hey my name is  hyosung and today, I decided to discuss my recent break-up with kikwang I thought I was going to marry.  until I felt that I had actually moved on and was strong enough to talk candidly about it.  I wanted to honestly analyze the relationship and offer thought-provoking insight. I actually thought it would take years before I reached this point, but indeed, I was wrong. Today, as my fingers hit the keyboard, I can tell you that I’m moving on.

The hardest part about the moving on was walking away from all the investments. Better yet, how could HE walk away from all the investments? I could not figure out how a man could buy you an engagement ring, and then walk away. How do you get a big tattoo of my name, but say that I am not the one? How could you invest your time and your money but still walk away? However, what do all these investments mean, if it is at the expense of losing yourself? Well he said he lost himself. Consequently, I guess it was worth taking the loss on this one if it meant saving you. However, I just absolutely hate losing. My ego just could not comprehend that I indeed had lost this round. I was SINGLE AGAIN…..NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Never mind, scratch that idea above. The hardest part about moving on was learning to be happy for that person even if it is not with you. I had to figure out that life was great with or without him. As I ponder this idea, I suppose that is why he broke up with me; he learned that he could be happy with or without me. Or perhaps, just “without me”.  I know what you are thinking, who could ever be happy without me? No but seriously, you really do not “need” people; you CAN do this thing called life by yourself. The more complicated discussion involves whether you truly WANT to do life by yourself.

But for real, the hardest part about moving on was that the break-up happened exactly three days after I buried my sister. In case you didn’t read that correctly, I will repeat, “He broke up with me THREE DAYS AFTER MY SISTER’S FUNERAL.  I thought I could never forgive him for being so mean. My father screamed for days about how disrespectful it was; and I quote “This boy comes to my daughter’s funeral knowing all along what he was going to do; I should kick his right now”.  While I did not use those exact words, I asked the same question; confused, “Why even come to the funeral?” How could you hug me, dry my tears, and tell my family how much you are here for them, when all along you were planning your escape.  However, after praying very hard about the matter, I have forgiven him. I actually feel sad for him because he is obviously lost.

When my sister died, he told me that his mom/family was sending me a card, yadda yadda. Do you know I never received a thing? His God-Fearing mother never even gave me a call.  You would think that no matter how much that woman did not like me that she would at least send a card. Nope, she was just thrilled to her son back in her life. I can see her now, just cheering away, rambling about how he should never date another American again. What kind of person could do that to someone? “Hurt people hurt people”. (I learned that in Church while attending with him and his mother). Hey, I know I sound bitter but I only said I have forgiven HIM; God is still working on me in regards to how I feel about his mother. Honestly, I just expected more from her as a God-Fearing woman but I digress.

I honestly, expected more from him too. I expected his friendship despite the ending of our relationship. I expected a phone call one day saying “Hey Ash, I know you just lost your sister, forget about me but, how are YOU doing? That phone call never came…. Then when I was forced to call him to sort out money issues he left me with , I got blasted about how I should have never gotten such an expensive apartment and I am not his responsibility. GOOD POINT, I wasn’t his responsibility so why the hell did he move in? Because it was convenient for him at the time, it had nothing to do with me.

And that indeed is the hardest part about moving on. Realizing that the perception you had of someone is an illusion. That person is nowhere near who you thought they were. They did not care for you half as much as you thought they did. You allowed their fakeness to become your reality. Now it is up to you to de-create them and just accept them for who they truly are. In some cases, that means accepting them for the complete jerk that they are. In my case, I will not say that he is a complete jerk. Then again, I actually don’t care! I have deleted this man from my life and I plan to do so forever because, I believe that this is what God wanted me to do.

My best friend back in california asked me a few weeks after the break-up, “What makes this break-up so different from the last?” She even mentioned that I was still friends with literally ALL my exes. At the time, I didn’t know how to respond because I was still confused. However, now I know. This break-up is so different from all the rest because this man is not the person he portrayed to be. He was never my friend and each day that passes without a genuine apology, he confirms that he really was never my friend. The rest of my exes were who they said they were, and we just did not work out.  However, this one was different. He just took things too damn far. He bought me a ring for goodness sake. You just don’t play with a girl’s heart like that. I know females that would have killed him over this, (Remember the movie The Brothers?). It scares me that I fell for the lies.

So indeed the hardest part about moving on is forgiving yourself and saying to yourself that you will never fall for it again… but then again you don’t really know how you fell for it the first time…… Therefore, you forgive yourself but you never forget and fight with yourself about how “guarded” you should be when the next man comes along.  When you are at the point that you can completely let your guard down again, you have indeed moved on. However, this I must say is the hardest part.

Just A Thought…… i then press  click  too send it too kikwang i know he still loves me and i will wait

i hope you guys like  it  please comment i love reading it   , don't just read just tell me what you think even it just a update soon words