_________ = you

You were sitting in your room playing with your pigtails when your father walked in. 'Who is this girl?' He thought to himself in confusion.

"APPA!" You yell to him with a smile plastered on your face. He just stared at you, and you couldn't understand his expression.

"Who are you?" He asks you sternly. Your five year old brain couldn't process what he was asking. 'Who am I?' You thought in complete confusion. Tears were threatening to escape your eyes. But you remembered your mother telling you that this would happen sometimes.

"I'm ______ your daughter. You don't remember me?" You ask your eyes widening in fear.

He stared at you in disbelief. "I don't have a daughter! You must be here to steal something! GET OUT! JUST GET OUT BEFORE I THROW YOU OUT!" He yelled at you in anger. He grabbed your arm and you yelp from the pain going through your arm.

The tears started coming now, and they wouldn't stop. Your mother ran into the room in shock and spots you with a pained look on your face.

"JAY!" She yells causing your father to let go of you in shock. He stares at your pained face in shock. "What were you doing?! You hurt ______!" He gestures you to come over to her, but you ignore it and run past her and out the door.

You ran all the way to the park, and hid. You were crying under the slide, a place where only you could fit. Your other friends were either too scared to go under there or too big. You sat there crying until it got dark. You rocked yourself back and forth hoping to be saved from the darkness that was engulfing you.

Someone yelled your name. "_______!" You heard him yell. He was your best friend, and he was three years older than you were. You started crawling out from under the slide. The second you saw him you started running to him as quickly as you could. "Omo, not again." He says sighing.

"I thought he was going to hit me this time!" You tell him hugging him for dear life. You wouldn't let go of him, it was impossible. He was angry that you nearly got hit again, but your mother explained what happened to him, and so he came to find you. 'You're so small. So fragile... It makes me sad when your crying.' He thinks to himself sadly.

"Don't worry, everything is okay now. They're worried about you and want you to come home." He tells you in a soothing voice.

"Jonghyun oppa, I don't want to go home. I'm scared! What if it happens again? It's been getting worse and worse!" You tell him scared. He looks at you worriedly.

"______-AH! Oh my, we've been looking for you everywhere!" Your mother calls to you worriedly. She runs up to you and grabs you. "Jonghyun, thank you!" She says to him thankfully while hugging you.

That night, your mother took you back home where your father was sitting in his chair. You both walked in, and he completely ignored you both. Like you were strangers to him, it made you both very upset. As your mother carried you upstairs and put you in your bed, you saw a tear escape her eye.

"Is appa going to be okay?" You ask in your sweet voice. You were worried, you had never seen your mom cry before. When she heard that question escape your lips, it made her cry even more. You look at her in shock. You hug her and close your eyes. "It's okay umma, everything is going to be okay." You tell her smiling.

She looks at you and smiles widely wiping her tears. "Neh, everything will be."

****

Your mother brought you to the hospital one day, she had been bringing you there for a while because your father was staying there. She was smiling at you and telling you that he was asking to see you. "Umma, do you think appa will remember me today?" You ask her hopefully.

Your mother smiles widely and nods. You start running down the hall and stop as people are running in and out of your father's room. As your mother approaches and sees what's going on she grabs a doctor and asks them what's going on.

"We lost a patient a few minutes ago miss." The doctor tells her quickly.

"Who? Was it Mr. Lee? Jay Lee?" Your mother asks in alarm.

The doctor looks at her for a moment and then asks if she is related to him. "Yes, I'm his wife!" She tells him hurriedly.

"We were just about to call you. Can you come with me, you can leave this little one with the nurse." The doctor says calmly.

Your mother nods and then scurries off behind the doctor. The nurse tries to distract you from your mother, but you just stare at her as she begins crying. You could hear muffled yells coming from your mother as she screamed at the doctor. She then collapses to her knees, causing you to begin running over to her. You had never seen your mother like this, and you didn't understand what could ever happen to make this happen.

When you reached her, everyone tried to restrain you. You fought against them, but lost as you only stared at your mother sobbing on the ground. "Umma!?" You cry terrified. Your mother then stares at you. 'How am I going to tell her he's dead? How do you tell a child that they will never see their father again?' She thinks to herself trying to calm herself down.

Your mother stands and begins walking over to you and hugs you. "Sweetie, appa is in a good place." She tells you wiping your tears. "You're not going to see him for a very long time."

"Why not?" You ask in confusion.

"Because appa had to move very far away so he could get better." She tells you smiling. "But umma will always be here!"

You didn't understand anything about death back then, you were too young, and that wasn't even apart of your thought process at five years old. You nod to your mother and smile at her as she holds back her tears.

"Are we going home now umma?" You ask getting slightly frightened of the hospital. You never liked them, not since the first time you stepped into one. They smelt funny, and people always seemed to be in pain. And your father never remembered you when you came here, and it made you sad.

Your mother nods and then tells the doctors she would be back. She then takes you to your aunt's house to stay the night and leaves you there. Everyone was crying, they were all upset and you just didn't understand why. Even when you went to the church a few days later, everyone was just wearing black and crying!

"______-ah, we're going to go home now." Your mother tells you softly, waking you up from the deep sleep you were in from the long day.

"Umma, I want to see appa." You tell your mother trying to hold back your tears. "I miss him!"

She smiles at you widely and then tells you again, that he was in a better place, getting better so that he could remember you. And that you two weren't going to see him in a very long time.

You never questioned your mother, she was all you had since you were younger, when your father stopped remembering you. And if he was getting better you were happy for him, you just wanted him to be happy and healthy.

******

First chapter out YAY!!

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