But Hyunsik didn't considered himself nothing more than an ant in the middle of another thousands and thousands of tiny ants. 

Lim Hyunsik never saw himself more than that, another person in this planet living an average life. 

The Lim Hyunsik people would talk about was not the same 18 years old guy he saw in the mirror. A countryside boy that left when he was fifteen, looking for something way more exciting than empty fields and chickens. 

he did not know anyone there nor anything about the city. It was completely risky, going all the way to a big city without much money nor a place to stay at.

He quickly found a job or two, got himself into a high school, and this is how he met Do Kyungsoo. The kid was the same age as him, but they quickly became close, even though they didn't seem to have much in common. 

Hyunsik was always free spirited, but his friend, not so much. He always had a curfew, even on weekends. Kyungsoo worried about school way too much for Hyunsik's liking, he would always be studying, and even though they were different in this aspect, the boy helped Hyunsik a lot the whole way through the beginning of high school. Now, Hyunsik made sure Kyungsoo could count on him for anything.

He stayed at Kyungsoo's place for almost a year, enough to piss off his parents, who made him and his bad influence to rush and leave even before he had a place to stay. But soon he got himself a tiny, tiny room he could stay in. It wasn't bit enough to fit a bathtub, but it was enough.

When they were seventeen, Kyungsoo went to Japan for a year. They couldn't see each other anymore, and their evenings together to talk about life turned into expensive phonecalls. Hyunsik was Kyungsoo's biggest comfort. He felt like home talking to the boy, he was not like his mother, who would request the kid to study harder, do better. No, Hyunsik would be his hyung even if they were the same age. He would listen to every single problem the tiny boy had.

After Japan, their relationship changed, Hyunsik was now busy with tons of new stuff, and Kyungsoo went to the best school in the country. They didn't see each other as much as they wish they did, but they would talk and text all the time. It was fine like this for both of them. 

'Sik-ah! You are spacing ou--'

'Christmas. It was Christmas when we last met!' Hyunsik said, smiling at his friend who was a bit surprised by the sudden reply.

'Oh yeah, that's right. Almost an entire year' 

'How have you been doing without me around, kiddo? I hope you are not screwing up your studies!' 

'No, I am not. But man, school gets so stressful, and the school year just started. I needed a tiny break. I'm glad you were able to meet up. I thought you would be busy. '

Hyunsik answered with a big, bright smile. He wouldn't say he was busy, even though recently Hyunsik had gotten another job at a laundry place. He was only 18 and was working so hard for no reason at all. He now had two jobs, he would work on learning mandarin more and more, he trained night and day at the athletics club, he would still go to the gym, do some charity work, yet he was still looking for new things, more things, anything seemed to do the job. 

He had a busy schedule, yes, but it didn't bother him at all. His friends would tell him to calm down a little, but Hyunsik argued that it all was just for fun, he could handle it and more. But deep inside, the reason to be so crazy in getting his hands busy was unknown to the boy himself. Is it because he needed money? He seemed to be doing just fine, always saving up some money just in case, anyway. Was it because he wanted to get into a good college? He never planned in pursuing his studies after high school though. Was it because he wanted to know new people? But he was surrounded by his friends and people would always come up to him even if he didn't move a finger. Something was missing, but what exactly? 

'And how's the new school? What about the new place you are at?' Hyunsik noticed the boy watching him getting lost in his thoughts again. He was way too quiet for no reason, and it was clearly annoying Kyungsoo.

'Its fine, I like it. There's a lot to do at school. And the house is big and I have my own room! ' It wasn't a lie. Hyunsik's job at a coffee shop was exciting, it had been a big help to him, and it wasn't only the money. On his first couple of weeks working there, it was calm, but as soon as the school year started, not only him was busy, but the place was packed with lots of college students. 

'What about him? Does he go to your new school? Is he your classmate?'

Hyunsik quickly glanced at his friend. His heart was racing a little, he was totally caught by surprise.

'What are you talking about?' He replied, chuckling. 

'The boy shouting at you earlier. Tall, pale face, big big crazy eyes...'

He tried to stare at his friend as he didn't know what he was talking about. But the thought of him made the boy's serious face turn into a grim. Both the boys started laughing as Hyunsik hid his face, feeling it becoming red.

***

When he got home, the lights were all off, so he guessed the guys were still out celebrating the ending of the exams for the semester.

Hyunsik chuckled to himself as he thought of his friends getting wasted in the middle of the street. The boy had always been the one who would hold them back when they decided to take the (horrible) decision of having another shot of tequila. He was always the one who would know when to stop, when to take a break, when to go home. 

The boys that grew to be his closest friends always whined about how Hyunsik would always be the last man standing, the one who watched them falling one by one and the who would make fun of them in the next day. 

He put his keys away and turned the lights of the living room on. Four young men living together was never a good idea, they figured it out when the place turned into a dirty mess and no one could care to keep it clean. There were always dishes to clean by the sink and all around the place, the food expired in the fridge was now unrecognizable, there were socks, shirts, dirty towels all over the floor, on top of chairs and tables. 

Even though the house was a mess, the place was poorly furnished. They had a tv and a couch, a microwave and a fridge. And that was pretty much it. With a house like this, they clearly didn't seem to have any intentions of inviting anyone to stay for the night. 

Hyunsik sat on the couch and turned the tv on. He quickly got himself thinking of what Ilhoon would think of his disgusting place as he looked around. It was a disgrace. If he was to bring the boy over, he would probably run away thanks to the smell coming from the fridge since they let an egg salad spoil months ago. 

Hyunsik quickly got up and decided to clean the place up a bit. Even if Ilhoon wasn't dropping by any time soon, at least he could brighten the room a little more, and maybe make the smell of sweat and dirty socks vanish for good.  

