Letting you go was so hard for me. Why? I knew that you were going to come back to me. I knew that you would never leave me for long. But I have to support you in your interests, so I will let you go this time, which is all I thought as I hugged you for the last time before you walked out the black door that separated the outside world from my own. Your hair flowed as you walked away pulling at your sleeve, your sent hung with me as it filled my heart with you and your memories watching you walk away from me. I knew that it wouldn’t be for long.

I walked back into the apartment as I saw you leave my sight. I closed the door slowly leaning on the cool door as I slid down with the slickness of the floor, hitting the floor, pulling my knee up so that I could rest my elbow on it and cover myself up in my hands. I wanted to transport to you, but that is the last thing that you wanted in front of your boss and coworkers. You wanted to keep it professional for you wanted to do your best. I sat there in that position as I watched the sun set and the darkness fall upon our abode. I sat there swimming in my thoughts. There was no motivation to do anything besides sit there and re-watch all of the memories that have filled my mind over the short years that we had been together. Tears kept falling even after the hours that you were gone. I couldn’t help myself, you smile, your laugh, you. You were so intoxicating; I don’t know how I would get through without you. Where would I fill your void? A buzzing sensation came from my pocket. It was the band, I knew what they wanted, and I let it ring for you. For the pain that it would bring me to talk about you, you were too special for anyone to know how much I cared about you.

She will be back; it is only a business trip. She will be back

I tried to convince myself to rise from my spot and take this like a man. I couldn’t. What am I supposed to do? I can’t sleep without you by my side. I can’t eat for I would cook your favorite foods, for that is all I know how to cook. I can’t go on my computer for you would look at me with your beautiful eyes that always brought me back to who I really was, even a picture was too much to handle. I would cry just to remember you here with me.

I hit the small button on the side of the phone causing the phone to light up with life. A picture of your hand and mine together that made a heart was my background that made me tear up at the sight. I shuffled across the floor as memories swirled around me at all the wonderful acts of kindness and love that you have shown me. I walk into the bedroom stripping myself of my shirt and began to walk into the bathroom. Changing into some pajama bottoms and then walking over and sitting on the side of the bed, hunched over and in pain of your departure. I gently looked up from my wet hands that held all of my secrets. I looked over to your side of the bed. There was your drawing pad that you always drew on before you went to bed every night. I turned the pages as pictures of yours touched my heart and made my heart have wings. I gently turned to the page over to reveal a drawing that I have never seen before. A couple picture of you and me. It wasn’t perfect but it was yours. It was perfect in my eyes. I gently traced your graphite marks with my finger as a wave of memories cascaded over me. I gently set your notebook on your side of the bed as I lay on top looking at the ceiling trying to sleep.

It is only a business trip.

You tried to calm yourself down but you knew that she would do well. What if she had to leave you so that she could work? Could you leave everything behind and be there for her and stay with the woman that you love? Could you live without her? How would you afford to be happy without her?

She was just so perfect and loving and always lifted your spirit. She was so bubbly and willing to do anything for you. You should do the same to her, right? What if she denied you? What would happen if you couldn’t have her?

—

The black door opened as the shine on the door caught the setting sun’s rays as you stood in the entry with a bouquet of flowers. You were going to do it, no matter what. You loved her and you know that you did. It just took some time to commit to her because of your past. She looked like an angel when she walked through the door. Her scent filled the space as you watched her enter. Her eyes found the flowers as she dropped her bags and smiled at me. Her smile, her presence was just enough to make you go crazy. She slowly walked up to you as you lowering the flowers and opened your arms to allow her to come into them. She ran and jumped into your arms, hugging your tightly and you holding her like the world was going to end. You kissed her like you never did before. You both pulled away, a little out of breath as she looked down at the flowers that were in your hand still.

“Are these for me?” She asked as her eyes shinned with the pure light of surprise

“Yes they are my nae Sarang” You quietly said as she smelled them, her hair fell as she dipped her nose into the plants that snuggled next to each other. You brushed her hair behind her ear, “I missed you too much, _______”

“I missed you too much to” She said as her words came to you and it was a relief to hear her say your name. You both walked into the living room as you sat down on the couch together. She sat down and you gently turned her away so that her back faced you. You gently started to press your thumbs into her back as she began to tell you about her trip. You began to massage more finding her stress spots, she began to slow her words and she became to melt as you moved up and down her back.