1.His eyes

It was the first day Luhan came to SME building, hand holding tightly the small white card a middle aged man had given him few days ago when he was shopping with his friends. Never once did he think about giving up on his dream but being casted outside like that didn’t occur to him either.

He buzzed the ringing bell and not long after that a woman opened the door, indifference written all over her face though she questioned him very politely

“May I help you?”

“I’m here for an audition.” He showed the card, nervously darted out tongue to moisten his lips.

She examined the piece of paper carefully before stepped aside, lifted her chin up a bit to motion him to get in.

“Follow me.”

They walked through the hallway, passing some rooms which Luhan guessed were practice rooms due to the mixture of music and singing yet shouting voices. He wasn’t good at Korean back then so it’s difficult to recognize what was going on behind the door.

They stopped at a double-door room in the basement and he could feel his hands all of a sweat.

“Wait here.”

She mumbled before knocking two times and disappeared, leaving him bewildered at his foot. Pursing his lips into a thin line, Luhan started looking around, mostly to keep his body busy because the atmosphere seemed to become hardening and if he just had stood still there for another second, he would have been choked to death.

His eyes dropped on a room where its door was left half open and the sound of shoes slamming on the floor could be heard clearly. He tilted his head aside, peering through the chink and his jaw fell immediately. All he could see was just a teenager dancing passionately to the music, maybe with other trainees and a teacher as well since the word “Focus, focus.” echoed around the small space.

It would be merely a random scene in his memory if that boy didn’t shift to Luhan’s direction and in a split of second when their eyes met, something inside the Chinese boy wakened to tell him that he had to pass this audition because what was waiting for him worth his effort.

2.His hands

There are many things you need to sacrifice to become an idol.

Your time

Your youth

Your freedom

Sometimes when they have a day-off between hectic schedules, Luhan finds it relax as he spends two or three hours, wearing his headphone and thinking back to these trainee days. Passing the audition was just the beginning of an aggressive competition in which if you didn’t push yourself forward, you’re gonna lag behind.

He remembers there were countless times he stayed back at the room #2, singing until his voice was hoarse or sitting against the wall, hugging his knees tightly as he couldn’t keep up with the choreography earlier. He made some friends but he couldn’t share. He’s not that type.

Until one day a hand stretched out and an innocent face came closer to his at the extent he could feel the hot breath from the other.

“Hi, we’re going to a flea market. Do you want to join us hyung?”

At that time, Luhan didn’t even understand what a flea market meant but he took that hand anyway, let himself be pulled out of the shell he had been hiding.

“What’s your name, hyung?”

“Luhan.”

“I’m Sehun. You have accent hyung. You’re not from Seoul are you? ”

Luhan didn’t know why but the curiosity in his voice made his cheeks dusted with pink. He lowered his head mumbled in reply

“I’m Chinese.”

Those determined eyes he saw few months ago widened adorably in both surprise and amusement.

“Really? Wow, your Korean is so good. And I heard your singing today. It’s awesome hyung. You shouldn’t stand at the back anymore.”

Luhan didn’t say much during the whole way to the market, leaving the others do the talking, silently enjoyed the warmth from the young boy’s hand grabbing his own.

It’s not an entwined one like a couple or a firm one like someone holding his possession. It’s gentle and caring as if he’s guiding a friend who had lost his sight.

Luhan likes the way Sehun always searches for his hand every time he’s nervous.

At the meeting room when they were announced to be debuted. It’s supposed to be a hug like everyone else but the younger was just speechless, squeezing his fingers a little bit too much as they’re told there would be two sub units.

At the backstage when they’re waiting for their first performance.

In the car when they were listening to their first album as soon as it was officially released.

“My hand is cold.” was the most childish reason Sehun blurred out when the members caught him off guard. But to Luhan, it explained more than that.

3. His smile

Sehun is the simplest person Luhan has ever met.

His facial expressions reveal everything about him. That boy laughs when he feels funny enough and scowls when he’s not in a good mood. He doesn’t even try to fake a smile for fan service and it bothers some people who care about him.

“What’s wrong?”

Joonmyun softly questioned, knowing that the maknae would be easily emotionally hurt by scolding.

“Nothing.” Sehun shrugged nonchalantly “I just don’t feel like smiling.”

“You can’t even do it for your fan?”

“Told ya, hyung. I was tired.”

“We all are!” the leader seemed to lose his temper, throwing his hands in disbelief “You’re an idol Sehun. You have to deal with it or else don’t cry on us when your fans turn their backs on you.”

“I won’t.”

The younger mumbled back at his throat when Joonmyun gave up and walked pass him toward their shared room. He wanted to be himself in front of people. Was it too hard for his fans to understand?

Luhan heard the story two weeks later right after he stepped inside the dorm, being pulled into a private conversation with Jongin.