As he picked up some empty cans and bottles, he heard a lot of noise coming from the doorstep. He heard laughs and someone clapping loudly. His friends seemed to be back from a exciting night. 

'Sik! Sikkie!' As a fox-faced blonde boy opened the door with some difficulty, the other two almost fell on the floor as they tried to walk in. 'Ow! Watch it!' 

Hyunsik laughed at them. They seemed to be doing fine without him, which was good. At least he didn't have to go looking for them around the city. 

They closed the door and walked towards Hyunsik. One of them quickly jumped and hugged the boy. His hair was dark brown, his skin white and he looked like a kid, really. 'Hyung! No... Oppa!!' he shouted, kissing the boy, pulling him. 

'Yah, Minhyuk! What are you on about, you old man, this kid is older.. no wait, he is younger than you. YOUNG!' The blonde guy shouted with an very granting voice at the dark browned boy who hugged Hyunsik, laughing and dancing around. 'Sik Sik Sik... Sik Sik-sikkie! Hyunsik!' he started humming the younger's name.

'You should have come! You! Yes don't make that face-- ya, YAH! What are you doing with my bottle collection' He said, Pushing Minhyuk away and collecting the bottles from Hyunsik's hands. 

'Seriously Hyunsik-ah, I mean, look, just LOOK at them! They cannot handle a couple of drinks I told you didn't I?' the boy with short brown hair, small eyes and a big smile on his face said in an ringing tone, pointing at his friends who were all over the place. He sat on the floor and took his glasses off for a second. 'Eunkwang stop it, you are embarrassing yourself!' He shouted in a strident voice at the blonde man who was kissing and a empty bottle of beer. 'Man, you are disgusting! All of you!' 

'I am a good man, you see Hyunsik-ah.' He said, as he cleaned his glasses. 'I bring these Hyungs home and they treat me like I am no fun, I am fun!' He put his glasses back, and Hyunsik sat next to him, watching Minhyuk and Eunkwang turning on the radio and dancing to a random ballad song. 'I am a good man, I bring them home...' He sighed and got in silence.

Hyunsik noticed that his friend wasn't on his best state either when he looked at the boy who was tearing up watching their friends.

'Changsub-ah! Why are you crying?'  Hyunsik started to laugh, his bright smile making Changsub cry more. 

'They just... dancing, man. I... Just look at them!' He said, wiping the tears away. 

Hyunsik couldn't do nothing but watch the entire scene and laugh by himself. The guys dancing looked like a couple, or like they were really really drunk. And Changsub, who was tearing up like a child made Hyunsik have an idea of what a fun night he must have missed.

As it got late, the boys stopped dancing and Minhyuk fell asleep on the floor and got carried by the oldest to his room.

Hyunsik and Changsub stayed up longer than the other two.

Changsub, now sober, claiming he was too hungry to go to sleep and Hyunsik simply couldn't bring himself to rest that easily anymore.

'When you left,'  Changsub said, chewing loudly a sandwich made of leftovers 'Did you come home right away?'

'No, I went to meet a friend' Hyunsik said, smiling brightly. 

'Ahh! What is this, you left us to meet someone else! You should apologize to your hyungs! ' His friend said in an annoying tone, but he quickly pointed at Hyunsik with a suspicious look. 'Ahh... the boy you went after at the restaurant... that one?' 

Hyunsik laughed out loud, he was disturbed by how well his friends could read him. As much as he loved to talk about Ilhoon, somehow it made him feel so strange and embarrassed to bring the boy up in an conversation. 

'No, it wasn't' He said, smiling. It wasn't Ilhoon the boy he went to meet, but he really wished it had been him.

'Who was that kid them? You ran after him, like in a tv drama or something!' 

'He is...' Hyunsik stared at the floor. «He is an angel» that's what he wanted to say, but truly, he didn't know what Ilhoon was. Sure, they went to the same school and the boy would rather skip physical education class than run around, and that's all he knew about Jung Ilhoon. 

Today the boy had showed another side of himself that Hyunsik didn't imagine even existed. He was loud and blunt. Which made him wonder if Ilhoon was anything close to the angel. 'He is someone I go to school with, he needed money and I helped him out.' He sighed, with a grim on his face. Talking about Ilhoon always brought him happiness.

Changsub finished his sandwich and smiled brightly to Hyunsik. 'Hyunsik-ah! You like him, don't you? You love him, you are in love!' Changsub shouted, pushing the boy in a playful way. 'Why didn't you tell me? Does he know you love him?' 

'No, he doesn't... know' Hyunsik could only laugh. 

'Ah Hyunsik... you are just like a teenage girl aren't you? Why are kids like this?' He shook his head as he got on his feet. 'Can't you come up to him and be like,' He said, brushing his hair with his hand and giving his best drunk pick up line  'yo damn, whats up, wanna go?' Changsub said, putting his fingers on his chin and wiggling his eyebrows. 

Hyunsik laughed loudly, and his friend couldn't contain himself but fall on the floor and laugh with him. 

No, Hyunsik would never ask Ilhoon out in such a sleazy way like that.

'But seriously... ask him out! Its just a boy, what's so bad that can happen? Plus you have that whole...  charming and good looking thing going on, that always work with you.' He said, lying on the floor and closing his eyes. 'Its not like you have to try hard' 

Hyunsik watched his friend rambling until he fell asleep on the floor.

It wasn't that easy as Changsub made it sound. Asking Ilhoon out was something he would have done long ago without putting much thought on it, but after seeing how bothered Ilhoon looks when he sees him made him a bit concerned. 

But maybe he was right. Maybe if he did ask the boy out he would be able to prove him he wasn't that bad after all. 

Quickly he started to plan how he would ask him out, while everyone else was sleeping, he stayed the whole night up thinking up the best way to impress Ilhoon.