“Luhan-ah, why do you like Oh Sehun?” asked Kai. They were lying on the grass, cloud-gazing on a warm and sunny summer afternoon.  A faint blush formed on Luhan’s cherubic face as he remained quiet. “How did you know?” Luhan mumbled.

“It’s so obvious that I can’t believe Sehun hadn’t noticed yet,” Kai yawned nonchalantly. The blush on Luhan’s face deepened in color. “You won’t tell him will you?” Luhan hesitantly asked.

“Of course not, but you should probably let him know.”

“I know,” responded Luhan, “But I’m scared. I’m scared of rejection. I’m scared our ruining our friendship. I’m scared of . . . of losing him. I’m such a coward.” A tear cascaded down his face, which he quickly tried to wipe away. He didn’t want to cry in front of Kai and burden him with his problems.

Due to his blurry vision from trying to keep the tears from overflowing, Luhan missed the ephemeral pained expression that flashed across Kai’s eyes. “Don’t cry, Luhan-ah,” whispered Kai, “You’re not a coward.” I am.

“I wasn’t crying,” Luhan quickly responded while trying to hold in his tears, “The wind is just making me a little teary. That’s all.” Liar.

 “Loving someone in secret is painful and exhausting,” Kai followed up, “You’ll always be the one to suffer while asking yourself ‘what ifs’ and then later regretting not taking the chance. The best way is to just be honest and tell the other person how you feel.”  Hypocrite.   

“How do you know all this?” Luhan tentatively asked.

 “Because I am Kai, the almighty god of wisdom, the conqueror of evil, the pride of mankind, the epitome of perfection,” Kai replied with a smirk. Because I am in love with you.

A smile etched its way onto Luhan’s face. Then it was replaced by a frown. “Kai, did you suffered from heartbreak before? Is this why you know so much?” Luhan abruptly grabbed Kai’s hands in his. “Who was it that you loved?”

“It’s a secret,” Kai winked, “Maybe one day, when I have enough courage, you’ll find out.”

Until then, I’ll keep watching you from afar, keeping you safe and praying for your happiness.

Until then, I’ll continue to be a coward, hiding behind my feelings, putting on these smiles.

Until then, I’ll continue to be your best friend.

***

Kai and Sehun were his childhood best friends, so Luhan was quite shocked when he found himself falling in love with the younger Sehun. He had always treated Sehun and Kai as his younger brothers, so he wondered what had changed for him to be pining 24/7 after a certain stoned-faced boy. In the early stages of when he found the dynamics of their friendship changing, Luhan thought that his puppy love for Sehun was just an infatuation and will go away with time. However, five years later and nothing had changed, except his feelings have grown even more. Five years later and Luhan was just as pathetic as when he was sixteen. How he wanted to smack himself for being such a total coward.   

Furthermore, five years later, both Sehun and Kai have grown up, much to Luhan’s dismay, taller than him. Although still childish at heart, both of them have grown up to be dashing and handsome young men. Sehun had soft brown locks that covered his eyes that forever portray a disinterested expression, smooth pale skin, and a tall lanky frame that would make any girl green with envy. Kai, on the other hand, had slightly wavy black hair, a well-built physique, and sun-kissed tanned skin that made him extremely popular with girls. How jealous Luhan was of Sehun and Kai, for he forever remained looking like a fifteen-year-old high school girl.

Luhan had tried countless times to confess his feelings to Sehun; however, they had all ended up in failure. No matter what he did, he just couldn’t overcome the feelings of butterflies fluttering in his stomach and the feeling of wanting to barf whenever he was alone with Sehun. Thus, he concluded that the best way to not make a fool out of himself was to not be alone in a room with Sehun without Kai. Kai’s presence always provided comfort to Luhan and became a palliative for his nerves whenever he was around Sehun. Kai had become his pillar of support without him even noticing.

The ringing of the doorbell brought Luhan back from his reverie. A smile formed on Luhan’s face as he opened the door to greet Kai, but then his smile faded as he realized that Sehun was missing.

“Sehun-ah had to go to school early to make up a test, so it’ll just be me and you today,” Kai explained, “Since it’s just us two, I decided to bring my bike so we could ride it to school instead of taking the train. It’s such a good day out for bike riding, what do you think?”

Luhan’s face immediately brightened at the idea and he nodded enthusiastically. Kai got onto his bike as Luhan sat behind, clutching onto the back of his school uniform to keep balanced. As Kai pedaled faster, Luhan unconsciously wrapped his right arm around Kai’s torso. Kai, at first, stiffened at the contact, but a faint blush and a wide smile adorned his face a few seconds later. And when he felt Luhan rest his head against his back, Kai was sure that his rapidly thumping heartbeat could be heard exploding out of his ribcage.

Luhan had not known what had compelled him to lay his head against Kai’s back, but the silhouette of Kai’s back felt safe and strong, making Luhan feel at peace as they rode into the waking sunrise.