He knew what he would do. It’s weird that he had to spend two days to prepare a short hand writing for his Thank to in their album although he just mentioned everyone in SM family and Exo fans, but when it came to Sehun, he already knew what he’s gonna say without thinking.

“They told you didn’t they?”

And Sehun knew exactly when he’s going to get lectured as well.

“Uhm” Luhan hummed in response, carefully sat down on the edge of the bed

“I don’t get it hyung.” the younger started to whine “Why do I have to smile when my body is in pain, my eyes are heavy and I already walk like zombie?”

“It’s our job Sehunnie.”

“You sound like Joonmyun hyung.” Sehun pouted, crossed his arms sulkily

Luhan slowly crawled over to reach for his hands, swung it a bit to get attention. He didn’t want to make his dongsaeng change his belief but they’re idols, life couldn’t get any easier if you’re against those unwritten rules.

“How about we making a deal?”

“What deal?”

“I’ll ask Joonmyun to leave you alone and in return whenever I touch your chin, it’s a code for you to smile, okay?”

Sehun grinned brightly in agreement and he found himself smile back automatically. So from that moment he would be the only one who could see that beautiful smile any time he wanted.

Man is selfish and Luhan is not an exception.

4. His shoulder

“Luhan, you’re from Beijing right?”

“Yes.”

“Did your parents go to see you at the showcase?”

The MC asked, eyeing Luhan eagerly. The Chinese hesitated a bit then flashed a strained smile

“Er…no. No they didn’t.”

“Why?”

This kind of question should be forbidden to be mentioned, Luhan thought. He didn’t want to talk about his family’s issue, well who did, especially when it would be broadcasted on TV. He guessed the fact that his parents didn’t support his choice to be an idol was quite obvious, there was no need to dig deeper. That was the only part Luhan preferred keeping for himself. Was it too much to ask?

“Er… they’re just busy.”

He mumbled, took a quick glance at Kris for helping and the leader got the message at once.

They always leave him space after interview like that because they do realize he will find the best way to light up his mood.

Sehun’s shoulder.

Sometimes he thinks he takes advantage of it. But most of the times he doesn’t even think. It’s like an old habit, like sneaking over, resting his head on the younger’s shoulder and closing his eyes relaxing is the most natural thing ever in the world.

Everyone in the group knows. But again they have nothing to complain.

It’s Sehun and Luhan.

It’s a phrase.

An axiom in math you don’t need to prove. Because it’s always right.

5. His dance

Is perfect.

It’s like a magnet attracts Luhan to the extent that sometimes he forgets everything around and will be made fun later for not able to take his eyes off the maknae.

But screw them!

He doesn’t care. Sehun doesn’t mind him watching either.

And that’s enough.

6. His voice

If a smile shows how cute Sehun is then his voice is no doubt his charm.

Luhan doesn’t understand why Sehun always refuses to talk on the stage. It’s logical when they’re in China since the only word he pronounces well is Xiao Lu, but even in Korea, he passes the mic to Chanyeol quickly when he’s done his usual introduction.

“Something is wrong with my mouth hyung, I swear.”

Sehun would reason when he got hit on his arm at the backstage for his lack of interaction.

“Nothing’s wrong with it.” Luhan pinched both of the latter’s cheeks affirmatively, earning a whining “ouch”.

“Yes it is.” the younger pointed out, rubbing his cheeks in pain “I don’t know what else to say. And what if I say something ridiculous huh? It’s better not talking than talking nonsense right?”

“It’s a lame excuse Sehunnie.”

Luhan ended the conversation with a sideways look, decided to leave it aside because Sehun might be cute but he’s definitely also a stubborn teenager as well.

He just thinks it’s such a pity that their fans don’t have many chance to see the maknae’s charm thoroughly.

It’s gifted and the younger shouldn’t hide it behind his cold outlook like that.

7. His scent

Sandalwood and blueberry

The magical combination.

Sehun doesn’t actually pay attention to this type of thing. Luhan remembers laughing hard as they told him the maknae even asked Kyungsoo what kind of cologne he used at a fansign when a fan asked him.

But Luhan loves Sehun without cologne more.

Like when he half-sleep back hugging Luhan in the morning, resting his messy head on the older one’s shoulder to continue his wandering in dreamland.

Or after they spending hours twisting on the floor until practice shirts drenched in sweat, lying next to each, trying to catch as much air as possible for their desperate lungs. 

It’s purely natural.

And tempting.

8. His touch

It’s a sin, Luhan knew it, to love Sehun more than a hyung should love his dongsaeng but he couldn’t help it.

He couldn’t resist the urge to response to every touch from the younger one. Sometimes it gave him joy, sometimes happiness, other times heat too.

It’s wrong, Luhan repeated mentally to keep himself from being delusive about a future with Sehun.

He didn’t realize he had fallen so hard for this young boy till a joke woke him up.

“It looks like Sehun is in love with Luhan hyung.”

