The gaze byunghun left to chanhee was replaying inside jonghyun’s mind like an endless playlist of uncomfortable events of déjà vu. Then he realized why that look was so disturbing, that pleading gaze was exactly what chanhee gave him once. Desperately he looked at chanhee who was walking a faster pace than usual, escaping each glance from the red haired boy. Jonghyun exhaled painfully, catching up to his hyung who was walking faster with each step. Pulling chanhee’s hand back and asking him if he was thirsty was sadly the only words changjo could say at that moment because they both knew damn well why the blonde haired hyung was acting up. Hesitating chunji just nodded silently facing the ground. Two cups of coffee was slowly making its way into both of the boys system as they quietly walked together, tracing each step precisely synchronized. Finally their pace was similar and changjo was at ease. But it wasn’t long, suddenly chanhee stopped. The boy’s face looked surprised, as he slowly backs away a few step, still locking his gaze on something. Changjo who was curious took a further look when he stopped breathing. It was Rickjoe fighting. Jonghyun could feel the sizzling tense air as he watches changhyun grabbing l.joe roughly by the neck. Then, the moment ricky’s fist collided with l.joe, a cup of cold iced coffee crashed down, spilling the road with dark black coffee. It was chanhee’s. jonghyun could see the concerns in his hyungs eyes, it spoke louder than words itself. Especially when Chunji’s hand was clearly trembling. It was a sight that never failed to break the younger’s heart, each time, every time chanhee’s fear was for byunghun.

Speechlessly, the elder’s feet started to twitch forward. But a faint grip was holding him back, changjo was holding on his sleeves. Changjo knew how much chanhee wanted to rush over to l.joe and help the boy but still he wouldn’t let go.

“don’t go hyung, you’ll get hurt again…”

He said those words painfully. It was a fact that later, for sure chunji would be crying alone again and the one who would heal the elder would undoubtedly be him. That moment, pain was not the only thing blurring jonghyun’s mind, resentment was slowly tainting him. But clueless of the younger’s darkening heart, chanhee slowly loosened jonghyun’s grip. Naively asking for forgiveness and understanding, he walked away. Leaving changjo, who was like his shadow. Always there but never needed.

“hyu..hyung need to go..Changjo-ah”

Tears impulsively flooded the rims of jonghyun’s eyes as he watches the boy he loved walking away, without a grain of hesitation. Blazing with bitterness, his legs started sprint, racing toward his hyung. Reaching out, he latched on the elders shoulder, turning the blonde haired boy around. Rashly wrapping his arms around the elder’s waist, clamping it tight, he pressed his red lips against Chanhee. The elder who was in shock instinctively tries to break away but the moment they gapped each other, changjo would force their lips back together. Locking chanhee in his arms, the elder had no strength of fighting back. Roughly on chunji’s lips, he made sure the elder wouldn’t be able to escape. Changjo was blind, of his passion and of resentment. 

“you dumb bastard”

That phrase echoed inside l.joe’s mind, slowly a grim smirk spreads across his face. Even byunghun was disgusted of himself, knowing how much changhyun had suffered. Ignorantly hurting another person who cared. Sorely he stood up, with a lost gaze. He was not heartbroken but instead he was numb, he just could not feel any emotion. Then he heard noises, when his gaze froze. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He thought he was numb, emotionless but tears casually flooded his eyes. The boy he love was in the arm of a another boy, being kissed, again and again.

“ cha..chan..hee ahh..”

It was as if his lungs had dropped, breathing somehow became impossible. Chocking, he clenched his chest which was pounding as his tears cascades down his cheeks. He wanted to look away so bad he had wished for death but he couldn’t stop, his eyes were locked on a sight that was savaging his soul. He dragged his feet back, turning his crestfallen gaze away. Walking with heavy steps back home. The road which was glistening with city lights seemed like it was pitch black, Byung knew his way home but yet he was so lost.

Chunji could feel changjo’s warm lips devouring him, for a moment the elder was scared. Jonghyun would not stop and it feared him but he needed to break free. The second he felt changjo’s force weaken he pushed the red haired boy away with all his strength. The moment his stance was stable, his hands flew with lightning speed crashing against Jonghyun’s jaws. Slapping the younger with so much force, it sounded like a blast of lightning. He could feel the pain spreading across his fingertips which was glowing red, just like changjo’s cheeks. Chunji was mad but the moment his eyes saw the rivers of tears flowing down the younger’s nose bridge, guilt had already overwhelmed his kind heart. Changjo was shut quiet, looking down speechlessly shedding tears while chunji stared over with remorse. Then chanhee heard a voice that somewhat stabbed him relentlessly, changjo said:

“I’m..sorry..hyung..”

Those words jabbed chunji’s chest like a jagged knife. He was so sorry that he had hit the only boy who was there when he wanted to disappear, his eyes started to blur. Tears was filling each room of his eyes, threatening to spill over. Then one by one started to rain down his cheeks, he was just so so sorry. He knew that the moment his palms collided with changjo’s skin, it meant over. That no hope can save them both, that no matter how hard the young man tries there was just not enough  space for him to matter as much as byunghun. He was blinded by l.joe’s halo and memories that he had shut his door so tight, anyone who tries to break in would be hurt the moment they touched the door. Chanhee knew, so there was not a word he could say. An apology was just too lacking it would’ve meant nothing.

A big stain of tears tainted jonghyun’s sweater as he stood still, sober from his anger and most importantly his love. He wanted to run away but he knew the moment he took the first step, he was out. No longer in chanhee’s life so he stood still, on a thin line. He was waiting for chanhee to step out of his, as he couldn’t bear to leave. But chanhee too was on a thin line, and so the elder too stood still..

That night the only person who was finally on solid ground was changhyun. The moment he took the first step away from byung, he plan to never look back. While the other three was still balancing a tremendous burden, standing on a thin line.

To stay or to leave.

HOHOHO well isn't this a very angsty chap. i almost cried to making thisss.. aishh i feel so bad now T^T 

but for all those changji shipper who had hoped them being together, how bout reading this: 

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/516236/posts-it-a-boy-s-first-love-changjo-chunji-fluff-teentop-changji

hehe its a relly light fluff i made a few nights ago ^^ take a look, cuz personally i think it relly cute hohoho xD

sorry for advertising this lil crap here but still if posible please take a look ^^ i'd be very very thankful <3