How could you do this to me? I mumbled. My head feels heavy and I cant move my hands. My body feels numb. I tried to open my eyes and very slowly, light enters my eyes. I saw a figure, near my bed, on the couch near the window. I tried to sit up. And I did. I looked at him, he is sleeping. He looked like he is crying in his sleep. I'm amazed about how I can look at him and pick up details. I look around. Everything is in place. He must have picked them up, and straighten up the room while I was sleeping. How long has I been sleeping anyway? I looked at my side table, and I couldn’t find my alarm clock. I searched for it in the drawer beneath it and still found nothing. But I felt something else. It is a picture. A picture of me and Taemin together. It was our first monthersary. Which is about a year ago. But we did not celebrate our second, at least not full-heartedly. There is no frame that usually covers the picture. I touched his face, with my heart beating faster than it should. I missed him so badly, but I cant look at him anymore without hating myself. Hating myself for not being able to fall out of love with him. I remembered last night.

"Please, I'm sorry. I really didn’t think much of it." he sobbed. He tried to hold me at my wrist.

"Who cares? I don’t. It's just too much for me. I cant be with you if you look at others. I cant be with you, knowing that you're thinking about him." I pulled away roughly, making him startled.

"No, never. I never felt that way towards him. Maybe I did before, but now I have you…" He tried explaining.

"Don’t lie to yourself. And please don’t lie to me. Don’t think I'm that stupid to believe you." I looked away.

"No, please…" his eyes were starting to tear up. I just can't look at him being like that. His tears had always been my weakness. Everything about him had always be my strength and my weakness at all time. I felt strong with him by my side, and I would do anything for him.

He moved closer, with his right hand on my cheek. Hee tried to kiss my lips, but I turned my head. And his lips touched my cheek. I can feel hot stream of tears on the side of my face.

"I love you…" He said it. I've said it before. He did too. So, that was not our first time, but somehow, those three word made my heart shattered into pieces. There was a pain in my chest, as my heart were unable to bear the pain he was giving me.

I jerked backwards a little. I shook my head.

"Don’t say it if it's only going to be a lie. Don’t give me hope. Just don’t…" I pulled my head away.

"But I'm not lying. I really do…" I heard desperation in his voice. I found myself believing his words.

I hated him, at that moment for making me believe him. I hated myself for falling for him and not being able to pull myself away.

"Go… now…" I said clearly. He was bad for me, so I can't let him damaged me even further. I need to do this now, or I'll forgive him in no time and I would get hurt again.

"Baby… don’t do this…" He begged me. His hands were on my chest. His hand felt cold, again my burning chest. His eyes were red. I caught myself feeling sorry for him. I was battling myself. My heart had wanted to hold him. Embrace him and so that we can work everything out. But my head knew that nothing good can come out of it. I need to move on. This may hurt me for a while but it is for the better.

"GO!!! GET OUT!!! Which part of those words that you can't understand??? I said GET OUT!!!" I snapped at him. He looked shocked. His hands were trembling and I felt bad. I never shouted at him before. I knew he hated it when people raised their voice. And I did too, but I just had too do it. I need to, or I would be drawn into his charm again.

He cried. Sobbing. I let him. I can't look at his face, but I can't believe I just yelled at him. He turned around, giving up on me. And, I have no idea what had possessed me at that moment, but I went up to him, hugging his waist from behind. I cried. The tears I've been holding finally escaped. I kissed his hair and the side of his neck. And kept in that position for a while. I don’t want to let go because it feels like it would end. But I knew better...

Go… just go...

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readers, please comment. *hugs*