Full of hope, bright smiled J-Hope:

 

It was 2 a.m, a time where most people should be asleep, yet you were wide awake. You had made an indentation in your couch from sitting for so long, but you couldn't go to sleep. You were waiting. The tv was set to some random stupid show, volume low just to break the silence within the room. Your third cup of coffee had turned cold, along with your spirit. "Where is he?  you wondered, with a worried expression painted across your face, "He should have been home hours ago..." Your eye lids were beginning to droop & you could feel the need for sleep taking over your body. You drowsed off a couple of times, only to be woken up by a slight noise that you thought was the front door. One hour of hopeless torture & there was an abrupt knock on the door. You jumped up & sprinted towards it, wondering why J-Hope didn't just use his key. You flung the door open, but it wasn't him. A police officer stood in your doorway with a stern, yet apologetic look on his face. You were completely confused, worried about J-Hope & in the pit of your stomach you could feel bad news coming. "W-was J-Hope arrested for something?" The words flew out of your mouth due to worry and curiosity. "Is this where Jung Hoseok lives? Are you a relative, guardian, or spouse?" You nodded & asked the officer why he didn't answer your question. He stood for a while, trying to gather courage to tell you what exactly happened. 

 

"Ma'am, I don't know how to tell you this... But, earlier tonight we found a body, a body that had Mr. Jung's I.D on it. The face was beaten up pretty badly, so we were not able to identify him 100%, but we believe it is him. I'm... I'm truly sorry for your loss ma'am." The poor man finished and exhaled, knowing that he just broke you into a million pieces. You cupped your mouth & nose with your hands, water forming in the corners of your eyes. The officer began again, "I know you're probably shaken up from hearing the news, get some rest. We're going to need you to identify the body tomorrow. Once again, I'm really sorry for having to tell you this." The officer bowed his head a little, obviously uncomfortable and turned around to head back to his car. You closed the door & locked it, continuing to stand in front of your door for several minutes. "J-Hope's.... gone? He's d-dead?" You say it out loud, trying to get accustomed to the sound of it. You make your way back to the couch and that's when it hits you. Your husband was dead. Your teeth grit at the thought and you can feel so much pain in your chest that you swore your heart was slowly ripping in half. You were never going to be able to see his smile again. You were never going to get to kiss him again. You were never going to be held in his arms again. The thoughts crippled you and you began to sob uncontrollably. A broken sound escapes your lips and you let all of your emotions pour out of your dismantled self. Your body shakes, yet all you feel is numbness. J-hope's smiling face appears in your thoughts & you scream in complete and utter pain. 

 

The thought of killing yourself plays through your head several times. You wanted to end all of the pain you were enduring. You would do anything to be with Hoseok again, even if that meant meeting him in Heaven. Your body was weak, eyes blurry & face swollen from crying, but you made your way to the kitchen. Before you knew it, you were holding a knife in your hand. The smell of desperation and despair lingered within the walls of your home. Deep down you knew that you were delusional, not in your right mind, but you traced the blade across your stomach. The metal felt cold against your skin. It was definitely tempting. You could end it all in a couple of seconds, but something was stopping you. You knew that you couldn't do it, even if you felt like your world was ending. You couldn't believe that Hoseok had left you. And now you couldn't even go be with him. As much as you wanted to, you knew that if you killed yourself, you wouldn't be killing only one person, but two. You gently placed your hand on your stomach and began to cry again. You felt trapped, torn between two options, wanting one but knowing you would have to go through with the other. You couldn't believe Hoseok had left you, couldn't believe that he had abandoned you, especially after knowing that you were pregnant, pregnant with his child. You threw the knife in the sink and sank to the floor, feeling miserable. In the midst of fighting back more tears, the sound of keys rattling echoed from outside. Soon enough your front door was being unlocked, the knob turning and eventually opening up. You heard it & became scared. "Who the hell has the keys to our house?! Haven't I had enough for tonight?" you thought worriedly. 

 

You wiped the tears from your face, trying to clear your vision in case you had to fight off a thief. You listened to several clumsy footsteps, heavy breathing, knowing that the person was getting closer. In an instance you pounced up, grabbing the knife in your hand, wielding it like a weapon. The figure's eyes grew & he threw his hands up, stepping back towards the door. You could tell he was surprised, but I don't think anyone could have been more shocked than you were. The knife fell from your hands, making a loud clang. Your jaw dropped & your knees began to shake. The person standing in front of you wasn't a thief, it was your husband, J-Hope, alive. He smiled, recognizing you and began to hastily make his way towards you in the kitchen. You stood, paralyzed at what you were seeing. You thought it was some kind of sick joke, maybe you were having hallucinations. But he kept coming closer, with the same idiotic smile wiped across his face. Something was off, this wasn't the J-Hope you knew. He came up to you and grabbed you by the waist, pulling you close enough to where you were both face to face. "Heeeeey babyyy!" The words came out slurred & he reeked of alcohol. "A-are you drunk, Hoseok?" you trembled, still not accepting the scene in front of you. "Yeaaah I had a couple drinks with mah boyssss!" he giggled & hiccuped, and then began to swing you both from side to side. You were enraged by the thought of him drinking while you were at home dying inside. "J-Hope, do you know what I went through tonight?!" You screamed it, not caring who heard you at this hour. J-hope adjusted to the ringing in his ears and then placed a single finger on your lips. "Shhhhhhhh baby, J-Hope's here." He smiled once more and you pushed your hands against his chest, trying to get as far away from him as you could, becoming angrier and angrier. 

