looked at Minho with a dumbfounded expression plastered on her face. “You…what?”

 

Minho crossed the rooftop in four long strides and pulled her down from the parapet, crushing her against his sturdy chest in an unexpected hug. “I love you,” he said again, his strong arms enveloping her.

 

Tears sprang forth in Haneul’s eyes as she stared hard at the sky, willing herself not to cry. She heard Minho’s loud and steady heartbeat and closed her eyes, the tears spilling. His heart was beating loud and clear as the day. 

 

‘Can your heart beat for two, Minho-ah?’ She thought.

 

 

 

✤ Summer

 

 

Summer was the beginning of the end. 

 

Fifty days had passed. 

 

“I’m sick, Minho… I don’t…. have much time left,” Haneul spat out blood as she gasped for breath. Minho knelt by her side, not knowing what he could do. He could only hold her hair up, pat her back soothingly, or pass her more tissues. He couldn’t help her breathe.

 

“What’s wrong? I’m sure there’s a doctor, some medicine, ano-” He choked up, frantic.

 

Haneul looked up at him and gently shook her head. She struggled to stand up, but pushed him away when he rushed to help her. He rose slowly with her, as if tied by a string.

 

“No doctors. Minho, I’m done with all that,” she begged him. 

 

“I just want to live now.”

 

 

Day one hundred and sixty-six.

 

Haneul was sitting on the bench overlooking the city as the sun, now a great fiery ball, descended from its throne on the sky. As it made its way down, it left blazing hues of orange and pink in its wake. Minho was silent by her side, watching the same things she was watching, soaking up all the moments he was spending with her. 

 

When the sun finally came down and the moon took its place in the sky, Minho faced Haneul, drinking her in, noticing the rise and fall of her shallow breath, tracing the angle of her nose with his eyes, memorising the way her eyes reflected the beautiful night lights of the city. 

 

“How long?” He asked abruptly, his voice startlingly loud for such a quiet ambience.

 

Haneul didn’t bat an eyelash. 

 

“Before the year’s end,” she whispered. It wasn’t long at all. It was too short really, for two youngins in love. 

 

“Why?” 

 

“My heart’s too weak to beat on its own. I’ve got meds, but they can only help for so long,” Haneul explained. Minho’s own heart was palpitating in his chest - its very heartbeat seemed deafening to his ears. Haneul placed her palm over his heart, his heartbeat calming her down.

 

“This time is time long enough for me, Minho, because I got to know you,” she smiled.

 

 

 

✤ Autumn

 

 

It was autumn, it had been two hundred and forty days.

 

The life had bloomed long ago and was now disappearing all around Minho, the flower that was so precious to him was wilting more and more each day. He gazed sadly out the window, his expression too solemn for a twenty-one year old. The bushes and trees around Haneul’s garden that had flowered beautifully was now losing its leaves and healthy color.

 

“Oppa, are my trees losing all their leaves?” Haneul whispered from her bed. Minho smiled at her as he turned around, his heart squeezing when he saw her losing her breath from trying hard to sit up. He rushed over her side and sat on the edge of the bed, pulling her up and fluffing her her pillows.

 

Haneul managed a thin smile, but a smile nonetheless. “So how’s my garden? Still decent?”

 

Minho raised an eyebrow and pinched her cheek. “It’s not decent, it’s beautiful!” He assured her, taking her small hands in his large ones.

 

“Jesus Haneul, your hands are freezing!” He mutters, rubbing the backs of her hands. Haneul catches Minho’s hands and holds them tight. She traces imaginary hearts in his palm as he scoots closer to her. 

 

He climbs under the sheets and pulls Haneul close to him. She leans her head on his chest and listens to his calming heartbeat beneath his clingy wifebeater. “You’ve gotten thinner,” Minho comments quietly, his low voice rumbling. 

 

“You still think a wilting garden is beautiful?” Haneul asked, equally as soft. 

 

Minho looked down at her, and scoffed as if he were scandalised. The two gazed at one another, no words exchanged until Haneul broke out into laughter. Soon she started a hacking cough, that little ten second fit of giggles leaving her gasping for air. 

