The gif is not mine. The credit goes to the owner.

Enjoy~

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I called him, again. And for the fifth time tonight, he didn’t answer, again. I sighed. I thought things through. I couldn’t help but come to one conclusion. He’s been avoiding me… But for what? He was “just busy,” or “had plans?” With whom? To be honest, I was getting more annoyed by the second. For the past few months he’d been avoiding or ignoring my calls and texts and when he was confronted, he’d make up excuses. Lies. It was all lies, that didn’t even make sense anymore. This one was his favourite: “I was practising with the guys.” I believed him; I still do, just not as much. He does practice, but what he does afterwards is intolerable. But I’d had enough. Enough of his hideous excuses saying that he was ‘late’ ‘practice overran’ ‘I already ate with the boys,’ and all sorts now. Please. Even if you’ve left me behind, why can’t you just tell me the truth?

You know what hurts more than being ignored? Being lied to. Well, it seems like that now in this situation. It hurts that he can’t even look me straight in the eye anymore. It hurts that he can’t say that he’s moved on at the least, and save my pain. It hurts that he’s still in my heart, but I’m no longer in his…

Today, I’m going to do something about it. This can’t go on forever. My heart can’t hold it much longer. Sooner or later, it’ll break and when it does, he won’t be there. So now is easier; it’s better. It’s always better to get things done and over with, I say, but this will be hard honestly speaking. I called him.

1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9... ‘Your call cannot be taken. Please leave a message after the tone.’ –Beep.

Nine. Nine rings and still no answer. Well, that just proves it all, doesn’t it? I took a deep breath, and actually left a message. I’d done this multiple times before, but never once had I really left a message. Because what did leaving that message mean? That I was desperate? That didn’t matter- it was the truth. That I wanted him more than he wanted me? Yes, that was also the truth, a heart-breaking one, but still the truth. Or… that it indicated that I wanted to see him? I did. More than ever, but I couldn’t because of solely one reason.

That it was time to end things?

I’ve never been good at endings and I don’t know if I’ll get any better at this rate. I always think that endings shouldn’t just happen over the phone, or with no meaning. So even if he doesn’t answer now; I’ll try to make a good ending. I’ll try, but endings are never really good, unless both people put love and care to it. Just like the ending of a song, the artist has to convey and let out all their emotion, whilst the audience has to respect the mood and agree and mix with the artist- only then is it a good ending. That’s why some people cry. Or like in story endings when the author has to give it a good finish, but the reader has to feel the same, the pain or the happiness that the author has conveyed. They have to feel that, or else, they can’t feel the writer. Is that why some people cry at the end of stories? Another is at the end of films. In a film, the ending is always the most important part- so the people can remember it well and it stays in their minds clearly for a long time. But the audience has to tolerate it and try to remember it, or else no matter how amazing it is, they just won’t remember. Maybe that’s why people are so emotional at the end of some films.

Is that why most relationship endings bring tears too?

That’s the difference, you see. With movie, song, or story endings; it can be portrayed well. I mean, in a good way. It can be a happy ending. A happily ever after. But that’s not the case in real life. That’s just a fairy tale. In real life, even if you feel like you did the good job and will have no regrets, you still have that bitter spot. That bitter feeling that won’t go away; and you don’t know, because you think that you did the right thing, but it’s there. You just don’t know it.

So I spoke up. Finally. It’s funny how I’m getting the courage to do this now. Will this end things? Or will it bring us closer together in the end? Maybe if I picked up enough courage in the beginning, the possibility of ending things would be ruled out. Right? “Hey oppa. We need to talk. Can we meet?”

That’s it. No emotion. Just a greeting like normal friends, nothing more, nothing less. If I let out all my emotions now, it’ll be too hard. Too hard for me and for him. So I’ll hide my feelings and not let them leak until the final, crucial moment. Because if I let it leak now, I’ll have regrets. Regrets on thinking that I can do fine without him, regrets on believing that this is the right choice, regrets on firm thoughts that I’ve had enough of everything and I just want to end it as soon as possible. Regrets on ever loving him in the first place.

As usual, there is no quick reply. Nothing fast to gain my attention. Is it me? Can he not see the seriousness in my ton