 

"Where are you goinggg?" he hiccuped once more, "The fun is just getting started!!" He gripped your arm and pinned it. He pushed your body up against the wall & smirked devilishly, his hot breath fanning your face. You tried with all your might to get out but he was using all his force to block you off. His body was pressed against yours tightly, you could feel his abs pressed against your torso, his chest against yours. You were worried about the baby, afraid that he or she was getting squished. "J-Hope stop it!" you cried, and tried once more to push him off of you. "Stop fighting it babeee, it's okay it's okay" His lips pressed against your jawline, slowly leaving a trail of wet kisses down your neck. He brought his head up and kissed your lips, obviously enjoying watching you try to squirm out of his embrace. He continued to move his lips against yours unwillingly, looking for entrance inside your mouth. You fought against it, knowing that this wasn't J-Hope. He began to feel your body, placing his hands on your waist, making his way up to your chest. You knew he wasn't going to stop, and you couldn't stand to breathe in the horrid smell of liquor anymore, especially being pregnant. You took your free hand and slapped him across the face, feeling it was your only way out. He immediately stopped, taking his face in his hands. He looked hurt but you couldn't care less how he was feeling at the moment. He stood there, utterly shocked that you would do such a thing. You didn't care anymore. You raced out of being cornered as fast as you could, grabbing your phone, purse & car keys and heading out the door. You drove for a while, letting what just happened sink in before you finally made your way to a hotel where you spent whatever was left of your night crying yourself to sleep. 

 

The next morning was brutal. Your eyes were stained red, cheeks puffy & hair a mess. You had to go to work, but all of your stuff was at home. You built up the courage to drive back, walking inside to find J-Hope knocked out on the couch, happy that you didn't have to deal with him for now. You were still pissed off and shaken up from your night, but you tried as best as you could to clean yourself up & get ready for work. The hours passed by slowly in your office, and all you could think about was what would be said the next time you saw J-Hope. Your boss had been watching you the entire day, noticing that you had cried the previous night, noticing that you were disheveled. She came up to you, "Why don't you go down a little early for lunch, there's not much work to do here today anyways" She smiled lightly and you mirrored it, thankful that she was giving you mercy without even knowing the situation. You made you way down to the cafeteria, still hurting everywhere, but knowing you had to eat for your baby. You bought lunch and headed towards the table you always sit at with your tray. You were surprised when you saw J-Hope sitting there, looking like he had just been hit by a tornado. He heard your heels clicking and looked up, his expression turning into one of a sad puppy. Your footsteps grew slower and shorter, stalling your meet with J-Hope. The beating of your heart increased, and your palms became sweaty, frantically thinking about what you were going to say. All of last night in the hotel you were thinking of comebacks, hurtful things you would say to Hoseok out of anger, but now that you were actually in front of him, seeing how upset he looked, you knew you didn't have the nerve to say any of it. 

 

You finally reached the table and placed your tray down, awkwardly squeezing yourself into the chair. It was extremely uncomfortable, just staring at J-Hope waiting for him to say something. That moment never came, as he instantaneously broke down, covering his face with his hands. You just sat there, knowing that he felt guilty for his actions, wanting to be mad but not being able to after seeing him react. He brought his face up and finally spoke to you for the first time since being sober, "_______, miahnae. Mianhaeyo. I-i can't even believe that I did what I did to you last night. The police came by this morning & told me what happened, I-I..." his voice trailed off. You continued to sit there, not knowing what to say, trying to gather your thoughts. You felt the urge to cry but you couldn't, there were no more tears left. You just sat there like an empty shell, not entirely sure you were even in your own body, lifeless. J-Hope looked at you with pleading eyes, looking for any hint of forgiveness. He wretchedly began again, "I know that you're still hurting from my careless actions, but I need you to forgive me ______. I can't live if you can't forgive me. I promise I'll be there for you from now on. I promise you. I'll never let you hurt like you did last night. I want to be there for our baby, I want to be there for you. I know I messed up, but people make mistakes, it's a part of being human, right? Please ______, just this once take me back. I don't want our child to grow up without a father. Let me be responsible for our family. What do you say?" 

 

THE END ♡