 

As Minho reached for the oxygen mask placed on her bedside table, Haneul shook her head fervently. “No…I’m fine,” she closed her eyes for a moment. Minho’s brow was creased, his hold around her shoulders tightening in worry. 

 

When she opened her eyes, the look in them was heart breaking. “Will you still love me when I’m gone?” 

 

“Forever and always babe,” Minho whispered.

 

 

✤ Winter 

 

 

Winter crept around, and Minho found himself checking his calendar every few days, writing in a little pocket diary recording whatever they did together, whatever Haneul said that was funny, or whatever he said that made Haneul laugh. 

 

 

Day 300.

 

Walked around the park, she wouldn’t let my hand go. I wondered what it would feel like to hold on to her forever.

 

 

Day 305.

 

Haneul has some color back in her cheeks but her meds are running low. We got into a little argument because I wanted to renew the supply, but she wouldn’t let me. She almost collapsed from it, the stubborn girl. How long do I have left with my angel?

 

 

Day 316.

 

She’s in the hospital. I had left to get us some groceries, but she tripped over a stair and hit her head. I hate thinking about how long she was lying on the cold floor shivering, not being able to get up on her own. Getting groceries seemed so trivial.

 

 

Day 341.

 

Haneul got admitted again. I was out again, at the doctor’s looking for treatment alternatives without her knowing. She couldn’t reach her oxygen mask in time and when I got there she was turning blue in the face. Why do I always leave her when she needs me? Why wasn’t I there?

 

 

Day 343.

 

She’s still in a coma. Doctors say she was oxygen-deprived for too long. Wake up Haneul, I need you.

 

 

Day 347. 

 

The only thing that’s keeping Haneul alive is respirator and the other damned machines. Dr Kim says that we should pull the plug soon. Chances for her waking up are slim. I’m sorry Haneul. I’m being selfish aren’t I? I’m keeping you here with me when I know you’d want me to let go. 

 

I can’t. I don’t know how to.

 

 

Minho sits by Haneul’s bedside, listening to the constant beep of the machine telling him his love’s fragile heart was still beating - telling him she was still alive. He hasn’t moved from that chair in over three days except to the bathroom. His eyes are bloodshot and he is a desperate, desperate man. 

 

Minho has cried all the tears he can shed until he is run dry, empty. He clutches at Haneul’s hand, never letting go. He stares at her, noticing how dry her lips are and how much her cheeks have sunken.

 

“Mr Choi?” A nurse pokes her head around the door. She steps in gingerly. Minho doesn’t bother to tear his fixated gaze away from his comatose lover. The nurse holds out a packet of Haneul’s things to Minho. 

 

“This are the things Ms Shin was admitted in. Her clothes and all her belongings that were with her when she came are here,” she told him. Minho accepted the packet without a word and the nurse walks away slowly, infected by his contagious sadness.

 

When the nurse leaves, he empties the packet onto the beside table. Her parka, scarf, wrist watch, ring. Jeans, a thick plaid cotton shirt that they bought together. A sheet of paper folded tightly.

 

Curious, he unfolds the piece of paper, realizing that it is a page from his own diary.

 

 

‘My dearest Minho oppa,

 

I see you’ve been writing about me. I know that there’s at least one person who will keep me in their heart when I leave, and I’m glad it’s you. I think we both realize what’s to come soon, and by the time you’re reading this, I’m pretty sure that I’m no longer with you.

 

This past year has been nothing but beautiful, it has been the best one of all my twenty years of tired existence. I hope you’ll hold this year as close to your heart as I did mine. You helped me start living, Choi Minho.

 

When I’m not there anymore, I want you to promise not to cry over me. I want you to promise to smile, to love, to laugh at my memories, because I don’t want such a wonderful person like you to hurt. 

 

Hold me in your heart, but don’t lock me there. You loved me, now let me go. 

 

I’ll come back for you, oppa-ah. Next thing you know, I’ll be that girl who spills her drink all over you again…

 

Love, 

 

Haneul’

 

Minho smiles through his falling tears. “And I’ll fall in love with you at first sight, Haneul. Again.”

 

Day 354.

 

I love you Shin Haneul, forever and always. Goodbye.