Everyone could totally tell the anxiety written over his face when he saw the pink dusted both the maknae’s cheeks and ears. So he did what he his head was yelling at him, denying cruelly.

“Stop it! It’s sick. Don’t stuff his mind with those unhealthy nonsense like that.”

The glint of hurt in Sehun’s eyes haunted him later at night and he had to cover his head with pillow to get rid of the guilty under his skin.

It’s bad enough that you’re lying to people who cared about you, but it’s worse when you’re craving for something but couldn’t touch it even though it’s within your reach.

Luhan sank deeper into his own misery without a way out.

9. His heart

Jongin stomped into his room with anger on his face one day after their radio was broadcasted and Luhan didn’t even flinch at the sudden appearance. It would happen sooner or later.

“What the hell are you doing hyung?”

He unplugged the headphone, sluggishly darted his eyes to his dongsaeng

“What do you mean?”

The tanned skin boy’s eyes widened as if it was the most ridiculous joke he has ever heard.

“I can not believe you, hyung. He’s always your treasure and now you’re treating him like .”

The frozen silence invaded the room and the only thing still working at that time was the clock on the nightstand between his bed and Sehun’s.

Luhan looked down at his hand, letting out a long sigh into the night.

“You don’t understand…”

Nobody would. There were so many obstacles waiting for them if they chose to walk on this road together. And what if it’s just him who loved the other more than anything else in the world. What if it’s just a weak moment of Sehun’s heart, then one day he woke up and realized he had mistaken his love. That boy was too young to be aware of how complicated this relationship would be. So before it’s too late he had to stop it, even though it meant he broke the other’s heart and they would never be the same any more or he would be heartbroken to see his beloved dongsaeng dating some other girls.

“I’m sure you don’t either hyung.”

With that Jongin threw a few crumpled papers on his bed and left the room.

He crawled over and recognized Sehun’s hand writing on them. Some was covered with just countless circles scrawled carelessly like how confused their owner’s mind was.

He chuckled when reading the title written in capitals.

REASONS WHY I SHOULDN’T BE IN LOVE WITH LUHAN HYUNG

It was divided into 2 columns, cons and pros and there was a big difference between them. Luhan scanned the paper from head to toe and he realized he had so many “bad” things he didn’t even know. Like his sleep talking habit, his overenthusiastic laugh or his childishness when he’s arguing with Tao.

The list kept going on about twenty lines and when his eyes glanced to the other side of the paper, his heart skipped a beat at just two simple words.

Pros: His cons.

Luhan could totally capture the image of Sehun creasing it frustratingly right after he finished because those just reminded him how cold his hyung had rejected his feeling.

His hands moved to the last piece on the bed. Again, the title was so outstanding

REASON WHY I SHOULD BE WITH A GIRL

There was nothing but one line at the cons column.

She’s not Luhan hyung.

Luhan let out a small laugh at how sadly true it sounded but at the same time, a tear already dropped down on the paper.

10. His love

“I love you!” Sehun shouted at him as though Luhan wouldn’t understand those three simple words if he said it with his usual tone.

“Sehun ah….” the Chinese started slowly

“No no, I don’t want to hear any of it anymore.”

Sehun shut his ears, shaking his head vigorously before the older one could finish his sentence. He only stopped when he saw how his hyungs was staring at him confusingly and he felt a little bit dizzy as well.

“Sehun ah…”

Luhan softened his voice but again, he was halted, this time by a kiss. It happened so quickly that he didn’t have time to react before Sehun pulled back, grabbing his hands and entwined with his.

“Hyung, I’m serious. I won’t give up. Please stop running away.”

The older blinked several times to wipe off the tear blurring his eyes. He had so many things to say but a thick lump lodged at his throat and he didn’t even know where to begin.

 “The company will be against it.”

“We can convince them, make a compromise or whatever it is. We’ll be cautious.”

“They’ll kick us out of the group.”

“Then we’ll live as normal people. Don’t worry, I have my trust fund. I’ll take care of you.”

“What if the members don’t like it?”

“Oh please, with my maknae’s power and your scary aegyo, you really think they have chance to complain?”

“And our fans, what if they get suspicious? They can be….anti-homoual.”

“Then I’ll fool around with Tao hyung or Yixing hyung and problem’s solved!”

Luhan gave Sehun a real slap on the shoulder for the worst joke, pouted his lips sulkily. The younger took it as an end of the questioning section, pulled the latter into a tight embrace and whispered.

“Believe me hyung, our love will survive.”

For the very first time, Luhan decided to stop fighting back and let his heart take the control. Digging his face into the other’s neck, he inhaled the familiar scent and a content smile hovered over his lips.

Yes, our love will survive.

10 plus 1. with Sehun

Is the best Luhan has ever had.

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A.N/ Isn’t he the cutest?

What do you like most about him? Pick a number from 1 to 7.

(Sorry but 8 to 10+1 are for Luhan only :”>)