“Stop staring at Yoseob’s ”

“I’m not staring at his ”

Smack

“Ow! What was that for?”

“For staring at his ”

Smack

“Ow! What was that one for?”

“For lying about staring at his .”

Smack

“Ow! Okay what was that one for?”

“Because two hits felt incomplete, good things come in threes.”

Hyunseung gave Doojoon a cheery smile (though to Doojoon it looked more like a smirk) before skipping over to his gloomy-faced cheerleader boyfriend Junhyung. Leaving Doojoon to stand on the field like a kicked puppy, checking his arms for bruising and muttering profanities at Hyunseung.

“If he wasn’t such a ing good defender I would have ing kicked his sorry of this ing team a ing long time ago. .” 

The rest of the team just shook their heads at their pitiful captain, before walking to the field to start the game.

They lost the game. And it was definitely not because the captain (who is now nursing a bruise on both legs and a bump on his head) was distracted by the plump backside of a certain cheerleader captain and tripped over his own feet. But it seems that no matter how much he protested this, none of his team mates believed him.

“Why do we have male cheerleaders anyways?” Doojoon complained during lunch.

“Something about preventing erted soccer players who get distracted by girl’s short skirts.” Hyunseung said dismissively, “But apparently, even having male cheerleaders doesn’t help some people,” he continued with a pointed look at Doojoon.

“I like s!” Doojoon protested.

“That’s great?” a voice chimes from behind him. It seemed Yoseob and his two assistant captains, Junhyung and Dongwoon, chose this moment to walk up to their table. 

Unsure of whether to hide in shame or attempt to explain himself, Doojoon decides to do the only sane thing he could think of.

He ran.  

Yoseob watches his disappearing figure and shrugs. Hyunseung sighs, Doojoon better get his together.

He doesn’t get his together. Actually it might have gotten worse. He comes out of this game with not only bruises but also a bloody nose from running into the goal post. But Doojoon could care less. The cheerleaders recently changed their uniform and damn. But he was still not ready to admit he had a problem (or obsession with as Hyunseung so eloquently put it).

Nope definitely no problem. And definitely still a straight guy.

It wasn’t till he walked into the girl’s bathroom while being distracted did he finally admit that yes, he may be in a slight predicament. In his defense it wasn’t his fault that Yoseob chose to strut down the hallway wearing the tightest skinny jeans in the world. Doojoon was sure he had died and gone to heaven, well until he was beat up by a group of crazy screaming girls who called him a ert.

So the first thing he did after escaping the wrath of the surprisingly strong girls in the bathroom was to run to Hyunseung.

“I have a problem” Doojoon declared as soon as he found Hyunseung.

“Junhyung won’t have with me.” Hyunseung lamented, as if not hearing Doojoon.

“What? No I said I have a problem. I may be a little too appreciative of Yoseob’s derrière for a straight guy”

“He said it’s because he doesn’t want to overexert himself before practice but I’m pretty sure it’s because I sat on his Pikachu.”

“It’s not really my fault. I mean half the school is enamored with him.”

“I said I was sorry. I mean it’s just a stuffed toy. I haven’t had in a week and he knows what my libido is like.”

“I feel like we’re having two separate conversations.”

“Oh. Have you been talking?”

Doojoon proceeded to repeatedly pound his head against the wall.

Doojoon, Hyunseung and Kikwang had been hiding behind the bush for 45 minutes, 37 seconds, and 10 milliseconds (give or take a few nanoseconds). In this time Doojoon had dug a perfectly round hole in the ground, Hyungseung had collected a substantial pile of grass and Kikwang found out he had exactly 3504 hairs growing on his calves. 

Doojoon peered out from the side of the bush and sighed wistfully as he watched the cheerleaders doing tumble turns and pyramids on the field down below.

 “He looks busy. Maybe we should come back another time.” He said nervously, turning around to face with Hyunseung only to shrink back when he saw the glare on his face.

“You did not drag me here and make me sit on this pile of dirt for nothing” Hyunseung sends Doojoon another glare and throws a pile of grass at him for good measure.

 “In my defense−”

But before he could give his reasoning on why this was not a wasted trip and actually a good experience (“look at that geometrically perfect hole I dug”) Hyunseung had shoved him out from behind the bush and sent him rolling down the hill towards the field.

Doojoon let out an extremely unmanly and high-pitched squeal as he tumbled straight into the cheerleader’s human pyramid.

Hyunseung, looking rather pleased with himself, turned back to face a wide-eyed Kikwang.

“Why did you just push Doojoon down the hill…?” he asked timidly, afraid he would face the same treatment.

“To fast-forward us to stage three” When Kikwang continued to look at him in confusion Hyunseung sighed and using a voice that one would use when trying to explain concepts to first graders, started to explain.

“Whenever Doojoon likes someone he goes through something which as his best friend I have termed ‘The Five Stages of Infatuation’.”

Clearing his throat, Hyunseung continues.

“Stage 1 and two are simple, denial and acceptance. And this brings us to Stage 3, embarrass-yourself-in-front-of-crush syndrome. Also known as Foot-in-the-mouth syndrome, depending on what stupid he does first.”

With that Hyunseung turned back to take out two bags of popcorn from his bag (when did he even pack them??), one for him and one for Kikwang. He then stuck his head out from the side of the bush so he could have a good view of the comedy unfolding.

Down on the field Yoseob was not happy. He stood angrily (well as angry as a short, chubby brunette wearing a cheerleader uniform could look) as he glowered at a still-lying-on-the-ground Doojoon. Doojoon on the other hand didn’t think it was so bad. If he ignored the hollers of Yoseob’s fan boys and the judging stares from the other cheerleaders, it was almost like a date (okay he was just desperate). But upon seeing the annoyed frown on the Yoseob’s face, Doojoon laughed anxiously.

“Fancy seeing you here Yoseob. What brings you to−” Doojoon looks around nervously as he sits up. “−Cheerleading practice?”

There is an uncomfortable silence as Yoseob continues to glare at him. He was not amused. Now Yoseob was usually an easygoing kind of guy but no one (repeat, no one) messes with his cheerleading.

“Doojoon what are you doing here?” Yoseob sighed impatiently.

“…” Doojoon frantically racks his mind for a good excuse to explain why he just rolled down the hill and bowled over the cheerleaders before Yoseob killed him.

“I’m here for cheerleading tryouts” Doojoon finally replies.

Good Save Doojoon, good save.

Yoseob sighed again (it seemed he was constantly sighing whenever Doojoon was around) and gave him a wary look.

“Doojoon you do realize cheerleaders cheer at soccer games,” he said slowly, “How are you going to captain the soccer team and cheer for them on the sidelines at the same time?”

Okay, maybe not so good save.

“Well in that case, I’m going to go now. This has been fun. If you see me in the hallways please don’t mention this incident as that would be awfully embarrassing.”

Needless to say Doojoon scampers off the field feeling even more stupid than when he rolled in (if that was even possible). 

A/N: I decided to merge chapter 1 + 2 since both were pretty short. Please subscribe and comment ^^ 

Oh and feel free to check out my other crack/comedy fic Excuse Me Miss if somehow this fic is funny to you...