I've been looking so long at these pictures of you

That I almost believe that they're real*

He felt his hands went clammy and he wiped one of them at the front of his jeans while keeping the other on the steering wheel. While still putting attention on driving the car, he realized the scenery surrounds the road had changed from lines of concreted apartments and bustling people going to work into the greeneries of pines. It’s so quiet, the only sounds he could hear are the soft hum of his car engine and the soft breath of him, yet he felt could hear his blood rushed in hurry through his ear. He made a mistake by taking a glimpse to the passanger seat and turning his gaze on the road when his heart is trully beating loudly this time.

It’s too much and too early.

He slowdown the speed when the greeneries started to vanish and a view of lake appeared in sight. He pulled over, driving the car slowly to stop at the emptiest and nearest spot from the main road. He turned off the engine and taking off his seatbelt, before quietly reaching out to shake the lump wrapped in blanket on the passanger’s seat gently. “We’re here” he says softly. The eyes that opened blearily and thick with sleep stared back at Yongguk, then he realized how his hands itched to fix the messy bangs covering those eyes. He did it anyway, and almost regret it when he felt the skin he touched goes tense. Yongguk clears his throat before retracting his hand and opting to open the door. He felt the same eyes watched his movements when he rounded the car to open the other door and he apologized as soon as he closed it. “I’m sorry” he says, eyes averted to the ground. He bit his lips as he felt the thick air around them. “Shall..shall we go, now?” he adds lamely, offering his hand. He felt something caught in his throat (and he didn’t know whether it was relief or hollowness) as he felt the warmth of another skin enveloped his fingers. The simple contact felt like going up, shooting through his arm and pumped the beat of his heart.

The heaviness on his throat getting stronger.

This warmth, he told himself, he remembered it so well. So well until he couldn’t believe it ever gone for some moments.

The fingers around his own are holding rather unsurely.

Choosing to ignore it, Yongguk just walked and led the tinier man to step ahead, into the green grass.

It was silence once again as both of them went through the tiny road, only the sounds of their steps echoed. Yongguk walked slightly ahead, but his hand grabbed tighter at the smaller fingers. They kept walking and walking, inhaling the scent of pines growing around the lake. Their fingers distangle when they arrived near the edge.

He looked at him, who stared at the wide surface of the lake. The gaze he found was full of questions, puzzled and (Yongguk hopefully) searching. But he said nothing and Yongguk always knows not to push him too hard. (Junhong’s words replayed inside his head-“You need to let him do it himself”) So he chose to be silent as well, staring at the ground, at the flattened grass that he used to be familiar with.

Don’t wait. Don’t wait. Don’t wait.   

“Do you always come here?”

Yongguk lifted his eyes from the ground, slowly, onto the pair of eyes staring at him. It might be the sound that finally rang (finally he could hear) for the first time today, or it might be the same sparkle he saw on those eyes, but Yongguk found himself lost for words. The itch came back to his hands (to reach out, to tell, to speak) but he finally mustered a smile (which is returned, only it wasn’t as bright as he expected, but it’s okay, today is going to be long enough to see the brighter twinkle there)

Don’t push too hard.

Yongguk tried to gulp, swallowing all the words that Junhong would hate if he dared to say it. He remembered the stern face on the young doctor.

The heart was always the biggest betrayer during his life. He felt it beating hard again upon the same voice, upon the face with the deep brown eyes (that reflected his figure, but it’s funny because it’s as if Yongguk never reflected there). He felt a familiar warmth rushed through him, the same feeling, vivid, never leaving his head and he needs to stop right now, before he started to freak out.    

Those brown eyes followed as Yongguk moved forward to dive until the water reached his ankles. The water is a deep green and blue, rippling and waving a bit on the surface. Yongguk watched silently as the water moved a bit around him, at least the half cold water can tone down the bursting warmth flow throughout his blood.

He wanted to say something, just so it won’t be only the ruffling leaves and branches resonated there (although it was utter chaos buzzing within his body), the words bubbled inside his head and it kind of reminded him when he used to be in high school,biting his lips restlessly after the graduation ceremony.

(Daehyun’s face was so bright, smiling dumbly in his toga, he looks more stupid ran to Yongguk, flailing his graduation certificate in his hands, and jumped straightly to him like an eager puppy. Their eyes had met and it felt like a thousand sunflowers lifted up, blooming under the sunlight.)

Yongguk snapped back, startled, as he felt something warm touched his shoulder, when he lifted his eyes, he saw a worried face. When their eyes met, it was full of confusion, full of hesitation, then Yongguk realized how the hand seemed moving toward him out of reflects and Yongguk felt heavier on his chest just knowing it was there; the remnants, the unspoken. Even when the hand is retracted back, Yongguk wanted to pull it again against his skin.

That was so close, too close, but too far at the same time.

He remember somewhere along the way he had promised not to cry, not to trigger any heaviness, but the heart always betrays and he felt his eyes sting upon the worried face that stares again at him (still in confusion, in hesitation and a bit of guilt and Yongguk wanted to smile at that, how the younger used to always wants to make him better when he wasn’t the one making it not better).

The less than a meter distance between them are all Yongguk could measure (all Yongguk could feel, all Yongguk wanted to erase, although he couldn’t).

“I” he says after a moment, “I used to always come here”

He gripped onto his jeans’ side to stop his trembling hands.

“With someone”

Daehyun tilted his head, in the same way Yongguk would always remember it.

“Do I know him?”

“It’s—” you. Have always been you. Would always be you. He gulped, “I used to know him the best” Yongguk says, throat constricted and he started to feel blur on his eyes. He recalled a cold night, a rainy and slippery road, the ear-splitting of the brake he stepped on harshly and the last thing he saw (felt) was a pair of arms tightly tightening around his head.

*

A/N:

* The Cure-Pictures of You

So, uhh, for everyone who felt confused, basically DAehyun and Yongguk had car accident but by some miracle (or not) the one who got permanently forget was DAehyun