"Bye guys! See you tomorrow!" Soeun waves goodbye with a huge smile on her face before turning around. As she turns the corner, the smile slowly eases off of her face, a more serious expression on her face and more pensive look in her eyes. As she walks down the stairs to get to the subway, she pulls out her iPod and adjusts the earphones. The subway is crowded, people jostling her here and there, a sea of unknown faces that meaninglessly pass by. Sighing, Soeun runs her hands through her long hair, trying to drown out the chaos with her music. Her eyes wander around aimlessly as she waits for the subway, one hand curled around her iPod and the other stuck in her jacket pocket. 

Once the subway arrives, Soeun finds her way miraculously to an empty seat. She leans her head back and closes her eyes, thinking about her day.

School was fine. In fact, it's more than fine. Soeun is number one in her grade; she also has a reasonable circle of friends. None of this comes for granted of course. Soeun is a girl who genuinely tries her best in everything. 

Her motto? Effort doesn't betray. What she lives by day after day. And it pays off. 

Her parents want her to get into an highly esteemed college. And why not? Soeun certainly has the resume for it. 

But then what? Soeun purses her lips and frowns. What happens after? What does college even mean to her?

Shaking her head slightly as if to shake off her thoughts, Soeun reaches down to turn up the volume. As the loud music courses through her ears, she tilts her head back once again. 

"Don't think. Just do," she tells herself quietly. 

Soeun can feel the familiar feelings of constriction, the feeling of drowning, the blanket of loneliness wash over her once again. But before another wave of emotion can overtake her heart, Soeun clenches her teeth and clamps it down. She would much rather feel numb than feel that black hurricane of unhappiness. 

Because she doesn't know what she will end up doing once she lets those feelings flood her entire being. Soeun doesn't want to admit just yet, even to herself, that she's slowly dying away on the inside. That she might not be as happy as one might think from just looking at her exterior. And the idea that no one will be able to handle her loneliness, her in general is one so scary that Soeun can't stand it.

So she continues to hold it together. Just barely.