It was a 19^th birthday party like no other. Despite the busy schedules and bothersome crunch time, my friends held a surprise party for the most adorable and bubbly little girl as quoted by them, me. We had the craziest ‘tau pok’ session ever as everyone piled up on me till I was seeing stars literally. The only part of the party that I disliked was the throwing of cake onto each other…How much delicious sweet stuff did we wasted? Gosh, if only I can eat my fill of cakes instead of having cakes thrown at me…

I went home, contented at the love my friends showered onto me. As I showered, tears begin to fell. Where are you when I need you dearie? Why didn’t you wish me? Does a text takes too much of your time? The emptiness in my heart is too much to bear, like a cup overfilled with water. If only I could see you again…

*********

I never knew I would be back in Seoul for my final internship in Nanyang Polytechnic. I caught a glimpse of the greyish skyscraper in Mapo-Gu as the bus travelled on the road towards my destination. Do you know that I am here?

After the agonizing hours of drawing countless of animation shots, I sighed and sank into the sofa of my apartment. I couldn’t believe that I am assigned to such an upscale apartment despite being a mere intern. How I wish my parents would approve of my decision to be in this company if they ever offer me a place…so that I can be near you…

*********

I was looking at the time shown on my phone; I AM LATE. Gosh, I shouldn’t have had slept late last night looking at all those videos. Why can’t I just let him go? Why am I so stupid to still hold onto him, being desperate enough to look at those live performances his group has to see him when I am not a mere VIP but his girl? I was so deep in thought and ‘’bam’’, I knocked into something really hard. Did I just hit the wall? As I picked up the documents that was scattered all around I grabbed a hand by mistake. A hand? What the? I looked up to the blackest pupils I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I saw his shocked expression, as though as if he is asking me why am I doing there? He passed me my documents and told me to be careful next time in the coldest way I can imagine, his eyes piercing through me.  Am I nothing more than a stranger to you now?

*********

I went home, dejected not at the reprimand I was given due to my tardiness but at the coldness he showed me. Had he forgotten about me? If he had, he wouldn’t have been so shocked. Does he want to sever all ties with me through such negligence? How could he be so cold after all that we’ve shared? Was distance the main factor? Or did he realised I’m not deserving of him? Why did he leave me alone?

I ran a cold bath in this freezing weather, hoping this coldness will numb my bleeding heart. My birthday had come to pass and still, there was no news from him.  I kept contacting him for the past year, only to find that he has changed his phone number. Why must he be so cruel?

I got out of the bath, knowing that this pain will never go away. I see him everywhere, even back in Singapore. VIP going crazy about how deep and y his voice is when he raps, how hot he is when he stares in the camera like he is staring right into you … like how he looked at me during those times together… How am I going to heal?

‘‘Saengil chukhahamnida, Saengil chukhahamnida, Saengil chukhahamnida Saranghaneun Gina Jagiya~’’, I heard a deep low voice as I got out of the bathroom. I couldn’t believe my eyes. My man standing right there, in front of the coffee table, with a cake on the table and a bottle of red wine with two glasses. How did he enter the apartment? I don’t remember anyone knowing about the passcode access.

‘‘Are you still there Jagiya? Are you still mad at me?’’, he asked in an anxious tone.

I hit him repeatedly on his chest, ‘‘why did you ignore all my calls and texts? Don’t you know how hurt I was? Where were you all these while? Is a birthday wish to me so tough for you to do so?’’, I weep.

‘‘I’m sorry Gina. I didn’t mean to ignore you but I was busy with work. The paparazzi are a crowd that is hard to appease, especially with the scandals I had for a while. I couldn’t risk them finding out about you. I had to protect you. I love you Jagiya. I was aching all these while, knowing you must be hurt by my actions. I thought you gave up on us when you stopped contacting me. I was about to apply for a vacation to find you in Singapore, only to see you right in front of me. Don’t you know how happy I was? I got your passcode from your supervisor in case you are wondering. Will you forgive me for being so selfish?’’, he looked at me with his puppy eyes that melt my heart.

‘‘I will forgive you but please don’t do this anymore, alright? I know you have to protect me but I can’t bear being ignored by you. Why did you not tell me you changed your phone number?’’, I questioned him.

‘‘My manager changed my phone and deleted your number without my notice. I couldn’t remember your number at all no matter how much I tried to. The accident I had a few months ago erased my memories of you…’’, his eyes are filled with regret and apologies.

He kissed me lightly on the lips and stare into my eyes. ‘‘I am going back to Singapore with you, to ask for your parents’ approval for us to be together here in Seoul. Will you mind migrating over, for me? I can’t bear this distance Jagiya. It is alright if you are not working, I will provide for you. It is what I want to do, to care for you. Though…are you able to handle the paparazzi when we make our relationship known to the public?’’, he looked at me pleading and anticipating.

‘‘I will. I will persuade my parents.  I can handle the pressure as long as you’re with me, Seung Hyun Oppa,’’ I smiled knowing that he had my heart.

‘‘Don’t leave me alone anymore…’’, he said in his husky voice before we ate the delicious mango cake he baked and enjoy this exact moment. ‘‘I love you Jagiya~’’ He kissed me lightly and things got heavier…