She imagined herself dead.

You were at her funeral. You were wearing black. There were tears at the corner of your eyes. And you were there together with her other friends. Her family and her closest friends mourned for her. They were crying hardly near her coffin.

She had a crush on you. Only a few people knew. And she actually planned confessing. But fear of rejection overcame her.

So she just let her feelings be. And she tried to hide them, or at least not let them show…not let anyone know except her most trusted people.

 And time passed by.

She was happy, remembering your times together when both of you were younger, but not getting lonely because she thought she had already accepted that you and her cannot be.

You were happy too, she assumed. Because she always prayed for you. Not to be with her. But for you to be happy. With whoever you will be. Even though it’s not her.

But then some time she realized she still likes you.

And she reminisced the good times with you. While you were still children, you used to play tag together. You were always on her side. When she said something wrong, you would back her up immediately. You asked her phone number and she gave her aunt’s telephone number to you and you called and she wasn’t in her aunt’s house to answer your call so the next day she was called to her aunt’s house and was asked who was this boy who was looking for her. And she also remembered that time in the fourth grade when you pulled her up the stairs because her bag slipped. The moment in fifth grade when you became captain of the team and you picked her as the muse but she refused and pointed to other girls because those other girls looked disgusted at her and still you insisted and still she resisted and now she regretted that. That one time in sixth grade when you won in a game and she congratulated you and you broadcasted her message and she ran after you and you two were teasing each other the whole day…and she will never forget the smile on your face as you said what she said to you. That time in first year high school when you saw a guy friend’s arm around her and you pulled her, saying that she had to help you for a group project. That moment in summer break when it was nighttime and you two saw each other and you stopped your motorbike just to greet her, and you caused traffic, and you went off laughing. She remembered having the same kind of necklace as the one you have, and that’s why she treasured her necklace even more. She remembered the time in senior year retreat when she was sitting next to you on the table at dinner, and there came your friend girl, asking you to go explore outside with her, and you refused. And that moment when she saw you cry while you wrote a letter, and you let her take the seat beside you. She still remembers those times.

And she wondered what could have happened if she did confess to you.

But then again, fear was there.

Sad times flashbacked to her.

Everything was almost perfect. Almost. You two were good friends until someone came and put a crack on that friendship. There was somebody in sixth grade who confessed to you and it looked like you’ve accepted the confession because you let that somebody hold your hand. You didn’t know that she was already tearing up in class. The teacher caught her but was sensitive enough to keep quiet. That time in freshman year in high school when you had a girlfriend and the girl left you for another guy, which is your best friend. And she really wanted to comfort you because she just wanted to. But you didn’t show any sign of broken-heartedness, all you showed is kindness…to your past girlfriend and to your best friend. And that was just amazing.

 And she did her best in dressing up and putting on makeup hours before the prom night in junior year, thinking that you will notice her and ask her to dance. She passed by your table subtly, hoping that you would see her. But you didn’t. And when everybody was on the dance floor, having fun, you two happened to bump onto each other. You looked at her. And she looked at you. But then you turned your head without a word and went away. And she was left dumbfounded, because she was expecting that you would at least say a mere “sorry” to her…or even just a ‘hello’. But no. You didn’t. She excused herself from her friends and went to the restroom. And there she teared up. But she managed to control her tears. And once the party had ended, her dad came to fetch her, and she stayed at the back of the van because she didn’t want her dad to see that she was crying. And she got home. And she locked herself in the bathroom as she cried.

 She was hurt. By a lot. And up until now she’s still hurting.

In the past up until now, you were the reason why her line of thoughts are always distracted. Why her heart is still thumping even you two are far from each other. Why her handkerchief is wet. Why she smiles beautifully… because she was imagining you looking at her. And she wanted to try to blind you with her smile. Just like yours did to her.

And today she imagined herself dead.

You were at her funeral. Sad. Lonely. Crying for her death.

But there were others who were crying harder than you do.

And now, she has decided that she wanted to try to put more of her attention to those people whom she imagined that mourned for her more.

But she didn’t know whether or not her assumption is true: That you care less for her.

Because you rarely show your feelings.

And now she’s confused. She doesn’t know what to do.

Forget about you? Or just continue having this one-sided love for you?

She wanted to try to forget about you.

But writing this made her remember about you more.

And it kills her.

~.~.~.~.~

A/N: and that's my story. :)